Does he love me? Why do guys go into their little ''cave'' and think it's okay?

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 months. I've never been happier and have never been treated this well by a guy before. He's the most loveliest and funniest guy ever and I'm so lucky to have someone like him in my life but there are a few red flags that make me wonder.

So he moved to Melbourne about 2 years ago with his ex girlfriend. They were on and off for about 5 years and are still ''best friends'' which actually does my head in. I hate her and she still jumps at everything he asks her to do. Money, smokes, lifts, everything. I know she still loves him (although she has another boyfriend) but I know he doesn't love her. I think it's just because she's the only person that he really knows in Melbourne besides me. But I'm his girlfriend know… And I hate seeing another girl doing things for him. That's my job. Not hers, and she doesn't understand that and has no respect for me as his girlfriend. My boyfriend also doesn't see the issue with him being friends with her, but I always ask him how he would like it if I was contacting my exes asking them to do everything for me. He would hate it. So I don't know why they both think it's acceptable….. Now, the other night, I was staying at his house. We had a fight and in the middle of the night he said he was going for a walk. I woke up around 4am. Still gone… He said he was with his mate and I know he was back on the drugs that night. I went to sleep, woke up around 10:30am. Expecting him to be back. But no.. Still gone. I went home and I got a message saying we need a few days apart to figure out if we both want this. I clearly want this and will do everything and anything for him because I love him deeply. I don't know if this is a normal thing for guys to cope and they go into their little cave. But I have never experienced this before. It's not okay and I feel so stupid not being able to contact my own boyfriend. He's messaged me saying he loves me and he's okay. But this is fucked. HELP!!!


Most Helpful Guy

  • You sound really possessive of him. They may be exes but like you said she's the only other person he knows and you seem to be trying to destroy that friendship.

    • I love him. He has done things when he went back to his hometown that made me lose trust in him. So I do check his phone and make sure he isn't doing the same things. So there are a bit of trust issues there of course. But I'm trying to build that back up. But he goes into this little cave where he won't speak to me for days or weeks. I know that's his way of dealing with issues, but he has a life and a girlfriend and responsibilities. It's not okay.

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    • He just messaged me saying he will be home soon and that he loves me. I'll see him tomorrow morning and hopefully sort this out. I guess when you truly love someone, you're willing to do anything and everything for them. I don't want to lose him.

    • Hope you guys can sort through your issues and move forward. Good luck!

Most Helpful Girl

  • 1. He's a hypocrite. He has his own standards for himself (it's ok to contact exes and make them jump through hoops for him) but different and higher standards for you (it's not ok for you to contact exes because "he would hate it").
    2. He loves the attention he's getting from his ex, obviously, since he has her wrapped around his finger and can get her to do anything he wants.
    3. It wouldn't surprise me if he went to her after the fight.
    4. He uses drugs... which is bad. Obviously.
    5. He thinks it's ok to just disappear on you without saying where he's going or what he's doing, and for how long - that's not something you just do in a serious and committed relationship.

    To sum it up, the guy sounds like a douche and I don't understand why you still consider him to be your boyfriend? You deserve more than this. Respect yourself.

    • I would never make him not be friends with his ex. I understand when someone has been such a big influence and always been there for you, you can't just end things. I know they won't get back into a relationship. But it does bother me that their friends. But I know where they are both coming from. I still have people that I've been with in my past in my life. That have been by my side through a lot. I can't just end the friendship. I know where he is and what he's doing and who he's with. But the fact that he makes no effort to contact me and then has the audacity to tell me to calm down or whatever. Like no.. I won't calm down when I can't fucking contact my boyfriend. I sent him a message before saying you either want this or not and I won't be treated like this. I got him a job interview tomorrow and he's still at his mates.. So doubt he's gonna go to that. This isn't the boyfriend I want and he doesn't seem to be trying to make himself a better boyfriend instead making it my fault.

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 1

  • Lolol I already know that he has a cancer moon or cancer sun.
    These men hold on to all their past lovers. Like the crab, theyre hard on the outside showing toughness and act like they aren't hurt but are really sensitive on the inside and just want to be loved and have attention. But they fuxking disappear

    • So what do I do? The ex girlfriend always says to me that no matter who he's with she will always be part of his life. I understand that when someone has a massive impact in your life and has been there for years you can't just get rid of them. I would never ask him to stop speaking to her, but the fact that she still does so fucking much for him. And I just act like it doesn't bother me anymore because I don't want issues. But it really hurts me. But the main question is why do guys go into their little cave to deal with issues? Like why can't he just come speak to me about what we fought about. We've both fucked up. I've apologised and done everything I can to get his forgiveness but he doesn't see what he's doing is wrong. I feel so hurt not being able to contact my boyfriend and know where he is. It's bullshit.

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    • Thank you for your help!

    • I was in a similar situation! I would always overthink aswell when I wasn't busy lol got myself in more trouble when I was being so negative. Good luck!

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