Why are men so complicated?

I’ve been seeing this guy for awhile and he doesn’t want a relationship. He takes me out on dates, I’ve met all his friends, we stay up late at night texting on the phone, whenever we have sex he likes to cuddle me and talk. He likes to hear about my day and interests. He always talks about his feelings, past relationships, his family, dreams and about personal stuff. he always asks me how many guys I have sex with and sometimes ask who are guys who comment on my pictures. Then there’s this other side of him that doesn’t care about my feelings at all and he talks about how much he wants to have sex with other girls. Why is he like this?


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What Guys Said 107

  • What's complicated about this? It doesn't seem complicated at all. He's enjoys your company, and likes the sex, but he's not willing to be monogamous with you, and he's been honest enough to make that clear. If you want a different sort of relationship then find a different guy.

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  • Because he has settled on a friends with benefits situation with you. He wants an open sort or relationship. The problem here isn't the fact that he prefers polyamorous relationships, the problem here is that apparently, he isn't communicating it clearly enough to you.

    Just because he likes having sex with other women doesn't mean he doesn't want to be a companion to you as a friend would. Friends sometimes do share feelings.

    If you aren't down with having sex with him and not being committed, I would end this sooner rather than later, because from my experience, even those who sleep around a whole lot can catch feelings and someone almost always gets hurt.

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  • Men are not complicated. Women always make them complicated.

    There are 2 possibilities here: one, he likes you but has a fear of relationships because a bunch of ladies treated him like shit. Two, he thinks he likes you as just a friend, but after having sex with you is in denial that he likes you as more than that.

    A third possibility is that he DOESN'T like you at all beyond friends but really likes acting like you are dating as part of his sexual fantasy.

    I have done mumber 3. I've practiced being romantic with a chic I dont like because I like that fantasy of it and not the person.

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  • For a moment there I thought you were talking about me :D It´s really not that complicated. He obviously likes you more than he admits and is feeling jealous if other guys were to try something. He talks about other girls to see your reaction and I most likely looking for your acceptance. The reason he won´t get into a relationship is that he is emotionally not ready for it. You seems like a genuine and carefree person so you are the perfect person the be with in order to move on from bad past experiences.
    He wants to be with you, but he´s clearly afraid. You can tell him you don´t want to hear about other girls and you want to be with him. You don´t need to pressure him, but just say that and he´ll respect you more :)

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  • Sounds like you're reading or creating problems where there isn't any. To me, he just seems like he cares about you, but since he's not exclusive to you and you both are dating others or have sex with others, he's not investing all his emotions into you, and why would he? I mean he loves being with you, but you're not his girlfriend, so why should he put so much emotional investment into a person that he is only in a casual relationship with? It sounds like you want more from him, but this hasn't come up yet between you two or he doesn't know this about you yet, or he doesn't want to get into anything serious with you yet. We tend to keep hold of our emotions better I believe as guys.

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  • The honest to goodness truth? He probably thinks he can do better, whether that be your looks or your personality or who you are as a person and what you're doing with your life

    Or it could be that he's not ready to settle down just yet, but based off the latter part of your statement where he doesn't care sometimes and he has 2 sides, I'd say it's the first of the 2 things I mentioned.

    I'll be honest, I've done it before and it's not right. met a girl that's pretty cool, that I get along with but maybe her personality was just so so in what I was looking for or her looks were just ok to me and I dated her for a bit, was intimate with her but had no intentions of settling down with her. Even if he didn't think he was ready to settle down, it's more than likely that if he thought you were worth it, he'd be exclusive with you and take the next step.

    Now instead of doing that, I don't settle date temporarily, I only date girls I really want to date or that I can see myself settling down with. It's a maturity thing. It's not right to do what he's doing or what I did for the person you're doing it to and it's not right to do it to yourself. If you have higher standards, live up to them.

    A lot of young guys do this because it's nice to get sex consistently and it's easier/feels better to have sex with someone you actually have a connection with. But it only hurts both parties in the long run.

    This post wasn't meant to be harsh, just to give you a look into a young guy's mind and what we think and why we do certain things and act certain ways.

