Wow, you just asked the #1 question on GaG. Your premise is incorrect. I work in a whole building full of nice people who are doing very well. The guys in my group are easy to get along with and they all have beautiful girlfriends. Usually the guys who ask this question really aren't very nice at all, and don't have much idea what "nice" even means. It's usually socially awkward guys who don't know how to make friends and just end up making cold approaches to strange women. They ask for a date after a minute of small talk and can't understand why women turn them down.
Enlighten thank you I been through hell and back but always try to put others before me I been working from age 10 and I'm 26 now I been dragged through the mud so many times but keep standing. Anyways thank you for your in put I will take that to heart I am a bit awkward in talking with people, something I been working on lately.
"Nice" originally meant "stupid." I think it's pretty obvious now, in 2018, that women only date men who abuse and manipulate them.The whole "healthy relationship" concept was just a fantasy.Take control and win the game.
Just be friendly. Learn the names of people you see regularly and greet them. It's fine if you have to ask twice. I take notes on my phone -- Tom's Tavern: Charlene & Mindy. The next time I'm at Tom's I say "Hi Charlene". Charlene says "Oh hi, what was your name again?" The next time it's "Hi Charlene" "Hi Slaty". Maybe I'm there one night and Charlene is there but she isn't working. "Hey Charlene! How's it going? Can I buy you a drink?" and I don't mean "Can I buy you a drink so you'll have sex with me?" When you have a bunch of acquaintances you get invited to parties and start meeting people and then you don't have to ask strangers for dates.
I got to that point that s3x dont matter anymore I already got that craziness out of me lol mainly someone boring and friendly now would be nice lol
Can I message you privately, slaty?
@BeMeanToGirls Sure. I mostly answer.
Looks like I can't pm you until level 2 here. Do you use kik?
@BeMeanToGirls Sorry, I'm too old for kik.
Alright then let's do this here. Being friendly earns a man a spot in the friend zone. But I just realized your age. You're looking for swaths of acquaintances and "friends" so that works for you. Completely useless for sexually active men.
@BeMeanToGirls Friendly guys who have something going on have women asking them out. I know a lot of really friendly guys of all ages and they don't have any trouble getting dates. I've known a few "nice" guys with no social skills and watched women run away. I was like that in my 20's but I had enough social intelligence to understand that it was me and not the women.
Alright, you and I must have different definitions of the word "date"Your kind of date: ask a girl out (as a friend), provide her entertainment (as a friend), pay for it all (as a friend), drop her off at home (as a friend).All for what? The 'privilege' of giving someone free stuff? Then after the date she bangs the guy who would never take her on a date? Are you accustomed to making investments without return? Would you donate money freely to the stock market?
@BeMeanToGirls You have proven my point. I date women because I enjoy their company. When I invite a woman to dinner I'm happy if we have an enjoyable conversation. Dining with interesting women has been one of the great pleasures of my life. You aren't really interested in meeting women as people. You seem to think that women are some sort of puzzle box, where if you can push the right buttons in the right order they will have sex with you. ou don't even like women. Why do you imagine any woman would want to date you? Why not simplify your life and just hire an escort for an hour a week?
Did you cut your dick off?
@slatyb I agree with you 100%
@bemeantogirls it's not always about sex I'm younger then you and I already learn that crap
I would be interested in meeting women as people, if any existed. Being bored to death with vain, trivial gossip is a terrible thing to waste money and time on.You ask why I would imagine any woman would want to date me. I ask why in the hell would I ever pay to put myself through that without sex as the payoff for putting up with her shallow, vapid nonsense.As for the escorts - fucking gladly. I have had over a decade worth of long term relationships. Women offer nothing positive to a man's life except what is between their legs. Now, kindly legalize prostitution so I can get what I need before I fucking explode.
I hear its legal in central America that's about as free your going to get with that.
You fucking nitwit. Of course it's not always about sex. But looking for anything more in any woman is a fool's errand. And I guarantee you: every moment you spend thinking that it isn't always about sex - - she's spending in a man's bed.
So, Asker, your original question is "Why don't nice guys get anywhere?"If you follow slaty's advice, you'll get exactly what he's selling: nowhere.You'll pay to entertain these broads while they're on their phones the whole time. They will treat you disrespectfully and take advantage of your naivete. Women are not the angels society implies they are. If you give to them for free, in their eyes you're just another Nice Guy Sucker.
Damn you must be hooking up with shity people to believe that so in your logic your saying even your mother, grandmother and all females of your family are nothing more then items to please your self with... that's rather sad.
Never said women are Angel's but they are people as are you and should be giving the respect as well I know not everyone is a good person, hell I done things I my life I'm not proud of but everyone has the will to change and grow I would speak with you more respectfully however you lost it in how you presented yourself if I would ever meet you 8n person I'm sure I just stab you
No, you poor, brain damaged creature. I did not say that female family members only exist for sex. You said that.
Sure as hell sounds like it
Well that's because you like to create strawmen and attack them instead of your opponent's ideas.
Lol as much fun as this is I'm going to sleep seeing I got a 24 hour shift ahead of me thanks for the entertainment however if you keep the same mind set you have now you will be forever alone so sad... well later
Kid, it's OK. You can dehumanize people if you want to, but there are consequences for that. The incels will keep killing. Probably someone close to you. It's just never a good idea to treat people like that.
@BeMeanToGirls Cut my dick off? After three dates they invariably were taking me home with them and raving about the sex. Why? I LISTENED to them when they talked, and paid attention to them during sex.
