I'M NOT A NICE GUY! Why We Need to Stop Labeling Average Men "Nice Guys" (Page 2)
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I think I get what you're saying.
Women say they want a nice guy, and when a guy is nice to them, they assume he wants something from them. Well yeah, everyone wants affection and to feel accepted. Yet only nice guys get shamed for wanting human interaction with the opposite sex.
So here's my advice: Stop being nice to women. They don't deserve your respect until they earn it.
You know, I actually find nice guys attractive... Guys who open doors and whatnot. I don't need a guy with abs or Yeezys. I need a mature gentleman.
I understand but the post isn't about that. It's about beta shaming men.
I understand you, dude. This world is screwed.
You don't get to decide how people perceive you or treat you.
If you're discontent, it's you that's gotta adapt, buddy. Blaming others for misunderstanding you is useless and counterproductive. Doing so condescendingly makes you weak. When women speak of "nice guys", it's code for weak guy. Given your sense of self importance and finger waging rant, you're not a nice guy. You're weak. That's why people perceive you as creepy. You think the world owes you respect and when they don't, your frustration comes oozing out of your fake "niceness". No one owes you respect. Respect is earned.
Respect might be earned but it doesn't give anyone the right to mistreat someone. The issue with society today is that everyone should hate one another and everyone should be okay with that. We need to go back to having values and that's all I'm saying.
"I get it Ladies, I'm not attractive to you because..."
You sound an awful lot like a typical "nice guy" to me. You've certainly got the whole "I know everything there is to possibly know about women and what they want and how they act" thing down.
I'm speaking from the perspective of how most average guys nowadays feel. As if they can't live up to all these standards western society's women have placed on us. I'm pretty good myself, I'm just raising a point.
i actually don't care if you have all these thing money, fame..
we all just want someone who loves us for us
The post isn't about what women want. It's about beta shaming men
I know. The post isn't about that though.
I'm so confused by this post. If you treat others respectfully and in kind-hearted manner then surely you are nice? There is nothing wrong in that.
amen!! preach
@Truthandlove2584 like I told the other girl. Google nice guy and see what I mean. Somw girls nowadays think being a well mannered person is bad while others use the term as an insult.
I feel like "Nice Guy" (notice capitalization) is often a euphemism for "boring guy with no good qualities other than manners". "Nice" in this context means "inoffensive". A lot of women hate "Nice Guys" because they see them as inauthentic (this is partially due to a lot of Nice Guys being legitimately inauthentic, and partially due to men's gender role being one that is supposed to be detached, prideful and aloof.
Many legitimately nice guys (notice no capitalization) are irked by this title as it is generally considered derisive and the message they receive from men and women alike is that to attract women, one must on some level be a little anti-social, be a low self-monitor and have no shame. In short, I think the OP's point is that just because a man is polite and mild-mannered in public, does NOT mean they are trying to manipulate you into sleeping with them, which is something that does actually happen.
Agree, he’s referring to the form of bullying where certain types of people are lables as ‘nice giys’ as a put down. Other phrases are ‘geeks,’ ‘neckbeards,’ ‘omega male.’ And so on. These are rude and derogatory terms that constitute a form of bullying. And this is what he is getting upset about.
by whining about it, assuming women only like "athletic, good singer, rich men" and saying "oh look at me im not cool im a geek and nerd :("
is exactly why women call you a nice guy. instead of changing things you do that deter women, you decide to whine and complain. there's a reason people think you're a "nice guy", and judging by this post, i dont blame them.
holy shit are you fucking retarded
you are so fucking stupid
look you are just another stupid bitch
@RicoSuave123 instead of insulting me, itd be nice if you could come up with a real argument. considering you're almost 30, and a 17 year old is more mature than you, i think you need a reality check.