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  • Guy: Men are like onions.
    Donkey: They stink?
    Guy: Yes. No.
    Donkey: Oh, they make you cry.
    Guy: No.
    Donkey: Oh, you leave em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin’ little white hairs.
    Guy: No. Layers. Onions have layers. Men have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers.
    Donkey: Oh, you both have layers. Oh. You know, not everybody like onions

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  • Simple answer men are waking up. Look up MGTOW. I don't mean to scare you but this is the trend for boys. They are very aware that commited relationships do not benefit them.

    You have to be an exceptional woman to keep one of those men around.

    Thank no fault divorce and a gynocentric family law system for that.

    See boys grow up seeing dad's ruined by divorce and they are not stupid your in the generation of those boys becoming men.

    And... my child's friends they are all on board with not being turned into an unwilling unwanted paycheck.

    Terrifying that we've turned the best part of life into this junk. Love is really amazing and it's twisted into this now.

    Sorry to be a bummer. And I'm not saying it's your fault. It's not yours specifically or women's just the system our sociaty fought for and it's backlash.

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  • men are weak minded individuals in general and talk a lot of shit. Its his way of trying to show authority over you. But men aren't complicated you tell him how you feel and cut his pleasure off and he will straighten out. if he doesn't drop him like a hot rock because he ain't going to change

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    • 7d

      Straighten him out?
      Yeah, I don't think so.

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    • 7d

      Wisdom that only comes with age. im more than twice your age. I wish i had listened to older people when i was your age. it would make life so much easier

    • 7d

      lt won't straighten him out, it's actually pretty simple, y'know? Some of us men aren't slaves to pussy, we do whatever the fuck we want.
      A woman can't 'straighten' us out.
      Maybe you're just a weak man who lives to serve women.

  • If you think men are complicated, try figuring women out! Haha!
    This is actually pretty simple: 1) I'm guessing he's young based on your age group, i. e. the folly of youth, 2) not everyone is wired for monogamy, but this doesn't necessarily exclude sensitivity and intimacy, 3) EVERYONE is mercurial to some extent; everyone has mood swings, good days and bad; nobody behaves exactly the same all the time.
    All you really need to ask yourself is this: am I happier with him than I was without him? The answer to that question should lead you to an easy decision about whether the relationship is rewarding enough to keep putting up with his shit. That's all any relationship is, give & take.

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  • Men are relatively simple creatures, compared with women.
    1. We want our balls to be kept empty and our stomaches to be full.
    2. We do not want to be nagged.
    3. We do not want to be manipulated into distancing ourselves from our friends.
    4. We want to continue to do the things that we enjoy.
    5. We do not want to trade in our truck on a people mover. Buy our own baby wagon.
    6. We do not want to be cuckolded.
    7. Keep yourself looking good. No man wants to go home to a hairy land whale.
    Relationship tip: if your man leaves homes with empty balls every morning, it is unlikely that his level of testosterone and sexual energy will reach the point that he will look at other women in a serious way.

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  • Nothing complicated here. You are little more than a friend with benefits and he is already getting everything he wants.

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  • Welcome to modern relationships: cheap, disposable, loveless dead ends.

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  • What do you mean complicated? Its actually pretty simple. He wants to fuck you AND other girls. You can't do that in a committed relationship. Hence why he doesn't want one. See? Simple.

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  • because they are human and humans are complicated beings. none of us are identically alike and so sometimes it can be hard to understand a person who may be slightly or drastically different from ourselves or people we are familiar with

    but specifically this guys behavior sounds like a guy who after sex is sort of in that glow of emotions and intimacy but generally sounds like a guy who isn't 100% on board with being with just you and still has wandering eyes

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  • How is he complicated if he told you straight up that he doesn't want a relationship?

    Sounds like he just wants to be FWBs. A guy can Care/like hanging around and be attracted to a girl and NOT be IN-LOVE.

    He's actually being nice and trying to give you a heads-up, and keep you from getting attached.

    Girls are a lot more complicated (confusing signals/self sabotaging).

