Does every guy talk to girls on the side?

I'm not trying to be sexist but it seems like every guy I've dated or every guy who'll confess will tell me they've been in a relationship or are in a relationship but have like a Plan B girl lined up if things don't work out with the girl they're in a relationship with. Like it's not quite like they're cheating on their girlfriend, because it's only talking but it's still kind of emotionally cheating. Do all guys really do this?




  • Yes, it's normal to keep open options
    Vote A
  • Yes, I've done it but I wouldn't do it again
    Vote B
  • No, I've never had a side chick but I've considered it/would consider it
    Vote C
  • No, I'm always faithful and always will be entirely
    Vote D
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    Vote E
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1852

Most Helpful Guy

  • GENERALLY, the 80/20 rule is in effect here.

    The top 20% of guys - the kind most women would find very attractive - almost always talk to other girls, and have "backups" - or just outright have girls on the side. Why? Because THEY CAN. They have so much more opportunity that most will take advantage of it. And it's just as you'd imagine; a guy near the bottom of that 20% may just flirt with other girls and get their number, but not actively engage them, while the guys near the top of the 20% have a girlfriend plus 3 girls they fuck on the side - and are open to hot girls who randomly come along too. Among that top 1% will be your celebrities (actors, rock stars, pro athletes, etc.), models, ultra wealthy, and guys who aren't but could be mistaken for any of those. Such guys will almost ALWAYS cheat - and their girlfriends/wives only stay girlfriends/wives if they can accept that.

    Then there's the 80% of guys. Guys, even at the top of the 80%, have trouble getting female attention at all, and needless to say, the further down the scale you go, the harder it is for women to even notice their existence. These guys do NOT have girls on the side.

    Of course, almost all girls only want guys in the top 20%, and mostly don't even consider those who aren't, so, yes, it seems like most guys cheat or come close to it, because that's how it is for that top 20%.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Oooookay! Not every guy, no. Let's start with questions.

    Did you ask to be exclusive? Did you make it known you didn't want him sleeping around? Were you 'seriously' dating?

    If you said no to those, then he can and a lot of men will.
    Why put all of your eggs in one basket right away? How many relationships are most people in before finding "the right one"?

    Don't leave blurry lines in this case. If you want him not to see other people (or talk to other women in a sexual way), speak up and make it known.
    Worst thing he can say is no. Even if that "no" is in a different variation of "I don't feel the same" or "I want to keep my options open".

    If he wants to keep his options open, then he and I aren't on the same page at that point in time. *Personally* I see it as wasting time and usually label him a friend.

    You'll just be moving on and keep looking. If it is meant to be, it will be.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 51

  • www.court-records.net/.../bratworth-shrug(e).gif

    Only a very attractive and desriable guy has does. This is actually healthy and a good thing because you would be naive to think that a guy wouldn't look at other potential mates even if he is committed to you. This shows that you should be grateful because it means that he is not being needy and is actually choosing to remain committed to you. It also means that you have to keep proving to him that you are the right choice over all then these other woman. Too many people become complacent in relationships and stop trying.

    If you stop showing your worth the. He will start to think that maybe you are not worth his time. This why options matter and relationships break down. We should be working our absolute hardest on working on ourselves continuing to prove we are the best option for our partners to pick. That's what keeps attraction there.

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  • "I'm not trying to be sexist"

    Why is it that anyone who says that always ends up being sexist anyway?

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  • Not being sexist at all, but this behavior is more common of women to be honest. Generally people who do it only do so near the end of the relationship, because they started checking out emotionally so they slowly put themselves on the market to reel someone in. So that when they do break up they can easily jump ship from one guy to the next. Some guys do this too, but that's usually only if he's checked out. Many girls will keep guys in the works as a matter of course. It's called "A Dick in a Box". He's a solid guy you could have if you wanted, but it's safe because he's in a box. So you can stay with the guy you have now and you're covered.

    I have many female friends that admit to doing this. It's their safety net.

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  • LOL. When women say "I have a lot of guy "friends" ", this is what that is. Some guys don't even realize they are doing it. And it isn't like we are planning anything out. We stay "friends" with women that have potential and maybe, if things don't work out, we hook up at some point. Men and women cannot be true friends. there is zero reason for any person to be talking to a member of the opposite sex if they are in a relationship (for straight people).

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  • The idea that having a girlfriend means I wouldn't TALK to other girls is laughably childish to me.