I think most people start out easy to get along with. I know I did. But if life kicks the crap out of you often enough, your hope dies a slow death. And you're left lonely and bitter. Which you are then reminded is unattractive. And on it goes.
Omg, he’s cute, but I disagree—a real nice guy does get a good girl
Have an opinion?
Because nice guys think ass-kissing is the only trait they need to have to get a woman. News flash: our family is nice, our friends are nice, you being nice is something people come to expect. It isn't this amazing, unique trait that separates you from other people: most decent people are nice. Congrats, you're like 90 per cent of the population that girls interact with.As well, I notice they act like long term friends and fall into the friendzone, then act shocked when a woman isn't sexually or intimately interested.
Yes, the first paragraph shows strength. And isn't it all true? But what you may not know is that most guys learn this fact--the fact that his neighbor is just as nice as he. Thus he learns he's nothing special in terms of being nice, and gives up the pretense, "I have a lot of unseen characteristics [being a nice guy] to offer a woman. I'm special!"Your second paragraph needs help. Wouldn't you not agree that the guy never pursued the gal because the gal revealed non-verbally that she isn't interested? After all, had she shown interest, there would have been romantic involvement.
I read another user say "good men go places... get good things" and the whole conversation that followed. My 'answer' is a reply to that conversation but it was too long, so sorry for any confusion but I'm putting it here for catharsis sake.I can't imagine how that statement wouldn't be purely materialistic. It doesn't mean good men walk down the street more often, or that they generally get more praise from other people, so everything else I can imagine is material. But maybe my imagination isn't quite as broad as yours might be.A good man can be satisfied with a clerk job at a hardware store. A good man can be hard on his luck more often than not. And a good man can be afraid to reach out for fear of rejection and being hurt, just like anyone else.Take a stroll through any dating app using a male profile, around age 30 or 35. Every woman on them only accepts messages from someone with a great career job, an apartment of their own, a nice car, "ambition" and "goals", and can take them "traveling". /Every/ profile wants traveling, jfc. And they get bombarded with messages from thirsty-ass fuckbois every day, so their guard is high and strong.So the decent ones lodged inbetween their perfect expectations and the thirsty douche army, yeah they're gonna have complaints about their lack of success. It doesn't mean they aren't putting forth effort.But it /doesn't/ mean they expect women to throw themselves upon their dick. They're just taking out their frustration in written form, instead of... Yknow... Rape. One would think that might be a preferable outlet, but instead they need to be chastised for speaking their mind.
Because nice guys are group focused, so their efforts go to elevating others while most people are self focused and thus are only interested in elevating themselves. This creates a parasitic relationship where the selfless give while the selfish take elevating themselves while siphoning off resources from the selfless. This is why its very important to be a nice guy BUT to also incorporate some selfishness as well. You cannot be totally altruistic or you will be taken advantage of, so you need to see yourself on equal grounds as the group, what is good for the group must be good for you as you are apart of the group. So as it pertains to dating, you can absolutely treat a woman right, in fact its encouraged HOWEVER if she is clearly being exploitive you are also obligated to walk away, to point out that they are using you and you will not stand for it. Not angrily just as a matter of fact, do not let yourself be used but don't use others either. You don't have to become an asshole, you just need to ensure you don't become a sacrifice either. Most nice guys don't figure this out. So for a nice guy to get some where he needs to be nice but also firm in his stance, you can help but you will not allow yourself to be exploited. Like a woman who rejects you but wants to be friends, that happens nothing wrong with that you cannot make some one want you BUT you act like a friend, you don't flirt you don't pamper them like you would when you where interested in more. If and when they decide to get upset with that you explain that they said you where just a friend and that is precisely how your treating them, your not their to faun over them and give them an ego boost, that's something you would do only if you where in a relationship with them. If they respond negatively to that you cut contact. Its a balancing act and it takes time to get the hang of it but eventually if you manage to get it right you and the people around you will be better off.
There are many reasons. Firstly, because they lack confidence and fear rejection, they don't make their intentions known early. They don't compliment or flirt with the girl, they act as if she's a platonic friend. Then the girl only ever views them as a friend and nothing more. Sometimes they mighy show interest, but they do so in a way that's weak - women are attracted to strength. What makes it weak is that they put the girl on a pedestal and act as if she's "above" them - that's why they try to impress her. The frame of all of their interactions with women become him trying to win her over - when instead while she's deciding whether she likes him he should be trying to figure out whether he likes her too. When too focused on trying to impress they forget that.A girl said for example that guys do lots of nice things for her - if you don't know the girl well why would you do that? What has she done to earn that? In her mind this translates to the nice guy either being needy and willing to do this for any girl, and also that he's trying to get something from her - mainly sex. There's no other reason.Nice guys also, because they try so hard to impress and worry about losing the girl (again, desperation) try their best not to say the wrong thing and they play it too safe. They don't flirt, don't tease the girl, don't disagree, don't speak their minds, don't show their true personality. This is what makes them seem boring.So basically it all stems from fear of rejection, fear of losing the girl, fear of saying the wrong thing, low sense of self worth/low self esteem, lack of assertiveness.
2 versions of nice guys my dood. 1) Because in reality, the people who vocally tell others that they are "nice"... aren't really that nice. True nice people don't expect anything in return like sex (unlike the ones on r/NiceGuys). Next thing you know, they call themselves a supreme gentlemen. 2) To the true nice people, you've heard girls and guys say it all the time: "personality". Being nice... should be like a basic, expected thing. Like the default when you're in a character selecting screen. That's like any movie is good because it has a movie title. I'm sure when people are attracted to someone, their response isn't just "he's nice". You gotta have more to offer to the table than being nice. (That or maybe you're just going after the wrong type of women) To the people who are saying "wow thats incorrect. I know nice guys thay have girlfriends !" That's because they're MORE than just nice guys. Hey, that's not just a nice guy: that's Joe, the guy who goes around motivating people with small letters, likes cartoons, and a good influence in your life. That's not just a nice guy: that's Jack, the clown of the class that dreams of being a doctor, makes you laugh in your dark days, and likes coin collecting.
