What makes a guy commit after sex?

[Anonymous]

What makes a guys commit to you after sex and how long does it normally take?

[Anonymous]

I don't know about all guys but I know about my fiancé. We had "casual" sex a few years ago, to be more precise, it was a year after my very first relationship ended and he was my super hot tinder match who was obviously not looking for his soulmate. We hung out for a couple weeks. He was very attractive and I was sex deprived and started to actually like him, so we had sex and as much as I wanted to tie him to my bed for the next decade, I didn't. I didn't force it, I didn't "chase" him, I didn't dramatize about it, I didn't act desperate. And I think it is very important when you have sex with someone outside of a commited relationship (aka marriage), I just wasn't clingy but stayed in touch with him like a normal adult would (I was just 20). I kept on being myself and focused more on building a link with him that wasn't only physical. Sex became a more regular thing. We are very compatible, so it just got better with time as we explored eachother more and we didn't really let sex stand between our getting to know eachother More intimately. So besides the sex, we ended up liking eachother very much, we got together, we fell in love and got engaged after one year together.
In my opinion, the answer to your question depends on the guy's mindset and how he views sex. There are guys that I wouldn't recommend you to have sex with before marriage as they are hypocritical pussy collectors who totally lose interest after having you but would totally reject a promiscuous woman for a committed relationship.
And there are sane guys that you can have sex with, but you gotta know what they want. If a guy is unwilling to commit, you can cook his food in diamond oil and do backflips on his dick, he won't commit. Just make sure your partner is an open minded person who likes you outside of bed because vaginas are everywhere and he doesn't need to commit to get some. Communicate as much as you can, don't go clingy or you will look pathetic, be yourself and try to have him know you better and appreciate your personality

[troychapman]

good speech

[Asker]

What made you switch from the casual sex to having deeper conversations and actual dates? By the way, I totally agree on the point that you made about not chasing him and just living your own life like you did before you met him.

[Opinion Owner]

It just came spontaneously. I remember he seemed to be rock-hard and emotionless so I pretended to be the same. We made out several times before having sex and I acted cool, but when we actually had sex, it was very overwhelming to me because I was sleeping with someone other than the person that I thought to be the love of my life in the past. It was my first time having sex with someone new after more than a year so I felt weird like I was a whore afterwards and it showed. He was considerate enough to ask me what was wrong or if he hurt me and I was honest enough to tell him what the matter was and that it was a first for me. That was Our first personal conversation, I opened up first, and he was very understanding and clearly expressed to me that he did not take me for a slut and that he still held a lot of respect for me, and appreciated my being genuine and honest about something as sensitive. I think it was a major start as we realized we could actually communicate.

[BrittBratt2416]

After you're married. Now a days men will stick around just long enough to see if they can get sex, if they don't think they can they will leave and move on to the next one. You just have to sit down and get to know someone, don't be so quick to have sex with them cause going to fast can ruin things. Ask the guy what he's looking for, does he want something serious or his he just casually dating. If he says o I'm just dating around or not that deep into dating but something serious could happen later, or I don't know, then don't go any further with that guy if he gives you those type of answers. Those answers mean he's just browsing but had no intentions to buy, you don't want a guy who's just casually dating for the hell of it, you want a guy who is serious and looking for a serious relationship. Put sex off as long as you can until this person agrees to just be committed to and no one else. Guys out here are wasting a lot women's time and youth by stinging them along, if a guy is hesitant about relationships and doesn't know if he wants a girlfriend then the answer is he doesn't and you just need to back away and set him free. It's better being single then heartbroken, confused, or disappointed.

[fabulouspancakes]

It just depends on if he wanted to commit in the first place. If you don't want to have sex without a commitment, you need to make sure he's truly looking for a relationship before you have sex or spend too much time dating him. Because there's no way to "make" someone commit.

[MrOracle]

Here's the thing: BEFORE you have sex with him, it's YOUR job to have talked with him extensively about what he's looking for (one night stand? casual sex? FWB? a committed relationship? potential engagement?) and what his near future plans are (the next 2 years? the next 5 years?) so that you can figure out if your relationship is even on the right path or not. Again, you must know this (as best as you can) BEFORE you have sex with him, because it's too late afterwards - you have NO LEVERAGE after the fact to influence his decision.

That doesn't mean you necessarily have to get the commitment first - though it's not a bad idea if you can - but you at least have to agree that you are heading toward the same place, and know what the "checkpoints" are along that path, so you can feel more secure in knowing how far along the relationship is.

If you don't do this before you have sex, then the chances of being used just for sex skyrocket, and you are completely at the guy's mercy when it comes to him accepting a commitment or not.

