Why are men so complicated?

I’ve been seeing this guy for awhile and he doesn’t want a relationship. He takes me out on dates, I’ve met all his friends, we stay up late at night texting on the phone, whenever we have sex he likes to cuddle me and talk. He likes to hear about my day and interests. He always talks about his feelings, past relationships, his family, dreams and about personal stuff. he always asks me how many guys I have sex with and sometimes ask who are guys who comment on my pictures. Then there’s this other side of him that doesn’t care about my feelings at all and he talks about how much he wants to have sex with other girls. Why is he like this?

1|2
43107

Most Helpful Guy

  • How is he complicated if he told you straight up that he doesn't want a relationship?

    Sounds like he just wants to be FWBs. A guy can Care/like hanging around and be attracted to a girl and NOT be IN-LOVE.

    He's actually being nice and trying to give you a heads-up, and keep you from getting attached.

    Girls are a lot more complicated (confusing signals/self sabotaging).

    0|2
    1|0
    • Complicated because he talks about his feelings and says he’s lonely and wants to be with me and doesn’t want me to be with other guys but then he doesn’t want to be in relationship

    • He wants a Monogamus friends with benefits relationship.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Simple, he just wants to hook up with you and noting else. This is what a lot of guys are doing today, they don't want relationships they just want to bang. This is the same poor decision women keep making, stop sleeping with dudes who aren't willing to give you anything else in return except dick. He's gaining more than you are, he's getting free sex without the "hassle" of being in relationship. He's honestly leading you
    on and the longer you stick around this guy, the harder it's going to be to let go. He just doesn't want anyone else to have you cause it's taking away his free source of sex away, not because he wants you. He don't want anyone else to have you, but he don't really want you either unless it's for sexual fix. Just do yourself a favor, save yourself from the pain, and leave this guy behind.

    And to my fellow women: STOP having sex with dudes who don't want to go further with you when your're looking for more and a serious relationship. You're doing nothing but wasting you're time and hurting yourself in the long run.

    3|2
    1|0
    • Thanks for the lengthy paragraph but you didn’t answer the question, I didn’t ask why he doesn’t want a relationship, I asked why is he complicated. If he just wants sex, why does he want me to commit to him and shows jealous traits, that’s why I’m like he’s complicated🙃🙃🙃

    • Show All
    • He could be just playing with your feelings. Seems like he sees you as someone he can confide in but doesn't have to commit to since you're already acting like you belong him by sleeping with him, going out, meeting his family. Why would he have to commit?

    • I did answer your question, I said he don't want you but he don't want anyone else to have you either. It's called being territorial, it's got nothing to do with him wanting you to be committed to him. How was that not answering your question? Or are you just hoping to get answers you want to see/hear?

Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 106

  • The honest to goodness truth? He probably thinks he can do better, whether that be your looks or your personality or who you are as a person and what you're doing with your life

    Or it could be that he's not ready to settle down just yet, but based off the latter part of your statement where he doesn't care sometimes and he has 2 sides, I'd say it's the first of the 2 things I mentioned.

    I'll be honest, I've done it before and it's not right. met a girl that's pretty cool, that I get along with but maybe her personality was just so so in what I was looking for or her looks were just ok to me and I dated her for a bit, was intimate with her but had no intentions of settling down with her. Even if he didn't think he was ready to settle down, it's more than likely that if he thought you were worth it, he'd be exclusive with you and take the next step.

    Now instead of doing that, I don't settle date temporarily, I only date girls I really want to date or that I can see myself settling down with. It's a maturity thing. It's not right to do what he's doing or what I did for the person you're doing it to and it's not right to do it to yourself. If you have higher standards, live up to them.

    A lot of young guys do this because it's nice to get sex consistently and it's easier/feels better to have sex with someone you actually have a connection with. But it only hurts both parties in the long run.

    This post wasn't meant to be harsh, just to give you a look into a young guy's mind and what we think and why we do certain things and act certain ways.

    3|0
    0|0
  • What's complicated about this? It doesn't seem complicated at all. He's enjoys your company, and likes the sex, but he's not willing to be monogamous with you, and he's been honest enough to make that clear. If you want a different sort of relationship then find a different guy.

    3|2
    0|0
  • men are weak minded individuals in general and talk a lot of shit. Its his way of trying to show authority over you. But men aren't complicated you tell him how you feel and cut his pleasure off and he will straighten out. if he doesn't drop him like a hot rock because he ain't going to change

    4|1
    0|2
    • Straighten him out?
      Yeah, I don't think so.

    • Show All
    • Wisdom that only comes with age. im more than twice your age. I wish i had listened to older people when i was your age. it would make life so much easier

    • lt won't straighten him out, it's actually pretty simple, y'know? Some of us men aren't slaves to pussy, we do whatever the fuck we want.
      A woman can't 'straighten' us out.
      Maybe you're just a weak man who lives to serve women.