This characteristic isn't fully the cause and can't say anything. It depends on other stuff. Surely it does influence the chances not to get anywhere. Nice people sometimes say yes to things they shouldn't- it's not that smart. Some of them also let other people (mostly not nice people) steal the success behind them or "farm" being around or being friends with them. These other people can take anything from them. If nice people think they're not doing a nice thing, they get uncomfortable and due to that, some of them don't fully take responsibility on their lives which takes them down. It is very unfortunate. I understood these things because I was purely nice and innocent and it kinda happened to me. Even when I had almost everything that I wanted, I fell down, but I never give up and I will surely get to where I want because I know I will, with no worries. A good thing I understood is- if you want to be a true nice person and be smarter with it, you have to be nice also to yourself, because the most probably won't.For the people who think that nice people think they can only be nice and be wanted because of that- you're dead wrong in most of the cases, it ain't that related. Most of the people eventually understand that if you ain't special it will be much harder to find someone that would want you. Not everybody tries and not everybody wants to be special, although we are all special even if you don't see it. Just stop making stupid statements and open your eyes. You will eventually see who's nice and who's not but you won't know it until you really get to know a real nice person.
Because women are sitting on their hands and they never make the first step. And when WE do, because we're nice and unlike players we only do after we have feelings, a rejection hurts us A LOT more than players. And it takes us a lot of time to heal our wounds. And while we heal, there's still not a single lady in sight who will budge from her entitlement and make that damn first move.Also, some attention-seeking ladies will enjoy leeching attention from orbiters whom they've friendzoned.What's sad... but I think it's essential for nice guys to learn from it... is that in order to be successful, men should just try their luck with many women for whom they don't have the slightest feeling. Just try, try, try... and when it works, figure out if any feelings develop or not. If not, rince and repeat. It's sad, but considering women's reaction to men works like that and isn't likely to change soon, I don't see any other way. Just go after desirable women. Fuck feelings! Fuck THEIR feelings too because they won't give a fuck about yours either (sad but true). Then see how it works and if feelings eventually develop.While I'm saying this, I haven't yet put this logic into practice, though I'm wiling to (just didn't have time this year, too much work). And the nice guy approach has only granted me 4 relationships... and a half... so far. So, fuck it.
Okay, i’ve Said this before, so this is verbatim, but it’s an important topic to me because I think a lot of people are sending guys on a wild goose chase. There's a difference between a nice guy and a good man. Be an upstanding citizen, give charity, be nice to children, have honor; work on your own future success, and don't let people push you around, even if it's a woman (even if you like her). I'm not saying every girl is going to love you, at all, but a good woman will. Maybe she's one in a million and you'll never meet her, at least you're a good and successful person, but if you do, and you like her, you have gotten to skip over all the trash out there searching in vain for "the nice guy." You'll skip over all the feminists, activists, she-men, liars, cheats, thieves, unfaithful, and you name it, and the power will still be yours to say no if you please. Don't be a nice guy. That's a lie. Be a good man, because even without a woman, that's still worth something. Amongst other men, in society, within yourself, that's worth something.
Somehow I think people don't realize that the phrase "1 In a million is worthless nowadays" we are almost 8 billion people in the world… to say 1 in a million, is the same to say there are 8000 thousand people more that are like you…, about that and about the rest, I'm not sure to agree totally
@achezc I’m pretty sure that out of a million people we can all find one we’d be willing to settle on which is why I said that. The chances of us ever meeting more than a million people is very very low so I still think it’s a valid number contextually.
Well I was fun reading the "blaming the victime" actitud in this poll.By what I have seen, many men act with women as if they were "sex objects" they are ussually popular and its very strange he is a nice guy.Furthermore, many women act with some men as if they were "emotional objects" and they use the word "friend" to define it.(There was even a question of an anonymous girl who asked for being in a platonic relation with a "friend" who knew he liked her).True is, that even when nice guys are the victim, there are things which he must make in order to advance.First is to recognize his right to be loved and to fuck, as a man, normal is he doesn't defend that right.Second is be friend of girls who are friends of him.(Present your friends test, is a great test use it)Third nice guys are used to be guys who have low self-esteem ( as the victims of rape) he must discover who he is and how he want to be recognized.Same as victims of rape he must walk a great path to advance.I really like the advances which feminism have done in this way, nice guy which have very similar consecuences must learn a bit, just translated to a emotional POV.When a female "friend" calls you to talk about her new boyfriend, say: No is No, as in their slogan, and go for a woman who can love you.