You need to remember that a commitment means the guy is giving up a lot and taking on a lot of responsibilities - while the girl mostly gains - so guys are NOT motivated to get into relationships like women are. Think of it this way: if responsibilities and rewards were money, relationships for men would COST $1000, while they would PAY $500 for the girl. Of COURSE girls want a relationship, but it should be obvious why guys aren't so interested.

For the guy, having regular sex may go a long way to balancing the books, but for most guys, even sex alone isn't enough, and today's women usually don't feel they need to bring much more to the table - which is why it's hard for them to get relationships.

Anyway, you need to understand the huge differences in motivations between men and women when it comes to relationships, and why that affects what you need to do if you want a relationship, and why following a certain order of events is important.

[yaanis]

You can ask all that questions but most of times these questions will make almost any man to run for hils. They reek of desperation. And lets face it sex is a lot more comon than most here wants to admit. Sex IS part of relationships, you just can't separate them. Waiting till married is like living in medieval times. And no nothing will make guy or girl to commit to each other if they dont want it, so stop living in imaginary world.

[redeyemindtricks]

"You need to remember that a commitment means the guy is giving up a lot and taking on a lot of responsibilities - while the girl mostly gains" ^^ Ehhhhh not so fast boyo The opportunity cost of making a commitment is MUCH greater for **young** women — in the OP's age bracket — than for young men. I mean... Say you make a commitment, spend a couple years in a rl, then it goes south. If this happens just a couple of times, then... there you are, pushing 30 and back to square one again. For a woman [... who wants biological children, as most do], that's what we politely call a "less-than-desirable situation". Biological clock ticking, esp if we factor in the time necessary to meet a suitable boy and build a suitable rl. For a boy? Ahah nothing of the sort. Pushing 30 is honestly when most boys are just **starting** to become emotionally ready for a real commitment. Their opportunity cost is basically zero. In fact, this situation may even be **ideal** for boys, considering that's the

[redeyemindtricks]

age when the women who are BEST suited to be their future wives — statistically and common-sense speaking — have just become legal adults.
(see woman's mho here:
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2086481-what-do-you-think-is-the-ideal-age-gap-between-a-man-a-woman-in )

If it SEEMS like "the girl mostly gains", that's just because "the girl" has been programmed since fucking single-digit ages to push for commitment and monogamy with EVERYONE, ALL THE TIME, NO MATTER WHAT, because "that's what good girls do" — and you're measuring her against that same assumption. (This is also the reason why women of all ages, but especially younger women, actually try to push for **relationships** with bad-boy types who are obviously terrible candidates for a rl partner — and why they can't just have one-off fun with boys like that without crushing guilt.)
Ugh

... In any case, if you're a

[redeyemindtricks]

successful dude YOUR age with yr shit together, then, I can buy yr argument about the dude "givnig up more" ... to **some** extent. Early twenties tho? Not a sweet snowball's chance in burning hell.

[MrOracle]

You make a good point, but given how things ARE (rather than how they should be), a lot of men, especially young men, would be in their ideal situation with casual sex only (even if it was monogamous casual sex). And for guys that know how to get it, they give up a lot, and take on a huge load of responsibility, expectation, and even in some situations legal liability when they agree to a committed relationship. And most guys in their 20s just don't value the plusses that come with a commitment the way women do (with some exceptions, of course). I think many women just don't realize that - they don't understand the male perspective - and I think they would have more success with men if they did.

[redeyemindtricks]

"And for guys that know how to get it, they give up a lot, and take on a huge load of responsibility, expectation, and even in some situations legal liability when they agree to a committed relationship." ^^ Okay, but, come onnnnnnnn How often do boys in their 20's with pussy on tap actually "settle down" -- until they reach the age where truly strings-free sex is less and less common, more and more effort, and less and less sustainable? ... yeah. To the nearest percentage point, about zero percent. Unless they knock a woman up — in which case, I mean, they've made their bed at that point, time to put on yr big boy and big girl shoes. I mean, it's really just not that hard NOT to get a woman pregnant.

[MrOracle]

But, as you pointed out, those same guys are the ones most girls desperately want to be in relationships with. They mostly ignore the others as not being attractive enough (and they have a point in a lot of cases), so most girls are chasing the same Top 20% of guys, and trying to lock them down into a relationship, not realizing what the math looks like to the guys. Really, I think we're mostly saying the same thing from different directions.

[redeyemindtricks]

oh, top 20 percent my left foot. Look, I get you, but... at least eighty percent of straight boys in their mid twenties are in relationships. Young women may ••fantasize•• about yr top echelon of boys — while the boys may simultaneously fantasize about fucking Playmates — but, at the end of the day, the vast majority of people that age ultimately make reasonable selections of partners who are in their proverbial league. If you're talking about strings free casual sex, then, that proportion may be ••somewhat•• closer to reality (after college, at least — in college, honestly, almost anyone can get laid by just being there, still conscious, at the end of parties) — but, yr whole deal rn is that you're supposed to, like, NOT be talking about casual sex.