  • He sounds like a jerk, to be having sex with you, then talking about how much he wants to have sex with other girls, and commonly doesn't care about your feelings. Find another guy who respects you and knows how to treat you. At least stop having sex with him.

    4|0
    0|0
    • Not everyone is monogamous or pretends to be.

    • @JinxyKat She mentioned him talking about wanting sex with other girls, in the context of saying he didn't care about her feelings, so it's logical to think she wasn't fond of the idea.

  • Guy: Men are like onions.
    Donkey: They stink?
    Guy: Yes. No.
    Donkey: Oh, they make you cry.
    Guy: No.
    Donkey: Oh, you leave em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin’ little white hairs.
    Guy: No. Layers. Onions have layers. Men have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers.
    Donkey: Oh, you both have layers. Oh. You know, not everybody like onions

    3|1
    0|0
  • It's not complicated. Just because a guy wants to keep you off of other guys doesn't necessarily mean he wants to keep off girls. Not every guy is like that but he's obviously not aware of the hypocrisy or he just doesn't care.

    I think it's a biological urge to want to be with as many girls as possible sexually but culturally if you want a relationship you have to force yourself to stay with one girl sexually and emotionally for the rest of your life. Males are not necessarily built to do that. It's more of a societal thing that is pushing us to be that way.

    I think males naturally aren't monogamous but can have single partner bonding at the same time. Take this example where men are acting only on instinct. You can be loyal and take care of someone you care about. But at the same time a man is going to be promiscuous because their instinct is to be. The male objective in reproduction is to prorate their genes as much as they can to ensure the survival of their genes, assert dominance, and make sure that their kin has multiple chances to survive.

    Women on the other hand are different. I think they are also built to be semi-promiscuous to preserve peace and protect themselves. But their whole objective is to find a partner who will take care of their child and who is genetically fit. Women are vulnerable during this period so they need to be selective of their partners.

    So going back to the present. These instincts are innate in us. They're not necessarily going to be expressed in our behavior but subconsciously they're typically going to have an effect. Culture will also have an effect.

    So in summary this is a deep behavior expressing itself and it's winning over the societal pressure to be loyal to one female sexually.

    0|0
    1|0
  • I don't think he knows what he really wants. I think you should be straight forward with him and ask him directly. He's either scared of commitment or he's not sure if he really wants you or not.
    I admit it, he is sort of complicated on this matter...

    0|1
    0|0
  • because they are human and humans are complicated beings. none of us are identically alike and so sometimes it can be hard to understand a person who may be slightly or drastically different from ourselves or people we are familiar with

    but specifically this guys behavior sounds like a guy who after sex is sort of in that glow of emotions and intimacy but generally sounds like a guy who isn't 100% on board with being with just you and still has wandering eyes

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't see what you find complicated in men. There are several out there, and yet you chose the one who 'doesn't want a relationship' And you want one. You simply state your purpose and I think everything will fall into place - there's nothing complicated with men but the one you preferred.

    2|0
    0|0
  • He's not committing for a reason. He wants to be able to float around when he chooses. If he commits, he looses his autonomy and that's some scary shit. Does he just talk about other girls or has he had other girls while you two are in this friends with benefits situation.

    1|1
    0|0
  • It's not complicated, he just doesn't realize that's all. I'm assuming you aren't telling him this hurts your feelings? So... he assumes you don't mind. And if you have told him and he does it anyway, then he's just an insensitive prick lol. If that's the case you need to be more direct and firm and tell him again how much you don't appreciate that and he needs to stop! Or, stop seeing him and find someone else.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Sounds like you're dating a millennial child. Sorry, but they don't grow up until their 30's.

    It also sounds like you snagged an insecure douchebag.

    0|1
    0|0
    • Lol the 30s comment was funny. I said he was insecure also

    • I posted a big ass opinion on here and it disappeared but I can’t repost. Gag is fuckin gayyyy. I second this guy though

  • Why don't u take a stand instead of calling all men names. He doesn't want a committed relationship but u want. Then find a guy who is ready for it. Don't expect others should behave the way u want. I hope u understand after all these answers u r making it complicated. U want him also and committed to u also. Choose either one of it.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Does he have multiple personalities?
    You see this guy and do all this stuff, yet he says he does not want a relationship?
    Is he just stringing you along till he finds someone he likes?
    Why stay with him? Why not find a guy who does want a relationship and who will treat you right all the time, not this Jekyll and Hyde thing.
    And really, men are pretty simple creatures.

    1|0
    0|0
  • What do you mean complicated? Its actually pretty simple. He wants to fuck you AND other girls. You can't do that in a committed relationship. Hence why he doesn't want one. See? Simple.

