What do guys think of females who do not want to have children?

When you ask a girl how many children she wants to have and she replies, "none, I've never wanted children", do just accept her answer, write her off as a "fun party girl" & someone just to sleep with, or think she's just saying that & eventually she will want children. Is wanting children very important when choosing a girlfriend or wife?
Updates:
What if she is a good girl & doesn't present herself as fuck buddy material?
Thanks everyone! This thread has been an eye opener :)
Awesome poll:www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1370453-guys-what-makes-you-feel-like-a-man

So guys who think, "she's denying her basic biology" do you agree men should accept the role of being the protector and provider of the family?

Do you agree with the statement: 3 essential rules of what drives a man: who is his (his title), what he does (how he got that title), and how much he makes (the reward he receives for his efforts). These 3 resources are what gives the man the ability to be the provider & protector of his family

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I have three married children, and two unmarried in their Mid 20's. I have just one Grandson. What is the big deal? When a woman finds herself in a stable and secure relationship, her instincts will probably take over. Kids are a big ticket expense item. For now she is entitled to sit on the safe side. If a guy cannot respect her opinion in this snapshot, better move on? Face it, making a baby from a guys perspective comes down to a little sweat and 5 minutes humping. She will be the one to carry that child, and nurture it. So guys, look at it another way, when she says she does not want children, what she is really saying is this, "At this time I do not think you would be a fit Father"

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    • Thank you for your insight.

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What Guys Said 80

  • I write her off as someone who is wasting their genetic material and that their parents must be very disappointed.

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    • Wow that was mean, but honest lol!!! Do you not agree that if someone doesn't feel they would be a good parent that they shouldn't become one?

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    • I think even for me, this is a downvote record.

      Think about it though, what if you are the only child of your parents, and you say you will never have kids? Your parents have probably thought about the idea of being grandparents and all that. Sure, it's your choice and all, but it must still be extremely disappointing, knowing that their bloodline ends...

    • "Most girls are against the idea of having kids because they're afraid of child birth"

      As a woman who doesn't want children, I have to disagree with you there. That's honestly the least of it.

      Raising children is simply not something that I want to commit the rest of my life to. It's not the vision that I have for my life - that simple. If it was something I wanted, I'd be more than happy to put up with the 9 months of pregnancy and the pain of childbirth.

  • I don't assume some person is a goarounder because they don't want children. That is their decision. I would not have romantic interest in them, because I greatly desire to have a little baller of my own one day.

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    • Even if she has everything you've been looking for except wanting kids, you would no longer pursue her? The heart wants what the heart wants lol!!!

    • Honestly, that would be really tough. I have a heart for kids and I am excited about the lessons children can teach you and the responsibilities of being a parent. OHh I have experienced the worst in children being the leader at a junior sports camp and I know their are many cons including the cost of having one. It is one of my goals in life. If it was because of child labor then I would have to consider adopting then. WHich I am eehhh about

  • I respect them for whatever they want? I wouldn't just see them as someone to sleep with.

    But equally I couldn't be in a serious long-term relationship with someone who didn't want kids eventually. Being settled and having children to raise sounds bloody good to me, so much to teach and experience!

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  • As one guy said, she's denying her basic biology. Not like it matters, she will simply die off, and her genes with her. Life will go on.

    As for what guys think, I think it's cute whenever I hear that BS, because I'm very attracted to older women, and I see all the time these dumbass older women who were all brainwashed into pursuing career and money over marriage, family, and happiness. They turn into grizzled and withering old women full of bitterness, emptiness, despair, and regret. They then often turn to strapping young men to make themselves feel young again and distract them from the reality that they have wasted their entire lives on meaningless crap that amounts to little in the end, as compared to the women who have and find a lifetime of fulfillment in their children, and some of them watching their sons and daughters grow into models of society, whether they are rich, powerful, successful, beautiful, talented, famous, hard-working, highly educated, ambitious, etc. And then in their old age, they get to be parents again to their grandkids!