[rjroy3]

Just like you don't want a guy with the intention going in "get" you to have sex with him. A guy doesn't want a girl with the intention going in "get" him to commit to her.

You need to go in with the intention of honestly expressing who you are as a person, who is experiencing him and trying to get to know him as an individual. Without the intention of getting something out of it like that. In general, if a guy doesn't experience the chemistry, some nature of recognizing you as a quality girl and good sex. Then he's not going to commit because you did 1 thing to lock it in after having sex. He's either in it like that or he isn't. Do yourself a favor and get to know the guy, before having sex with him. I'm not saying have sex on the first date and i'm also not saying MAKE him wait a specific time frame. I'm saying honestly get to know him and be honest about who you are and why you're dating.

If he doesn't want what you want, then you don't want him anyways. There are other guys who are in line with what it is that you're looking for in a person.

[Bfly004]

Sex does not make a guy commit when I was dating I had guys leave me for the fact they wanted to be with me but wanted sex within a mth or so however I had them wait it was my way of putting them through a test. If they want to be in a relationship and willing to wait until I'm ready than it showed me they were truly their for me not for a sexual attraction. Know your worth

[ObsidianBlackbird]

the only. thing that's gonna make him commit is if there is also a lot of chemistry between you but he'll already know whether its there or not before you have sex usually. just ride the wave and see what happens you can't force anything

[TwinCKI]

I usually commit to a girl before I even have sex

[RetroAlpha]

If the guy is like me (or any of the numerous men I know), he has already decided to commit to you before he ever says it out loud. Sex is only a small part of this equation. I think people know, deep inside, whether the person they're dating has a shot at a future with them from around three or four dates in.

[ooo31410]

RetroAlpha, if you have already decided to commit, why not say it out loud?

[RetroAlpha]

@ooo31410 Because, early on, you may have chosen to "commit" to a one-sided relationship. I have spoken my feelings to a new love only to find that she viewed me like I was a talking dildo with a wallet. Not only did that hurt, but it ruined our friendship beyond repair. I find that it's better to hint, early on, with actions and not words. Words are powerful. I save them for when I am certain that I am not the dildo :)

[ooo31410]

RetroAlpha, may I send you a private question about a related situation I have to get your take? If so, I'd be grateful!

[RetroAlpha]

@ooo31410 Yes, of course. Fire away :)

[ooo31410]

Hey, for some reason it won't let me send because it says it's limited to followers. Can you send me a shot over the bow and let me respond?

[ooo31410]

RetroAlpha, I went to send you a message and it said you allow messages from "followings" only. So, if you would click to follow me so that I can message, I'd be grateful. Thanks :)

[AzureGirl]

Just because you have sex with someone doesn't mean they're going to commit to you.

[Margillard]

So true. 👍🏽

[Blake0048]

Nor should they be expected to.

[bingbaddaboom]

@Blake0048 Agreed.

[Ram0n83]

Try taking the reverse: get him to commit first, then sleep with him. A guy that's willing to do that is probably serious about a relationship and not a gamer. A guy that wants sex first might just be looking for a quick fling.

[blondebom]

Good head

[TonyRyanAgain]

LOL. She's got it.

[Chanel1981]

If the guy was interested in a relationship prior to sex there might still be a chance, only time will tell. If he didn't ever want a relationship, sex certainly won't change that.

[azzntittiz]

If you have to ask that then your skills are not enough to make him call again. Try something else like being smart or showing him you're interesting and possess a trait that is rare.

Plus a women must never use sex to control a man, women with the best sex get the most games run on them because good sex can make someone hurt you really bad when they can't think straight.

[bingbaddaboom]

What do you mean about "using sex to control a man" exactly? I personally think that if a woman wants to be committed with a guy, at the very least she does need to regulate the amount of sex that she gives up. That's not so much out of control as it is out of self-respect though. It's not to say that she shouldn't have sex though.

[Blake0048]

@bingbaddaboom lol unless he's lame/unattractive your pussy holds ZERO power lol You think you're the only one willing to lay on your back for him?

[bingbaddaboom]

@Blake0048 I presume that was to be directed towards azzntittiz? I have a cock so... yeah. I pretty much agree with your assessment. If the girl isn't attractive then pussy holds very little value unless the guy is low value. If the guy is high value then he'll almost always be qualifying the woman. The exception is when he runs into a woman of equal or higher value. The power of pussy does tend to come into play a bit IF he sees the girl as an actual catch.

