Can We Really Not Be Friends?

I have this friend. We are both in other relationships, and we are not trying to date each other. We get along great. Not just socially but we could really honestly be great friends, life long kind of stuff. All of a sudden he ignores me unless we are physically hanging out in a group. He tells me he has to avoid me to control himself. Said he doesn't want to cross a line. Then in the next breath he is saying he wants to really get to know me better. He is fine interacting with all the other females in our group, so I am left wondering. Is he being honest? Can we really not be friends, or does he just not really want to be friends with me? It feels like a little bit of deception is going on here. This guy doesn't want to sleep with me, I know that's what he is saying but, I just don't buy it. So whats up?
Updates:
just reposting, would love a few more answers
one more time, thanks!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • No, I think he is respecting the relationship he is in. And yours and his friendship.. There is a point where you spend too much time with each other that will allow other feelings to develop. And texting/ calling and hanging out can lead to that.. It sounds like he already has other feelings for you and is trying his best to keep them in check... If you or him allowed more time together he would act on those feelings... And that is what he is trying to avoide.
    So if you want to keep him as a friend don't push on it... If you want more from him... Well I think you know.. But honestly if you do want more you both need to loos the relationships your already in..
    Hope this helps

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    • I will just be careful and let it go then. Even if I don't really believe it, i don't want to risk it. Thanks!

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    • It's going to take a bit for me to wrap my head around the idea that he's attracted to me. It seems very unlikely. Either way, you are right, that's what he has said, so I guess at this point I just let it go. Although the idea of that does suck a little :) thanks again!

    • No problem!
      If you want to continue the friendship maybe talk to him about it.. Tell him you really like him as a friend but you want nothing more. And after a while and maybe a little distance his emotional attachment will calm down enough that you guys can get back to some kind of normalcy.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I think he's developed or developing feelings for you that are beyond the platonic, and it is making him uncomfortable so he is trying to distance himself in order to respect his current relationship.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Sounds. Like he cares for you and knows he shouldn't, so he's taking steps so as not to betray his gf, but in a way that doesn't break the friendship the two of you have.

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    • thank you so much for responding!

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    • God damnit, freakin' posting 'some point' twice... makes me feel physically just looking at it.

    • LOL!

      I hope I didn't give him that impression, but thank you, one more thing for me to consider. Helps to get and outside view point

  • He wants to be with you and is worried about all the problems that would ensue, so for both your sakes is trying to keep a safe distance.

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    • thanks for your take. I do find it very hard to believe. Maybe I am just being naive, but if you saw me next his girlfriend you wouldn't believe it either. I just hate to lose out on a good friend, i don't choose my friends lightly. Thanks again!

  • Most guys tend to be attracted to women sexually, no matter if they know that they shouldn't be. It's a hormonal thing as a result of evolution, and we can't really help it. Also because of this guys can often confuse good friendship for the possibility of something more.

    This guy probably understands this to some extend, and doesn't want to risk ruining his relationship or your's. He's trying to do the right thing, however the need for him to do this could be indicative of a problem in his own relationship if he feels the need to go to these lengths. That being said he should be able to control himself, but at leat he's trying.

    This doesn't mean that girls and guys can't be really good friends, it just often takes restraint on the part of the man and this isn't necessarily his fault.

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    • Thanks for the feedback. I would agree if i felt that he really was attracted to me, but I know his girlfriend, she is fantastic, and much better looking than me. I just dont think that attraction is the real issue. It seems very unlikely to me. I appreciate you taking the time to help me out! :D

  • I don't know. Maybe give him some signs

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What Girls Said 1

  • He wants a piece of you.

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    • LOL! thans for your feedback!

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