Response: Why some girls prefer brooding guys?

[JananiiSrii]

Confident? Bad boy? Mature? Leader? Dude, what are you?

This one's another question I hear often. "Why brooding men considered 'hot' and not smiling guys"?, "Why do girls go for bad boys"?, and the likes of it. Seriously though aside from guys, I'm sure these questions have perplexed some women since the dawn of time. Therefore, I'm here in an attempt to answer the following question:

Why girls prefer brooding guys?

There's just something thrilling about mystery.

Now of course no one, in their right mind, likes a man who is stone cold and can't have a fun time. In fact that's the quickest way you can lose a date with anyone I'm aware of. However, there's just something about mystery in someone that makes you curious about them. I'm not the only one guilty of this Lol it's something I've asked others and they agreed too. So when a guy is brooding, there's so much more to learn about his emotions and it's quite infatuating.

The need to make people laugh and be happy.

The 'I'll try my hardest to make you smile' is in effect here. Human beings are social creatures who love to feel appreciated by giving others what makes them happy. Ever imagined what would happen if giving them what they want still keeps them brooding? Well, for some that means they'll try harder to win their attention. Now don't be extreme with this because deep down it honestly makes the giving person feel sad, but sadly it does work. This is one of the reasons behind why people stay in abusive relationships while ignoring the abuser, all in hopes of one day making the abuser happy and change. I'm not saying brooding equals abusive Lol.

It honestly projects a lot more confidence and assertiveness.

I'm sorry if I can't explain this properly. It's just human nature to assume brooding people as more assertive in any giving setting, be it your boss or an officer. That association is what makes brooding people come off as more intimidating, determined, and confident.

'Be a good girl, and I'll do bad things to you; bad things your good soul craves...'

[glock33sig357]

A brooding guy can be husband material but if he has low self-esteem it can lead to insecurities being brought into the relationship.

[DizzyDesii]

y'all are so cute together

[JananiiSrii]

Aw thanks so much. Wait, are you Desi / South Asian?

[DizzyDesii]

Oh no my name is actually Desi

[IndianGirl01]

Wait. That's ur real pic with ur guy?

[JananiiSrii]

@IndianGirl01 Yeah.

[JananiiSrii]

No one poses like with just a friend Lol.

[IndianGirl01]

Arre I thought it's from google

[Anonymous]

I'm a "decent" looking male. My post is kind a self reflection of a time and place that occurred not too long ago.

Well in college, was kind of a gymcel. However I didn't really resent women. I did long for having a girlfriend though. The long time of not really getting a girlfriend turned me bitter (I did not necessarily hated women because of this). A lot of the times, I carried a very brooding, angry, and serious demeanor around. The way I carried myself didn't necessarily attract women to me. I had probably intimidated them. I always distanced myself from the social circles on campus. I only found my current girlfriend was at my workplace at the time. At that point, I was sort of broody but also acting like a funny fker at the same time.

So where am I going with this tangent? The Brooding probably works to an extent. Well in the case for me, brooding probably intimidated girls from coming up to me. I didn't feel the need or desire to approach girls because I was shy like that haha. I couldn't wait to get the hell out of college.

[JananiiSrii]

Thanks for sharing you're experience. I'm curious as to what's a gymcel? You mean incel? And honestly yeah, sitting in the cornor all day long on top of brooding is way too uninviting Lol. You've got to introduce yourself for everyone to notice you exist.

[Opinion Owner]

gymcel = gym celibate. The gym was always my "cope" haha. It was the only thing that temporarily relieved me of my mental sufferings that I created on myself.

[OptimisticDaria]

You [basically] just described my life, just flip the genders and put me in highschool. I'm an unbearably awkward person (at this point I'm embracing it) and I'm trying to open up a bit, any tips?

[Opinion Owner]

@OptimisticDaria Everyone's "growing up" process varies from person to person. So what actually gives a person confidence? I believe everyone already has confidence. We just need less fear. But that's not how I thought back then. Only in hindsight I can see with clearer eyes.