From experience, Being Nice is portrayed as being as Butt kisser, weakling, fake, everything that is seen as potentially wrong. People, in general, can't comprehend nice, its just a small thing really. Most people are more self-centered so they believe they are the nicest person in the universe and no one can top that (cough girls)."Most" girls don't like kind, supporting, follower something like a puppy from men, they view it as weird but some pretend to go with it and trap you in the friend zone. Also, others are just following a trend to date certain types of guys for social status.Also, Nice guys could be considered as the male version of a THOT! Like how girls show their butt and boobs for admiration, while dudes show their kind, love, openness, and commitment to girls for admiration.I also believe that Nice guys are reserved for the ladies who-hit-the-wall hard, who is no longer at their prime, have children with tons of baby daddies, various problems, they are looking for someone to take care of their problems and nice guys are usually the ones they go for. I am also adding that girls like to be controlling and running the show of everything and if you play along in the show smoothly, kindly and nice then she gets bored which is retarded but that is how it works. Also, I'm not saying that you are a fake nice guy BUT being only nice to a girl could lead to WHO is the BIGGEST fake game. Because "MOST" girls love to be fake! They put a fake delusional portrayal of themselves and have a passive-aggressive attitude and you playing along in the same way isn't going to go anywhere between the two of you.Also feminazIS!!!Now, I am not god, or Albert Einstien this is just what I've experienced and saying, this could be different for anybody else but I hope this helps
Because gals want someone who gets shit done and nice guys seldom do as people tend to not respect them or at least consider them pushovers. On top social status more often than not has a lot to do with attraction, and nice guys are often at the bottom. At least among guys since theyre percieved as a pussy. There is no reason to fake being a bad guy as social norms are uniform that thats a bad thing (at least politically correctly speaking), while there is a reason to fake being a nice guy. So the only way to confirm someone being a nice guy is over time seeing if they "slip up". This coupled with the knowledge of "nobodys perfect" usually makes a girl think he's faking being nice. Niceness is based on altruism and altruism doesn't exist in nature. Also from natures side men for millions of years (if we go back to monkey age) are the hunters, which rewards aggressiveness, which is usually imcompatible with compassion/niceness. So strictly speaking a nice guy/male is (was) a bad hunter. Gals/females look (ed) for good hunters.
Because nice guys are considered weak to most girls. Girls are programmed to like the strong alpha male type guy, one who breaks the rules, does what he wants and doesn’t care about what anyone thinks about it. Nice guys follow the rules, that’s the problem. It is encoded in the girl’s DNA to want a guy who breaks the rules, which is why most girls fall for the bad boy. Also remember that women have an emotional train of thought, this means that their actions are largely based upon their mood. A girl might tell you that she wants the qualities of a good guy, but end up dating the bad guy. This is, in part, because of her emotions taking over her actions, and also in part, because her DNA is encoded to be attracted to the alpha male, which the bad boy has many traits of including but not limited to:Muscularity and strength (most of the time)Recklessness (as in breaking the law to have fun)ConfidenceCharismaLooksStatusNice guys are lacking in some or all of these areas, which is why they “finish last” A prime example of female primal attraction is their attraction to guys on motorcycles. Most girls like guys who ride motorcycles because it’s adventurous and cool. This stems from the primal days of humans when men rode on horseback to battle, which oozes masculinity and female attraction. Psychologically, the nice guy turns girls off.
A truly nice guys get a nice girls but unfortunately a lot of guys are only nice to girls they want to sleep with who usually have massive egos because a lot of guys are nice to her for the same reason so she starts to take advantage of it. If a guy is kind to everyone around them without expecting a rearward because they are aware that's just how they should be in general. A nice girl will pick up on it and appreciate it as usually guy's treat the nice girl as if she's invisible because she's not as desirable as that girl all the other guys are nice to just because she's hot.
I feel like this is definitely why a large group of girls usually flock towards the “bad boy” because he’s not being fake nice and like you said the girl is subconsciously picking up on that behavior
Because being "nice" does not make you special. A guy complaining about how "nice guys come last" raises major red flags for me. Just because you are nice doesn't mean you deserve anything special or that you automatically gain the romantic interest of the hottest girl around. You're fulfilling basic criteria to be a decent human being. Congratulations, you reached the starting line.
Lol I love it
This is a fallacy of reasoning. A guy being nice doesn't mean that's all he is or has to offer.
@TayTay21 Ofcourse not, I'm referring specifically to guys that do the bare minimum and then complain about why a girl isn't interested.
Nowhere does the OP say anything about just wanting to get away with doing "the bare minimum" (whatever that is). I don't know a single person who has only one thing to offer. People are more complex than that.
@TayTay21 The term "nice guy" doesn't literally just refer to guys that are nice in combination to other things. Please search it up on urban dictionary. That is what I am referring to.
What does urban dictionary have to do with this? You're saying that guys who are nice are one-dimensional, that they have nothing else to offer but niceness, and I'm saying that's ridiculous. That's akin to saying that smart girls are lame because they have nothing else to offer. Nobody is one-dimensional, and presuming that they are just makes you seem socially inexperienced. Smart girls can be fun and sexual, and nice guys can be strong and interesting. It's all about knowing the individual.
@TayTay21 Girl, calm down. I am not implying that at all. You aren't listening to me when I say that I'm not just referring to guys that are nice. Of course guys that are nice have more to offer than just being nice, its insane to think otherwise. Please listen and understand that I'm talking about guys that complain about how they were nice to a girl, and how it's unfair that they didn't get attention back in return. The term "nice guy" doesn't just refer to guys that are literally just nice, that's why I asked you to use urban dictionary. My point is that in order to get a girl's attention and romantic interest back, being kind is a given, not something that makes a guy stand out. MY POINT IS NOT that guys that are nice have nothing else to offer, or that people only have one characteristic to offer.
Again, what does urban dictionary have to do with nice guys? You're claiming that nice guys think they deserve attention from girls for being nice, but guys don't actually think that way. I don't know where you live or what kind of guys you're meeting, but in every social situation I've been in guys are trying to create a connection--nice guys included. Now, some nice guys may not be as good at making a connection because they're too self-conscious, but I've never met a guy who thought he deserved to be with a girl just because he was nice and existed. That's not real life.
oh stop ✋
@Liska98stad go away
@Liska98stad does your mommy know you're talking to other people on the internet?
