He disappeared because I didn't sleep with him?

[Anonymous]

At our third and fourth date he tried to have sex with me. After our third date, I refused. He didn't seem too happy, but contacted me again. At our fourth date he tried again and this time I stopped him and told him I am a virgin and this is why I keep telling NO. I told him I need to know him better ( we met on-line for a common school project. My university teacher gave me his e-mail, so it wasn't even a dating site and we absolutely have no common friends.) I only know about him what my teacher told me ( what he studies and how old is he) I only knew the things he told me. As I said, I told him I need to get to know him better to make sure this will work. It was obvius he didn't like it, because in his opinion the fourth date is perfect for sex. I know about the the third date rule, but does it apply for a virgin girl too? He told me he has serious intentions with me, but after I denied sex he became distant and never contacted me again. I wasn't a tease, I just didn't feel sex is the right thing to do at our fourth date I feel so boring and weird and regret I didn't do it with him, maybe he would have stayed with me, but now he disappeared

[Anonymous]

There is no rule about who has to sleep with whom on what date. If he doesn't want to see you because he can't sleep with you, he's not worth anything. If he truly did want to make this work, he would've respected your decision and made efforts to try and get to know you more and vice versa. Yes, you might still like him and have feelings for him, but do *not* blame yourself for it.

I was in a similar situation with a guy that I really liked and actually saw myself having a future with. I was weary about sleeping with him anytime soon because it seemed like the earlier the sex came in, the faster things went downhill. And due to just really badly timed events, I ended up turning him down the third time (I wasn't about tell a guy I met < 1 mo ago I'm on my period...). After that he disappeared on me. At first I was beating myself up for it - maybe if I just told him or if I caved in earlier. But nope. My girlfriends smacked some sense into me. If a guy won't continue because he can't put the d in the v, he's not worth your time or attention.

[RJGraveyTrain]

There is no "3rd date rule", that is some bullshit that people made up to make people feel obligated to have sex with them or to justify just rolling out because they didn't get what they want. You have sex whenever the fuck you feel ready to, not after a set amount of time that somebody else is bigoted enough to try and dictate for you.

[Smmyskittles]

Well, you did other stuff right? Like kissing, etc?

If so, then he should know you're attracted to him. If not, then he might have felt like you weren't.

Truthfully, it sounds like he was more interested in sex. Not really sounding serious. A 4th, 5th, even 6th date doesn't mean you're obligated to sleep with him.

[Asker]

We made out a lot, hands holding, touching, hugging, cuddling...

[Smmyskittles]

In that case, it sounds like he just was mad you wouldn't put out. Finding out you're a virgin may have made him retract. He thought "I'm going to have to wait, she's not going to put out" and that's why he left. Just wanted sex. Very likely he'll try to come back, once he's found someone else to fool around with and get his frustration out. But it'll just be because he wants your virginity.

[Asker]

I think my virginity scared him off, he is a very experienced guy and he told me he had never met a virgin and the girls he used to date... well they got really far at third date

[Asker]

I thought that maybe he got mad because, few day later he deleted me off from every social media and even my phone number. Which I found weird because he told me that even if we stop dating, we cand still hang out

[Smmyskittles]

Don't go down that "it's my fault path". That's what it's sounding like rn. He left because *HE* didn't want anything more than sex. He lied to you about being friends after so that it'd increase his chances of sleeping with you [or so he hoped]. Dude just wanted sex. If he was a friend, he would never remove you from social media. How do I know? I dated and slept with my best guy friend. We're still friends, even YEARS after it happened. Both on social media and we still talk (occasionally). IF he'd wanted to remain 'just friends' he would have.

[Asker]

I thought that maybe I did pissed him off because he is not used to be refused. He is rich and handsome.. and this is why he cut all the contact with me. He even told me to text him if I need something.. so I am confused

[Smmyskittles]

Nope. To quote "He left because *HE* didn't want anything more than sex. He lied to you about being friends after so that it'd increase his chances of sleeping with you [or so he hoped]. " It was all about the sex. You didn't do anything wrong.

[Asker]

I guess your right, but still it broke my self esteem...

[Smmyskittles]

Why? Because you put up standards and STUCK to them? Instead of losing your virginity, putting out, and *probably* regretting it?

[Asker]

He thinks I am pathetic

[Smmyskittles]

@consultantisback - Give me a man's point of view on this?

[ConsultantIsBack]

Cliffs?

[Smmyskittles]

@ConsultantIsBack - -Met via school. Hung out, 3rd and 4th date he tried stuff. -She said no and explained she was a virgin, wanted to go slow. -He disappeared; she thinks it's somehow her fault.

[ConsultantIsBack]

Well what an ass!

[WillowTree]

Most men aren't scared at all by virgins. It's actually the complete opposite. He ditched you because you wouldn't sleep with him. Good riddance.

[WillowTree]

Girl stop! He only thinks that because you wouldn't open your legs for him. He would have fucked you and left the next day and then how would you feel? Used? Abused? Dirty? He doesn't care about you. He doesn't respect your values. He just wants to get in your pants. You didn't let him and that's GOOD. Respect yourself. There are plenty of bad men in the world like him and you're going to run into a lot of them. You're going to be karate chopping penises left and right trying to get there first. Be strong. You don't owe your affection or your vag to anybody!

[Asker]

@WillowTree I think that too, but I cannot stop wondering What if? What if I did it with him... before tellig him A am a virgin, he told me he ahs serious intentions with me. I regret I was so honest with him. Maybe if I just told him I need to wait a little longer ( which I did tell him and he said OK) he wouldn. t have disappeared like that

[WillowTree]

What if? Just like every single person on this thread has said to you, he'd have slept with you and ditched you and you'd have felt like crap for being used. You would've wished you'd waited and regret believing him. A man like that is not worth your virginity. You seem very new to the ways of men. He wasn't too serious if he ran away so fast. Trust what everyone here has said, you're better off without that creep. There are other prospects out there. More worthy and respectable gentlemen. Good luck to you.