How to add backbone to thyself? Here's some things you can try:
- Take part of a hobby or interest that draws your attention
- Find a job (getting some form of an income helps because now you feel that you're actually "contributing" to society)
- Do you have a good circle of friends that you can rely on if necessary? If not, you have to try (keyword "try"). Your circle of friends will help point you in the right direction.
- Age: When I was 17-21yrs old, my goodness, those were blurry times of my existence (during college). What I mean by this is that maturity sort of sets in more as you get older. And therefore a lot of the old beliefs that you're awkward/worthless and whatnot were all just made up self-talk that you believed. Eventually those beliefs have to go or else it will WEIGH YOU DOWN until you address the issue.
- Meditation teaches one to be sort of detach from things. Try it out if you want.
- You don't have to accept the way that you are. At some point in my early college days, I was set on the fact that I was going to be "forever alone." Little did I know, accepting the negative attitude was actually the detriment to my self-development. So Meditation is good here to enable you to find out who you really are. You want to create and identify some sort of self-awareness for yourself.

2 cents. I can add more, but this is what I can think off the top of my head.

[sadiefluff]

Yeah, it pisses me off, but brooding guys totally get me. 🙄 I think for me I’m driven by the challenge of it... like, “hmmm he’s obviously not easy to get, so if I can get him then that’s a huge victory!” Unfortunately too, I do think there’s something super accurate behind the whole theory of “that it reminds us of our fathers who we were always finding fault with us, and we were never good enough for” so we constantly see these kinds of men as a way to heal that hurt or lack of acceptance/love if we can achieve acceptance from “this man”. Then we’ll be “worth something”. I realize that this is what guys do too, but I think with girls (like you said) we have that ingrained message that we need to “please”. So it’s the challenge of pleasing this obviously “hard to please” guy. But I know it’s so freaking immature and so stupid, because it’s just another game, and or a guy who is going to be cold and emotionally unavailable and unloving in any type of long term relationship. Not to mention how manipulative it is. And the older I get, the less I have patience to really actually put up with that crap.

[Porcelaine]

I never disagreed with a take more. :D it would be fine if you stated this is your personal preference, but you did a whole lot of generalizations here.
1) No mysteries, thanks. If a guy is brooding because he is hiding something, it could easily be something creepy and awful.
2) When I read the title I thought this one might be accurate, but you go way off track. First of all some people might try to make others happy, because they enjoy seeing people happy. And brooding people can try to do that, not 24/7, but just because someone is brooding doesn't mean they dont try for others. Quite the opposite, maybe they are brooding cuz they keep trying and its not working.
3) "It's just human nature to assume brooding people as more assertive in any giving setting, be it your boss or an officer." What? :D :D :D Its literally the opposite. Brooding and quietness suggests a person being passive, non assertive, in some cases insecure and shy, or just non opinionated.

[websterII]

i realy dont think you choose love.. i think love chooses you.. parts of your brain you don'te ven realize exist.. has sized someone up.. and started dumping the chemicals and hormones.. it's not something you can turn on and off.. your pretty much helpless to the onslaught. time can help tho.. fime can help restore the balance and sanity.. these hormones and chemicals served a purpose much earlier in our evolution. but they are not exactly 100% in todays world. you really can't tell much except probably health and current emotional state on a first look. kinda nuts to risk yourself based on that alone. frankly people dont choose who they fall in love with.. its involuntary.. unless perhaps it's based on a deep long term friendship were there is love before you realize there is love and it's based on more than looks much more than looks.

[LMNOP123]

No. God damn, he has to be able to laugh and smile with me. A lot. Show me that cheerful happy go lucky personality from the get go! If he’s over there in the corner staring out the window while everyone else is having a good time, to me, he has the personality of stale toast.
What you’re describing sounds like stale toast. You know, I’ve heard studies claiming the opposite.
As for mystery, no. People generally like open books. No one cares about how “mysterious” someone is. Most people don’t care long enough to decode the “mystery”. Unless you’re the Poe Toaster or the Babushka lady or someone like that.