First of all I'm not insulting women. I'M SAYING THAT I RECOGNIZE WOMEN DON'T FIND ME ATTRACTIVE BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A BITCH ABOUT IT AND LABEL ME SOMETHING I'M NOT. I'M FINE THE WAY I AM BUT I'M NOT OKAY BEING CONSIDERED A LABELLED A CREEP BECAUSE YOU DON'T LIKE ME. READ NEXT TIME PLEASE
Tj, you're doing exactly what i stated you were, this is why women dont like you. I did read it. If plently of women are finding you creepy, then you're creepy. Look at it from a 3rd persons perspective and dont make yourself out to be a victim.
no you need a reality check
here let me show you
there is a dome over the earth you dumb ass
you can see for yourself
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAcp3BFBYw4&t=3s
it's made of glass that's why you can see the reflection off the dome we are in a cage GOD exist
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-FmrGYvYcUo
why do you think I called you a stupid bitch? cause that's what you are
cause even after this you still won't believe me
and then you want to go around and talk about nice guys as If you know anything about being a man lol
just shut up you sound stupid
Plenty of girls that I went to school with found me creepy and weird because I spent my time studying and collecting action figures rather than partying and being a retarded fucking slut. For your information it had nothing much to do with my looks. I've had girls that rejected me tell me they liked my appearance at first but found my interests weird. READ NEXT TIME AND STOP ASSUUMING I'M AN ANGRY UGLY GUY. YOUR JUST LIKE THE WOMEN I MENTION IN THE POST. SHALLOW AND READY TO JUDGE ANYONE THAT'S NOT RICH OR HANSEM OR PERCEIVED NOT TO BE.
@awesometjgreen dude, calm down. the caps lock makes you seem very childish. i didn't assume you were an ugly guy- for all i know you could be really attractive. im actually very far from shallow, i couldnt care less for trivial things. but being aggressive not only towards me, but in your post in the first place, easily changes my view. i assume the action figures you collect are something like anime, or super heros. tons of girls are into that kind of stuff, you're probably just not surrounded by the people that do or are looking for the right people.
@awesometjgreen You need to get some professional help... you are way out of line here. Get some help.
@coachTanthony professional help? Wtf? I'm simply standing up for men that are being labelled in my generation for no reason.
@coachTanthony yeap. I think he's in one of these stages when guys become bitter over their unsuccessfulness winning women.
Not exactly a Elliot Rodger Syndrome but it's starting to head this way.
I was told to look at myself before pointing fingers out at others. I misunderstood this at first but then realized what my faulty parts were are 1) my lack of association with enough, rational women and 2) my association with not the kinds of women I'd gladly date. *This* was my case of looking at myself first. Because misery loves it's own company.
Then of course this is true provided the man has the right character not just for women but for everyone.
@Unit1 Couldn't agree more. We all have to accept the hand we are dealt but can always improve.
I think is is absolutely wrong. People need to stop bullying people who like comics, action figures and card games. It’s not okay and frankly, is an asshole thing to do.
To claim his standing up for himself in the face of bullying is ‘whining’ is extremely rude. Not everything is about sexual desireability.
You honestly need to learn how to be more accepting and respectful of people.
@RaijuRainBird Nobody bullies people like that anymore. are you fr? he's obviously being creepy. girls dont just suddenly not like him "because he's a nerd" lots of girls are into comics and action figures. you people are delusional.
there are bullies. and mean women. and shallow women. if those girls call you boring or too nice or whatever just ignore them. instead of getting triggered, you should see them for what they really are. spiritually and mentally shallow womanchildren. with probably issues of their own. rejoice when you are being slandered Asker.
“He’s obviously being creepy.” No, actually he’s not. He’s standing up for himself because all his life he’s been called a geek, ‘nice’ and a creep (notice how all these are being used synonymously).
I think you’re the one being delusional here, in reality. The simple fact is that this guy was probably bullied in elementary school, junior high school, high school and in college. And will likely continue to be bullied in the workplace by the very same people that bullied him as a kid.
Sure, there are places he can go to find like minded people, but that’s always been the case. That doesn’t improve his station or change that fact that he’s obviously been bullied. And to be perfectly honest, labeling guys as ‘creeps’ is also a form of bullying at this point.
Save it for criminals, but don’t label regular guys like him as ‘creeps.’ Come on.