@TayTay21 my mom is not alive, so no 🤦♂️
@HikerDude you wouldn’t be laughing out loud in real life you pussy
Nice guys do. "nice guys" don't. "nice guys" are men who have no spine, men who act how they think a woman will want (usually submitting to their every whim and acting incredibly passive) instead of acting the way they would while interacting with someone of equal value to themselves. They also tend to be quite mean, using covert contracts (for example, i buy you flowers, you give me sex), they do nothing without ulterior motives, and when they don't get what the subtly hint at wanting, they tend to punish, be it by arguing, cheating or a silent treatment. In short, they're selfish and cruel people hiding behind a mask of what they believe to be kindness. Dr. Robert A Glover wrote a good book about this.Being nice is a default behaviour, not something you should treat as your defining feature.
Because there are no real nice guys. Just wolves dressed in lamb skin. I don't care how many hypocrites come on here and tell me I'm wrong. The guys that you think are the nicest are usually the worst and most heartbreaking people you'll meet. With mean guys or bad guys you know what you're getting, they're also very sexy so yeah that's why they get the girl. That's why nice guys don't get anywhere.
Depends. Actual nice guys don’t go out of their way to say “bUt bAby iM a NiCe GuY!2!1” because real nice men are just that way and know that you should be that way and that you shouldn’t expect anything from being nice alone. But the reddit type of nice guys... those are the annoying type who say hi to a girl and get angry when the girl doesn’t wanna fuck him
I agree with you fully.
How do you personally define “nice guys”? And i think it would be good to talk with ones that have made it somewhere as well. Sometimes more is required whether we like to hear it or not. Personally, I don’t believe “nice guys” never get anywhere. This is going to vary in decisions/opinions because everyone is different and has different preferences. If your looking majority, that’ll be hard to answer as everyone may have something similar but some or most are thinking differently. Some guys are very successful in what they do and/or do get far; some don’t. May include that of expectations and of how high or low they are. If it depends on a person, it varies. if it depends on a job or career, it varies. Everyone or thing is different in what’s pursued and has it’s own requirements. (If all hasn’t been read, you haven’t understood what i was trying to say as not everything will fit on one page)
Also you don’t want to be perceived as your “entitled” or “entitled to”; no one is and all make mistakes and should learn from our mistakes which should help build our discernment on things. Some things take more time to reach than they should and some things are not worth getting or putting too much effort out for. Some can determine what they can pursue early. What’s sad is some girls in a relationship see some of those guys as pushovers as if they don’t have a backbone; & some actually look for protection/guidance from and in guys and want for a guy to fight (and i mean physically sometimes) for them... physically is not always necessary.. they want to be able to look to them as their means of “support” and/or “Head” in different ways.. but this is a lot of pressure.. then there’s some of both sides (men and women) that tend to want someone that is or they perceive to be out of their league or too much for them to handle.
I think on either subject and for both guys and girls, it’ll depend on how high or low their expectations are for what they’re pursuing in or after. Are they more than just realistic? (Sometimes your setting yourself up for disappointment w/ or w/o noticing it.) It’s good to make a better you for you and to improve for yourself as well. All will take time, sometimes patience, determination, faith, and endurance. But I’ll point out too, that not everything is fair consequently in this world. It’s pretty messed up for all of us.. This is just my personal thought on this.
Guys, you need to understand that most girls who like assholes are assholes themselves. The fact is that the majority of girls are jealous, greedy little cunts who are either at your feet or at your throat. Good girls are as rare as good guys.
True. Do you know what's interesting? Many of the guys here are getting super defensive on the opinions that they disagree with, yet they're the ones who claim that the women on GaG are "weak" and "in need of validation"... 🤔 I guess it takes one to know one. Haha.
Because you have trouble reaching out to girls, you leave it to the girls to reach out to you. Now I'm not saying girls never should approach guys (I'm doing it all the time), but in nowadays society it's still more acceptable for girls to only hint at guys for them to approach the girls. If the nice guys don't do it, the bad guys certainly will (oh they will!) and they'll beat you
Bad boys will beat us how, exactly? Just by the virtue of being a bad boy? Of course. That's why I will always insist that the nice guy (not the fake type) train himself to become a bad boy. I likewise always warn that training himself how to show disrespect--bordering on contempt--towards the woman who loves him is the hardest thing he'll have to train himself to do. There will be many failures along the way as he learns how to dish out the abuse (but fortunately, the profuse apologies that follow come easily to him--not so with the real bad boy). But, in the end, when he's hollerin' at all them bitches to fuck off because they all now want to marry him even after telling them he can only handle 10 stupid bitches at a time, he will have me to thank.
Yeah you are 100% correct. I learned and I'm growing out of not approaching
Maybe a dating coach could help you? Or some books on emotional intelligence? Or having more friends who are women and can tell you what you are doing in your life that might be turning women off. Also have the same expectations for yourself as you do for the woman. Don't expect a 10 to fall for you if you never hit the gym and eat pizza for all three meals. Don't expect an intelligent woman with drive if you work at a drive through and aren't making steps to advance in your career.
Ill answer that with a reverse exemple Imagine you're in this party with a lot of chicks , this girl comes up to you and she's average she start talking to you touching you and saying all the nice things you wanna hear and being helpfull and friendly suddenly this girl who is also average bumps into you looks at you in a mean way and just walk away. Now which one really peaked your interest?
