Meeting an ex-boyfriend after a bad break up - what should I do? Please read the details?

My ex and I broke up after 3 years of dating. It ended, in a word, 'horribly'. He charismatic and played a lot of 'relationship games', he lied, was jealous, was controlling, played the victim, and was manipulative to the extreme. He broke up with me after I stopped letting him walk over me and demanded he step up. It tore my heart in half for years afterwards and shattered trust myself. A few days after we broke up he reached out and wanted to be 'friends'. I said 'no'. He hadn't behaved like a friend either. So we cut all ties. After a lot of soul searching, and 'post-game analysis' of the relationship: I came to the conclusion that, for whatever reason, he was insecure and didn't treat me like an equal. Eventually, I got back on my feet and fought my through to a happy place again. In fact, I feel a lot more confident with guys now than ever. I've matured and I've learned from my mistakes. Yes, I'm single at the moment, but I've been with people since and I'm open to meeting someone I could fall for. I'm not in a rush, I'm happy with myself in the mean time.

A mutual friend of ours is having his fifth wedding anniversary. I'm close friends with the bride and godmother to their 2 year old, and the husband is his first cousin. Apparently, he's had a string of bad luck with women since we broke up. According to the husband, he's in therapy; but in the mean time, had convinced his cousin to make me and him the 'party planning committee' which I didn't volunteer for. He's also hounded the couple for photos of me that I put on 'privacy' mode with the bride and rallied a group of guys to ambush me at the event into 'explaining myself for hurting' the ex's feelings? o. O? In no way do I want to go back to this guy. Trust has been shattered irrevocably; and honestly? It sounds like he hasn't changed much.

So the question is, how can I give a hard no. While not coming across as a bitch to people who DON'T know what he's put me through?
Meeting an ex-boyfriend after a bad break up - what should I do? Please read the details?
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