@RaijuRainBird white knight much? lmao men like you are a joke
STOP CALLING ME A WEIRDO ALL I EVER DID IS SCREAM AT YOU BECAUSE YOU H A V E. T O. L I K E MEEEE
lol xD
Exactly lol. It's like "I'm a nice guy, please touch my weiner".
I read, collect information and knowledge.
Result guaranteed. There's always something I didn't know, something to explore.
OOPS, that ended up under another question than the one I have read.
On the internet "nice guy" became an insult.
Or how about these guys stop calling themselves nice and admit that they're just not that desirable to women?
It's not about that 😑. The post is about women using nice as an insult. Google nice guy and you'll get a shit ton of women bashing nice guys and labeling them weirdos and creeps.
I think the OP's inarticulate point is that just because a man is polite, empathetic and mild-mannered in public does NOT mean they are trying to manipulate you into sleeping with them, which is an accusation that is legitimately leveled in public.
For example, if some guy brings his girlfriend with a group of "the boys" and she seems like she is being left out, discounted or ignored, then a man trying to make her feel included and talk to her a little is NOT the same as timidly trying to get her to cheat on her boyfriend with you. But that is more often than not the assumption if her boyfriend isn't a really close friend and sometimes even if they are.
Again, this has nothing to do with sexual desirability. Why do you assume that’s what this is about?
This is about bullying people face for liking things that other people lable as geeky. This guy is obviously a victim of bullying from people, and honestly, your response is a form of bullying as well. Assuming he’s concerned only with sexual attractiveness even though he never mentioned anything about that at all.
everything has a rationale. there is no such thing as undesirable to all women. i know a woman who likes fat perverts who jerk off to dolls. oh yes such a woman exists. nor are women a prize to be earned and all the effort is on men. it goes both ways.
The fact that you care so much that you bothered posting paragraphs of whiny bitching has not helped your case one bit.
BTW- What you type here has zero bearing on the real world. So, you just wasted a whole lot of time.
... judging from this, I think you're right. You're not nice at all.
Pretty heavy knee-jerk reaction here.
I'm not saying I agree or disagree with what he says. But please do tell how he's suddenly an asshole.
@FýrdracaDócincel There doesn't seem to be anything sudden about it.
Considering that you are more or less trying to make him out to be one despite him simply being blunt..
@FýrdracaDócincel Well, it's been my experience that anyone who feels the need to point out how nice they are... probably aren't. Especially not if they rant angrily about it.
Lol but the post isn't about me. The post is about women beta shaming men.
You yell at women for calling you a nice guy, saying they don't like you because you don't drive a flashy car, you go on about how you're not a nice guy, not a creep, not a loser... How is that post NOT about you?
😂 the post is from mens perspective and the amount of bullshit we have to see and hear and go through everyday despite what women say. The post isn't about being called a nice guy it's about the stereotype that goes with it. I'm simply saying that just because a man is nice it doesn't mean he is a manipulative creep like the internet makes them out to be. Women just need to stop beta shaming men.
If that was the point you wanted to make, then maybe you shouldn't have made the post all about how YOU aren't a nice guy. Just saying.
Lol your not understanding my writing. I wrote this as an average man, not me.
If you keep writing "I" and "me," then be prepared for people thinking you're writing about you.
😂 lmao okay that's partially the point!
... so now you're saying I was SUPPOSED to think it was about you?
*facepalm. No! Your supposed to think I'm speaking as an average guy
Then why did you keep saying "I" and "me"? Because there's nothing about that post that says "average guy" at all.
@DinaM He is "impersonating" the "average man" as if all average men had become one person and speak with "me" and "I" etc... That's what he's trying to say.
@Odysseas That's REALLY unclear. There's nothing in the post that makes it clear that he ISN'T talking about himself.
And like I said, this does not look like something the "average man" would say, unless the "average man" is a whiner and a jerk. I sort of like to think that the percentage of whiners and jeks isn't quite as large as that among guys.
@DinaM I know that It's unclear in his post. I just told you what he was trying to accomplish judging by his replies in other comments in his thread. That's all.
