Guys, am I not seeing my new boyfriend often enough?

He wants to see me every day if he can. I need time to myself after work. He doesn't. Also, I live on my own and he doesn't. I have stuff I have to do when I get home and I'm not comfortable yet having my place be at all messy. Or being in loungewear. So I don't have him over much.

We can't really be at his place due to no privacy. So it's all on me. We see eachother 3 times a week maybe. It's been lousy weather out too so that hasn't helped.

I just saw him 2 days ago. I feel like he was weird with me when I said I stopped by a friend's.

I figure I'll ask if he wants to come by on Friday? I don't know. feel like its up to me when we see eachother...
Updates:
What am I supposed to do? I mean really should he be mad and should I invite him over more?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You have a right to have a life of your own outside the relationship. He sounds incredibly clingy. I've honestly broken up with girls who were that clingy. I'm not suggesting you do that, but it's perfectly fine to have boundaries and expect them to be observed. If you can't see him every day, say so. Guys prefer honesty to game playing - at least most guys.

    We get confused sometimes because we think girls expect us to want to be around them all the time and sometimes we really just want to have some "me time" too.

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    • I feel like he definitely wants to be with me all the time. He's expressed this and it sounds like its been a problem in the past for him. I have really tried to give this my all and then I feel bad for seeing him less.. I can't figure out how to balance this :-/

Most Helpful Girl

  • You guys need to just sit down together and talk about it i think :)

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What Guys Said 17

  • Well i think of everything was in order i would want to spend at least a few hours with my gf every day. But i understand that under your conditions it is tough to fit in time to he with him unless its somewhat planned. I think three times a week is enough in terms of emotional need, but not enough to make most people happy. However, if i was in his place, and understood your struggle, i would be satisfies and happy if u continued to spend time with me 3 times a week or so, as long as u would have long phone calls or txting conversations at some point everyday. He shouldn't need u all day long, but it is reasonable for him to need to hear from u once a day. So if u can't make time to be with him everyday, maybe u could send him a good morning text and talk for a half hour before work. Of maybe call him after work and talk for a couple hours once your done with house work and hav had some time to relax (if u consider it your relaxation time when u are talking to him on the phone). I sleak from experience, that i don't need my gf to get through every day, but a few sweet, loving words over text can make my day a whole lot better! :)

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  • He sounds jealous and insecure. Like he feels if he is not occupying your time that some other man must be. Which would mean he is both being self centered and objectifying you. Answer me this... is he living at home with his parents and has no job?

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  • Yeahh, don't do what @soccerchick4eva does and leave it all to him ;) haha Love you Zo :D
    Talk about it and come to an agreement that is great for the two of you!
    Inviting him over, planning things and asking him what he thinks, all of that shows initiative, and its great, have a good :)

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  • He was a little upset because he is dying to see you, and you had time to stop by a friend's place. I am not saying what he did is right, I am saying that's what happened.

    That being said, you have to realize that a relationship with him is more than just a friend ship. He's going to want to see you more, and you'll have to make some more time for him (Not a lot more) but more.

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  • You don't owe him anything. If he doesn't have anything else to do when you aren't around to be with him at his problem. You're allowed to have your own life.

    I think you should talk to him about it, and see what he thinks and how he feels about how often you are seeing each other, mans maybe try to reach some kind of compromise or at least figure some stuff out

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  • There's really no 'enough', so to speak. The question is whether the current frequency works for both of you and, if not, whether there's a compromise that both of you can live with.

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  • Sorry, he sounds like a needy whiny mess. "It's all on me" is not a good thing. You need to find a guy who has his "shun"s in order: habitation, occupation, education, transportation. Get a guy who has a life.

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  • Just be real with him. Say I really enjoy your company but I like me time as well. He wants to always come over also because he doesn't live along and your house to him is getting away and unwinding

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  • It sounds like he would happily see you every day if it were just up to him. If he's got roommates or lives with his parents, that's probably another reason for him to get out of his house and hang at your place.

    You sound like you might be a bit of an introvert. Not necessarily that you're shy, but that you need to have time to be alone, and that by doing so you're basically recharging your batteries. Extroverts get their energy back by talking to other people and spending time with them. He might be like that.

    If you can explain it to him in that way, maybe it'll be easier for you to come to a workable compromise. I'm an introvert and I've always been attracted to extroverts, so this has always been a challenge for me, too.

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  • It sounds like you guys need to talk, just explain to him you are the type of person who likes space and you are not far enough along to want to see him all the time. Then ask him and talk about an amount that would be ok for him. Set up some ground rules maybe you need 2 hours after work before you can hang out and never two days in a row. These can change over time but having them here to start will help him get an idea of who you are and what you need as a person and vise verse you getting to know how he is.

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  • you should follow your heart. if you need time for yourself take it. he should respect it if he loves you. you already see him 3 times a week and thats great!

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    • He seemed like he did... Then I ended up feeling bad and saying let's spend all these days together. I will want to that often some time soon but not right away like this!

  • At your age, if you go more then 2 or 3 dates and your not comfortable enough to have him just hang at your house regardless of the condition, then you probably need to find someone else. In an adult relationship sex is considered "on the table" starting with the 3rd date. as a matter of fact, the 4 women I have had sex with since my divorce, 3 we had sex on the 3rd date the other was on the 1st date. most of the women I have dated we only went out 2-4 times before we started just hanging out at each others house. So if there is no connection then you should move on.

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  • HEre some people blaming your bf
    But I think this is common to face some problems in our relations so sit together and solve it.

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  • If you've got other things doing, or if you're really busy you need to let him know that you need your own space.

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  • Yeah im like that 2 just on weekends best for me right now,,, Try asking him that?

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  • if you don't like it, be single

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  • Its up to you when you two see each other?

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