How do you get away from Mr. Crazy ?

I made the mistake of sleeping one time with a guy who was just a friend. Before this all happened he was pretty cool and we got along. Now I’m starting to see a diff side of him and its scary. I now find out that he's got allot of emotional and possibly mental illness. He seems to think that we are going to end up messing around again or in a relationship when we defiantly are NOT. I’ve tried to be nice and just keep it light and steer this whole mess towards friendship only but he’s not really getting it. I just don't want this ending up being something that gets WAY out of hand. I do have a daughter and my worst nightmare is this ends up getting really crazy and I don’t want her involved in this .I really need to find a way to tell him that I’m not even interested in being friends with him anymore. Any ideas on how to do that without bringing out even more of his psycho side ? Sorry if I sound like a total bitch about this, I’m not trying to be !


Most Helpful Guy

  • I will say that having sex with someone can definitely send a mixed signal, and it sounds like you realize this and accept responsibility.

    That being said, there is no way to keep him away until you tell him directly that you have no interest in continuing any kind of relationship with him. And I do mean ANY.

    If it's to the point that you believe you or your daughter lives are in danger, then letting him know in black and white language that he is no longer allowed to contact you is the only way to ensure he gets the message.

    Trying to be light hearted in this situation will only allow him to "interpret" what you're saying as something else.

    Once you have told him to stay away, if he continues to contact you, you then have legal grounds to apply for a protection order. Law Enforcement agencies have become very responsive to these kinds of scenarios, because it is well known that these kind of fall outs can lead to someone being harmed.

    If your words are not enough to keep him away, then his being escorted from your residence in hand irons every time he arrives will get it across.


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What Guys Said 2

  • "I’ve tried to be nice and just keep it light..."

    From this guy's perspective, you're not giving any clear, obvious indication about what you want or expect. If he's "not getting it," its at least partly because you're communicating poorly. Whether this guy is psycho or not, it's unfair to expect that he'll read between the line and interpret hints. Rather, it's your responsibility to start creating and enforcing some hard boundaries.

    I suggest you be direct and specific. Say something like, "I'm really sorry, but this got more serious than I intended. I'm not ready for a relationship with anyone, and I need to focus on my daughter/job/schooling. You're a great person and I'm sure you'll meet a girl who'll be better for you than I am. I'm sorry this might be hurtful and come as a shock, but I can't see you any more."

    Then avoid all contact with him. If he contacts you, ignore the messages and delete 'em without reading or listening. If he gets weird/creepy/violent, call the cops.

    How long did you know this guy before you slept with him? Not very long, I suspect. In the future, I suggest you learn from this experience and know someone much better before you sleep with him. Your daughter does not need this kind of chaos in her life. And no matter how well you try to shield your daughter, she _will_ absorb some bad vibes about things like this. At the very least, she'll pick up on your stress.

    Good luck.

  • Make sure you directly tell him that nothing will happen in a million years. Otherwise he may not take the hint.

    Consider spending less time with him.


What Girls Said 3

  • You're starting to see a different side of him, and no one knows what he is capable of, not even yourself. The first thing you should do is cut off this guy completely. I know he may have a friendly side, but this new scary side far overwrites that in risking he could do something potentially dangerous.

    The fact is, when you let someone cross a line intimately with you, with these stability issues, you cannot simply reverse it and go back to being friends. You have let him in intimately and now he wants more, whether you want that or not. He is desparate and he needs more from you. You have shown him you can give him that, and trust me he will not leave you alone till these needs are met, and these needs for him simply can't be met from you, because he is unstable and not thinking rationally or sanely.

    Stop picking up your phone to unknown numbers, stop responding to him, answering his calls, texting him. If you see him outside ignore him, protect your daughter from him and just do everything you can to lose this guy. In my opinion of your safety, mental and physical you need to drop this guy completely, but you need support to do so too. Just stop responding as you have told him what you want and he is clearly not respecting it. If he starts harassing you or continues to keep doing things next step:

    Call the police and just inform them what you are doing, so they have knowledge and can cover your back (who knows what he can do whilst you try and cut him off, you have a daughter to protect too, and I have been in this situation before with a total psycho who broke into my house)

    It may seem like this is going too far already or you're overreacting, but if something did happen, you wouldn't regret it and you are at least prepared for the worse. You have support then at at least even if he gets abusive, he cannot hurt you.

    Please be careful and take care, try to do the above. I understand what you're going through as I had a similar situation, just stay safe and your daughter too.

    Keep us updated.

  • youre not at all. you should break all communication with him and surround yourself with friends. tell your other friends as much about it as you feel comfortable. warn childcare/school about him, put him on the not to pick up my child list. I'm serious. he could be dangerous. I think your best bet is to never speak to him again. trust your instincts.

  • You need to be honest with yourself and honest with him. Manafon's right; not giving a clear indication about how you feel or what you want out of your relationship with him is only making it worse. Sit down and talk to him about it seriously.