Why can't I make myself believe he might actually have feelings for me?

He's calling me honey, uses red heart emojis <3 , keeps the realistic drawing I made of his eye in his room, walks around the school while his friends + his brother's friends see us together, and saying he loves the picture of us together (it's my profile picture if you wanna see) and also flirting with me and being really genuine and chivalrous. We also have physical/ sexual attraction for one another. But I keep finding a way to convince myself that he's scared to say he doesn't like me and is just letting me off easy/friend zone/ being nice to avoid hurting me. We've known each other for 2.5 months and he doesn't pressure me in any way, lets me be myself, and respects my boundaries But I don't know if it's because other girls are satisfying him and he doesn't need me, but I don't know if I'm just being stupid since I am literally the only girl I've seen him walking around with. I only ever seen him with his buds.
Why can't I make myself believe he might actually have feelings for me?



  • You might falling for him but you're scared even though he obviously is into you
    Vote A
  • You're scared because deep down you know he isn't interested
    Vote B
  • You are both scared and both holding back your feelings
    Vote C
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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Most Helpful Guys

  • If you're unsure, you can try going on what I like to call a "disguised date." Ask him to dinner or a movie or something without using the word "date," (unless he does so first) and see how it goes. And at the end of the night if you still like him, give him a hug and then *THIS IS IMPORTANT* kiss him on the cheek before you part ways. See where it goes from there.

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    • Problem is, we already did that like a month ago. We went to see a scary movie and he intertwined our fingers and cuddled me and held me when I was scared, and teased me, and played with my hair. Then, he asked to give me a kiss. And that was my first kiss and almost a make out, and he did it like 3 separate times and waited for my mom to come pick me up before he left. The reason I didn't mention it was because something happened a month later and I guess he kinda said he liked me but felt it would be unfair to start a relationship since he will move at the end of the year and I will go off to university. But now, this is all the things he's doing again and he said "We can be more" but only if I play my cards right. And he tells me he wish I was with him, etc so I don't know if he said he didn't want a relationship because his last girlfriend dumped him and he's hurt and scared or because I am moving too fast and he likes me and wants to take things slower

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    • That's a very far distance. I've done lobg-distance and it sucks not seeing your partner daily, but Skype helps a lot.
      But that's cool that he's now into that.
      So I suppose his reasons for having been leaving were for school?

    • I can hang out with him/ call him sometime and find out! Haha but honestly, I don't wanna just lose contact with him

  • Former shy insecure guy here. It sounds like your insecurities are controlling your thoughts. Try to learn to accept yourself and just look at your boyfriend's actions, take them at face value, and don't assume things from that. People are afraid of getting hurt, that's normal. What is not normal is to let that fear prevent you from enjoying the relationship. When fear blocks your happiness you are no longer in control.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Did somebody ever hurt your feelings so much that you think now everybody will?
    Somehow, you seem to put up a fence against your own emotions and you are finding possible excuses to protect yourself from being hurt again.
    True love is unfortunately coupled with disappointments and it is just normal to want to be sure that you don't experience those ever again.
    Just remember, if you don't let love touch you, you will not find the good sides that love can bring and give you. True love is unconditional and beautiful.

    In the future, you may have just this one regret. That you did let this chance pass and not grab the hand that was there to catch you!

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    • Wow... I think I just had a realization. You're right! :) Thank you! I will not let this chance pass my by!

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    • You are welcome. And by the way I think you would make a lovely couple if I look at your profile picture. You are beautiful and he has the allure of a protector...

    • You honestly just made my morning!! :)

  • I've been in a situation like this before. It's probably because you think that if you do realize that you like him, and you are almost sure he likes you, you don't want to get your hopes up, as if you are 100% sure he likes you, and you finally accept he does, and you like him, and he turns out not liking you, it completely ruins you, and you are afraid that that will happen if you accept him liking you and you liking him.
    I don't know if any of that actually made any sense, but in my head it makes a lot of sense, it's just that I don't know how to word it.