If if you want the studies I’ll try to find them.

[Anonymous]

That's bullshit. It has nothing to do with how you act, it's how attractive you look. If you are attractive guy you can be a silent stamp collector and girls will tell how they find stamp collectors hot. Been my whole life brooding guy and girls just think I'm creepy.

[JananiiSrii]

Okay, of course being attractive looking is a plus. If you're socially distanced all the time from people then obviously people might think there's something wrong with you. By brooding I don't mean that weirdo who stares from afar while avoiding people; I'm talking about those dark and serious men who aren't always smiling. The confident ones who are *serious about getting things done*. You can't tell me seriousness and assertiveness in their life isn't attractive.

[Opinion Owner]

Okay then the dictionary didn't translate the word the way you meant it. I got adjectives like threatening, worrying, sad, depressed, serious. Yes the "serious" did match but you can be different ways serious. Serious in a sense that you are ambitious or serious in a way where you don't have much sense of humor in you.

But nevertheless I see for very often how girls describe for example shy guys cute, but obviously the guy has to be attractive. No one is interested in unattractive shy guy. You also know the "meme" when attractive guy approaches you and doesn't give up, he's "assertive", but unattractive guy doing the same is a creep and a stalker.

[Opinion Owner]

You don't have any response to that?

[errorgoodnameunfound]

Are you really surprised she got quiet? She's 9 years off from the wall if ya know what I mean. ;)

[JananiiSrii]

I'm sorry Lol I'm busy with my actual life instead of replying so much. Here is a definition from an actual, credible website instead of the one you're probably looking at www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/brooding

[JananiiSrii]

And I agree with your concern about shy guys, sadly. I mean I'm not, and I assume most aren't out there chasing some shy guy who's too busy avoiding rest of the crowd. That's just not something I'm attracted to, and there's no helping it.

[JananiiSrii]

@errorgoodnameunfound You mean 9 years off from working with a team of researchers to tackle Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia, hopefully Lol.

[errorgoodnameunfound]

Hey, just cause we don't agree on gender issues doesn't mean you're 100% horrible. Geez.

[Opinion Owner]

I meant response to the "meme" of an attractive guy vs unattractive guy approaching and not giving up. And no I wasn't really shy guy avoiding rest of the crowd. I always had a lot of guy friends. But I was still more quiet and serious looking and not the happy clown that girls usually liked the most. So I was wondering could there be similar effect. A guy who is brooding but unattractive is creepy, but guy who is brooding and attractive is assertive, just like unattractive guy vs attractive guy being approaching and not giving up easily.

Or let me put it this way. Which one you would be more into? An unattractive looking brooding guy or an attractive looking more funny and smiling type of guy?

[JananiiSrii]

@errorgoodnameunfound I'm not sure what you meant there, I never called you horrible by the way.

@Anonymous I'd much rather go with a guy who's more serious in life than someone who goofs around, regardless of whether he is more physically attractive or not. From my personal experience, brooding guys tend to be straightforward; no beating around the bush, they know what they want, and are well established. I never thought my boyfriend was the physically attractive, but his persona and credentials spoke volumes, and I wanted to know more about him just as he did about me.

[JananiiSrii]

(cont.) And yes, there are girls who prefer physically attractive guys just as there are guys who prefer girls with a great personality. I know my priorities in life, and value a guy whose persona and credentials speak louder than his physical appearance.

[JananiiSrii]

(cont.) And if you're referencing bedroom activity, then tbh there's like no reason to choose a physically attractive guy because I've heard a lot of them suck in bed Lol, compared to guys who look average but have a ton of experience in the bedroom.

[Lman3000]

The fuck is brooding men? men with muscles? Yeah sure having muscles means dominate and the alpha dog, Funny they can be a piece of shit or suck at being a lover, hell I can be one myself since my personality is raw and I say whatever the fuck I want.

[JananiiSrii]

No Lol. It's the serious and dark, not always smiling behavior.

