How can I stop over-thinking?

My biggest problem is I tend to over-think. It has caused me to think way to much instead of reacting, like thinking "should I kiss this girl? Aw no what if this happens?" and in the end to find out she actually DID want me to kiss her.

So basically it causes me to not move when I should and I know keeps me from being me if I'm with a girl I like.

Any advice?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I have the same problem! And because of this, I know I can't just say "Don't overthink." because obviously, if you could you would.

    I've found the best solution to this (besides forcing myself to do something brash before I can think about it) is find someone who is the oppposite of me. Finding a partner who may just lean up and kiss you, without thinking about it, will be the best.

    You can't always change who you are, Love.

    But, you can find someone who balances you out. (Also, again with just forcing yourself to do it. Life is short and if you think of the worst consequences, they aren't all that bad. She didn't want to be kissed? Too bad. Your confidence will woo her anyways!)

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    • As nice as that would be, (finding my opposite) I seem to find myself in the position most of the time where I have to make the move or anything. But I'm trying to push myself more, just wish my brain would shut up sometimes

Most Helpful Guy

  • Get into this habit - count to three, and ACT. Follow your instincts with regard to what action you choose. But get into this habit. One Two Three, ACT. Start with the simple little things which have nothing to do with girls. Count in your head, one two three, and ACT.
    When that becomes second nature to you, incorporate it into your interactions with girls.

    1,2,3 ACT.

    Don't give yourself time to over think things.

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What Girls Said 17

  • I have the same problem. I can't make up my mind on what to wear, what to eat (I get really nervous when I order food from a restuarant I realized I should probably just write it down first), what to do for my homework assignment, the composition of my artwork, etc. I wish there were kinda app to install in my brain or a shirt to put on so I would stop overthinking.

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    • do you women find males to be aesthetically pleasing and sexually appealing? you females yourself have heavenly angelic body... do you really like males?

    • Yeah I really like males. I find certain guys aesthetically and sexually appealing. It would be nice if I found a guy like that who feels that way about me AND actually interested in me. Usually they are interested at first until they find someone better.

  • Generally, you guys aren’t very good at picking up the little signals girls send you. So if you have a feeling she wouldn’t mind you kissing her (or whatever it is) she probably would love it.

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  • I have the same problem. Go with the flow and turn your brain off

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  • trying to have some game for a hook up takes confidence and smooth moves, timing, … but love is about the right pairing. just relax and do what feels good/right as it feels good/right, because the right girl for you will respond/react as you would hope, or damn close. if you get a bad reaction, you most likely have your answer = time to move on.

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    • do you women find males to be aesthetically pleasing and sexually appealing? you females yourself have heavenly angelic body... do you really like males?

    • thechoosy: absolutely! otherwise, we would all be single or gay. even the hairy, smelly guys are "heavenly" to some girls.

  • Do you think it would still apply if she made moves first? I Don't just mean sexually - but anything. physical, communication whatever.

    Would that help you relax or do you think you'd keep worrying about everything?

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    • Honestly I think it would just depend on the action. Sometimes I willfeel pretty sure and not need to overthink

  • Life is so very, very short!. If a girl is leaning into you and looking up at you, she wants a kiss, and badly- so kiss her!!!

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  • I don't think its bad to over think, I think it just means you make sure you know what your doing if this is something that's an issue with her you two should talk through it oand if she can't handle it let her go because you shouldn't have to change who you are for love.

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  • SAME... it sucks but in my case i over think EVERYTHING.. i overthink life basically buuut you just gotta quit it and hakuna matata.

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    • Such a wonderful phrase. It's our problem free philosophy: Hakuna Matata.

  • Just be in the moment. Don't worry about what she's thinking. Just trust your instincts.

    <3

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  • It's hard to stop over-thinking... you just need to be conscious of when you are doing it and tell yourself to stop doing that. I'm really bad for it too - particularly for looking back on conversations or intimate scenarios and replaying them over and over again and beating myself up over something dumb I said or did that the person, in all likelihood, has already forgotten.

    Maybe one easy way to do it is to ask yourself "what would I think if s/he did/said that exact thing?" Would it still be bothering you two hours later? Even two minutes later? Would you shrug it off? Would it even bother you in the first place?

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    • Omg I do that all the time, just replaying the scenario in my head and such. I'll try and do what you said, thank you

  • I've got the same issue

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  • exercise and music

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  • Go to a mental institution and ask them to inject you with 1000 pounds of crack and you'll be ok

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  • life is short! dont overthink things just go out and do it, obviously you dont want to act before you think but you are an adult and you're getting older everyday dont you think you deserve a life full of suprises, action, and hot girls? kiss that girl next time and dont think anything of ir

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  • well.. obviously its a decision you have to make.. it isn't that easy.. just follow whats mostly comfortable for you to do. what YOU think is best for you. other people can't decide for you and know what you want or comfortable with..