    It's certainly far more preferable than the lonely, miserable life that awaits women who don't have children. And even if your marriage lasts into old age, suppose your husband dies? Now you are a widow. Now you are alone. Now you have no one. Whereas if you had children, if your husband dies, you still have your children to sustain your sanity and take care of you and love you, and let you love them.

    Do you know what happens to single old women with no children? They become crazy cat ladies, and even then, those cats can't sustain their sanity for long.

    As for the girl I'm involved with, she also claims this BS, but I know better, and while I personally don't mind not having children, I won't at all be surprised when she hits her 30's and starts nagging me about having children, having changed her mind once she starts to get older.

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  • I know a few woman who are married and never had kids. Some because they didn't want to, some because they couldn't - whether it be because they couldn't get pregnant or the guy they were with didn't want kids and now it is too late. Each woman has to make their own decision, but I will say some of the woman would have made great moms. One in paticular still cries every Mother's Day because she was never able to have a baby of her own, but still, she is an amazing step mother.

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  • If a girl said "i don't want kids", i label her as... the perfect mate lol. I don't want kids either. And if she agreed with me on that, i wouldn't label her as a "fun, party girl", but i would consider a serious, committed relationship with her.

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  • I would never ask that question unless it was a serious relationship. But if she said no way to having kids, am sorry but it would be a deal breaker. She is not wife material at that point. As far as i am concerned. Some guys dont want kids. But i do.

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  • If the guy also doesn't want to have kids, it's great. If he does, it's a dealbreaker.

    Personally, I don't want children, so it's perfect. I make no other assumptions or judgments based on that information.

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  • i think, i am a more family oriented kind of person, i have no kids, obviously, but i think it'd be fun to be a dad, but honestly i don't mind if a girl wants kids or not, most of the time, if it was a girl i liked, and i'd been with them for a while, i'd say kids are good, but i think i'll wait for my mid 20's early 30's before i decide to have a family

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  • I simply respect her choice. But since I'm looking for one who wants to have kids I gotta move on.

    If she's a good girl and doesn't want to get it on I'd likely keep her as a friend. Who doesn't want good people around?

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  • Depends on their actual reason if there was even a reason at all.

    But I'd have to agree that I would not want to be around some "fun party girl" that just wants sex, and blah blah either.

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  • You know what? Me and my wife used protection when we were young. We decided to try a few years ago and it just hasn't happened yet. I'm away a lot so it's probably for the best. We've decided to foster when I leave the military. So its not the end of the world. It sometimes just does not happen.

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    • Go for it. They are a joy. I retired 2011, age 55 Like you, away a lot. somehow I only had to look at the wife, and that was all over. Fortunate maybe, 5 kids but we still adopted 3 more. Life is not really complete without kids, and they do not have to be from your own efforts because they will love you regardless. Good luck in all you do!

    • Thanks. We both work full time. We have a dog to keep her company but we would both like a child whether it be our own or fostered. We think we have a lot to offer a kid who's had a rough start. Thanks again.

  • I do judge them an think something is missing in them. Like something isn't right. But I strongly feel they shouldn't have kids.

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    • What if they want to adopt because they are guaranteed to have complications with birth?

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    • We agree there!

      But it's judgmental attitudes that people hold against women who don't want children that lead them to have children they do not want. There is a lot of social pressure on women to have children, and a really harsh stigma against those of us who don't want them. So, when you say things like "I judge them and think something is missing in them" you are perpetuating the type of attitude and stigmatization that causes women to go with the grain instead of against it, when that's not what they actually want in their lives.

      I think, if society was more open and accepting about this subject, we'd learn that far more women don't want children than we tend to assume.

    • Sara413 I agree with everything you said. You totally see where I'm coming from ;)

      "But it's judgmental attitudes that people hold against women who don't want children that lead them to have children they do not want. There is a lot of social pressure on women to have children, and a really harsh stigma against those of us who don't want them. So, when you say things like "I judge them and think something is missing in them" you are perpetuating the type of attitude and stigmatization that causes women to go with the grain instead of against it, when that's not what they actually want in their lives. I think, if society was more open and accepting about this subject, we'd learn that far more women don't want children than we tend to assume."