[errorgoodnameunfound]

Good on you dude. Im often the same way, not giving a damn. If girls don't like that about me, I give zero shits as if they matter.

[edanoleo]

When you say brooding, do you mean like the bad boy type? If that's what you mean then it's easy to answer. Women are emotional creatures and "brooding" men knows how to turn women's emotion on/off by their bad boy thrill seeker lifestyle. Unlike the ordinary nice guys who are boring and very predictable, brooding guys can get mysterious and knows when to spike your emotions. Women can't get enough of them cos they can't read them, like a good TV series, they are hooked and want to know more but it's not up to them so the waiting, mystery, and excitement -all these emotions get mixed up thus they ho crazy thanks to that bad boy.

[Anonymous]

Here a fun stat from a recent study.

In testing what emotions people find most attractive in the opposite sex, men respond most positively to happiness in women. Shouldn’t be surprising.

Guess what women respond to the most. Pride.
What about second most attractive thing to display? Shame.
And what did women rate the *least* attractive? Happiness.

Y’all are weird and freaky.

[OptimisticDaria]

God, I hope thats not true. Welp, I'm different. I love people with a good esteem, butI have a chip on my shoulder towards proud people. I hate shame and guilt from any party. I want to have fun with them and make them laugh. Now lets find out why people don't like me.

[Opinion Owner]

You can display shame without necessarily having low self-esteem.

[JananiiSrii]

Could you send me a link to that study?

[Opinion Owner]

www.psychologytoday.com/.../what-is-the-sexiest-emotion-men-display
That is an article with the gist of the study.

The full research paper is here:
ubc-emotionlab.ca/.../tracybeall2011emotion.pdf

It's actually from 2011 when I thought it was 2017, but whatever. There you go.

[Opinion Owner]

It also had a oddly high p-significance, when I think social science I assume like p < 0.3.

[BeingAnzalKhan]

Every page of the book has different situations so every guy has different way of living.
Guys, like such guys because they are more into manly kind of act. They are more of dominating. They don't break so often. So, to hold her they want some strong. The brood guys are strong enough to hold back any situation.

[Harmseygrace]

The boy I like is extremely goofy and hilarious and smiley and cute. That’s part of the reason I like him. He’s far from a bad boy, he’s a gentlemen and a sweetheart to me. He’s the first boy who’s actually treated me like a person. I don’t get why girls like the opposite.

[Filipe97]

Well, you're 16 for starters. Maybe when you grow up you'll like more "masculine" men?

[Wealthydentist]

I’m a ‘brooding’ man. I get noticed a lot by women. 6ft2 handsome, dark hair defined beards Indian too from UK. But I can’t be bothered to make moves. I’m too focused on becoming the best of the best, dentistry and helping my dad’s dental practices, as well as just chilling out 😂
I used to think women were so amazing when I was younger not so much now. A quality woman is a diamond 💎 in the dirt. You could say the same about men probably.

[errorgoodnameunfound]

Focusing on your on your own goals and family business whether women around or not. Men like you should be proud. Only helps my theory too, that many men that women crave, end up understanding them easier, therefore, are much more cautious about going after them.

[Wealthydentist]

You’re right! Only you can make yourself happy/proud/content. Nobody else. It’s not up to anyone else which is great. We’re responsible for our own lives. We can’t control women but the achievements and decisions we choose/make

[Radio4men]

WTF IS brooding men? Makes no sense. lol

But yah girls young hot ones will go for older A hole men. Women want stronger thinker men. Its only nature.

[JananiiSrii]

By brooding I mean the serious and dark, not always smiling behavior. I've noticed how some here don't know what it means Lol, but yeah it's not exactly the word that's commonly used around.

[Radio4men]

you made up your own term? Just because you and your braindead friends made a new term out of broom. doesn't mean its English! Fkin idiot.

