Why are girls so insecure?

Ok I know a lot of girls are going to get mad at me and say that they are under a lot of pressure from our society, but why are girls so insecure? Most of my relationships have ended because I just got sick of how insecure they were. I don't know about most guys but I like people the way they are. I feel that you shouldn't act different or change who you are around people. I think a confidence is a very attractive thing. So why are so many girls insecure about them selves if it is an unattractive characteristic?


Most Helpful Girl

  • one world . celebrities. I totally get insecure around guys who love a certain actor, character from a book or movie, singer or a model. They're so perfect and beautiful and famous. Then there's past relationships. I've been abused by the one boyfriend I had, emotionally and sexually, and by my step father, emotionally physically and sexually. So I have a lot of problems in my life like "i wasn't worth him waiting for." "He didn't care about me" "i'm a piece of sh*t" "im worthless" and lots more issues. but theyr'e not true. I'm just learning now that it's their fault not mine. And girlss get jelous very very very easily. I am jelous of half my best friends. so when girls see you talking to a girl that's thinner or prettier than them they'll start to pick themselves apart until there's nothing left. It's up to you to rescue your princess from the fire breathing dragon (insecurtieis) and tell her how perfect she is everyday until she finally believes you. Because girls only really beleive guys they like or have a respect for when it comes to hearing they're pretty. When my friends or family say it, it goes in one ear and out the other, but when a guy I like sais it, I keep it in my heart forever. :)

    • So you are basically saying that you don't trust your friends or family. Gotcha.

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What Girls Said 7

  • First of all, I'm not sure whether you're just intolerant of insecurity, or if the girls you've dated have just been ridiculously insecure :/

    I think most girls are insecure at least sometimes and yes, we are under pressure; from society, our peers, but mostly ourselves. There's always going to be someone better and girls seem to be especially aware of that lol.

    I guess it's hard to pinpoint an actual reason. That one guy was right, girls are just wired differently. We're more emotional I guess, maybe that could be why the pressures make us so insecure with ourselves.

  • They're insecure because no matter how many times you tell us we're "just fine the way we are" we see someone who looks, acts, has something better, and don't feel adequate. We want what they have. If they were secure they'd see themselves as boring because they'd have nothing to complain about (assuming all else is fine generally speaking.)

    • So how does that work - you must have what someone else has or you end up insecure?
      Is that not bitchiness defined?

    • @peterjones Nothing wise about her post that's for sure.

  • Don't think we like it to be insecure. I hate it when I'm jealous or feeling insecure. I don't think it's because of celebrities. It's already a part of our chemistry and society is making it all worse.

    This is probably the most familiar situation for girls:

    You're seeing a girl with a lot of makeup on, big boobs, wearing tight clothes, thin.. actually you personally think she looks like a whore. BUT boys seem to be interested in these girls, even though they're plastic. You don't wanna be one of the plastics, but you do want to be liked the same way.. without having all the makeup and leopard, tiger, zebra whatever printed shirts.

    So what you're asking for is a nice boy who isn't shallow and into the plastics. Well that's the first thing you gotta find. So when you FINALLY have it, you are very careful with the thing you two have. You have to protect something rare. That's why the second he talks to the plastic tiger girls, or is meeting them, you get the tendency to protect him and yourself from her. Those girls are easy and hollow, and that's why we girls don't understand why anyone would like them. But it just seems that boys do. It's also part of their chemistry, they have sex on their minds and the tiger clothes and boobs scream sex of course.

    Those girls aren't even that smart most of the time. They think they can get a boy by looking sexy and hot.. but boys just want those girls once. They're not relationship material. So they sell themselves for one night and they get nothing.

    Boys, you just have to make the normal girls know that you'll pick her, that those barbies are actually very stupid. And you have to say it more than once. You have to say it a lot. Boys should feel sorry for us that that's just the way we think.

    • again - not girls only - guys have the same problem - most girls will like a dumb football player with an inflated ego - but guys do get over it and grow into men - and girls seem to get stuck being insecure a lot more and for a lot longer. why - is becoming confident too hard and laziness kicks in - or?