  • I would date her no problem, but I would not consider getting too involved with her as I want kids, so why get attached when I know it won't work long term?

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  • My sons ' ex was fascinated by making a career and didn't want children but lately she started feeling that biological clock ticking. Problem: the guy she's with isn't who she needs for that.

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  • I wouldn't think of her as any less of a woman, she has the right to not want kids, I just personally would not date her because I want to be a father one day.

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  • I would marry that girl!
    I hate kids & never imagined growing them.

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  • I don't think I could be a good parent because of the fact that I can never focus or really help them with life. Yea I would love them and take care of them but I am to "childish" to really be a parent.
    Anyways to answer your question I think yea you are denying your biology but it is your life.

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  • It doesn't matter to me. I don't get into relationships with the express goal of procreation. If we could live a long and healthy life together without children, that would be fine.

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  • When choosing a girlfriend? Nope. That's way too early for that.

    When choosing a wife? Nah, it's too late for that. I'm hooked onto you already. And if you're really wife material, all things are negotiable. Either I relent or you relent. ;)

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  • Having children should be a topic that is talked about before getting married. You need to be on the same page or it will just be a no go.

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  • Yup, it's fine. God doesn't command anyone to have kids.

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  • Hell yes, one thing we would have in common... except for the sex thingy. Sex is a must be sometimes.

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  • lol i can totally understand that XD i wouldn´t want to push a melon sized object through a tiny orifice either ^^ i do kind of want kids at some point though :/

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  • How dare she hace a choice of free will and choose not to reproduce ! : P

    But really thats fine its not harming any one so no bother really : )

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  • To be honest if I met a girl who didn't want children I could respect that, though I would probably wonder if there was a specific reason. That being said there are probably just as many reasons to not have children as there are to have them so it really depends on the person.

    I don't know if I would want a girlfriend or wife that was against having children because that doesn't line up with what I want. I think both people wanting the same things and having the same expectations in there relationship is important.

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  • I think "oh... I guess she doesn't want to have children" and I get on with living my life. Why is this even a question?

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  • I would sleep with her but not date her seriously. If I am going to choose a gf or make a woman my wife she has to want children and ideally a large family.

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  • It is definitely a dealbreaker when choosing a wife. When choosing a girlfriend with whom i don't really fell like getting serious with, it's not really important.

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  • If a guy is interested in settling then yeah it's a big turn off. But (and I've seen this) a girls mind can completely change if she really falls for a guy. A friend from college used the say she hated the idea of marriage and preferred not to waste her time in it. Two years later she met a guy and in about barely a year of dating him they got married. Now she is pregnant. Unfortunately, lots of our choices are not merely concious and we are run by instincts. Your body changes and your mind as well.

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What Girls Said 30

  • Children will fuck your life up in ways you never imagined. My sex life is shit, finances shit, body looks like shit. By all means skip the kids unless your heart beats to be a parent. I love my daughter don't get me wrong, but the ramifications due to this deciosion are not for the free spirited.

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    • THANK YOU FOR YOUR HONESTY LOL!!!

    • Lol. That is why if I were female, I would wait until I'm about 28-32. 28 sounds good.

    • I do I love her, but this shit sucks. I'm too young for this. You don't realize it until you want to go to the grocery, bring the kid, mall, bring the kid, go to bed, kid SCREAMS because they aren't tired yet, masrurbate, wait!! Gotta want till your kids sleep. My husband works and goes to school so I'm usually stuck on a babies schedule dragging her all over town. Please THINK about this before you okay yourself for kids before age 28!!!

  • Interesting. There are very different opinions in regards of this. I think the best thing is to discuss this with your partner. If you have strong reasons and you really don't want children than you are in your right to decide so. However, if you are in a very serious and loving relationship and your partner really wants a child and you don't, what would you do? I've always wondered this. I personally, would choose not to have children, but if my partner is a loving man who wants children I would have them and I'd be the best mother I can be, I love children but they aren't in my plans. I would have them, not as a sacrifice for my partner but as my devotion to love them and be happy to start a family with him. I once spoke about this at a class in university and everyone was really judgmental about it. I believe we all have the same rights to decide about our own lives, but some things takes two, like having a kid, this is a 1+1=n equation. Now, not wanting children doesn't mean you have to stay single forever nor wanting them doesn't mean you have to have a partner to raise them.

