GUYS How do you act towards a girl when you still love her though she hurt you somehow? And not by cheating on you?

Tittle says it all... long story short, my best friend asked me to marry him. I said no and he's hurt.. just wondering how you guys would act.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • When I got divorced years ago I learned (through friends and a councillor) that we can't make ourselves responsible for other people.

    You are not responsible for how your guy friend feels, ever. Even if you were leading him on with the purpose of hurting him, which I assume you weren't. You're not responsible because you're not him. You're you. You're only responsible for how YOU feel. It's our ego's that tricks us into becoming responsible for everyone else that we love and care for.

    It sucks that his feelings are hurt. But that's for him to resolve.

    If he's so uncalibrated that he's going to ask you to marry him, then the more hurt her is the better. Obviously he was walking around without any real perspective on your current relationship and he needs to open his eyes.

    His pain is not your fault, and it's not your job to fix.

    The reality is that you need to really give your guy friend more boundaries, and most likely more distance.

    It's possible, and this might sound ridiculous, but it's possible that if he's this uncalibrated then he might be dangerous. So keep your eyes open for stalking behaviour.

    So anyways...

    If I was him I would feel embarrassed and proud of myself at the same time. Proud that I took the chance to ask, but embarrassed that I didn't know any better. And I would take this time to really look at myself and my life to figure out why I was so delusional. At no time would I blame the girl for not wanting me back. I wouldn't take it personally. But I'm balanced and healthy.

    I hope this helps?

    ~ Robby

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    • It's not that I didn't want to.. I was scared.. I was 18 and afraid if I said yes I could get hurt if it didn't work out and I was also scared to lose him

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What Guys Said 3

  • I would act hurt. Sad depressed, etc . Some guys would try and mask this by laughing it off and trying to pretend its no big deal, but that is a load of crap. This guy just asked you out of the blue? Would you be open to dating him, or not interested at all?

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    • We used to sleep together, never dated. I didn't say no because I didn't love him.. I always have been in love with him... but I was 18 at the time and I was scared and stupid. I love him with all of my heart and I would marry him and I would love to have kids with him which is something we used to discuss as well... but there were so many thoughts in my head like what if one day he woke up and realized he didn't love me anymore.. I would be devastated and I was also afraid of losing him as my best friend as well.. I dont know I know it's my fault and the bottom line is I should have done what I wanted. He just seems so... different now

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    • I did and still do want to be with him.. the difference is now... I have self confidence and I found myself and I learned not to take crap anymore and kicked the loser to the curb.

    • As I said,

      "Because he is hurt, depressed and sad. You need to tell him everything you just told me. I would also suggest perhaps taking things slower, try dating a little while going from sleeping together to marriage can make anyone's head spin. Be sure and tell him you love him and want to be exclusive, but diving into marriage too fast is a huge shock and the reason why you panicked last time."

      Try not to break his heart yet again like I'm sure so many women have already done.

  • Wait, what?

    Is this "best friend" also your boyfriend? Have you been dating/courting/whatever?

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    • No best friend.. we used to sleep together... never dated

  • Affection is more important than the perfection. Marriage don't end love. Love is the inspiration which remains in platonic form.

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