Nice guys definitely CAN get somewhere. But I don't think nice is really the word you're looking for. PASSIVE guys don't really get anywhere because there's a societal expectation that guys need to be strong and be able to stand on their own two feet. If you mean in terms of romance, passive guys are seen as less attractive, but guys that are complete assholes typically don't do well either (with some exceptions of course). If you want to do better in life, you have to stand up for yourself and be motivated. Being nice IS a good thing so don't get it twisted.
Nice guys will be always nice.It is the best thing they can do.Nice guys are the most successful people in the world.A girl will love to date or keep many people as their boyfriend.But they will always wish 4 a nice guy to come in their life if they are looking for a long term relationship.
some of them are indeed decent humans but they tend to score high in NEUROTICISM. ask any therapist with years of experience. high neuroticism equals usually not handling social and opposite sex pressure, easy irritability, easy withdrawal in one's self, low assertiveness, low charisma, being too much in your head and self image focused etc
so its a combination of poor social skills, certain quirks or conditions, and low spirituality i would add.
but if they hurt noone and contribute to society they sre cool in my book, i dont judge them.
You get it! It's nice to read that at least one woman out there does.I'm not sure about the neuroticism, though. I am one of those "nice guys" and I have known quite a few others. Not one is high on the neuroticism scale (my ex girlfriend was about as high as it gets).But in my own case, I would admit the poor social skills (due to poor socialization due to high intelligence, no father, and physical deformity until 18yo), low assertiveness, not handling well opposite sex pressure, and being too much in my head (with high rationality, which is a hindrance for interacting with women).
@jaidee yeah high intelligence and too square logic /analytical thinking is a hindrance. you have to learn to get in state and not overthink. to be aloof. and to learn the subconscious body language. 90% is non verbal communication.
also too high empathy and emotional sensitivity. too low cunning. and too low dark triad characteristics are aften a hindrance in social situations. thats why Christ said the real christian can't succumb to the spirit of this world i think... . you can't be an exceptional secular and an exceptional christian as you can't be a comunist and a patriot.
Don't call yourself a nice guy. Even if you are, people are just going to meme you. To be honest, its random whether you meet a girl who actually likes you or not, it has nothing to do with whether you're nice or not. I've met people who were complete cunts that were in relationships as well as some of the nicest people on earth. It comes down to who you meet and at what time. Unless you're ugly. If you're ugly then good fucking luck.
Hi quote unquote nice guy here. It has nothing to do with my niceness in any way. It has more to do with a lack of romantic social skills coupled with low self esteem. Well for me that's my own experience. Maybe just try showing whatever girl you're talking about that you are interested in making her a large part of your world. But what do I know
Cause y'all think being nice is the thing that turns girls off. Girl like nice guys!!! If she dont like you or your not getting anywhere its something else.
Think I disagree slightly.Incarcerated mass killers receive A LOT of steamy fan mail from female admirers. Maybe that is partly because of their notoriety, which is obviously a form of fame.But I read about a veteran from... Iraq or Afghanistan, can't remember, who said that sometimes women would ask him if he had killed anyone during his tour, and when he said yes, that really turned them on.There is also just my personal experience back in school that the bullies did better (with women) than the bullied.
Okay so that is actually sick that people are writing fan mail for killers. I don't know about the vet and the bullied because everyone went to the person who was the bully cause they would rather run with the in crowd then rather the victim. Now even if these guys did those things doesn't mean they are not nice guys.
@mltplrgsm yes fame and notoriety can do weird things FOR SOME women. but not all of us are mailing serial killers bro. chill out.
@levantine99 True. But it's a real problem that boys are taught (mostly by women) to be good little well-behaved lads, then they grow up and discover that everything they have learned, all the inhibitions they have been taught to place on themselves are absolutely detrimental to succeeding with women. Off the top of my head I can think of three mass killers who have way more success with women than me. That doesn't give you pause?
@mltplrgsm its a vicious cycle. cause from the other end of the argument a woman can ask you, yeah, we have to project certain archetypes of behavior THAT YOUR OWN JUDGMENTAL PATRIARCHY opposes on women to appear socially acceptable. do you see where this is going? its a chicken and egg process. for me that i'm a christian it all boils down to the grace of God. the only distinction that exists is secularism and spirituality in my opinion. no politica ideologies, gender or race. when i were a secular i seeked bad boys, had weird fetishes, had mean thoughts etc. the only really transforming power i found on this earth is the life of the grace.
also we say rationalyy what we want and/or what we think others will want to hear us say we want, but instincts and subconscious processes tell a different story. now that i live in the life of grace though, i just care for my partner to have a spiritual life. its my first and foremost standard.
@mltplrgsm no it doesn't give a pause it just simply means you dont do good with women. Just cause one dude gets more girls than you do and he happens to be a 'bad boy' does not mean that women dislike nice guys. You need to analyze everything you do that might put women off and not compare yourself with other men. Women like a variety of guys that is there preference. Maybe you should stop blaming other things for you not getting girls.
true i'd say most women have an open type of man. not something ultra specific. we just want someoone emotionally stronger than us usually.
Since killing people turns women on, I think it's fair to say that being nice is a massive waste of effort for men.
@mltplrgsm dude stop saying embarassing crap like that at 34. u make us feel we wasted our time explaining stuff to you
@levantine99 What is embarrassing about it? I have been nice to women my whole life, and usually, that is taken advantage of.
@levantine99 It literally seems to be a turnoff for some women. They think you're too effeminate.
