Why do 'nice guys' act like they should be rewarded for acting like decent human beings?

I don't understand why a person would think being nice equals to being a special snowflake.

Wow, you treat me like how all my friends and family treat me, and you think I should fall be head over heels for you?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • hey, yes the main issue is due to what these guys are grown up believing. It's important as a woman that instead of chastising them, you educate them on how to properly attract you. Guys (including myself for a time) were brought up with the belief that you if you were nice enough with a girl, and did enough nice things for her, you would build up credits which you could check in at some point and get her to fall for you. If you want a better class of men to date, don't resolve yourself to blaming men. Do something about it by trying to educate them on the right way

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    • Agree with this. Note as well that most of the guys who are in this nice-guy trap are actually guys who genuinely want and are trying to do the right thing. There's hope for them.

      If they were actual narcissist jerks, they'd abandon 'nice guy' by about age 14 if not earlier when it's obvious it doesn't work to get what they want.

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    • When women try talking to them, they don't want to hear it. I've clearly seen and shown to you that these men have a deeper issue than just being 'poorly educated'.

    • what you are presenting before me does happen, but its anecdotal. It's similar to people who think all white people are racist because they had a bad experience with one white guy. The truth is that you don't really know how many guys you are re-educating when you actually make an attempt and try. For every guy who doesn't accept the advice, there could be 2 - 3 that do take it. I was one of the people who got re-educated, in part thanks to some women showing me the right way. My belief is that if you aren't part of the solution, you're likely part of the problem. Which is why when i see guys who seem to not quite "get it" on here or elsewhere, I do what I can to set the record straight. Oftentimes, the guy you're addressing may not agree with you, but other guys watching, observing, listening are rethinking the old models they've clung to for ages. One post to one user can act as many posts to many users. That's the take home message here

Most Helpful Girl

  • Apparently they've grown up thinking that's what works. However, haven't we all been told falsehoods about the opposite sex, dating, relationships, and love etc? I know I sure did not have it all figured out when I first started. I had plenty of misconceptions about what guys wanted. No one sat me down and explained it all. You learn through observation and experience though. Through bettering yourself and making changes to how you do things to get the result you want.

    It doesn't seem like they're doing that though; they're stuck in stasis complaining about their lack of success, and blaming it on women supposedly not wanting nice guys. And that's not an attack on them, just an observation. Their time's better spent changing their approach and learning how to be attractive to women rather than wondering why just being nice is not enough.

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    • Agree with this.

      I'll note that I was brought up NOT ONLY being told that 'nice' was the primary thing girls wanted, it was emphasized that this was what 'nice' girls wanted. It was suggested that girls who cared primarily about looks or status were sort of flakey, and not to be taken seriously. So it's not just that they think 'all women like nice guys', they've actually been set up to think 'any women who don't care primarily about personality and being nice are terrible sluts'. And then every woman they meet is apparently this wrong sort of girl, apart from a few asexuals. I think most do eventually move past what they were taught, but it's quite the brainwashing.

      I would compare it to girls being told that basically any guy who loves you is happy without sex.

      Basically people will tell kids anything that discourages them from actually connecting with someone who might actually want to have sex with them.

    • Yeah, it's really messing everything up. I remember those days of thinking a guy doesn't really love you if he can't accept that you don't want to have sex. Or that a guy who really likes you won't want to be sexual with you. That guys who do are only after sex. Not to mention all the sexual things I thought were "wrong" and not done in a loving relationship. Didn't quite stop hormones lol, but we have to get out of that way of thinking. Sooner rather than later. It's self-sabotaging.

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What Guys Said 23

  • Nice guys don't feel that hey deserve, if anything they wonder why a girl would go with somebody that would just as easily go for her as any other girl that might give up their vagina. They wonder why a girl would go for a guy that would more likely hurt the girl and not give a crap.

    Likely girls don't have any clue how some guys speak. Like here's thus guy at my work right now, a few years older than me, seems to get hurls all the time, just to fuck them. Now they bosses have moved me into a room and I work very close to a new hired girl... every guy in the building says she's is very good looking, and she is. But this guy all he wants to do is fuck her, and that's all he talks about, he doesn't care that she has an older brother in the building, he just wants to get laid. He doesn't give a crap about her as a person or want to get to know her, just wants the pussy.

    And that is what nice guys hate, because the girls often fall for these guys who are actually jerks, and dont really give a crap what happens to the girl when hey go for a different girl. And its not that the nice guys do t want to get with a girl, its just they are not going in for the sole purpose of that, they want the relationship to develop into a romantic sexual thing

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  • They were told while growing up constantly that most men are jerks, most men are dogs who just want sex, and lie and push girls and are mean, and how all girls want is a nice guy, and they are so hard to find.

    And, you know, they believed this.

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    • MHO right here.

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    • @UberTroll agreed, though you DO hear a LOT of girls talking about how all guys are jerks and cheat and so on.

      I think that the minority of guys who are jerks buzz through a lot of women.

    • I definitely think you have a point there. I also think that part of it has to do with the fact that a lot of girls are spoiled and/or bitchy and drive their boyfriends crazy lol

  • Really no different for a girl to fell entitled to a relationship after having sex with a guy.