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    • 7d

      Complicated because he talks about his feelings and says he’s lonely and wants to be with me and doesn’t want me to be with other guys but then he doesn’t want to be in relationship

    • 7d

      He wants a Monogamus friends with benefits relationship.

  • I don't think he knows what he really wants. I think you should be straight forward with him and ask him directly. He's either scared of commitment or he's not sure if he really wants you or not.
    I admit it, he is sort of complicated on this matter...

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  • It's not complicated. Just because a guy wants to keep you off of other guys doesn't necessarily mean he wants to keep off girls. Not every guy is like that but he's obviously not aware of the hypocrisy or he just doesn't care.

    I think it's a biological urge to want to be with as many girls as possible sexually but culturally if you want a relationship you have to force yourself to stay with one girl sexually and emotionally for the rest of your life. Males are not necessarily built to do that. It's more of a societal thing that is pushing us to be that way.

    I think males naturally aren't monogamous but can have single partner bonding at the same time. Take this example where men are acting only on instinct. You can be loyal and take care of someone you care about. But at the same time a man is going to be promiscuous because their instinct is to be. The male objective in reproduction is to prorate their genes as much as they can to ensure the survival of their genes, assert dominance, and make sure that their kin has multiple chances to survive.

    Women on the other hand are different. I think they are also built to be semi-promiscuous to preserve peace and protect themselves. But their whole objective is to find a partner who will take care of their child and who is genetically fit. Women are vulnerable during this period so they need to be selective of their partners.

    So going back to the present. These instincts are innate in us. They're not necessarily going to be expressed in our behavior but subconsciously they're typically going to have an effect. Culture will also have an effect.

    So in summary this is a deep behavior expressing itself and it's winning over the societal pressure to be loyal to one female sexually.

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  • Sounds like you're dating a millennial child. Sorry, but they don't grow up until their 30's.

    It also sounds like you snagged an insecure douchebag.

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    • 6d

      Lol the 30s comment was funny. I said he was insecure also

    • 6d

      I posted a big ass opinion on here and it disappeared but I can’t repost. Gag is fuckin gayyyy. I second this guy though

  • He sounds like a jerk, to be having sex with you, then talking about how much he wants to have sex with other girls, and commonly doesn't care about your feelings. Find another guy who respects you and knows how to treat you. At least stop having sex with him.

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    • 7d

      Not everyone is monogamous or pretends to be.

    • 7d

      @JinxyKat She mentioned him talking about wanting sex with other girls, in the context of saying he didn't care about her feelings, so it's logical to think she wasn't fond of the idea.

  • It's not complicated, he just doesn't realize that's all. I'm assuming you aren't telling him this hurts your feelings? So... he assumes you don't mind. And if you have told him and he does it anyway, then he's just an insensitive prick lol. If that's the case you need to be more direct and firm and tell him again how much you don't appreciate that and he needs to stop! Or, stop seeing him and find someone else.

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  • People are complicated. He sounds like he just wants to not commit to you. Totally different thing than being complicated in this sense. He's just not into you as a girlfriend.

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  • He isn't that complicated. He wants to have sex with you and have you as an emotional outlet, but he doesn't want to commit to you because you're already giving him everything he wants. Don't worry though, if he was the type of guy who did want a relationship, he wouldn't be NEARLY as attractive just by virtue of wanting a relationship. This aversion to commitment is something that comes with the territory of "hot guy". Why would hot guys want to commit? They get everything they want from women just by being themselves.

    Most men, the kind who want relationships, are pathetic, servile and just want to please other people and keep them happy. I know, I'm one of them myself. And this guy probably does care about you. Not enough that he wants to commit and stop having sex with other women, but you're clearly at the very least a valued friend.

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  • If you are expecting committment from him, then you are in wrong company for sure. I'm not saying , he is a bad guy. But his signs shows that he prefers your company, probably seeks care and affection from you, yet not want to get into a relationship and possibly thinks of it as more of a bondage.
    But there is something you should be more careful about. Apparently, it may seem that this guy is being honest to you by telling you that he is interested about other girls, but it could be sign of something more complicated and desperate. In future, this can be used as an opening door to an argument, which starts or ends with 'I told you before that I'm interested in other girls'.