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    • Yup, I reread that, it doesn't make any sense to me... I hope you get what i mean

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    • Yeah, I think he does like you for sure

    • Thanks!! :)

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 24

  • Have you heard of "To good to be true" that belief tends to make people self destructive.
    Also it's something in you that most likely sees that you aren't good enough no matter if it is so or not.
    It's not your decision to make if you are in the first place.

    Question your thoughts and beliefs that is negative about you two, even the excuses to justify them, make those beliefs thoughts and exuses ridicules in your mind.

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    • You're definitely right, and I just don't know if he feels the same because I keep guessing that he's just too scared to reject me or say he doesn't like me. We've talked about something like that before, there's a girl who said she "loved" him and he was too scared to break her heart so now I'm assuming he's putting me into that category too. But my friend had a bad impression of him in the beginning, and the day I gave him my drawing of him, she said she saw the way he treated me and she realized he was actually really sweet towards me and kind and showing me off to his friend, not hiding me, and walking beside me and being really respectful so I don't know

    • If he was that he more likely wouldn't tell you that. also, it's a good sign that he tells thing's like that, it's a sign he is in to you emotionally, people rarely tells thing's that is uncomfortable or embarrassing, normally only to someone that means a lot to them that they think they can confide to build something deeper with.

      Take what others say with a pinch of salt, especially friends, they can be full off shit because of a lot of reasonable reasons or only got a glimpse off the whole picture and make pure judgment. never let others decide for you or convince, only take what they come with under consideration, think and feel for yourself.

    • Thank you :)

  • Because your a girl selfish and horrible. A guy is poring his heart out to you and you just sit there not giving back. Feel sorry for him clearly deserves better. You think he’s not scared? He is but unlike you he’s brave a man doing a mans job something women can never do clearly proven.

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    • I’m really trying to show him I care 😢 but yeah I’m am really scared. I never give away my artwork and it took me 11 hours to draw the picture I gave him 💕 but I don't know if he knows how much it means to me

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    • Does it feel like he is doing things very right in the relationship and you’re unsure about how you’re coming across?

    • @amerikatuak everything he does is good aside from the fact he doesn't text first often so it makes me feel like I'm constantly reaching for him, but aside from that everything is okay

  • ... Emojis are retarded. So... there's that at least.

    Anyway, maybe other girls are satisfying him-- do you have any reason to suspect that? And even if you do, since you two aren't an item, why or how would that matter?

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    • I don't know, I'm just guessing, which is unfair to him. And I know it wouldn't matter, but at the same time, one time I was selling something at lunch at a table during lunch for student council and I was sitting beside a guy and we were talking and laughing with other friends and when the guy walked by (the one i;m asking about) he was looking at me the whole time before he walked away

  • Well it sounds like you're the one not going in with both feet. You are literally stopping yourself from something that could be awesome.

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  • Drop some hints. Give this guy a chance to open up. Start talking about your favourite things.
    There we have all given you some motivation. Feel confident.. and see how everything plays out. That's tge only way to lift off all tge suspense and mystries.

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  • Come on! its obvious he likes you! Dont be scared to tell him!!

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    • The thing is one time I asked him if he likes me, and why he keeps avoiding the question. He always says "Well... I dunno, in what way? I don't fall in love overnight..." But he never says no. Tbh he's asked me if I like him, and I only say he has admirable qualities. I've never said, "Hey, (his name) I like you." So another time I asked if he likes me as a person and he said "Yeah! Of course, you're really nice" and through texts he always says I'm sweet <3

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    • @Sheriblossom yes 😂 also; guys are simple creatures

    • @tartaarsaus 😂😂 I’ll try to keep that in mind thanks again!!

  • On my opinion fear doesn't let you move, I know that you have a 5th sense which is emotional and let you see things that the rational mind can't, but I want you to see that the fear of being rejected is irrational because everybody gets rejected almost all the time and nothing happens... on my opinion you should clear if you want to go out with him or not, and let him know because if you felt he was just playing with you, you wouldn't say scared so many times.