@mltplrgsm those women aren't angels. they have insecurities, fears, childhood traumas, quirks, score a certain spectrum in psychopathy as every human does even you. you can't pedestalise them. also humans are comlex beings. the underlying motives and assumptions matter. and good men tend to search for those. a woman can say "leave me alone" to merely trigger you to empathize with her. if you are that autistic, that you take it literally and really believe that abandoning her at that moment is the optimal solution, then you might literally need a lot of schooling about how our brain works.
@levantine99 Not autistic. Grew up with a narcissistic mother. My nice guy father worked his ass off providing for the family. He got us ready for school in the mornings. He prepared birthday celebrations for her. I can hardly remember hearing her tell him she loved him. He said that frequently. She always attacked him for his weaknesses. Ever wonder if it isn't guys that are autistic, but yourselves that are being total bitches?
@mltplrgsm she was a sociopath. you can't project your mother on all women. she couldnt love cause she was ill. also the only example of masculinity you had is from your father who was a beta male. so you mimicked his behaviors. there is though such a thing as being good and not being a doormat at the same time.
@levantine99 She did good stuff too, it's not like she is all bad. I don't want to, but if that is what I'm doing, it's so deeply ingrained that I don't know how to stop. Thanks, though.
its harsh summarizing someone's life in three lines, but someone had to do it for you. the triggered man will up his defence mechanisms and rationalisations. the wie man would take the advice and adapt. although your neuroplasticity is smaller at 35 there is still room for improvements.
@mltplrgsm you are welcome. you are healthy enough to be able to take two steps back and look at the bigger picture and your own biases. be thankful, others can't. like at all.
you will manage it with the right mentors and therapists. i'd add a spiritual life but you dont sound much into christianity.
@levantine99 There was a time when I would have agreed with such pull-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps rhetoric. Then I ended up in psychiatry and was drugged for a decade. Bye bye working frontal lobes. Bye bye self-control. Oh well.
and to take the red pill revelations one step further, learn that it was YOU who picked those women subconsciously to be in the image of your mother, so that you could recreate what you guys had at home. so the common pattern you saw was not all women ACTUALLY being the same, just the deepest, darkest workings of your own subconscious plotting against you.
But thanks for your kindness.
@mltplrgsm thats why i said therapists and not psychiatrists, being drugged is nearely never the solution.
@levantine99 I guess. Kinda think it's too late.
@mltplrgsm quit quitting bro. its the best advice i can give you.
@levantine99 Okay. Just thinking cost/benefit.
@mltplrgsm reclaiming one's life? price=invaluable.
@levantine99 If it primarily involves suffering, I'm not so sure. Sort of doubt I'll muster the courage anyway. Will probably just wait until my time is up.
It is a scientifically proven fact that men with the so called "dark triad" of personality traits are irresistible to most women. Nice guys, on the other hand, are not perceived by women as masculine. They don't make women's panties wet the way assholes do.The bottom line is that women "like" nice guys but they are sexually attracted to assholes. So settling for a nice guy is just that... settling. It's a compromise.
Nice Guys (TM) are not actually nice.Genuine, good men go places, and get good things in their lives.
not necessarily. neuroticism, cowardice, autism are some things that might keep some decent human beings behind in comparison to what society PERCEIVES as "success". that doesn't make them any less humane. your judgmental, high expectations attitude leads nowhere
@levantine99 In what way did I imply that I was referring to material success in the eyes of others?Many good men are not neurotypical but still manage to have love, sex, and a good life. It's not "easy" for anyone. We all have to work at it, and it may be harder for some. But this asker is buying into a "poor me" attitude like he thinks simply being "nice" entitles him to what he desires.Look up "Nice Guy (TM)" to understand a bit more of what I am speaking of.
i get what you mean but generalisations from both ends of the spectrum are harmful. all nices guys are as bas as all women are evil icequeens going after bad boys. there are good guys and good girls. there are good alpha guys, there are good beta guys, there are good alpha girls and beta girls. as there are bad versions of those
@levantine99 Alpha/Beta males/females do not exist in the human subspecies. Our social status is much more nuanced than that, especially because humans have the capacity for complex language, and very complex societies with many levels of status.Men who complain about not getting things because nice guys just don't get ahead frequently prove that they are not actually very nice. They are entitled whiners. This guy sounds like one.
well alpha beta usually means something. alpha is high in aggressiveness and assertivenes. very goal oriented. big confidence, charismatic etc. just because some people are weak and neurotic that doesn't make them worse in my book. also u gotta take into account their upbringing. millenials were taught that everyone will love them as their mum does. that effortlessly the world will open its arms for them. very few people have the blessing of good mentors at a young age.
@levantine99 Alpha/beta is literally not a phenomena in human beings. That's pseudo-science masquerading as pop-psychology.
whatever call it as you want. still works in my book when analyzing human behavior. its a decent model. what i have in my head isn't what you have in yours when thinking about it.
@levantine99 Except you don't realize you're contradicting yourself.
ok cool with that
This is a lie, all you are doing is spreading false expectationsGenuine good men only get good things if they want to make good things happen for themselves. Sometimes yes it's possible to get good things outside BUT DON'T EXPECT IT. Genuine good men attract BAD things people with problems and issues that want to cling on to this certain person because they believe they will feel better. Do NOT TRY TO FULLY COMMIT IN HANDING PEOPLES PROBLEMS to Help them get better because THey will drain the HELL out of you.
Being a nice guy is only an issue when you have nothing else to offer. What can the nice guy offer other than being nice? Are they interesting? Is there common ground? Would you date someone one dimensional?
A lot of so-called nice guys are not really that nice at all. It is an act to pick up girls. Be with them for a while and their real self will eventually show itself. The truly nice ones are doing what a lot of girls do, they are waiting for the other person to make the first move so we are all waiting, waiting, waiting but nobody wants to commit themselves.