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  • Don't over think it. Just do it (Nike reverence) but I understand how you feel I tend to over think about everything

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  • Don't over think, girls like a guy that can make up their mind easily on simple stuff. Guys that over think may freak the girl out, if the relationship gets better and something important comes up she doesn't want to be afraid to tell you and you over think it! Girls need someone who can help with decisions so she doesn't over think! ~hope this helped

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    • Believe me when I say I'm trying not to over think. I just sometimes fear of coming off as an asshole or something if I try to do something in situations

What Guys Said 20

  • have a beer. kill some of your brain cells, having too much just makes you a dull person.

    risk yourself a bit, you're going to have to challenge what life throws at you sometimes !
    I'm hoping that life doesn't break you before you get to enjoy it ! hahaha!

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  • Count to three and do it. Pretend that at that 3rd count you have no other choice but to do whatever it is.

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  • Just think of other random things that are definitely positive if you are nervous when over-thinking
    Helped me overcome most of my shyness and introverted tendencies.

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  • Yeah, high anxiety, I had it after my dad died... with luck you'll get back to normal

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  • Your empathy suffers as you're too self-centered when analysing an issue, not giving due significance to other sides not involving you.

    It is all about you, and it is always about you, boy!

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  • The reason why you're over-thinking is because you're the kind of person who needs to control a process from A to Z.

    There are 2 mains answer to that problem.

    -You "plan" ahead. Think of what's going to happen and at what point it would be nice to do so regardless of the girl. Put some logical background who would make the kiss a "normal" thing that wouldn't need any back thought.
    -Learn it the hard way by praticing on impulse, whenever you feel like she wants you do it, not a single fuck given. It will obviously lead to some refusal though.

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  • Oh man, you and me both, bro. :) In fact, I think women do this more than guys, lol.

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  • You need to keep your eyes open for the signs... if she is invading your personal space, then likely she is into you and wants you to kiss her.

    If she keeps having prolonged eye to eye contact and keeps smiling at you the entire time... she likely wants a kiss!

    Sometimes its good to ask... don't ask if you can kiss her though directly... word it so it sounds more like... you want to kiss her! You know say something like... stare at her lips and just admit to her that you have been thinking about kissing them all day! Let your feelings be known! Nothing wrong with being a little forward... it takes the guess work out!

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  • Go for it, think of what could happen and give whatever you think has a higher chances of happening a shot. Lifes short

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  • I did the same thing. I liked a girl. She asked if I liked anyone (She talked to me about guys she likes and relationships and such, so I naturally think she wasn't interested) so I overthought it and was thinking "she doesn't like me" "I'll over complicate things for her". Later, she was bummed out about a relationship and said she would, "Pity the fool who marries me". So, I said, "What if that fool is me?" so that's how she found out. She told me that she'd liked me for a few months. She also said that she was in a bad position for a relationship and if I'd told her earlier, her position wouldn't matter as much and we'd already be together. So now, I'm back to square one. As single as an electron in a hydrogen atom

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  • I think you answered your own question. Just do, brother. What's the worse that could happen?

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  • Be yourself man, lose the nerve and be cool! Seriously, being calm and realizing there's nothing to be afraid is the best way to go. I always had this, and I found out that the opposing person has just as much anxiety as you, and if you be cool that gives for a pretty damn good impression aswell ;) however dont get me wrong, being cool and confident is not similar to pushy douchebag, suggest things as you go, make little but noticeable moves, and you'll be fine. If you honestly get to the point where you think that she's interested then the margin of error or failure is minimal. And even if it does fail, who cares man, one denial isn't the end, and thins out the suitable people for you.

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  • hahaah think that if you overthink about things... you will throw so many chances away ;-)

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  • Take a deep breath count to 3 than exhale. Do that 3 times and then act on your last thought.

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  • Overthinking comes from fear/insecurity in my eyes, if you weren't scared there's not much to think about haha. I struggled with the same issue until I kinda told myself "you're being a pussy dude." Not many women dig a timid man and if they do like you you may discourage them. Be bold and confident, worst case scenario is that you get shot down and have to swallow a little bit of embarrassment. To me personally, embarrassing myself sucks a lot less than regret. Don't get too cocky but seriously evaluate yourself and remember what makes you awesome and why someone would want you.

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  • Trust yourself.

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  • count to 3 and do it! try dat bro

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  • go see a doctor you crazy ocd motha

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  • I didn't tell the girl I liked that I liked her earlier on, and she slept with some random lad at a party. Wish I knew whether he took advantage or she was really willing, because she told me she didn't realise how much she liked me at the time.

    I'm with her now, but I still hate that that happened and get really fucked off (sorry, that's how it makes me feel) whenever I think about it. I'm fine when I'm with her but whenever I get time to think about, gets me down. Things like this are why anxiety needs to be fought off.

    Whenever anything like this is on your mind in future, just go for it. The worst that can happen is a rejection and every rejection will make you stronger. I reckon that 1-2-3-ACT piece of advice is a quality sounding one.

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  • Yeah that's called anxiety.

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