Why did he tell me he is afraid to fall in love again?

I have been dating this man for almost 2 months we have had the whole relationship talk and he said he wasn't ready for one and i told him i understand. since then we still hang out as often as we can. The other night after we got it on lol he tells me he is afraid to fall in love again and i said me too and he didn't say nothing really after that. and last night he called and told me he had a bad day and he needs to just be alone with me. so we spent the night together and he seemed wlthdrawn. maybe its because he is just tired he has been workin a lot. I am in love with this man and i dont know if i should tell him. and advice would be great!!


Most Helpful Guy

  • Every human being has been scorned at least once in their lifetimes by a lover, so I think all of us can relate to some degree what you two are going through. Yesterday, my closest friend for 5 years, who is basically like a brother of mine no longer calls nor returns my calls because I asked him to pay money back that he owes me. 5 years of close bonding lost all over...$60... Did I feel down about it? Of course, I'll be down about it for at least another few days, however you have to keep pushing on. The winners are those who overcome their fear and make opportunity out of negativity. I decided that I must let him go despite how much I don't want to. With the fear of falling in love for both of you, I'd recommend easing his fears by showing him your interest. Cuddle, have sex, socialize, whatever you want to do in order to show him you care for him. Somebody who is vulnerable inside due to an event must be shown that you are not a risk, rather a benefit. For me, if someone wanted to be my friend I would naturally be on my guard, but overtime if he or she showed me interest and fit to my standards I would allow them into my life. Perform the same actions with this man of yours... You may have to be patient, very patient in fact but it may just pay off... Just understand that during this phase anything could happen, including him finding some one new...

    • Thank you for your feedback! This whole feelings thing is all new to me. I am so afraid that telling him how i really feel will backfire. I know he cares about me he is my best friends brother, but Im not sure if he is just hanging out because i dont know anyone here , because i just moved here to see if things could work out with us. but he doesn't know that. Or if he really wants to see where things go as well. I just find it odd how all of the sudden he says he scared to fall in love again. I assume it means that he's holding back feelings but i dont know. I've never dated..

    • You've never dated before? I can see why this could be overwhelming for you. I understand the urge to tell him you love him but odds are that he will reject your feelings because he is not ready. Just keep caring and showing him interest and try to let him make the first move. If he does not make the first move, then try to make a move yourself. If this does not work either then you will have to move on...

    • Ya and im 34 lol, a little ridiculous.. There was one night where I told him i wish i could speak more openly to him but i have learned not too.. and he responded with "learned not too"? like he wanted me to explain. then he said we will talk when I get home from work tomorrow, i told him he could call me and he said no in person. we ended up seeing each other but i was so happy to see him i guess i completely forgot to bring it up. I dont know if he's waiting for me to speak or what.

Most Helpful Girl

  • he doesn't want to get hurt.

    • I think i am more afraid of him hurting me! should i just tell him how i feel?

    • yes. maybe if he realizes you're afraid too he'll trust you more.

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What Guys Said 2

  • He sounds a bit scarred from a previous relationship and cautious about the future. I am afraid a rush of blood from you may frighten him off. I would advise bide your time till you think he is more comfortable in your relationship before talking about next step.

    • thats the thing too, I do not know what this is. We act like we are together when we are together, we text everyday. i guess im just confused as to what this is. I dont want continue to fall for him and end up being the one that gets hurt. I wish it didn't have to be so complicated! Thank you for your response! I can't talk to my best friend about it because its her brother.

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    • I guess I just dont understand what the ig deal is about putting a label on it, because reguardless we will still be doing the same thing. even if we are not together he could still get hurt and so could i. am i wrong?

    • I don't what happened in his past but I am guessing that he was hurt big time. Again guessing his big deal about putting a label on it, is a nagging thought of if I put my heart and soul in another relationship, could I get hurt again, can my heart take it. By doing what you are doing now is acclimatising him to a new relationship which may lead to next step.

  • He's a pussy.


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