Did he leave because he felt like I gave up on him or because he didn't love me?

I was hurt multiple times by an ex. I loved him and if I ever hurt him it was in retaliation to him hurting me. I would shut down because he had done it first, I would not say I loved him because he wasn't saying it to me or I would say I was leaving because I felt ALONE. I just wanted to protect myself. I loved him so much that when he first admitted to a lie that broke my heart, I layed in bed and cried myself to sleep and I could physically feel my heart breaking. That same day I had told him some mean things. I said I shouldn't have trusted him and to never talk to me again. But I tried to apologize and he wouldn't accept it he acted like Im the one who hurt him because HE lied and I was upset about it. Eveything after that changed. I would try not to get ahead of myself and not to trust him, and more and more he may have felt like I was giving up on him when I was fighting for him more than he ever realized. I was fighting everything in me telling me that the only thing I would get out it was unrequited love, but I loved hin so much that just knowing I was supporting him was enough to keep me going. I was putting my pride aside and I wish I could have seen his perspective but my own needed to be understood as well. If I ever hurt him he hurt me worse. I didn't believe he CARED if I gave up on him because he had already given up on me so many times. I didn't believe he loved me but I was STILL fighting myself to just leave him alone when all I wanted was him. All I wanted was for him to fight for me and so with each moment that I felt defeated I gave up trying to fight because I felt like I was fighting by myself FOR HIM. Alone. I would say things like "Im done" "I hate you" "i shouldn't have trusted you" and I would leave but I always came back because I loved him so much. I felt lke he couldnt see how much I loved him. And sadly I hoped that maybe I couldnt see how much he loved me because that was better than the dreaded idea that my doubts were true
Did he leave because he felt like I gave up on him or because he didn't love me?
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