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  • Does he have multiple personalities?
    You see this guy and do all this stuff, yet he says he does not want a relationship?
    Is he just stringing you along till he finds someone he likes?
    Why stay with him? Why not find a guy who does want a relationship and who will treat you right all the time, not this Jekyll and Hyde thing.
    And really, men are pretty simple creatures.

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  • Dating or just an open relationship? I mean, if he has to ask about the other guys you're sleeping with... I don't know, I just know I wouldn't want to settle down with that girl.

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  • Cause men are expected to do the first step but if they are clumsy about it, they get sued for sexual harassment. Also they are not supposed to be whimps, yet they have the same feelings as women do.

    Being a man in today's society has so many contradictions, you can't possibly expect them to turn out to be uncomplicated xD

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  • Why don't u take a stand instead of calling all men names. He doesn't want a committed relationship but u want. Then find a guy who is ready for it. Don't expect others should behave the way u want. I hope u understand after all these answers u r making it complicated. U want him also and committed to u also. Choose either one of it.

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  • He's not committing for a reason. He wants to be able to float around when he chooses. If he commits, he looses his autonomy and that's some scary shit. Does he just talk about other girls or has he had other girls while you two are in this friends with benefits situation.

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  • There is nothing complicated about the guy.
    You are just sleeping with a douchebag and naively thinking there could be more.

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What Girls Said 43

  • Simple, he just wants to hook up with you and noting else. This is what a lot of guys are doing today, they don't want relationships they just want to bang. This is the same poor decision women keep making, stop sleeping with dudes who aren't willing to give you anything else in return except dick. He's gaining more than you are, he's getting free sex without the "hassle" of being in relationship. He's honestly leading you
    on and the longer you stick around this guy, the harder it's going to be to let go. He just doesn't want anyone else to have you cause it's taking away his free source of sex away, not because he wants you. He don't want anyone else to have you, but he don't really want you either unless it's for sexual fix. Just do yourself a favor, save yourself from the pain, and leave this guy behind.

    And to my fellow women: STOP having sex with dudes who don't want to go further with you when your're looking for more and a serious relationship. You're doing nothing but wasting you're time and hurting yourself in the long run.

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    • 6d

      Thanks for the lengthy paragraph but you didn’t answer the question, I didn’t ask why he doesn’t want a relationship, I asked why is he complicated. If he just wants sex, why does he want me to commit to him and shows jealous traits, that’s why I’m like he’s complicated🙃🙃🙃

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    • 6d

      He could be just playing with your feelings. Seems like he sees you as someone he can confide in but doesn't have to commit to since you're already acting like you belong him by sleeping with him, going out, meeting his family. Why would he have to commit?

    • 6d

      I did answer your question, I said he don't want you but he don't want anyone else to have you either. It's called being territorial, it's got nothing to do with him wanting you to be committed to him. How was that not answering your question? Or are you just hoping to get answers you want to see/hear?

  • The same reason women are complicated. A better question would've been: Why is he like this? Not every man is complicated as not every woman is complicated.
    When does he change his behavior with you? How many times has he done that? Have you told him how you felt?

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  • He isn’t complicated, he’s a jerk. Ignore the sweet stuff and focus on the fact he is telling you he wants to sleep with other women. Men who love you do NOT do that. Men who care about you or your feelings do NOT do that. He’s a jerk. Dump his ass.

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    • 7d

      "I’ve been seeing this guy for awhile and he doesn’t want a relationship. " obviously he is not a jerk he never lied nor made up excuses he is being as straightforward as one can be

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    • 7d

      Yes, he’s being truthful. It is up to her if she stays. But why should she? Why waste time on someone who doesn’t want to be with just you? Why waste time with a jerk who wants his cake and to eat it too? She should leave and find a man instead of a child who can’t commit.