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  • Seems like the opposite is equally true... We call them "beta male orbiters." Men whom a woman can call upon at a moment's notice to do stuff for her. She doesn't tell them outright that she's not interested in them she just keeps them on the back burner and gives them some hope every now and then with cute little flirty text messages... doesn't work out with guy # 1, she's not sitting at home moping about it on a Friday night! She gives guy # 2 a ring a ding!

    For some odd reason women come to me with their relationship problems and I can tell ya... there's A LOOOOOT of girls out there married to plan B if you get my meaning. One guy in particular I know... nursed this chick through at least 5 boyfriends during high school and college, often mocked the poor guy to me... now she's married to him and he has no idea he was not on the back burner but in the closet, still in the box, receipt still in the bag with it.

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  • Do i talk to other girls, yes.
    Do i flirt with them mildly, yes.
    Does anything come from it, no.

    Do all guys do it? No. Some guys are not natural flirts.

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  • Well some do it just to get to know a general idea of what to do when it comes to dating a girl. I mean particularly if its a "virgin" date as in both parties first time dating the same or opposite sex.

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  • First of all, it's far more likely that the guys you've dated are a representation of what you are attracted to as opposed to a representation of the entire male gender. Secondly, those guys are smart. They know that you women can toss them aside like a rag doll whenever you please, and that it's hard to find an attractive and available girl who will give them attention. They plan ahead. Smart men, I shall follow in their footsteps.

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  • So having female friends is emotionally cheating? Im faithful but have female friends lol

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  • Yea in that situation the person could be cheating. If the guy has a side or a plan b, he's cheating. For him to have guaranteed relationship with someone else a soon as he leaves you tells you how much he cares about you. How are you supposed to have a good relationship with someone if you are focusing on someone else? Break ups are heartbreaking to both men and women. So if he has a contingency plan that means he can stand to lose you. I couldn't do that. I love my girl too much to have a backup plan. So for future reference, if someone chooses getting a backup girlfriend instead of actually trying to strengthen the relationship then it's bad altogether. Also if you or someone have to look for loopholes, when it comes to cheating, then it's cheating.

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  • Why would would I talk to other girls when the only girl I like talking to is my girl?

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  • No. As soon as I am in a committed exclusive relationship (or it looks like I am about to be with the person I am with) then I stop talking to other people and shut my dating profiles down.

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  • If we're exclusive then I don't, but until we're exclusive I keep my options open and play the field because most likely the other girl is as well. With online dating and people having so many options, you pretty much have to. I mean it's naive to think you're the only person someone is seeing.

    I mean even when I see girls online on the dating sites, after a date, they're obviously keeping their options open. They don't do it just out of boredom or for shits and giggles.

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  • I don't think that it's a bad thing to have female friends, even female friends that I would date. That's not quite the same thing as having a backup plan. I never had a backup plan when I was with my ex even if some of my friends with women who I would have dated under different circumstances.

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  • I got told by someone on here that they found that I had a lot of women followings like all my friends are girls. I like to get opinions, and feedback is awesome, I value it I really do, it's helped me. Sure some more than others but... What does it matter, and how does it affect your day? Don't too critical, each their own

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  • It's not normal. Just stay single if you aren't able to focus on one girl. Same for girls, but I don't think it's as common for them to have side guys.

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  • Shoot, I have a hard enough time talking to one girl. I ain't risking a 2nd one. Plus I'd feel terrible if she did it to me.

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  • Well not me, no. First, I've never been in a relationship since I can't have any girl in the world. But even if I was in a relationship, there is no way there would be another girl who likes me. So no. Guys who do it usually chat with many girls even when they are single. Im always single yet I don't have any girls on my chat (not counting female friends)

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  • No, just the guys you choose to associate with.

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    • It makes sense doesn't it? The more attractive a guy is the more likely he is to be able to have multiple girls chasing him and the more likely he is to have "plan B" girls. At the same time you're also more likely to be with, or chasing, a guy like that because they attract a disproportionate number of girls.

    • Makes sense to me.

  • Most guys don't do that.

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  • Once i have one girl in my life as a partner i really don't get involved with
    having girls on the side.

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  • No some guys will some won't. I am faithful to who I date though.

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  • I think they do it to not get so hung up on a girl it's easier to move on if you have options available

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  • Every smart guy should, considering all girls do the same. Girls are, conciously or subconciously, always on the lookout for better options. And trust me there are guys constantly hitting on your girl, and she knows who has potential and who hasn't in her head. I think it's perfectly fine to have plan b even though you don't act on it.

