I know that most men don't like being told what to do. Or asked to do something. So when we need help, how do we communicate with you? Tips?

I am not referring to a woman who is bossy, critical, or demanding. Or one who nags. No one can stand that. No one. But, seriously... if you don't respond to being told what to do (I understand the alpha male bit is at work on this one), and you also prefer that we don't ask you to do things (feels like nagging), and you keep communication with us to minimum, how on Earth are we supposed to get the message across when we need your help with something? What can we say that is appreciative and non confrontational? Pizza and beer only work so many times in a row. And let's face it, there are plenty of things we could use your help with.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I find that with many women its not so much the simple fact of communication, but the fact they keep at it, and at it, and at it, ad infinitum! For instance, how to show appreciation, when some of my exes were wrong in a fight (yes women can be wrong, you are human just like us!) they would go on and on literally for hours saying almost the exact same thing to me. That pissed me off more than the fight!

    Men often times value actions more than words, or more than words alone. In a case like this tell him you were wrong sorry, etc . ONCE, let him process it, he will most certainly forgive you, than instead of continuing to talk about it just wrap your arms around him cuddle and say "I love you." The same thing goes for asking ask him ONCE let him think about it, and he will prob. agree.

    Basically, if you communicate, by which I mean talk, less often but at critical points than 1. We are FAR less likely to tune you out when you have something to say 2. He will be far more likely to acknowledge you have a point when he doesn't listen.

    As for reminding, it is not so much that you talk for a long period of time, its non stop reminders. Like every day. This will cause us to be more likely to tune you out which is what you don't want. If you want to cut the amount of nagging, I would start just every other time. When you get the urge to remind him just don't and go about your business there will be plenty of opportunities in the future!

    As for reminding we respond more when our gf is happy/excited, rather than annoyed at us. If you are reminding him about say a big dinner date with friends, just smile be exited and tell him you can't wait to catch up with them this Sat or whenever.

    As for communication with you I notice women tend to focus more on certain aspects such as vocalness, tone of voice, facial expressions. These are important, but remember what I said, men often value actions as well as or over words. Look at what he does, not just what he says.

    • A very wise woman once told me that it is so much better to build a man up! She was so smart :) Be appreciative, remember actions are just as loud as words, and encouragement and affection will get you more than nagging, complaining, insulting, or subtle implications of infidelity with you "good friend" who is willing to come over and do whatever you want...

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What Guys Said 5

  • you could just ask for help, as in, can you help me with this,

    im afraid you are also judging us guys based on what ever bad experience you have had with some guy who by the sounds of it was a total selfish asshole.

    • I have tried asking, it only seems to make him mad.

    • then he is not much of a man in my opinion

    • There's more to the story... he really is a good man. I am just looking for ways to get him out of his isolation and into the real world, where I could really use his help raising our family. He's dealing with a lot of PTSD and post-surgical complication type stuff. So it's not that he's a bad guy. Sometimes I just feel like men and women live in two separate worlds, and that frustrates me. I've been reading up on how men communicate, and it's complicated. Why can't we all just get along?

  • One. Don't make him come to you when you could just as easily go to where he is to ask for the help.
    Two. Don't ask for stuff you could easily do yourself — and "having so much to do and being swamped" qualifies as NOT being able to do it yourself easily :D
    Three. ASK for the help.
    Pretty simple.
    Well it's at least simple through the eyes of this here teenager. I wish you luck Ms. Peach.

  • You should totally read a book called "Men are from mars, women are from venus", its basically answers your question.

  • I don't mind being asked at all, it's being told what to do I don't like.

  • There's a funny rules of engagement episode where the wife hints at tasks right after they have had sex. It seems that the male mind is more receptive then. It's also a funny episode.

    Maybe it'll help your conundrum!

    Could you help me out with my question pls? I really don't know what to do! Would appreciate a response:


What Girls Said 1

  • You know what works for me.."hey babe can you fix/do/help me with... if he groans about it or just says some other time just say okay no problem you remember Kyle? my really awesome guy friend he told me he'd be right over to help out.

    You only really need to do this once and he won't go around taking you for granted anymore. Seriously we do a lot of stuff for guys the odd favor or two should not be a huge deal.

    • Smart... very smart.

    • Show All
    • Well, I guess you wouldn't mind if his gorgeous platonic girl friend came over to cook for him whenever he wanted :)

      And you must be some totally manipulative bitch girl friend :)

    • I actually wouldn't mind if his gorgeous platonic girlfriend came over hahaha but nice one!

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