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    • I really appreciate your comment. Honestly, I've never wanted to be a mother, birthing a child scares me. My game plan is to marry a guy who shares my same choice of not having children, & hopefully agreed upon while dating & before marriage. Yes, like you said, once we're married and he later really wants a child, I would have a child. I too wouldn't call it a sacrifice, but a conscious decision two loving adults agreed upon knowing they were capable of providing, nurturing, and raising the child properly. I'm a perfectionist, so yes I would be The Best Mom Ever!!! I posted this question because I was wondering if a trend, amongst men, categorizing women who didn't want children was relevant. Gaging by the male comments and the different guys I know, it is. Which is crazy to me, I understand not dating a girl because you want children & she doesn't, but the guys who say they will just sleep with her but never take the relationship or her serious is upsetting & sick to me.

    • Thank you, the answers here really opened my eyes. Both women and men should have strong reasons to not want children besides the "commitment" thar this implies. I respect when people says that they want to have 5 so why they do respect when I say that I want none. Lately I decided that I would have children if my partner really wants them and is a prospect of a good father. One of my best friends is married, 15 years now and they decided not to have children, they are one of the most beautiful marriages I know. Children don't necessarily mean happiness for a marriage, is not a conditional for a happy marriage. I constantly think I'm so proud of my friend because there was a lot of judgement in her family. But now they understand that she is happy and she is. So I really hope that you can find a partner that thinks the same as you. I'm also a perfectionist and I've always said that if I have children I'd be the best mom ever, so feel proud of that thought!

  • As a woman I ADORE children. I just love their presence and take up as many activity as I can that involve being with children and I also gave younger siblings that I love to death! So later on in life when/if I meet the right guy I want to have a lot of kids like 7-10 lmao but I probably will only end up having 4 or 5 cause giving birth ain't fun or easy.

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    • Also if I was a man. I'd want nothing to do with the woman if she didn't want kids. I personally dont like people that dont like children its a another story if you dont want them due to other circumstances but if you dont want them at all just cause'... Then I find that a little selfish. Just my two cents. Being able to create another human is beyond amazing to me. Its so beautiful.

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    • Sara413 Thanks for being a trooper on this thread! To the original commenter, just because you can bring life into the world doesn't mean you should or that you are obligated to. More people should really correct their thinking and be more responsible when bringing a new life into this world, it's not all about biology & what a women's body is made to do. Raising a child takes a lot of time, commitment & money.

  • I don't want kids, people have call me selfish and just plain evil for not wanting to have kids, but this is my logic why would I want to bring a child into this dying planet, full of self centered egotistical humans that all they do is destroy, is my body an I will do with it as a please. I do have two asterisk at the end of that sentence, I would only have kids for my best friend (she can't) and for my sister ( if we find out she can't either) not for a man even if I love him with all my heart he can't push me to have a child if I don't want to. I just find it stupid that just because I don't want to have children in not wife material, that is a prehistoric notion that people need to erase from their minds

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    • You are an outstanding friend & sister, to be a surrogate! That's wonderful!

    • Thanks, they both mean the world to me so if i can help them achieve the joys of motherhood I will, but as for me no children yet or maybe never

  • I know it is biology for us to want to procreate, but it plan on adopting. There are just so many orphaned children out there already, and the world is WAY to overpopulated! Plus am actually really terrified of the idea of giving birth, it's a lot of pain 😣.

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    • Birth blows. My junk doesn't work anymore. Like legit feels like sandpaper going in and out of me When I have sex. Oh and stitches on your junk are not an okay thing to ever deal with.

    • I have said this since I was a child and even then people would look at me crazy because I would rather adopt a child (who needs love too) than have my own.

