Should I assume I’m the problem if a guy is being distant from only me?

I heard my crush is dealing with personal issues and he completely distances himself from me. We weren’t in a relationship or anything. Everything was fine until one day, he got a job and he stopped talking to me out of nowhere. He still hangs out with all his friends so now I’m assuming I’m the cause of his problems and mutual friends say he talks and asks about me but I don’t know if I should assume that I’m the problem. He won’t talk to me about it.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Please never refer to yourself as a problem, even offhandedly. It can have a pretty big effect on how you view yourself. It's not a problem from anyone's end, though. You said he is dealing with personal issues and got a job, so that sounds like a lot of time he has lost. If your friends say he still asks and talks about you, and you're interested, don't assume he's distancing himself from you. If you haven't, try talking to him in person. Ask if he'd like to go out sometime. Hang out, get food, see a movie, something that might distract him from his personal problems and also allow you to talk to him and get a better feel for what's going on. Confirm how he feels about you from his mouth, not from conjecture. And good Lord don't listen to some of these ladies, they sound like they're legitimately angry at this guy.
    Try to talk to him. If he won't talk to you, oh well. But you're not a problem. You're never a problem.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • he thinks you are crazy, or dumb, or annoying, or not hot. anyway in his male head you are useless or dangerous for some reason.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 19

  • Differs from a person to another, but what I understood from what you said is this:
    You have no hands in his issues so far, you said he's dealing with personal issues, unless if those issues are yours and not his, beside that, he stopped talking to you out of nowhere, it means one thing and only, and asking his friends about you is pretty normal, unless he doesn't tell them you're the problem, it's clear that he doesn't want to talk to you, or probably nothing else with you, just do not blame yourself, if you could ask him straight forward to have a clear answer, or figure it out yourself and save yourself.

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  • I think you're fine, I can't quite describe what I think is going on (at least not at all in a way that makes sense), but I think you're fine.

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  • I think we tend to blame ourselves when crushes don't work out
    and we can't do that cause that may not be the problem. It could
    be just that he has major underlining problems that you don't know
    about. I would start asking him questions to see where things stand.

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  • Right... Clearly there is a problem in your relationship, or lack of one!
    A BAD problem, since he won’t discuss it!

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  • Well, agreed it's you sparking HIS problem

    you NOT a problem

    not enough details nor research presented to guess further the truth behind this
    Use his friends to confess what's up & please tell us later the answer to this mystery

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  • Sometimes when guys are going through something deep they just want to be left alone they want to think they want quiet and peace it doesn't mean that he doesn't like you right now he just needed to figure something out

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  • Insist talking with him. This way you'll be affected by some opinions which might to be true or not. It brings so much risk and I don't think you wanna bring that when it's about a person you really like.

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  • If a guy is being distant move on. People make time for the things/people that matter most. If he's not making time for you, time to move onto someone who will.

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  • Perhaps you are HIS problem. But that does not make you THE problem.

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  • No baby, you aren’t the problem. Don’t blame yourself for someone not Liking you.

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  • Life is full. of surprises.. u may like someone.. its not necessary that he is interested in you.. besides people do change. No u should not blame urself.. i suggest time to move on

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  • No baby, you aren’t the problem. Don’t blame yourself for someone not Liking you.

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  • Give him sometime. He will be back if he wants to. If you try to talk or be there for him right now, it might just make things worse.

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  • You're not the problem though he may think so.

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  • You must be failing to mention a whole lot about the dynamics there.

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  • I think maybe you should talk to him and ask him if he's okey and whats going on

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  • Never assume anything, go up to him and ask him what it's all about, tell him you care about him.

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  • no, never assume, makes an ass out of you and me

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  • Maybe he doesn't want you to see him "weak". I mean he doesn't want you to see what person his personal problems are making him? He wants to be whole before going at it with you, so he can give you half? I dunno. He might just have figured you werent the one and decided to move on in alittle cowardly way? Its hard to say when I have never met nor understand the whole situation. But this is my intuition speaking. Either way, you are not the problem. No1 can be fairly treated as a mind-reader

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What Girls Said 4

  • Don’t waste your time. The feeling should be reciprocated. Why should you invest your feelings and he doesn’t? Sometimes men don’t want to hurt your feelings by saying they are not that interested. If he distances himself, that’s your cue.

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  • No. He must be mad because he is not perfect for you princess. You need a prince

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  • No, its he who has a problem

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  • Either try to talk to him, or don't bother.

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