The only people who use the label "nice guy" are guys referring to themselves in my experience.
Out of curiosity, are you really tall? You look tall based on your pic.
@You_Cant_See_Me No, just average, 5'5"
Wow. Lol sorry for the weird question, was just curious.
@You_Cant_See_Me it's fine
Go read the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover.
Report back in 6 months.
I AM LITERALLY NOT A NICE GUY!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0bX-XH0fiUOnly two girls have up voted this. That makes me sad, for all you women who aren't up voting... I'm embarrassed for you, as you apparently haven't the sense to be embarrassed yourself.
Lol, apparently you don't understand the point of the mytake. It's not about being bitter over women. I literally have a girlfriend. The point of the mytake is that women should stop beta shaming men when they reject them
Yeah, and more women should agree that it's wrong to beta shame men. Lol I know your not bitter. I'm just saying that more women should be learn from this mytake.
They won’t though, you know why? Because the mainstream media, entertainment and public education will NEVER call out women for something that is there own fault. That requires too much introspeculation, too much thinking and something that violates the feminist motto “the woman is never wrong”.
But I think at some point after enough women get burned from too many assholes and/or so called “beta” guys were actually right all along they will be forced to change.
@somewheresomeway
Sorry... Sent too early lol
But yeah I agree. It's all a mess. People need to just quit all the blame and pretending that one of the sexes is flawless
Yeah but what gender is marching, demanding “rights”, screaming metoo and wearing all these stupid ass women rights T-shirt’s right now?
I’m not going to throw women under the bus but until they can take ownership for sometimes BEING WRONG (mocking “nice guys” is an example) then I have no sympathy for these “rights” marches
@somewheresomeway I'd rather be caught dead than be found at a pussy march. Thosw marches are nothing but pity parties and male smearing campaigns. It's BS 95% of the time
Thank you! Also please call out any airhead sister of yours who shows the faintest hint of thinking that "marching" is a good idea. If you see a "white knight" saying this tell him that chances of him laid are the exact opposite of what he thinks they are if he participates in that bullshit.
@somewheresomeway lol too true!!!
A r/niceguy is only nice to people he wants something from. The very fact that you are saying "LADIES" and not "people", most likely define you as one.
I think the OP's inarticulate point is that just because a man is polite, empathetic and mild-mannered in public does NOT mean they are trying to manipulate you into sleeping with them, which is an accusation that is legitimately leveled in public.
He shouldn't have said "ladies" as that is always somewhat demeaning. Any sentence one ends with "... ladies!" is kind of off-putting, I agree. However, it is mostly women who make this assumption, and it is certainly women who are more willing to engage in social aggression due to the connotations associated with the "Nice Guy" label.
@WhistleForTheChoir Regardless, he is only interested that women think this about him, so his behaviour is basic r/niceguys.
If you are a decent human being, there's zero necessity for you to say that. If you do, it will seem like you think that having good manners is a quality, while it is just a mandatory act that you as a civil creature are expected to do. It's not a plus. It's only a red flag if you don't.
Completely disagree.
The point he’s making is really important. We have to stop bullying people who don’t fit one certain stereotype or another. Terms like ‘neckbeard,’ ‘loser,’ ‘nerd’ etc are all very offensive derogatory terms and to be honest, they should not even be acknowledged because they imply that some people are subpar compared to other people, when in reality no one should be treated as subpar just because they like different things.
I won’t claim that everyone has to get along, but don’t think that it’s okay to bully people, because it isn’t.
You know, often people like him are the punching bags for society and that’s not okay. Then the guy stands up for himself and people treat him worse because of it. That’s just not cool. People need to back off with the name calling and go stay to their own devices.
@RaijuRainBird That third paragraph though lol. Relatable. If a woman stands up for herself she's a "bitch" or "ice queen". If a short guy does it he has "little man syndrome". If a black guy does it, he's "playing the race card". That's exactly what is happening here.
You two look very SJW, so I'm done talking.
also @Lovvyyy I would refer to what I said originally: "However, it is mostly women who make this assumption, and it is certainly women who are more willing to engage in social aggression due to the connotations associated with the "Nice Guy" label."