[Tenseven]

Don't regret it. He would've just left anyway after he got what he wanted. Also, who wants a guy who's only interested in you for sexual purposes? You just saved yourself some heartache. You did nothing wrong, remember that.

[ak666]

He might have had sex with you and moved on after that which you leave you in a worse situation.

It's difficult to tell though.

People tend to oversimplify a guy's yearning to have sex with a woman. The logic is like: "he wants eagerly to have sex, therefore he *only* wants to have sex."

Sometimes when we're young, it's more like, "I like her but I'm afraid of committing to her unless we seal the deal with sex. I want a confirmation that she wants me as much as I want her." Then your refusal is like a rejection and a confirmation that you aren't so into him, at which point he might want to pursue another girl.

I know that sounds fucked up, but sometimes young guys think like that. Sex becomes not only something they yearn for but think they need to kind of secure a relationship.

I was in that head space when I was young, though I wasn't as pushy as this guy about it. I had a bit more patience and respect for the girl's boundaries. That said, I still viewed sex kind of in this way.

[ccp16]

I know it is personal, but I would let him know you are a virgin, and that is why you want to wait a little longer. there is no date that is perfect for sex, but being sexually active, in this day age where it is so easy to get some, I would have to really really like the girl to wait longer than a month or so. But of course if I knew she was a virgin, I would be way more patient!

[Asker]

I told him I am a virgin

[ccp16]

ell then, he sounds like he may be a bit pushy and selfish for you unfortunately...

[Asker]

Yes, well he is kind of a selfish and spoiled brat, he had been pushy since our very first date. I let him kiss me, french me, even to grab my private parts.. but I was honest and told him I need more time for sex

[AnonKuma]

He only wanted to get into your pants.

He most likely would have disappeared once you slept with him anyways.

Yes, he disappeared because you didn't sleep with him

[Aizou]

There is no "rules" in dating, and you did the right thing of not letting him use you. He may have stayed with you if you let up, but then you'd also know the only reason for him staying.

[mrfoox]

Honestly if he just cuts you off because you're not ready to have sex, he's kind of a douche. You deserve to be respected, if he can't respect your wishes then he's not worth it. There will be others

[WillowTree]

There are no fucking rules like that. Sounds like some bogus BS by a player that just want to get there first. Don't even date that guy. He's just trying to play you so he can hit and quit it. Drop him like a hot potato and run.

[Asker]

I guess he does not want to get there first. He dropped me like a hot potato after found out I am a virgin

[WillowTree]

Then good riddance to bad rubbish.

[SovereignessofVamps]

Of course he wouldn't have stayed with you. and by the way, since you guys weren't exclusive he probably was sleeping with other girls. so be glad you dodged a bullet!

[Asker]

I know that 99% I am just being naive but he told me his intentions are serious. Some guys... most of them wants sex as soons as possible

[SovereignessofVamps]

No... if he was serious he wouldn't have left.

[Maik567]

Maybe he felt like his sexual needs wouldn't have been fulfilled with you, or maybe all he cared about was sex. Who knows.

I do think it's a little bit ridiculous to leave because you didn't get sex after the fourth date, but I think I'd leave too if we had been like on 6 dates and there was still no sign of sex.

[Asker]

to be honest, there wasn't a single date in which he didn't try to get way too physical. We planned on going to a movie on our first date and he texted 30 minutes before asking me if it wouldn't be cooler to watch the movie at my place ( I think he suggested my place because he lives with his parents) I said no.. and he cancelled the date... he texted the next day and we met up then

[Maik567]

Okay if he suggested going to your place as the first date, then he probably only wanted for sex.

[Asker]

I told him that too, but he laughed and said I am ridiculous.. for thinking he would want sex at our first date

[meatballs21]

It's just as well, you weren't compatible (sexually) and it's better to discover this sooner rather than later. Chalk it up to experience and you can start to move on with your life.

[DaddyRollingStone]

He was going to pump and dump you anyway

[Words_and_Wisdom]

He doesn't think you're attracted to him. Your denial of sex to him is like a form of rejection. Its fine if you don't want to have sex. Just don't expect guys to feel the same.

[Asker]

I told him I am not ready because I am a virgin, but I told him I really like him and wish to stay with him. I just needed some time

[Polocrew]

Lmao he bailed because you're a virgin OP

[FeelsGuilty]

You should be glad he left! don't lose your virginity to someone you're not confident about. He might not be the one, but you shouldn't regret losing it some ass**le! trust me, you would've had shuddered each time you recall the experience in future, as these kind of guys ar just in for sex and you'll feel unhappy with yourself for doing it, when you're old enough to advice answers to such questions yourself.

[Anonymous]

Because he is an asshole

[Anonymous]

No sex by 3rd date is a deal breaker, regardless of virginity.

[Anonymous]

Meh its fine, you should do it when you feel its right and you legit want to do it, its not cool when someone pressures you and you may regret it, don't worry about it someone cool is gonna come along and when he does it'll feel correct lol. Don't worry about this one though he doesn't seem worthy of you, never feel boring for not doing it, it's your body and if it doesn't feel right it isn't meant to be , he doesn't sound that cool anyway

[Anonymous]

Girl do not beat yourself up. He clearly only wanted sex from you and nothing else. It's your right to refuse until you are totally ready and don't ever ever let a guy pressure you into having sex. Stand your ground and wait for the right guy

[Anonymous]

Yep.. 3 strikes and you are out. He moved on.