Am I insane? Or maybe just a glutton for punishment...

I knew from the outset that I was just a 'fall-back guy' was a distinct, and more than likely, possibility from the outset, however I was so completely smitten with her that I thought that I'd take my chances (she was 1 month out of a 2½ year relationship). Things happened rather fast between us, & I was the first of the two of us to say 'I love you' only a short while into the relationship. She told me she couldn't say it back immediately, but another month or so down the track she calls me up and meets up with me (after not being able to see each other for a couple of days) just to tell me that she does, in fact, love me. Obviously that she took her time to think about it before saying it meant all that much more to me.

Anyways, whilst all this was going on I knew that she was still in love with her ex. It was hard, of course, but I let her have her space when she needed it, & when she wanted comfort, I was naturally there. However, she seemed to stubbornly refuse to move on from him...

Anyways, fast-forward an few months, we're then engaged & she calls me over to the lounge (we'd been living together with my family for about 3 months), & tells me that she wants me to break up with her (not the other way around). To cut a long story short, she says she feels that she loves her ex- more than me & she resents me when I'm not him. Anyways, she ends up breaking it with me, which obviously hurt like hell.

We've remained very close friends since then & still see each other regularly. I know she still loves me (and she says so regularly, as I do to her), she still wants me close often & she still unconsciously goes to kiss me every now & then. However in the past couple of weeks she's started seeing another guy (which I was rather sure would happen this fast). Originally she tried to hide it from me, but I can read her & I knew what was going on. It hurt me that she was trying to hide it, but she said she wanted to spare my feelings.

Anyways, she spent Xmas day & night with me (nothing happened that night though). She kept going to kiss me & was all over me (hugs). We did kiss once, & the fact the she went off & cried a little after kinda let me know that I still mean a lot to her, but doesn't want to hurt me by leading me on (not that I felt she was). Now I know that she's thinking of seeing this guy more seriously, more in that I think she wants to tell herself it over between us. However, I made a promise to her that I'd always be there for her (because [& not that I told her this part] she had a hard upbringing & she'd been abandoned by most people she knows at one point or another in her life, & I wasn't going to be one more), I fully intend to honor that promise. How do I cope here? I love her more than anything in this world & would die for her, but at the same time she may start seeing this other guy, who I'm sure, but not quite positive, is another fall-back guy. She still loves me &I still need her in my life. Cutting contact isn't an option
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...and yes, obviously I would get back together with her at the drop of a hat if she would only let me...
Am I insane? Or maybe just a glutton for punishment...
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