How should I ask my husband about this?

My husband and I share an office at home and I walked in to do some work and saw his computer open and on. I stated doing my work and his computer started making those noises from incoming emails. I walked over just to close and turn off his computer but the email was open so I could see that the emails were pictures from his female assistant who's 21 and incredibly pretty. The pics were from a romantic weekend get away that was supposed to be a business trip in LA. There was even a sex tape and pictures. I want to ask him about it and give him a chance to explain but he can get violent when he feels that he's being wrongly accused of something. How should I ask him about it with out him getting to upset/ violent?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Don't ask, just leave. You should have kept a copy of the emails for your use in divorcing his ass. Get a gun for your protection and leave. It's horse shit that you have to be scared of how this ass hole will violently react when you bust him with red handed evidence that he fucked his 21 year old assistant on a "business trip" that you no doubt helped pay for. Get the best attorney you can, get a gun (and learn how to use it effectively, and don't hesitate if you. need to) and a restraining order and take everything that is due to you in the divorce. Then cut ties. If there are kids, make sure they are safe first and make sure you can keep them safe while divorcing. Obviously if you know he can be violent, then he has in the past. If you stay you are putting yourself, and your kids if there are any in danger, because if he has hit you in the past then he will find reason to in the future. Also if there are kids you are teaching them that this is ok. The boy will be more likely to become an abuser and the girl will be more likely to be abused and stick around for more, just like her mom did. There is no excuse for his actions and none for you to stay. It will not change unless you get out.

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What Guys Said 9

  • Have the discussion over the phone. Have a friend with you when you call him. That way if he rushes home angry you have either a witness or someone who can help you escape from a dangerous situation.

    by the way a guy who can get violently angry when falsely accused can also get really pissed when he is correctly accused. Ultimately you have zero control over how he reacts so be safe.

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  • place a note on the desk, tell him you know what happened during the business trip, you are not angry but you need to talk to him to figure things out

    if you face him with aggression and anger you will only get it back, be calm and level headed... i know its hard, especially in a situation like this but its worth a try

    (i think you should leave him)...

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  • sorry but his computer is PERSONAL and you don't have the permission to use it whatever he's doing with it.

    just pretend you didn't see it... even if that's sth you dislike, there's no worse thing than having someone looking through your computer even accidentally as you did ;-)

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    • Yea, because it doesn't matter that he is fucking a 21 year old behind her back and that he gets aggressive, she is definitely the one who did something wrong, sure.. -.-'

    • @shaenielson how would you feel if someone else was looking through your computer without your permission?

    • Of course I wouldn't like that, but she wasn't exactly looking through his computer. He doesn't have some right to hide cheating, it's not his privacy that he is allowed to have, it's betrayal and a horrible thing to do.

  • This is remarkably similar to another question that got posted recently and I honestly feel like these are both trolls.

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  • Wrongly accused?

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  • This is a Fake question Obviously

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  • Either confront him about it or don't.

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  • Um, so wait there was a sex tape, with HIM on it. What is there to explain? I would seriously consider leaving the cheating bastard!

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  • You probably can't.

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What Girls Said 8

  • You both are married here, dear, and with you 'Accidentally' found out about it Because------His computer started making those noises from incoming emails... it's time to make a bit of 'Noise' yourself and get to the booty bottom and what is going on with This picture in Question.
    However, by sitting him down, face to face, you can approach and broach him on the subject in a way that is calm, cool and collected and very diplomatic. If he isn't guilty of anything, I see no reason Why he should get up in arms about it.
    However, the proof that you saw in the pudding that didn't look so sweet, may provoke his 'Violent' temper because it might seem and look like he has his hand in the cookie jar.
    Regardless of anything, you cannot keep quiet. Handle him with kid gloves but he has to know this is serious and you yourself cannot stay silent.
    I also feel if you have problems in open lines of convo that may result in him getting 'Upset/violent,' you might want to do some soul searching in what he is really all about... and with what you have on this crazy computer, may not be so 'Crazy,' and is 'Cheating' something you should add to your list with his big fearful flaw?
    Good luck. xx

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  • make a copy of the photos and tape for the court as evidence in your divorce and move your stuff out of that house the minute he leaves for work in the morning. dont tell him where youve gone and make sure hardly anyone else knows so he can't threaten them into telling him your location, with abusive people you have to be careful as leaving them is the number 1 cause of extreme physical damage and even death in domestic violence filled relationships.

    please be safe about this, you deserve better

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  • First make him promise not to get mad. Then tell him what you were doing and what happened, that it was an accident but you need him to explain what you accidentally saw. Try not to sound accusing.

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  • Invite his parents over for dinner, print off the pictures and ask him about it for dessert. :/

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  • He's likely guilty. I would just leave him. Why ask? He'll just lie right to your face anyways. Besides, even if he didn't cheat on you, he's still violent!!!

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  • Get the hell out of that relationship

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  • Wrongly accused? You have caught him red handed, throw the asshole the fuck out!

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  • Find a new place to live, move all your Shit out, then call him up and tell him you're filing for divorce

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