  • I never want kids. I want my career, guy and passions be what I do.
    Plus, I like my body now.
    He's okay with no kids. And he's a carrier of a heredity liver defect, so its genetically irresponsible for us to reproduce anyways.

    But I really hate when people try and tell me that I will want kids.
    That I'll want to birth my own. No. It's creepy.

    I'm not against adoption. If I did decide to, I'd adopt. We're overpopulated anyways.

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    • Yes, some who get the potential to pass down a genetic illness or defect.

    • Its so true. There's so many people that need to realize that they aren't good candidates to populate the earth.
      We don't need preventable genetic traits.
      @Marstalk

  • I don't want kids. Never have, and likely never will for a lot of personal reasons that I'm not going to get into.

    Often times I get the condescending people who think they know me better than myself and say things like, "oh you'll change your mind when you find the right guy!" Which is super annoying because it's usually people who barley know me and haven't even hear my reasons for not wanti g them.

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    • I was talking to someone I considered a friend about how there will be no babies for me and she goes, "oh, there -will- be babies". Excuse me? You know me better than I do? No, there will be no babies, go away now.

  • A man who doesn't want children won't have a problem with it. But a man who wants kids will not see you as LTR or marriage material.

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  • As a woman who does not want to have children, I find that it does make dating a lot more complicated. I believe in being honest about these kinds of things early on so that if we want different things for the future we can go our separate ways and seek out partners who want the same thing. I have had it before, though, where I've been dating a guy and when the subject comes up and I tell him I don't want kids he acts like he's OK with that, only for him later down the road to talk about his/our future kids, like it's something that's going to happen... a lot of guys seem to think that they'll be able to change my mind about it, which really bothers me because I'd much rather we don't waste each others time.

    I can't tell you how happy I was to learn that my current BF also doesn't want kids. He said he'd consider it if it was something that his wife really wants, but if the choice is 100% his it's a no.

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    • My dating life story lol! Congrats on finding a new guy, I hope it works out :)

  • you shouldn't even care about other's opinion!
    this is personal and if someone doesn't want to be with you because you don't want children or marriage or milk on your coffee, then you should get the hell away from him girl.

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  • Every time I tell someone I don't want children they try and convince me that I actually do.

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    • I think you're just afraid of the idea of your kids. You subconsciously want kids. :P

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    • I hate that too. SO Much.

    • So. Fucking. Annoying!

      I'm a grown ass woman - please don't presume to know better than me what I want for MY life...

  • some women (and men) just don't want children! my boyfriend doesn't & it sucks ahah!

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  • If he wants to be a dad in the future then it's obviously not gonna work out

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  • If she loves you enough to be with you and change your mind then maybe she will want to have a serious commitment, but you wouldn't want to move on too fast , but down in the road you should consider having a little mini you

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  • its human nature to reproduce. So if she doesn't want kids i'd say she will eventually. its nature for women to want kids.

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  • I was that girl. Still had a man who wanted to marry me. Funny thing is I wasn't about marriage either

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  • I can't completely answer. obvs... but i dont want kids. Neither does my current boyfriend.

    So i guess he thinks me ok

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  • Maybe the girl can't have children and wants to avoid the thing completely. That shouldn't be a important factor when choosing a wife I think, but hey thats just my opinion. :) xxx

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    • Thats kinda the top of the list when choosing a wife.

    • Isn't it about the person you love? dont you get married for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. I think that's really unfair, what if your wife had cancer and can't have children. You guys judge too quickly :(

  • I don't think there's anything wrong but society might have a different opinion!

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  • Great question!!! My opinion is shared through commenting on the previous responses to this post.

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  • not every man wants kids. I can't see why that should be a reason to look at anyone differently.

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    • Because most people think that women must have children.

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    • Because in a long term relationship, the guy might want kids, and she wouldn't? And that would never have a reasonable compromise.

    • @mesonfielde they should discuss that earlier on.

  • world population?

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    • If every person had only one offspring and no divorces, the population would also be decreasing, so that's not a perfectly valid argument, only if you have 3 kids or more.

