Dating much older man with commitment problems. Do I stick around or leave?

I've dated this guy for almost 2 years. He is 10 years older, has been married, and has one child. We've had periods of time that we have been separated. Within this time frame we haven't really spoken about what we are. We have already stayed at each others places for days on end and do things that more committed couples do. The other day I asked him what he was looking for in me and he said that he wanted spend his days and life with me. That he enjoyed being with me and wanted to "expand" on it. Then I asked him what he thought we were and he said he didn't know.. that he didn't know. Then I asked him if he could put a label on it and he said I guess you'd be my girlfriend. On some occasions in public he will introduce me as his girlfriend and on some other occasions I'll be introduced as some type of lady "friend" like he did yesterday. It really aggravated me. He later mentioned about us having kids together in the future. He's affectionate, funny, and a blast to be with but I feel like we are going to always be going in circles when it comes to taking it to another level. Do I dump him? How do I approach this?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • by the sound of it i think you have your mind made up already, it just seems a case of how to deal with things so you don't hurt him too much.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You need to put your foot down and explain to him that you will be out if he's not going to commit entirely to you. It's clearly a deal breaker for you to be in limbo like this with him, so you might as well just be honest with him and tell him your concerns. If he doesn't want to commit and actually consider you his girlfriend (no "buts" or "ifs" or "I guess" or "this is my lady friend"), then I see no point in continuing this "relationship" with him.

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    • This is exactly what I need to do.

    • Try to not make it sound too ultimatum-y, though. People hate when ultimatums are forced on them. Try to explain it more from the deal breaker point of view. It might get him to understand you better.

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 5

  • He could just be wary of going any farther. If he's already been married, then maybe he just isn't ready to do it all again. He sounds like he may need time to figure it out. But if you're not up for it, then sure, walk.

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    • This does make sense.

  • Have you told him that you feel he has commitment issues and feel as though you'll always be going around in circles? If not, I advise you to say what you have drafted here. It's a good start.

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    • No... but I know I should. He has mentioned being afraid and cautious of commitment, and also other comments that make it seem like he sees relationships in a negative light. I think I'll have to have a more serious talk with him.

  • Hmm.. in my opinion. I think he is not ready yet to have a serious relationship with you. It has been 2 years, he should take a step forward if he really serious with you. Or maybe in his eyes you are not mature enough or maybe he haven't seen a "wifey" criteria in you.. try to not have any contact with him for few days, and see what he is going to do with you..

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  • Just dump him. He's playiing with you. You mean to tell me in two years he isn't sure whether he wants to be official? No the truth is he isn't trying to be serious but feels the need to be fake about it

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  • Leave, why stick with someone who has commitment problems, no one needs extra problems in their life.

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