    Guys get played because they make their girl the center of their world. Girls don't do that with guys lol

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  • Just by reading a title I knw that OP is talking about attractive guys, or top 20%, actually less, of male population. Only these guys have options to fool arond.

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  • Haha. No. You're dating trash.

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  • If you mean, look for other options while you're with someone, yes, if a relationship isn't what I want it to be. I don't just go around sexing up other women. I also have female friends, essentially if you're into the things I'm into and you're good at them. I. e. Gaming, singing and dancing, I'm keeping you.

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  • Guys won't have to do it if you're totally committing and fulfilling his needs. I mean mentally and physically both. Just love him in the way he wants. Guys will never do that...

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  • It's called "being friends".

    Well, in your case, it's not. But that isn't "talking to girls" as much as it is "flirting with girls".

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  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 17

  • I think a lot of it depends on the nature of the talking along with the intentions.

    Simply talking to a friend of the opposite sex is totally different than overtly flirting with someone with the intent of keeping them on the back burner "just in case."

    Even so, some people honestly "flirt" harmlessly with zero ill intentions whatsoever. Then a step beyond that, even peoples' definitions of what flirting actually is vary from person to person. What's seen as completely innocent by one person may be seen as outright betrayal by the other.

    So I think it ultimately boils down to definitions and boundaries. If each person clearly lays out what they are and aren't ok with from the get-go, you'll have a much better understanding of what you're working with while also asserting your personal limits within the relationship.

    If after knowing what your limits are, a guy repeatedly disregards them, then you know you have a fuckboy on your hands.

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  • I think that's time waste and a stupid idea to have plan B... I organise most of my life and have exit strategy but never with love because I love the thrill of what will happen next :-)

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  • Listen: just because you're in a relationship with someone doesn't mean you can't simply talk to other people. Being in a relationship doesn't mean who have to close yourself off from the outside world. If you're with someone who makes you feel like you can't talk to other people while you're in a relationship with them, leave them. That's a sign you're in a toxic relationship. Besides, if you want to keep your partner interested, you need to make sure he/she knows they are not all you have. It really helps to remind your partner that other people find you attractive.

    Just remember the words of BeyoncΓ©: "Don't you ever get to thinking you're irreplaceable."

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  • Hmm, my boyfriend doesn't. (to my knowledge) I think you can't truly be invested in what you have if you're always keeping that contact strung along, even just a little.

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  • I feel like of your man does have a plan B he's probably insecure and you should just talk to him and tell him that it makes you feel less important/special... being able to talk about things is key if you want your relationship to last

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    • That's not it at all. I know this because I am one of the men that have a woman on the side. I do this because it is easier to have sex with multiple women after you get to know them which is why I get to know 20 women at the same time. Don't misunderstand, I won't have sex with all 20 of them but as time goes on and I get to know them, I will have sex with maybe 8. It is almost like a sales cycle. The reason why I am willing to say this is because my profile is secretive and doesn't display who I am. I would never say that to people in my daily life.

    • @alfonsosloan45 at least your honest and are able to provide some insight

    • @alfonsosloan45 I had a girl cheat on me like that she had "guy friends" and ended up fucking a few of them behind my back.

  • How many guys have you grilled for confessions? Are all of these side girls single? Unless homosexual, every time throughout history that a man has cheated, a woman was there too. Even if they are single, they are equally at fault. If they are unaware, it's different. However in many cases, they know very well that the guy is with someone! It's just as bad as cheating. The treachery is equally the fault of both man and woman.

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  • YEY thats what I was hoping

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  • I guess this is why their are so many STDS

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  • I feel the same way... it really sucks 😞

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  • Yea I think it is what is happening now a days.

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  • It seems like it.

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  • That doesn't even look like his room, that's his main girls room. lololol

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  • From what I know, if I'm with my boyfriend and he opens his messages I only see like 2 other girls in his contacts that the last time he talked to them was like a month ago lmao. I think talking to people you could date is fine, as long as you control your flirting.
    As if I started looking at prospective others, I've done it twice, because my exes at the time were doing the slow curve and I was 100% seeing a break up or ghost in the near future. Both time he ended up ghosting, maybe for someone else, I'll never know. But it did help me move on pretty quickly.

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  • If they ask a stranger out they do it if they ask the girl out because he like her then they generally don't

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  • Well as a chick I do talk to many guys but if I am unhappy or notice bad changes in my relationship I do enjoy the attention and flirting. But that's as far as it will go.

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  • i am faithful

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  • It's normal in the dating game. Unless you're not exclusively dating each other, then its fine. I do it.

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