[JananiiSrii]

No offense, but you need to read an English dictionary: www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/brooding

[Radio4men]

dictionary. com

brooding[ broo-ding ]SHOW IPA
SEE SYNONYMS FOR brooding ON THESAURUS. COM
adjective
preoccupied with depressing, morbid, or painful memories or thoughts:
a brooding frame of mind.
cast in subdued light so as to convey a somewhat threatening atmosphere:
Dusk fell on the brooding hills.

[JananiiSrii]

That's one definition out of many others. I'm using the definition from Merriam Webster, which is one of the gold standards for providing definitions in the English language alongside Oxford Dictionary. Nonetheless, I'm glad you've learned some English today Lol.

[Radio4men]

Yah I see how good your English is. I see so many people confused about your idiotic way to refer to a word that's a slang or a British word. Or you've made your own meaning. "Brooding men" makes no sense.

[JananiiSrii]

@Radio4men Merriam Webster is an American English dictionary Lol. I think it's best you stop embarrassing yourself any further.

[Radio4men]

Make it personal when you've ran out of argument. Buddy you're an idiot. Get over it. Im sure you speak English with a fked up accent.

[JananiiSrii]

Lol you're still crying over this? Look, swallow your ego and read a dictionary before arguing semantics.

[Radio4men]

over the screen tough girl. One day your mouth is gonna get some screw loose guy to get your ass in trouble. You're just a talking illiterate vagina.

[ManHater]

Women like bad boys so they can wake up with black eye's and wonder how come she had one last night but now she has two. Well she should have listened the second time. Women love men who treat them like shit and abuse them. They say they want nice men but they always want to get beaten.

[JananiiSrii]

No one likes the abuse of an abusive man. More often it's something else he has that makes some guys and girls, not all, admire them.

[errorgoodnameunfound]

I've grown up around women. Sorry, but seems to be some truth about this. Even girls that are obese or unpopular I've seen end up engaged with/married to douches that abuse in some way, cause gawd forbid a guy acts somewhat decent, then somehow, he's hiding something right?

[JananiiSrii]

@errorgoodnameunfound You don't need to apologize Lol I'm not saying what you said didn't happen. There is some truth to it, and you only need to look at like any college campus or broken home to point this out. I'm only saying that the abuse of an abusive man isn't liked by anyone, but it's something else that person possesses which makes them admirable.

[errorgoodnameunfound]

No, I'm talking way beyond college too. This is something far too often repeated, that girls go for abusers, whether they are the mental or physical kind, because female gaze is unfortunately quite strong and when taught from childhood guys are the wilder, crazier, uglier sex, it shows very clearly, or else guys would be sexualized far more often. Guys 95% of the time are never sexualized and honestly, actually trying to make guys feel sexy for once, would likely do far more for equality than many other things, but ofc, that's a challenge suddenly isn't it?

[dmvgirl16]

Well like u said some girl prefer brooding guys not all girls but I feel that girls choose brooding guys because they like the mystery or maybe have a pattern of dating brooding guys but i think I would date any type of guy

[Anonymous]

The mystery fizzles out once it becomes annoying. I enjoy making others laugh, I will offer my perspectives on religion and politics. It's good to smile and not look so serious in life. I guess every girl is different but I don't want to act that way because it makes it seem like im a complete asshole.

[SaraSmithishere]

I prefer quiet, brooding men because I'm the female equivalent. Like attracts like.

[JananiiSrii]

The difference is I'm honestly not brooding Lol. Oh well, opposites attract too.

[winterfox10]

I'm a brooding guy. I've always wondered what the appeal of the strong silent type is

[JananiiSrii]

Well, I hope this answered some of your questions Lol.

[winterfox10]

Yes, it did =) You look like a girl I went school with, by the way. Are you going to school in the NE USA?

[JananiiSrii]

No Lol I'm from LA. I'm almost 22 so I'd be your underclassman by a lot.

[penneva581]

Am I the only one that prefers the nice smiley guys? They just seem less intimidating to me

[likelyOK]

I have not liked a guy who I knew was bad news since high school. Learned my lesson Macho types come at a price, no thanks.