There is a great article written by a trans woman who has experienced both sides called Why Nice Guys Finish Last by Julia Serano (you can find a pdf on google of it) and it explains why girls see men that way and why men become assholes because of it and what can be done about it and the whole social predator/prey double standard the plagues how men and women view each other
Any idea where to find the pdf specifically?
@zbivinz going back now the link to the pdf no longer appears on google, I still have a saved copy but I can't find it on google anymore
thematinggrounds. com/how-to-be-attractive-to-women-pt-3-the-tender-defender-the-nice-guy-vs-the-asshole/wnycstudios. org/story/104010-one-good-deed-deserves-another/
I'm a nice guy a s don't have problems.. Are yli sure you're talking about nice guys or shy guys? Aa the answer in that case would be obvious...
Because nice guys have all the qualities women want and the women don't want to risk ruining their relationship with nice guys with sex and emotions so they just keep them as friends.
Being nice is expected of everyone. Be a genuinely interesting person, with your own goals, hopes, dreams, and talents, and the women will come. Don't try so hard
Honestly, women find them boring. They also usually have no "game" or whatever.I feel that how women usually perceive them.Then when they get fucked over by the douche they usually go for they complain about not being able to find a decent guy when all they care about is his appearance. Any girl saying they ate guys majorly on personality is a liar
Agreed, nice guys appear to be boring. They need something exciting to be interesting, also, nice guys usually do everything for their woman, which can be quite.. Uhm... It doesn't feel right. It's getting on our nerves.
Lol yeah we should call you a bitch from time to time, never come home at night and ignore your calls and text and just like other girls photos on ig and comment sexual/flirt ish to them while dating you, because that's interesting lol right gtfo with your low self esteem abd daddy issues
I just answered the question. Live with it. Same count for girls so what?
Nah we don't think nice girls are boring foh
Sigh... You didn't understand what I was trying to say, but discussing with smn who insults immediately is pointless I suppose.So, have a nice day buddy :)
I don't know why. We do everything right and yet everything wrong happens to us. But the not so nice guys always have it good.
It's not just nice boys. It's because most people aren't nice and nice people tend to be too caring and sensitive, they let other people step on them.
There a different to nice guys just act nice before getting in a relationship. when woman get in a relationship with a nice they turn into a different guy that doesn't respect woman. it fake. good guy will respect woman. one of do not be a push over.
There isn't really such a thing as a nice guy! Guy's are either players or wish they could be players!!Having said that, girls are often not that great either...
They never take what they want in life and be proactive in getting it.
Nice guys finish last because they let everyone go before them. It's a chivalry thing, and chivalry has been dead for a long time.
That’s an assumption. It may in face just be because the nice guys are going for not nice girls hence they don’t get anywhere. But if they went for nice girls they would!
This is totally true. Why is it that nice guys seem to always want the nastiest bitches? lol
I agree but we men are stupid, we can't tell a nice girl from a nasty girl because girls tend to hide their devilish behavior through body language or the tone of speech or the way they go about saying things.
here is your answer from a women on her death bed https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iz-frhnxoec&t=108s
Because they're not actually nice. They just have a different view on things and think that they are.
wrong. they could be nice but also lack in masculinity and are easily triggered.
Yeah, I don't think I'm wrong here. It's not lacking masculinity, it's their "wrong" perception of being nice. The people that call themselves nice are rarely such. But everyone has their point of view
Cause they're afraid to take risks and a lot of the time they are afraid to stand up for themselves and let others walk all over them. Girls like douchebags anyway
True I use to be a asshole growing up but lately been trying to be nicer and it starting to show no one takes you seriously.
Yeah be nice but not too nice or everyone will take advantage. Like the godfather said don't mistake my kindness for weakness. Just cause you're kind or nice to someone doesn't mean you're gonna put up with their 💩
True use to be a rather violent person had a lot of anger built up but in the last few years I start to let it go anyways thanks for you opinion rather enlightening
Lol no prob. Just remember if a mf steps out of line don't be afraid to smack him
The only risk that matters when approaching women is that she can lie and land you in prison. All the other risks are just petty social bullshit.
And go to jail for assault. Fucking great advice.
You can always make sure to keep people in line with out a assault charge it's easy just a bit shade lol
Oh its bad advise to not let others walk all over ok
See I was in a long term relationship and was considered a "nice" or "Good" guy, but since becoming single, I swear it's a bad label to have now. Confusing, but it is what it is.
There's a difference between nice and attractive. They don't always go together.
I think that both men and women go for that challenge. Nice guys/girls are not that challenge. Make it right? No.
Totally true, nobody will admit it, but we always want what's difficult to get
@Manoow - Yep. Maybe not all people do it, but sooooo many do.
Because the not nice guys trample on them rather than respecting them for being good
Nice guys finish last. In my book Marriage is finishing last. I hope i come in dead last.
What do you mean by nice? Because it depends the way you treat them!💯💯
Nice guys get EVERYWHERE, baby! EVERY-FUCKING-WHERE! We just have to be SMART about it.
Nice guys get everywhere. If you're having trouble then you're probably not as nice a guy as you think you are.
not exactly. he might not be assertive, confident, socially savvy. all these dont make you a decent human being. your idea of nice is warped. as is his to a degree of course. being a successful secular takes more things than niceness.
Because there's intent behind the actions. Not simply for just being 'nice'.
Not always, but true
We get places you just don't see it tell we're buying your house and kicking you out!
You cannot undo this action. The opinion owner is going to be notified and earn 7 XPER points.