    • 6d

      Thing is most men wanna bang most women but only a few are good to date yet women assume that theyre good enough for most men... he made a choice so did she the way i see it he has something (probably looks) and she knows she can't score such a guy anywhere else so she's sticking around hoping to make him change but he won't

  • Adulting is not easy for some people, it's not men, women are just like that as well.
    On the other hand there are many, many, many awesome men out there. This guy doesn't sound quite mature, or he doesn't want to grow up and likes the security and stability that you give... like a home base only.

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  • he is not complicated he just wants the benefits of a relationship without the commitment and you're giving it to him

    you can like someone and like their company and not want a relationship.

    dont mistake his feelings for you with wanting commitment with you. they dont necessarily merge. if you're ok with how it is great- if not better end it for your sake.

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  • He probably has commitment issues. He's getting the benefits of being in a relationship without actually being committed to one woman, which is why he wants to do other women. If you two don't want the same kind of relationship, it's better to leave him now than later

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  • It sounds like he is either hiding something or has a personal problem. The best thing I believe is to explain the problem, then cut him off unless he either tells you the truth or changes his mind. Guys need to know you have standards and won't let him be willy nilly about whatever. You are worth an honest and loving and serious relationship. Don't settle for less hun.

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  • I think he just wants some attention and not something permanent which for the receiving is very hard to deal with. They feel jealous but trapped at the same time and can't choose which feeling to overcome so you have to deal with the indecisiveness. Now girl, if you make him choose or beg him to put a "label" on this thing you have he might leave but that may be for the best. You could find something more solid than this if that is what you need.

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  • He's not complicated. He's being honest. He does not want an exclusive relationship. He enjoys having sex with you and he wants to feel that he "owns" you by acting jealous, but he doesn't want you to "own" him. Guys really are not complicated.

    You just have to decide if this is an arrangement you want or not and tell him.

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    • 6d

      Actually, he may not be jealous. He may just be curious, and also trying to figure out if you're catching feelings and avoiding other guys, or have the same attitude he does and are comfortable being friends with benefits.

    • 6d

      I love the photo on this topic. Hahaha

  • I agree! Drive me 🤪

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  • Sounds to me like he wants all the pros of being in a relationship with none of the commitment... I bet he would flip his shit if you "cheated" but if he gets caught fucking someone else he will say it wasn't cheating because you're not in a relationship... Sounds like a waste of your time to me.

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  • Truth is, men treat women they like, like shit. They need a woman they don't care for to be humble. They also are liars, and continue on with games, don't ask them any questions because they just respond with sarcasm and more bullshit. The trick is to not care either.

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  • Why are you with him if he clearly stated that he doesn't want a relationship, obviously he doesn't care for you , he's just using you fro sex and you're letting him then you come here to ask a rhetorical question. . girl please. Go get a real man.

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    • 7d

      I don’t care, I like him 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️

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    • 7d

      @Nina12346 sometimes people won't learn any other way but the hard way.

    • 7d

      @Sienna-Rose For real girl, anyways I tried my best , so she made her bed , so she has to lie down that's all I can say.

  • he's just not ready to settle yet. he's out there enjoying what he can while he's not tied up yet in a relationship/marriage.

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  • Bottom line, he’s just not the guy for you. If he doesn’t want commitment, he doesn’t want commitment. There’s nothing you can do. Not all guys are complicated, you just have to find the right one.

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  • That's typical friends with benefits
    Clear it out now before you are more involved emotionally.
    And if it doesn't suit you, get out now.
    If he hasn't ever mentioned that he wants to get serious with you as in a relationship and if you are still hoping, then really there's no fault of his.
    Either put a stop to it or accept it for what it is.

    I once was in a similar situation where I believed that the guy might have feelings for me and I was hung up on that but then he had a girlfriend and was ok cheating on her with me... that's when I realized I need to stop it whether or not he feels anything for me at all cause you are responsible for your dignity at the end of the day.
    Don't take shit from people who clearly don't care if they are hurting you.

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    • 6d

      And the general reply to why men are so complicated...
      I guess sometimes they just think with their dicks.
      Specific to such cases.

      Other times it's the women who corrupts his mind.
      We women, tend to drop hints and try to indicate things in a subtle way and expect them to get it.
      Which doesn't happen most of the time unless you have spent really long with the person or you have found someone who you instantaneously clicked with.