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    • In countries that have access to education and birth control, people aren't reproducing fast enough to replace the dying and aging population. So the world being overly populated isn't even something worth considering. This is one reason why they give such big tax breaks to people with kids.

    • yeah... men only want baby from women. I don't know if they think anything more. we just have to pretend as if we want to be a mother which is really scary actually. men used to express their fear of becoming a father that made us comfort enough to express our desire to get a baby but we all are scared. besides, world is too full. so, maybe it's time to be honest. honest is the best policy. and tell them how many orphan are in the world? boy friends are evil.

  • I respect that. I don't want to have children either. Children cost a lot of money and effort. If someone's not 100% sure they want a kid they really shouldn't have one.

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  • I don't want to have children because one, I haven't found a man I trust enough to have them with. Secondly, I don't want to bring children in a world full of pain and suffering. Lastly, if I did want children, then I'd rather adopt. Plenty of needy unwanted children in the world as it is.

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  • The world is not kind to people who don't have children... especially women. Develop a thick skin.

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  • Don't want kids. Am repulsed by the thought of pregnancy childbirth or anything to do with that disgusting shit. It makes my skin crawl. I would adopt for sure. Why the fuck would you keep having kids when so many are alone and abandoned. Makes no sense to me wtf.

    And I Fucken hate when people say I will change my mind when I get older. No I won't. My feelings get stronger by the day.

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    • YES! Pregnancy bodies are not cute and neither is anything to do with the process. I am totally right there with you.

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    • Lmao she wanted kids. I don't. Were both entitled to our own opinion. As are you

    • Pregnancy is pretty gross, and creepy.
      It's parasitic..

  • Been there, done that and plenty of gal friends to report on.
    IF the guy is of same mind, he revels in thoughts of togetherness sports, travel, business teaming, more possessions, less struggle/stress and comfort.

    Many guys NOT of same mind may see this as just a passing phase and confident their fun in the sun with her will eventually "sell" her on the family idea, sooner or later.

    At your age many guys are taking their last kiss at youth freedom and invite such gals into hedonism at its best... often the both of them snare each other and get serious... not the original plan.

    I could agree that "no kids" immediately brings to mind fun sex w/o consequences.

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  • It's completely her choice... not wanting kids doesn't mean you present yourself as a fuck buddy material. You can always change your mind though as you grow in age... I for example don't see my myself as a parent, not because I'm irresponsible but it's just something I don't want to deal with, but who knows I can always change my mind.

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  • I don't want childeren + i never want to get married. unless its to my career. ;) i want to make big bucks + if possible be famous for my work. Of course i will still date. every girl wants to be as they say "wined + dined" feel special. but i would make a horrible wife/ mom. I just know i would. + no human should have 2 put up w/ that.

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    • Very rarely does anyone you work with give a shit about you after you retire. Retirement is a long time. Have fun dying alone.

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    • Yeah your 50+ friends will keep up with you, specially if they have their own families. Even long term years friendships end, getting old is a pain.

    • I sure hope if you don't plan on anything specific on the long term, you will at least pay for your half of the wine-and-dine thing.

  • Have you though about what your perception on this might be when you're like 60?

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    • I have, I always hear that scenario from friends & family members, but wanting kids has never been for me & now I fear its hurting my dating life. I didn't even think it was that big of a deal when choosing a partner :(

    • I'm going to trust that you really have thought of everything and just say that of course it is a big deal. That is, or was, one of the main reasons for marriage. People want to continue their lineage into the future. Plus, they bring a lot of life to someone that can no longer have a very exciting one at an old age. So, it's not like you get nothing from them in return. The fact that you're worried about being a bad parent probably shows that you would be a good one cause you care about it so much. No one really knows a set of rules on how to be a good parent, you just do it and try your best. Though, if you have your mind set on it, then I'm sure there are guys that don't want children either, it'll just be a bit harder for you to find someone. Your relationship will not work long-term with someone who does want children.

    • Your response was really kind, thank you :-)

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