    But all in all it's just a lack of education. No one teaches how to attract others besides the people who are loathed the most for it: pick up artists.

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    • At least those are the only ones who are teaching us men :( How many different sites and articles are dedicated to help women in dating? Other than puas no one is trying to help men with our dating lives, which is why so many men get sucked into the pua world.

    • Are you serious? I've seen women TRY helping, but it's usually is responded with finger-pointing at women and sexist remarks. It's one thing to be ignorant, it's another thing to REFUSE to learn. If you want, I can copy and paste an example.

  • Because to those "nice guys", there are so many awful, terrible, asshats out there in the male population.

    So to these guys, being a "decent" human being is. highly valuable, because in their minds and observations,

    being just a decent human being, is a rarity.

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  • The concern is the whole "nice guys finish last" attitude.
    Although it's a bunch of crap, a lot of guys genuinely think that women only really look for douche bags.

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  • Well i guess they aren't so nice then
    in all seriousness, if they are kind to you, if anyone shows you kindness, you should let them know, through action or word, that you appreciate them

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  • Okay... boys listen to her :)
    https://youtu.be/p6ixeGf6yFo

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  • do they really act like they should be rewarded? cause I have never seen that before hahaa. gimme a few examples.

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  • Being nice to you doesn't work for you. I get it. I would move on then.

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  • a guy who expects rewards for being nice is no "nice guy"... what would you like them to do to fall for them though? :P

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  • This guy you speak of isn't one of those 'nice guys'

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  • because they should. i'm not a nice guy, i would never subject myself to the mercy of women because i know how terrible they can be. there aren't a lot of decent humans left and of anyone, they are the ones that should be rewarded. but being nice, being kind, being generous and compassionate in THIS world? it doesn't pay, and its about the most self destructive thing someone could do. you're basically setting yourself up to be walked on and exploited by everyone.

    the fact that there's someone left strong enough not to be tainted by the bastardization of this world, is admirable, and they're certainly stronger than you, who think that the nice guys shouldn't be rewarded, but those who just take what they want should.

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  • i guess those people act nice on purpose because they believe they will earn sth from it!

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  • im not sure of the context. if they do something nice for you shouldn't you do something nice for them? gender doesn't matter in that sense right

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  • Well how about they expect human beings (women) to see that it is preferable to date a guy who treats her like a friend or family member (those close to her) instead of an asshole who would never make a friend and the is the sort you never home to have as a relative

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  • I don't know. maybe they want to have sex.

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  • Why do women feel like they should be rewarded simply for being female?

    "I'm a girl, I deserve special treatment"
    "I'm a girl, give me free shit"
    "I'm a girl, I shouldn't have to work as hard or as well to make the same money"
    "I'm a girl, you have to candy coat everything you say and do around me".

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  • Same reason girls think men should give them relationships just because we had sex with her.

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  • Because a lot of guys aren't nice. I'm assuming you're closer to being eighteen and haven't realized that yet.

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    • Well, in my experience a lot of guys are nice. The only jerks I've seen are the ones who think Im some low self-esteem abuse victim with daddy issues and I should be SO GRATEFUL that they treat me like a human being that I should suck their dicks as a reward.

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    • Yeah, when we have NOTHING in common and the entire date is awkward silence. Who the hell wants that?

    • Seems like you might be blowing it out of proportion.

  • In this society, guys have been raised thinking they would be rewarded for being nice and girls have been raised thinking they would be rewarded for being girls.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Yeah I don't really get it. I think that guys think that nice guys are rare and that that's why they should be given special recognition. Like I'm a nice girl, but I don't expect anything from it. That's just how I am.

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    • Yea nice guys really don't expect anything either. It's just when women have trouble dating it's "Oh poor girl, don't worry you will find Mr. Right." But when us guys have trouble dating we are horrible evil rapists who "demand sex" from women. Which is bullshit.

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    • Yea I know, thankfully:) but I wonder why more don't stand up to those who do and say that its wrong! Because the few that do spread it spread it to too many :(

  • Because decency is rare nowadays, but it's still expected. So they think that just because it's rare, that being nice somehow means they're doing more than the bare minimum. In a world of assholes, they think that treating people as human beings is somehow deserving of sex.

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    • You couldn't be more wrong.

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    • Its not so much a shy person's fault, they just need to work on the area of social skills, as you said, talking, flirting, teasing, but just because shy people are like that doesn't mean they are sub human. As far as woman being shy it's almost expected, a shy guy, OMG whats wrong with him? I'm sure that if you found someone to help you work on your social skills (its almost impossible to do it solo academically) you wouldn't have any problems. The trouble is finding people who are willing to help you out instead of, insulting you, calling you boring, and accusing you of demanding sex from someone.

    • Don't expect random people to help you, because they won't. Turn to friends instead.

  • Cause they "aren't like all the rest aka assholes". Some girls (not all) tend to say how they want someone who is nice and different from the rest which these "nice guys" believe they are. They don't get that there is more than just being nice.

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  • all men think they should be rewarded all the time :P there is no end to their entitlement.

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