    4|1
    0|0
  • Welcome to modern relationships: cheap, disposable, loveless dead ends.

    2|6
    0|0
  • Because he's a guy. Lol your entire post is actually about all the ways we AREN'T complicated when it comes to attraction, sex, and romantic stuff. We may be complicated in other ways, but we sure aren't complicated in those ways. What exactly are you confused about? We're supposed to fuck lots of girls, and when we can't it stresses us out. The boys who deny this either 1) haven't actually thought about it very much, 2) haven't had much, if any, sex, or 3) are betas.

    1|0
    5|1
    • The downvotes are amusing, but like, do people really think downvoting Internet comments changes real life and changes how people think? My post here ^ is simply the truth. It's simply how it is. If you don't LIKE how life is, that's cool I don't blame you, I feel the same way sometimes. But giving fake Internet points to comments doesn't change fact. Do what you like though.

  • Nothing complicated here. You are little more than a friend with benefits and he is already getting everything he wants.

    1|1
    0|0
  • He likes you. He likes having your attention and being in your presence. Honestly, the only reason why he hasn't asked you to be his girlfriend is because he doesn't want you to be his girlfriend. Either he wants to keep playing the field or there's something about the relationship that makes him hesitant about moving forward.. or both.

    My advice would be to stop sleeping with him and stop being as "available" this will cause him to be more respectful towards you or move on.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Simple answer men are waking up. Look up MGTOW. I don't mean to scare you but this is the trend for boys. They are very aware that commited relationships do not benefit them.

    You have to be an exceptional woman to keep one of those men around.

    Thank no fault divorce and a gynocentric family law system for that.

    See boys grow up seeing dad's ruined by divorce and they are not stupid your in the generation of those boys becoming men.

    And... my child's friends they are all on board with not being turned into an unwilling unwanted paycheck.

    Terrifying that we've turned the best part of life into this junk. Love is really amazing and it's twisted into this now.

    Sorry to be a bummer. And I'm not saying it's your fault. It's not yours specifically or women's just the system our sociaty fought for and it's backlash.

    0|6
    1|0
  • More from Guys
    86

What Girls Said 42

  • Because you didn't establish the relationship before you gave away the goods. Guys like a challenge. If you give it away before establishing the relationship, he will continue to use you the same way you allow him to until he finds someone who intrigues him and challenges him. If you don't have sex with him and he tells you he doesn't want a relationship with you because you don't, he never wanted a relationship with you or he would respect you in every aspect you demand respect.

    1|1
    0|0
    • I didn’t ask why he doesn’t want a relationship, I asked why is he complicated. If he just wants sex, why does he want me to commit to him and shows jealous traits, that’s why I’m like he’s complicated🙃🙃🙃

    • Show All
    • Oh, okay. So he wants you to commit to him, but he doesn't want a relationship? Sound like he wants you to be his piece and no one else's, at the same time he wants to be free to fuck whoever else he wants 😏. I hope you don't fall for that.

    • I've actually done that to a couple girls in the past. It's very easy to manipulate insecure girls and that is how you do it. I feel bad now tho cus some of them really liked me. The next girlfriend I have will be serious one

  • Why are you with him if he clearly stated that he doesn't want a relationship, obviously he doesn't care for you , he's just using you fro sex and you're letting him then you come here to ask a rhetorical question. . girl please. Go get a real man.

    2|2
    0|0
    • I don’t care, I like him 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️

    • Show All
    • @Nina12346 sometimes people won't learn any other way but the hard way.

    • @Sienna-Rose For real girl, anyways I tried my best , so she made her bed , so she has to lie down that's all I can say.

  • The same reason women are complicated. A better question would've been: Why is he like this? Not every man is complicated as not every woman is complicated.
    When does he change his behavior with you? How many times has he done that? Have you told him how you felt?

    1|1
    1|0
  • He isn’t complicated, he’s a jerk. Ignore the sweet stuff and focus on the fact he is telling you he wants to sleep with other women. Men who love you do NOT do that. Men who care about you or your feelings do NOT do that. He’s a jerk. Dump his ass.

    2|3
    0|0
    • "I’ve been seeing this guy for awhile and he doesn’t want a relationship. " obviously he is not a jerk he never lied nor made up excuses he is being as straightforward as one can be

    • Show All
    • Yes, he’s being truthful. It is up to her if she stays. But why should she? Why waste time on someone who doesn’t want to be with just you? Why waste time with a jerk who wants his cake and to eat it too? She should leave and find a man instead of a child who can’t commit.