@Lovvyyy Translation: I don't want to defend my points, because I'm a just her to stir up shit and feel superior. You two are articulate and haven't tried to verbally attack me yet, so the worst thing I can say about you is you remind me of people who are socially conscious.
@WhistleForTheChoir Why would I start explaining why those are not real world problems to someone who thinks that being called names is an issue? It would be a pointless conversation.
@lovvyyy it's not "being called names" that is the issue, that is a straw-man argument, but the alienation, distrust and marginalization which would enforce the idea that a man faces an ultimatum between "getting respect" and "being a decent person". Because if that is the choice, most men are going to subconsciously choose "getting respect".
And it's not like there is a finite amount of empathy in the world. This is a weird idea I see pop up all over the place. You can be empathetic for a man who feels a sense of social alienation AND starving children in Mozambique. Or if that's too much, then at least not be openly hostile (which takes far more effort than empathy).
@WhistleForTheChoir if someone acts weirdly, I'm gonna point him out as weird. There's a widely large gap between "acting like any person who lives in a civilized country in 2018 should" and going "M'lady" with your fedora on. You realize that, right?
Also, if we start bothering ourselves about not offending anyone because everyone is sensitive about every non-issue, you won't have a sincere conversation no longer.
Ok, now you're just being obstinate.
Who said anything about a fedora or saying "M'Lady"? In fact, I think in my first comment I acknowledged that the word "lady" was creepy. You're essentially arguing with an imaginary person and pretending it's me lol. You really, really want me to be saying, "No women date nice guys, and they should all be attracted to me and stop calling me names," because, yeah, I agree that would be a really easy argument to win. Unfortunately, that's not my point, and it wasn't the OP's point no matter how many times you insist that it is.
"The world is too PC", a good cop-out for the intellectually lazy. Never heard that one before. It's not about "not offending" people either. There are real-world consequences when people engage in this type of social aggression, usually more far-reaching than physical aggression. And promote this sort of cultural trope.
@Lovvyyy But now I'M done talking, because I'm just going to have to keep re-explaining my points which you refuse to think deeply on. It's pretty clear you want to have some other conversation, and you're not really capable of understanding that everyone else's problems will always seem small to you if you don't even try to understanding what the fuck they're saying. And don't say you did, every single thing you've posted so far has been a mischaracterization. Grow up.
@WhistleForTheChoir I'm not saying that what YOU are saying. I'm saying that that's what HE's saying lmao.
@WhistleForTheChoir And what is lazy is calling someone "racist" just because he said "nigger" instead of "person of colour", without thinking about the context. "People of colour shouldn't be allowed to vote." and "I know that n** over ther, he's not only very hot, he's super smart as well, you should really try asking him out!"
If you think the racist phrase is the second one, than you're totally absurd.
By the way, I didn't put the **, I wrote down the whole word, but this bigot website eliminated them for me.
Well to help you prove your point about PC culture, I'm going to go ahead and report you, which is totally within my rights, but really mostly just to inconvenience you, because you're obnoxious and we weren't talking about racism. And that is what OP is saying, albeit inarticulately. Have a good day!
@WhistleForTheChoir Same to you!
Let's stop trying to impress women with shiny words and shiny new shit. Bitches ain't SHIT!! Do you and have fun for your own damn sake
Who needs women? I gave up on those leaches years ago
fuck you... but you would like that because you're not getting any
@kellywillson as if I care what you think
keep up the good work
@kellywillson He can get sex easily from hookers if he has the money, lol. It's actually cheaper than trying to get laid by the average American woman, a lot less hassle too.
@Juxtapose its a hassel once you get an STD
@kellywillson Condoms are a thing.
@Juxtapose guys stop arguing. The post isn't about me. I'm simply saying stop using nice guy as a way to insult men.
I hate it to break it to youawesometjgreen but the people who are willing to listen to you probably aren't insulting you in the first place.
Just ignore idiots.
I know exactly how you feel about the “nice guy” label. Worst thing a woman can say to me