[SarahsSummer]

His interest in your personality would be the most likely reason.

[ObscuredBeyond]

The fact that it was never *just* about sex for me in the first place! How about that?

I don't see any deeper meaning behind the empty act of merely using someone for a night. And only risks. Nothing good about it.

Also, any woman willing to trust me with her body to that intimate a degree, deserves some sort of commitment from me in exchange. I'd feel really guilty to abandon her afterward with nothing. Like I'd conned her or something. And that's not even getting into a desire to adhere to Biblical morality, which adds another layer of depth to it.

If she's not someone I want to feel responsible for ever, then there's no way I'd even think of dropping my pants for her. Sudden urges can be alleviated with a toilet. A woman willing to give me her time and affection? She deserves so much more.

[PoliceLivesMatter]

If a guy already likes and loves you. Not lust. No matter what anyone says, love cannot be developed from just one date. You HAVE to get to know someone. Or less it's just lust motivating you

[godfatherfan]

What kind of question is that? what makes a woman? Just because you have sex doesn't mean you have to be commited. You want to be with her because you feel a connection. not because she sucked my cock...

[Ice_In_The_Cubs]

Im only 17.5, but i know that if i want to commit, it will be before the sex. If i have a good one night stand with a girl i won't say i want to have a lomg term thing with her. But if i have a girlfriendand then we fuck, I will obviously won't kick her out after we had sex.

[bingbaddaboom]

If the the sex is good sex, then the girl definitely holds my attention for longer. It doesn't necessary mean that I'll ultimately commit because there are other things to take into consideration but it sets them apart and I will definitely put a bit more time and effort in accordingly. If the girl hasn't put out by the 3rd date at latest, I'm no longer interested unless she almost literally begs for a low key Netflix and chill situation. That's fine if that's how you want to be but there are other quality women out there that both enjoy and want sex.

Women have to understand that sex is not an issue that can just be neglected. Sure, it's not everything but it is important. There are very few men willing to wait an eternity to thrust inside of you... and most of those guys tend to be fairly boring/low value. That being said, I'm not implying you should let every guy you meet fuck you. Be selective by your own respect, just don't be so selective that you turn 35 and you begin to realize that you let your youth pass you by. At that point you have to settle on a guy that 10 years ago you likely wouldn't have settled on.

[babylips14]

3rd date? That's crazy. I just ghosted on a guy for inviting me to dinner to his house on the second date lol Then again, I wasn't even attracted to him. If a guy isn't willing to wait at least 1-3 months, he's not worth it for me given that my definition of good-quality guys tend to be patient and respect the standards/boundaries of his girlfriend. Then again, that's just me. Some girls are dtf within minutes of meeting you.

[bingbaddaboom]

@babylips14 Yeah, I won't wait 1-3 months. I'm not looking for a slut but I'm definitely not looking for a saint. It's a misconception that men won't respect women after sex. BUT it's also a truth that men like sex. It all depends whether the guy sees value in you. Tread carefully and do what you feel. Women usually have sound intuition. Also, sounds like that guy definitely wanted some. That's pretty blatant though, not usually a good way to get a girl to your place unless she's not hiding the fact that she wants it.

[Anon85]

What if I only have sex after I commit?

[normalice]

if she was enthusiastic about my 'kinks' I would want to have her again. And again. And so on. Knowing how rare that is, I would gladly commit if it meant I could keep having her.

But 'knowing how rare that is' is something that every guy can only learn through experience. And some guys may not even be that interested. I guess it depends on the guy, but in general guys under 25 or so aren't going to be interested in commitment. Giving them an ultimatum will be taken as giving them a way out.

[Rissyanne]

Why don't you get a commitment before you jump into bed?

[MarcoIsAFailure]

I'd say ideally the guy already comitted BEFORE having sex.

There's the old saying: Nobody buys the cow if he can get the milk for free.
I don't think that it's actually that common, that a guy does not commit because he got the sex already without doing so, but I also don't think that it's a good way to get a man to commit.

[Catskills]

As you know sex doesn't equate love,,

Pursuing and stimulating one another's mind is a start, Just be kind, sweet and friendly and avoid confrontations. And allow you and him to get to know each other.

You and he consummating the relationship before there is a commitment as you know has it's risk.

These are deal breakers in a relationship and are the source of divorce and split ups.

When the couple are forcing feeding their will on each other instead of taking the time to see where the other is coming from. (yelling will kill relationships)

When they are saying mean things to each other, even if they aren't yelling.

If they can't compromise because they are unable to embrace the same wants', interests' and goals' in life but instead collide.

Lack of chemistry would some it up.