myReview 29 d

Is tolerating abuse/disrespect the best way to show just how much you would put up with for someone you really care about?

Is tolerating abuse/disrespect the best way to show just how much you would put up with for someone you really care about?

I had been dating this guy. Who I cared about a lot. I still do, but I had to part ways. So much I did anything for him. He’s an artist who does tattoos so when he asked me to get him a tattoo kit so that he could do them on others to make some money I bought it. Called myself investing in his dream. He also didn’t have a car and I don’t drive so I let him use my Lyft and Uber account to get around.

He asked for air pods, I got them. He would want to go shopping and ask for money I would let him use my debit card or take money out. I did all that not wanting anything in return. He can be a gentleman. Opening doors, never letting me walk on the wrong side of the street, holding my hand when crossing the street but he has a temper and recently he put his hands on me because of his own insecurities and I stayed the night at his house after he did it when I should have left the same night instead I stayed.

Pondered on it. We Kissed and said goodbye the next morning because regardless like I said, I did and do still have feelings for him but I knew that I knew better than to let a guy hit me over pretty much nothing. So I got home and ended things but not harshly and it wasn’t even necessarily a break up. Me just saying that I care about him but I can’t continue to put up with him, his temper and now him putting his hands on me. That it was becoming overwhelming All he said was “Ok”’so I figured he didn’t care like I did anyway. A day goes by I get text from him asking if I needed any money. It was so random, I was confused but I told him I didn’t need any money.

Another Day goes by and I get a message of a screenshot he took of his bank account with a nice deposit and he says “This is what you could have got had you stayed down for me. All you had to do was trust me. All I needed was someone to talk to and you turned your back on me.” Now anything I did for him it wasn’t to get something in return which is what I told him when he sent the screenshot and I realized why he asked what he asked the day before. Once again I turned down the money and I wished him the best in his life and he just goes “Whatever.” I have been trying to get an expensive possession back that I left at his house but he won’t even respond to my text. I even sent a random hey text just to get him to say anything so I could get what it back, still nothing. It’s like he insinuated that me not tolerating abuse or disrespect meant I wasn’t “down”
for him despite all I did, which I still have never rubbed in his face, and now he’s upset at me and I can’t get my things returned.

Which is why I created this MyTake.

Is tolerating abuse/disrespect the best way to show just how much you would put up with for someone you really care about?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Keyboardkat
    • This guy seems to be a narcisist. Notice that everything is about him. He didn't do anything wrong, it's your fault, you could've, shouda, etc., etc. RUN THE OTHER WAY! NO ONE DESERVES ABUSE!
    • This isn't love. He wants to be in absolute control. This is a red flag! If it goes further, he will want to control your every move, every day. He will try to separate you from your friends and your family and make you dependent only on him. And if he hit you once, and you allowed him to do it, he will hit you again, and it will get much worse! Guys do this if they think that no woman would ever stay with them voluntarily, so they have to control her whole life to make sure she doesn't leave them!
    • I knew a married couple where the husband hit the wife. She lowered her voice, and fixed him with a penetrating stare and said to him ominously, 'If you EVER hit me again, don't go to sleep, because I'll kill you while you're sleeping!" He never hit her again, but they're divorced now. I wonder why?
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  • xXMidknightXx
    Behavior like this shouldn't tolerated. Regardless of whether it's a male or female. Hitting people solves nothing. Smart men and women use their words. Unfortunately you're going to have let that expensive possession go. The most important thing you can do enforce personal boundaries by showing him and others that might be aware of the situation that this type of behavior won't be tolerated. You're heart was in the right place, but the reality is that people of value will do everything they can to get what they desire for themselves and not expect or even ask for those things from others. You're better off. Learn the lesson and move forward.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Smoke-n-Growls
    The only reason his bank account has any money in it at all is because YOU bought his lifestyle until then.

    He only has money because he used yours, by the sounds of it. And that his balance is what he tries to use to get to you proves all he sees you as is something like a money bag - to fill or to deplete as he chooses.

    He's a child acting out.

    You deserve someone better.

    But frankly, you deserve time to yourself, for yourself, and no one else right now.

    Whatever you left at his place is gone. Getting it back will give him leverage over you.

    Leave it behind, and let it be a reminder not to allow yourself to be anywhere near that position again.

    Also, consider therapy. It might not be necessary, but a professional to help you unpack this sooner rather than later will be helpful. More helpful than you may be able to see right now.
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  • JaneDoe377
    He sounds like a manipulator as well as abusive. People like that tend to not change. Good job getting away.
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What Girls & Guys Said

  • samiammm
    A little bit of tolerance is fine.
    This isn't little, there seems to be all sorts of red flags in thos relationship.

    Get away from him. Stay out ofnsight and out of touch.

    Try investing youself in someone with a better character.
    You deserve better way way better.
  • Paul09
    I'm sorry you had to experience this. But you were way to nice and tolerated a lot. This guy is a démon in sheep's clothing. Stay far away from him. Sucks that you can not get your things back. Or even get some money back. Maybe call the cops, or ask someone bigger to help you get your stuff back.
  • SwordShield
    Fuck no, dig in and be firm. That's the best thing you can do with these manipulators. Trust me, I have experience with spotting these kinds of people and that guy sounds like a real good manipulator.

    Honestly, it's like staring a bear down to scare it off. Don't give a fucking inch.
  • Snakeyes7
    I just got away from a girlfriend who was similar. She thrived on my ability to give gifts and to take out to do stuff and I foolishly let her bleed me dry. Don’t make that same mistake.
  • DavidHart
    Why don't u just go to his place to claim the item back?
  • Gedaria
    Report it to the police. If possible remove your self from harm.
  • michael1469
    A meme for every occasion...
  • Jacked_Jones
    Woman abuse Man, its already Stars art Birth. Get a clue, Sheep
  • Smirnoff23
    Forget what you left at his stay away no woman deserves to be a punch bag
  • OddBeMe
    Yeah, doesn’t mean you should.