I like an unattractive girl, how should I handle this?

Ok, it's a little more complex than the topic suggests. I have been friends with this girl for over a year, very very close friends with her. She is the smartest person I know, a great artist and I admire her a lot. In the summer she visited me and I visited her and all was great. Since we were (and still are) so close friends we early on expressed what we felt about each other. I told her I liked her a little and she said she felt slightly attracted to me.

Now, my feelings have grown for her. And although I admire her so much, love her personality and all, I still don't think she looks very good. She is a bit overweight, has a squint, not very pretty eyes and wears weird clothes. I feel bad because I think so. Even though I look at her and feel attracted to her, I still think she doesn't look so good. I'm a small guy too, she is taller than me, and overall a lot bigger than me because of our weight difference.

I imagine that if we ever got involved, I would eventually hurt her feelings, because one way or another she would find out that I didn't think she was that pretty or beautiful. I would end up hurting her because I couldn't sustain the lie that she was the most beautiful girl I had seen, like I have felt for other girls in the past. Maybe I would even be worried what people thought when they saw her. And all this while I love her so much and never want her to hurt.
Then again, we will probably not end up in a relationship.. but I feel bad either way. What do you think, guys and girls?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I was in this exact same position before. Not sure what to tell you except really do what your gut tells you. This actually ruined my old relationship. He was a good guy. Really smart, ambitious funny etc and we lived together and we're together for a couple years then my lack of attraction to him ended up bringing things down. It was so hard to be intimate with someone who I was not attracted to. Just think about that, give it some thought and think of how it could affect a relationship you guys would have. There is someone out there who is all of those good qualities she is, PLUS attractive to you. Good luck!

    • Thank you very much.
      My biggest worry is to hurt her. I'm just going to keep being her friend and see what happens I guess. I'm glad I'm not alone in this, I felt so bad.

    • Show All
    • Yeah no that's just it, he is nice because he still cares about her and is taking her feelings into consideration. People say she deserves better because they're mad that he would question his attraction to her appearance. But it's a really valid concern. I really liked my ex as a person and was with him because I knew there was more than outside appearances. And that's correct, try aren't everything but they do still matter. It was so hard sleeping with him and making out with him wishing I could just be physically sttracted to him. Recipe for disaster sooner or later :(

    • Exactly, I think is a valid concern, too. Like you said, it probably wouldn't work without attraction, even if you really like the guy and want to make it work. They would just end up both hurt. :/
      I'm sorry that happened to you, though. It must have been hard for both of you. I hope you're both ok now (:

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What Girls Said 3

  • If you would be happy walking around in public with her, and people knowing that she's your girlfriend, then looks shouldn't really matter. But if you know that her appearance could make you not love her anymore then don't do it, you don't want to hurt her.

  • The opinion that the guy gave is bad. She shouldn't change bevause of you. She shouldn't change her appearance to please you.

    If you don't like the way she looks, just forget her. It is not fair for her if you hate the way she looks. Unless you can overcome this problem and just be happy. She is an incredible person and deserves someone who cares for her

    • Yo thanks. I would never ever make her change, she is who she is.
      I don't at all hate the way she looks though, many things I like, and some things I don't like so much. What I'm asking myself over and over is this: Is it really me that think she is unattractive, or is it other peoples opinions that make me think she is?
      And I agree she deserves someone who cares for her, and I always will, I do love her. Do I really have to think there is no one more beautiful than her for it to be fair?
      But thank you.

    • Ofcourse you can think there are more beautiful people in the world. You wouldn't date her for the way she looks obviously, but because sje is an amazing person and you could make each others happy. Most guys do think that some celebrities are hotter than their girlfriends and girls do the same.
      But that is something you should not say xD. Also it is disrespectful if you think about someone else while having sex

  • Leave the poor girl alone! She deserves better


What Guys Said 2

  • I think if you don't find her attractive, then it's kinda moot.

    • In many aspects I do, I'm very attracted to her, both romantically and sexually, but some things I don't like so much, about the way she looks.

  • Well if physical attributes are trouble then today science has advanced so much that they can be fixed. She can get fit by workout. Get in fashion and style, if you persuade her in a nice way. Saying things not to offend her yet make he to loose weight and become physically nice while change yourself physically too. You both can workout together. You don't need to say she is the most perfect and beautiful girl. But that does not matter cause you love her.


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