Why does it take years for some guys to confess to you that they like you?

There’s a few guys that I met a few years ago, hung out with them a few times and lost contact with them. Years later, suddenly they message me online telling me their feelings for me but I usually have moved on.

I get that it takes courage to say that but why wait years to say something?

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Most Helpful Guys

  • The reason for this is that guys don't believe that the person or hanging out with truly has feelings for them back so they won't bring it up or they put themselves will not realize that they like you until years later and so they'll just let you know just for the sake of let you know and if you just happen to be free or willing to give them a chance then they're cool with that as well but it's usually just hey I just realized I liked you and etcetera

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  • The guys lack confidence, and they've made you to be super-important to them, and they're afraid if they ask you out and you reject them, that your relationship will essentially be over (and they're not wrong). So, they admire you from a distance and stay in the Friend Zone even though they desperately would like to escape it.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I recently had my guy friend say to me “I’ve always cared about you” and it’s driving me nuts if that was a confession or not?

    But most guys are scared of feelings. And if you’re friends, it makes it a bit harder!

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 45

  • So... I'm going to play devil's advocate here as I do agree with what people are saying about being shy. It could very well be that you were not on their radar at the time, and saying "I have had feelings for you for awhile" is most likely a good way to get on your good side.

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  • Fear. Every single time I've ever opened up and told a woman how I feel about them it's gone bad. They don't feel the same, and on top of that, usually don't speak or hear from them again. Women say they want us to open up to them, but when we do, this is often what happens. But to contact you out of the blue years later and "confess", is strange lol. Why they do that I don't know. Be different if you guys stayed in touch or starting talking/hanging out again.

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  • I would not even confess. I simply can not. I don't have guts. Maybe generally I think this is because they don't want to lose the friendship and they want to check if the girl is interested or not. If she is, she will definitely contact. And then he just gives up and asks. I would do that. I am not any expert.

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  • I think it's sometimes realizing "Wow I should've said something" and then mix in the mentality of "Never too late right?" I can't say that's never happened to me either. I think one thing is it happens when we're younger were not as confident or as experienced being as forward on some things, so now being older you realize it's not as hard as we made it out to be.

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  • Sometimes people are slow to realize what they're feeling. Sometimes they're motivated by realizing that you're not as interested any more. Sometimes it's a rekindled spark by seeing someone you were into years ago on Facebook or what have you. There are a lot of reasons, most of them admittedly kinda dumb.

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  • I'm pretty shy, so maybe that's why. But at the same time, I've just got a massive fear of modern feminists in the back of my mind constantly, so I'm terrified when I talk to girls. Just because I'm afraid of being in a situation where I accidentally offend someone.

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  • Because some might be shy. Guys are also much more afraid of being rejected because there's a larger selection of guys for girls to choose from than for guys to choose girls. Personally, I would never say anything unless approached, but never have been approached either lol 😂

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  • well its just guys when face with a pretty girl get nervous around them so we rather just stay quiet and wait till later and see if that person is still interseted

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  • Might be in a relationship (you or them), fear of losing a friend, lack of courage (obviously), not realise it at the time, or any number of things. Although it's most likely a combination of things.

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  • Many guys have trouble presenting themselves in a vulnerable way.

    I believe they simply don't want to get hurt or hurt the other person as this hurts a lot, so they want to be absolutely sure before making any advances.

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  • I didn't wait to say, how I feel but also didn't work out In my favor. I feel once you do the girls runs away. Gets to scared or it's no longer a challenge for them and walk away. She the one who confess she like me first. After starting as friends.

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  • I haven't confessed to a girl for about a year now. Why? BecauseI don't have a reason to. It won't get me anywhere... except maybe put me in an embarassing situation after I could never talk to her again without being ashamed.

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    • What you don't realize is that you aren't getting anywhere now, and she's not going to wake up one day and ask you out.

      When you meet a girl you like, you should approach her immediately. Sure, you will get plenty of "no's" but you will sometimes get a "yes". It will help you avoid spending months or years in the Friend Zone of a girl that you will never get anyway.

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    • If you have no chance, then a "no" is exactly what you should want to hear. That would mean that you don't have to waste your precious time hoping for something that will never happen, and you can spend your time and attention on someone else who is actually interested in you.

      Why waste all that time in limbo? What do you gain?

    • I don't need a rejection to spend my attention on anyone else, so it really is useless. The point is just that I don't have anyone else to spend it on.

  • Some people, like myself, are scared of being denied, shamed, or just straight up "ghosted". I can think of plenty of perfect opportunities when i could tell someone I liked them. Its just the matter that a lot of different scenarios can run through a person's head in the spur of the moment. I give props to anyone who can just plain and straight to the point tell someone the like them.

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  • There are lot of things going when he thinks about u, he think about consequences, he thinks of frndship and that leads overthinking which delays the whole process and sometimes he even forgets what the heck he was even thinking and moves on and when he is like completely mindfuck then he asks u

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  • It's like asking why don't you just talk to God. If a man likes a girl that much her presence can render him speechless. Litterly

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  • Coming from a guy who has been on the other side, it definitely has to do with the fear of being rejected. Like imagine this scenario, you're a person who likes this individual. You cannot conclude 100% if this person might be attracted to you. Even after 2 years you still are not 100% sure. You know if you ask that question, you have only one shot at it otherwise its over. So it takes a long ass time because we're afraid that we might be wrong. Even if we're 85% sure, we're fucking scared of that 15%. The only way to relieve that is to show an obvious card of non-attraction or attraction towards someone.

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  • Well, I can't speak for everyone, but for myself it's because I find it really hard to confess my feelings and emotions in real life. In real life, I'm mostly quiet, except when I'm around people I know very well. When I'm angry, frustrated, sad, depressed, or whatever, I never express it. I essentially just bottle it up until it passes. I never "pop", which I've been told makes me extremely patient. For love, it's a bit different. For some reason my body just doesn't want to spit out how I truly feel ever. I have the words in my mind, but I can never get my mouth to open up and speak them.

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  • Honestly they are probably the best guys but girls like confident guys that are cocky and thats usually who they go for

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    • If they're really great guys, they'll learn to be as confident as the arrogant ones. Confidence is a skill to be weilded. Girls like men that have a career too, but if you don't develop confidence you're going to struggle getting that too.

      Regardless, whining isn't ever attractive on anyone.

  • Because they don't want to lose you.
    Once someone confess everything change.

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  • I'm the shy type but I never took a year. Heck if I couldn't say it I wrote it in a note.

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What Girls Said 6

  • Either because they're full of apprehension and scared to make a move because of rejection -or- they weren't sure they were in love with you and needed time to think about all pros and cons, making the feeling was "real" and if they are even ready for commitment.

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  • NEWSFLASH: guys can be shy too. Just like girls, they may be afraid of confessing and it may take them years to finally find the courage to do so.. Not many of us can confess straight away

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  • Timing is not always our friend. Give the poor bastards a break hehe

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  • I feel you. 😢

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  • Would you keep texting him if he’s ignoring you 😞

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  • they're shy.

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