  • because some girls were raised by insecure mothers who transfer their fears to their daughters; and that from an early age are expected to try to be pretty; not have a big butt and various other expectations. The mothers are insecure because when they were young, women were definitely judged on a different standard--such as the need to be neat and pretty and skinny and thus marriageable--possessing a brain to get into college was more for finding a right husband than for their own good. mothers then push their daughters to be somewhat close to perfect out of fear that no good husband will result and their daughters will be left to live alone in poverty.

    • This would explain a few things. My mom never really was there for me or any of my five sisters and she left when we were young. This would explain why non of my sisters are insecure.

    • My mom was my first 'doubter' or naysayer. before that I was in boarding school and separated from her; but after getting to know her, I had issues.

  • I think its because the way some relationships are built.if a girl has been mistreated,or cheated on she's obviously gonna feel like something about her isn't right and most of the time its her personality or looks she thinks she must change in order to keep the guy.most guys don't realize that as a girl,we are very sensitive people...some of us arent..but the ones who are might of had an issue with thinking they were not good enough or pretty enough in their past and that follows us through basically our whole lifes.some girls become very insecure when their boyfriends talk to other girls,especially if the girl thinks the other girl looks prettier than her.& where I'm from,i hardly ever hear a guy say something sweet to his girlfriend like you look pretty today...or anything close related to that.it may sound cliche,but some girls actually want that fairytale dream of a prince charming who isn't an ass.

    • but why do you always pin it on others - self confidence is SELF confidence - as soon as you pint it on anyone else it is a lack of SELF confidence - why do women at large not understand this one bit? (it works the same for men by the way - they just have to accept it)

  • ohh the wonderful self confidence question. well, to be honest, self insecurity is pretty much ingrained in our minds. sex is in guys minds, insecurity is in girls'. however, if these relationships were legitimate, the girl should have eventually let these go because she figured out you liked/loved her no matter what. on the other hand, if you never really showed your true emotions you can't really blame her. Some girls will act that way when they don't feel secure in the relationship they are in so they are looking for verbal affirmation. If you start a new relationship and a girl makes a comment about feeling fat, she's looking for reassurance from you that she isnt. In a way it makes us feel better, I know it gets pathetic. But you should treat your next relationship with more care towards this subject, reassure your girl she's beautiful all the time.

    The self insecurities should start to ease up.

    try to answer my question from your point of view =)

    • this can't be right - guys can be insecure too, so it isn't just a sex thing.
      girls never seem to deal with their insecurity but expect it to be cherished and nurtured as if it were a gift - but why when confidence is much more attractive and not impossible to attain?

  • because when we look at ourselves, then see the others around us we feel like we are missing something. we strive to be just the same as everybody else. for example, the pretty girl has flawless skin, straight teeth, normal body shape and size. Then we look at ourselves, and we seen nothing close to them. we feel as if we have to compete to be number one the best at everything. Even the pretty girl that every guy wants doesn't see her self like that, she sees less of herself. I honestly don't know if this is true for other girls but it is/ was for me. And us girls will never really overcome being insecure, it will fade but never vanish. that's where you guys come in and if she's insecure then don't get angry just simply tell her that she is beautiful in her own way. soon it will fade and she will be a little more confident with herself.


What Guys Said 2

  • Because a girls hormones are different than yours. Girls are very different, no joke, girls aren't born and just act that way because they're expected, its part of their chemistry.

    Guys try to impress girls, show off, and be the cool guy.

    Girls try to look nice for the guys, be the prettiest girl, and be the popular girl. If they are missing on things others have it makes them feel like more people and especially guys will not look at them as much; but rather the person who they think is better than them.

    In reality it isn't true, but its how some girls think.

    Remember not all girls are like this either.

    This is just what I heard and sort of know, please girls, don't take offense to what I've said/written here.

    • WOAH... that's where I was gonna go.

      Testosterone, aka "the stupid hormone", makes us guys do gutsy, and often stupid, things. As a result we are more secure and try to impress women. The reason why confident women are more sexy is that they too have higher levels of testosterone (yes, women have testosterone too, just not as much). Higher testosterone=higher sex drive=more attractive.

      Hit it right on the head there, chance. Wise beyond your years.

    • Ha thanks.

      I know my stuff. I don't have much experience though ha.

    • Girls are nuts

  • If someone's insecurity is a big enough deal to break up with them, then I would say you should be investigating your potential partners a bit more.