    • Thing is most men wanna bang most women but only a few are good to date yet women assume that theyre good enough for most men... he made a choice so did she the way i see it he has something (probably looks) and she knows she can't score such a guy anywhere else so she's sticking around hoping to make him change but he won't

  • he is not complicated he just wants the benefits of a relationship without the commitment and you're giving it to him

    you can like someone and like their company and not want a relationship.

    dont mistake his feelings for you with wanting commitment with you. they dont necessarily merge. if you're ok with how it is great- if not better end it for your sake.

    3|0
    0|0
  • It sounds like he is either hiding something or has a personal problem. The best thing I believe is to explain the problem, then cut him off unless he either tells you the truth or changes his mind. Guys need to know you have standards and won't let him be willy nilly about whatever. You are worth an honest and loving and serious relationship. Don't settle for less hun.

    1|0
    2|0
  • He probably has commitment issues. He's getting the benefits of being in a relationship without actually being committed to one woman, which is why he wants to do other women. If you two don't want the same kind of relationship, it's better to leave him now than later

    1|0
    1|0
  • He's not complicated. He's being honest. He does not want an exclusive relationship. He enjoys having sex with you and he wants to feel that he "owns" you by acting jealous, but he doesn't want you to "own" him. Guys really are not complicated.

    You just have to decide if this is an arrangement you want or not and tell him.

    1|3
    1|0
    • Actually, he may not be jealous. He may just be curious, and also trying to figure out if you're catching feelings and avoiding other guys, or have the same attitude he does and are comfortable being friends with benefits.

    • I love the photo on this topic. Hahaha

  • Adulting is not easy for some people, it's not men, women are just like that as well.
    On the other hand there are many, many, many awesome men out there. This guy doesn't sound quite mature, or he doesn't want to grow up and likes the security and stability that you give... like a home base only.

    1|1
    0|1
  • He probably has mood swings, or he just had a bad day but if this keeps up, i must say that you should stay away from him or help him get help. I know this sounds intense or out of topic but anyways, if you are hesitant about the relationship then he just doesn't have the same ideal like you so its better to have some one who is close to yours so you won't be hurt in the long run.

    0|0
    1|0
  • Because he wants to his cake and eat it too, he has it all so why would he commit. That's the problem with majority of men, they're selfish and only care about themselves. There a decent men out there, but they're far and few between. Don't settle and move on, sometimes they don t appreciate what they have until its gone. Say goodbye and move on, there is someone out there that will give you want you want in return too.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Truth is, men treat women they like, like shit. They need a woman they don't care for to be humble. They also are liars, and continue on with games, don't ask them any questions because they just respond with sarcasm and more bullshit. The trick is to not care either.

    1|0
    0|1
  • I think he just wants some attention and not something permanent which for the receiving is very hard to deal with. They feel jealous but trapped at the same time and can't choose which feeling to overcome so you have to deal with the indecisiveness. Now girl, if you make him choose or beg him to put a "label" on this thing you have he might leave but that may be for the best. You could find something more solid than this if that is what you need.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Sounds to me like he wants all the pros of being in a relationship with none of the commitment... I bet he would flip his shit if you "cheated" but if he gets caught fucking someone else he will say it wasn't cheating because you're not in a relationship... Sounds like a waste of your time to me.

    0|0
    0|0
  • He's not complicated, he's either selfish, or he has intimacy issues. If he's selfish, then he's not committing to you because he doesn't have to. If he has intimacy issues, then he's scared of being totally vulnerable in a relationship.
    He has no business over what other guys you're talking to, because he's not your boyfriend. So don't limit yourself only to him.

    1|0
    1|0
  • Well maybe because he just see you as a friend with benefits and doesn't see anything wrong with wanting to sleep with others girls. You aren't not in a relationship so why not be like that? tell you his stuff? I know its inconsiderate on his part but that's how he might see your "relationship" as friends nothing more. Talk to him and ask, avoid getting hurt any further, is not too late yet.

    1|0
    0|0
  • he wants to keep his balls, thats a pride of being a man. he sees you as fuck buddy.

    0|3
    0|0
    • That fuck buddy word is such a turn on 😎

    • Show All
    • He's going to act jealous because he wants you to feel bad so you won't go talking to other guys. If he really cared he would commit.

    • What Munj82 and Makeuphoarder said is true, he's doing those things to keep you by his side for enjoyment and pleasure. Try to ask him why is he doing that and tell him what you feel.

  • Bottom line, he’s just not the guy for you. If he doesn’t want commitment, he doesn’t want commitment. There’s nothing you can do. Not all guys are complicated, you just have to find the right one.

    0|0
    1|0
  • Leave him men say what they want to but us women at times hear what we want to. So what I'm saying it's clear where you stand with this guy any man can do what he does for you but it takes a special man to genuinely care for you.

    0|0
    1|0
  • He just wants you to be one of his many options. Basically your there when he wants you, not when you want him. I would break up with him.

    2|1
    0|0
  • More from Girls
    22

Recommended myTakes

Loading...