Long gone but not forgotten

The story; Growing up I was best friends with a kid named Jessie, he was 3 years older then me. He had a younger sister who was a year younger then me. She used to tag along and follow us where ever we went and at the time I found her annoying. When I got into high school Jessie and me grew apart and his sister and I grew closer. Eventually we ended up dating. She was my first real relationship and the first person I slept with. We spent over 2 years together and eventually broke up because she cheated.

At the time of our break up I was going threw a rough time and was getting into allot of trouble both inside of school and out. I was hanging out with the wrong crowed. About 2 months after the break up with this girl Kim I ended up moving cities to get away from everything and start a new life. We still communicated for up to a year but eventually I cut the rope.

I ended up dropping out of school a year after I moved to a new city and isolated myself for 2 years. No work, no school, no friends, no nothing, spent 2 years in complete isolation. I lacked motivation for anything in life. Eventually I found something I was interested in (trading stocks, futures, and commodities) and submerged myself in it. I started getting my life back on track.

I started seeing new people, making friends, and having relationships. I’ve conquered my shyness that has plagued me my entire life and on most levels my life has been on the up rise for quite some time now but for one reason or another I can’t go long without thinking about this girl. Even so things have changed to a certain degree and I been thinking about her less and less until recently. Then just now I woke up to a vague memory of a dream I had just had about her and allot of my old emotions came back; Pain, suffering, love, hate, all the good stuff.

The dream (I can’t remember it in detail); I was living in the same house as Kim (the house she grew up in). The bedroom I was staying in was hers and she was living in the bedroom beside me. I was going to high school and I came back for lunch. I was changing outfits when Kim walked up the stairs so I shut the bedroom door. I got changed then went into her room and started talking to her. She started talking about some guy and I wasn’t paying attention and the moment I realized she was talking about a guy who wasn’t me I snapped back to reality and asked her to repeat what she had just said. She did then repeat what she said (I can’t remember what it was) but in the end she said she didn’t love me anymore. Then I woke up; Shitty way to wake up.

I’m as confused as ever right now. I thought things were getting better and I was moving on. I had cut communication a long time ago and started thinking about her less and less. I started dating other people. Lately (the past couple weeks) I’ve started to think about her more and more and now I’m having dreams about her.

Anyone have any help or advice?

Long gone but not forgotten
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