      So just tell him what u want this to turn into and if he agrees, it's a win win Cz he seems like a decent guy.

    • 6d

      Don't worry about a person that's not worried about you.

  • “ he always asks me how many guys I have sex with ”
    Maybe he doesn’t like the idea of you having sex with other guys.

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  • He just wants you to be one of his many options. Basically your there when he wants you, not when you want him. I would break up with him.

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  • Well maybe because he just see you as a friend with benefits and doesn't see anything wrong with wanting to sleep with others girls. You aren't not in a relationship so why not be like that? tell you his stuff? I know its inconsiderate on his part but that's how he might see your "relationship" as friends nothing more. Talk to him and ask, avoid getting hurt any further, is not too late yet.

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  • He's not complicated, he's either selfish, or he has intimacy issues. If he's selfish, then he's not committing to you because he doesn't have to. If he has intimacy issues, then he's scared of being totally vulnerable in a relationship.
    He has no business over what other guys you're talking to, because he's not your boyfriend. So don't limit yourself only to him.

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  • I almost choked on my tea. They are?

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  • Because you didn't establish the relationship before you gave away the goods. Guys like a challenge. If you give it away before establishing the relationship, he will continue to use you the same way you allow him to until he finds someone who intrigues him and challenges him. If you don't have sex with him and he tells you he doesn't want a relationship with you because you don't, he never wanted a relationship with you or he would respect you in every aspect you demand respect.

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    • 6d

      I didn’t ask why he doesn’t want a relationship, I asked why is he complicated. If he just wants sex, why does he want me to commit to him and shows jealous traits, that’s why I’m like he’s complicated🙃🙃🙃

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    • 6d

      Oh, okay. So he wants you to commit to him, but he doesn't want a relationship? Sound like he wants you to be his piece and no one else's, at the same time he wants to be free to fuck whoever else he wants 😏. I hope you don't fall for that.

    • 6d

      I've actually done that to a couple girls in the past. It's very easy to manipulate insecure girls and that is how you do it. I feel bad now tho cus some of them really liked me. The next girlfriend I have will be serious one

  • I thought we were the complicated gender

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  • Women need to stop thinking they are exclusive in any mans eyes. Since beginning of times men weren't monogamous. Was natural to have many wives. Now due to societal norms, it's frowned upon, men are pressured to be faithful. Which is so freaking hard primarily because in western culture, Everything's about sex. Music, food marketing, advertisements for anything we buy. Its embedded in your subconscious involuntarily. Now, I'm not justifying chauvinism BUT I think that's why men will never stay faithful 50+ years to one woman. I don't ever expect monogamy from any human. An incubus, yes. Lol not a human. 😜When women wake up and stop thinking about Disney princess movies (that, by the way most Disney stories were originally taken from brothers Grimm and incorporated into magical love nonsense) They will realize that the best thing you can do is worry about loving yourself.
    "learning to love yourself it is the greatest love of all..." ~Whitney Houston~

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  • Funny u say that. i find them the easiest to communicate with, get along with, and hang out with. from my experience girls are the complicated ones. men are simple

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  • people are complicated. Fuck. People.

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  • Leave him men say what they want to but us women at times hear what we want to. So what I'm saying it's clear where you stand with this guy any man can do what he does for you but it takes a special man to genuinely care for you.

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  • Because he wants to his cake and eat it too, he has it all so why would he commit. That's the problem with majority of men, they're selfish and only care about themselves. There a decent men out there, but they're far and few between. Don't settle and move on, sometimes they don t appreciate what they have until its gone. Say goodbye and move on, there is someone out there that will give you want you want in return too.

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  • He probably has mood swings, or he just had a bad day but if this keeps up, i must say that you should stay away from him or help him get help. I know this sounds intense or out of topic but anyways, if you are hesitant about the relationship then he just doesn't have the same ideal like you so its better to have some one who is close to yours so you won't be hurt in the long run.

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  • He’s a piece of crap. This is quite simple.

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