Baby Mama Drama?

My boyfriend has a 8yr old son with another woman but they live in Louisiana. At the beginning I would see that she would always text him how miserable she was over there n how she wanted to move back to Florida. They have been broken up for 6 years. I explained I didn't feel comfortable him being her shoulder to cry on and he told her they should only speak when it had to do with their son. she got real upset about it at firts but later got over it. We have had a few issues with her and I feel he doesn't give me my place. Last summer when he picked up his son, I called him jus to see how his flight was and he wouldn't answer the phone. He would text me saying he was with his son eating. When he got back I was kinda upset at the fact that he didn't wanna talk to me while he was over there. Months later I find out its because he was having lunch with her also and didn't want to answe. and tell me because he didn't want me to get upset. We are usually very honest with each other but this makes me doubt him and feel insecure about them. Should I worry they have something going on or is it that guys jus dont want the drama? They dont talk much (at least not that I know of) and his son talks about me to her and vice versa so she knows we are still together. Its almost summer again and I have anxieties about his next trip to go get his son. Shoud I be worried?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You should demand that your boyfriend takes you with him to get his son the next time.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Fair warning: I've never been in the situation myself but I have mediated over them. What it boils down to is trust and communication.

    1) His son comes first. There's no buts to this, son is number 1 always and you have to respect this.
    2) You must understand that maintaining a solid positive relationship with his ex is vital for the benefit of his son. The only person that suffers if those two can't communicate is that boy. You cannot be the barrier between them that causes a breakdown of their ability to co-parent. This is going to include him sharing a meal with them. You just have to accept it so that he doesn't have a reason to hide it. When he feels he has to hide that relationship, he is going to sneak around doing more and more. It is a better option to say, I understand you can't avoid it, and I trust you to not betray me. When he doesn't feel like he will face hostility from you, he will naturally be open about their activities and relationship.
    3) You cannot let your own insecurities overcome the trust you have in him. He still talks to his ex not because he wants to or because he want to hurt you. He talks to her because she is the mother of his son and he has to stay in contact with her. He is being forced to stay in contact with her, he is choosing to be with you. Trust him and love him for it. And love him for being a good dad that is willing to put aside the hurt from a break up in order to be there for his son.
    4) I'd like to point out he made the effort to end his relationship outside his with her. This was done when you expressed your hurt. That says he listened to you, cared enough about you to alter his life and put you above her. Did he have a meal with her, yes, did he hide it yes. Did he feel pressured to do so by you, yes. He hid it out of protection of your feelings.

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    • Yes I agree with u 100%. I have not spoken to him about this because I do not want to make this process harder than it already is but its def something that has been bothering me. Like I said there has been many incidents like this, where he hides things from me and I end up finding out and its has created doubt and mistrust in this situation. But I will def take your advise and let him know that I trust him and he can be open with me with his arrangments with her about his son with out me getting upset. Thank you.

    • You can't just tell him, You also have to show him. Saying you trust him and actually doing so by giving him the room top make choices are two very very different things.

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • These are complicated.
    My guy is divorced, 11 years older than me, but no kids.
    If his ex were a cobra, she would bite me.
    I see no resolution for me, ever.
    Your situation is really complicated.
    Tread carefully
    She may be an ex, but also the mommy.
    Keep your ears open, and your heart close to you.
    Love the boy though
    He could actually make the difference.
    :)

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  • Maybe you should convince him to let you meet her and be friends with her. For the child's sake as well and for yours. If you all get along and you get to know her then maybe all of this could fade away. All the problems could go byebye.

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