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  • U r such a cute ass that anyone will fall without a doubt.

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  • He more than likes you just relax and let your mind dream

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  • U may be scared that if he have that same feeling for u or not, most probably..

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  • 2.5 months is still in the honey mooning period. Give it 6 months to a year.

    The first few months is learning the idea of someone, once the relationship really kicks off you’re learning the truth about someone.

    There is a chance he does actually care for you. Whatever you do, don’t put him through “tests” to prove he cares. It’s the biggest waste of time ever and it will leave men emotionally scarred.

    You card about him too at least. Don’t be afraid to fall in love, but make sure you keep your wits about you. So love doesn’t cloud your judgment.

    Give it time as that will tell.

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  • You've only known each other for 2.5 months. It's too soon to understand these kind of feelings.

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    • True! :) so what do you think so far tho? Are we technically wheeling each other? (Pursuing each other and moving towards a relationship)? or is he just treating me nicely because he's scared to reject me?

    • Definetly Wheeling

      (Thanks for understanding that I'm too old to know what wheeling means and explaining it)

    • Haha, what do you mean? You know what it means lol! (Aha my pleasure ;) but ayeee now you know!)

  • He sounds interested in you. Maybe you can't believe because you have trust issues or something is holding you back from the past.

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  • Physically:

    Good looks
    Nice hair
    Take care of skin
    Physically fit
    Noticeable breasts

    Mentally:
    Good character (they know themselves)
    Confidence
    Competence
    Maturity
    Intelligent
    Not trashy/bitchy

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  • You're 17 presumably he's just as young. you got a looooong time to figure it out. if he cares about you he isn't going to go anywhere. Just be friend in his life unless that's too hard for you (to just be his friend). Don't put your life on hold either. If he really likes you and something is holding him up keeping close (being friends that is) will eventually break down that wall.
    As i've said before i think you're gut reaction now is the correct one. you're using your head and not your heart so much (this is a good thing).

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  • I think your scared of becoming emotionally attached

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  • Time to pull off the band-aid... just talk to him... tell him how you feel.

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  • You're a child.

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    • Those "dreams" usually don't involve obsessing over a human being as if they were a blow-up doll.

    • lol who said I was obsessed? lmao!!

  • He's into you.

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  • You should try asking him on a date

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    • We’ve technically gone out together and he’s kissed me 3 times that night

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    • Well in short, I found out myself that there’s a girl who lives in his old town across the country and she told him “I love you” even though they barely know each other. He couldn’t break it to her so he basically told her he might move back and see what happens he told me the last part. That girl was the one who followed me first so I messaged her and was really nice to see what she wanted. She alluded to the fact that he was lying to her about something so I break it to her and tell her about the kissing thing and she didn’t seem to care. He ended up getting upset that I talked to that girl and that I might’ve ruined a potential relationship for him even tho I didn’t say anything bad in my opinion. we got upset and we kinda said things we regretted but we made up. He said he doesn’t want to get into. Relationship with me because I will go off to school while he moves to school somewhere else. But now here we are: he’s flirting with me, saying we can be more than friends

    • My friend tells me that she didn’t have a good impression on him at the start but the day we took those pictures together and I have him the drawing I made of his face, she said that she saw the way he was treating me, being super sweet and kind to me and she had a realization and he was showing me off to his friends and not hiding me at all and being proud. so now I’m confused as heck why we are being so affectionate yet we said we’d be friends, then he says we can be more, and now basically bringing me around the school and seeing his friends and his brother and his friends

  • Obviously you’re scared. Why are you scared?

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    • I'm scared he doesn't feel the same way, and is just being nice to me because he's scared to just reject me or say he doesn't want me

  • it won't matter anyway you will fuck it up

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  • Learn the friendzone lessons early. Also learn not to do this to other people.

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    • So is he frienzoning me?

    • He’s young and might not know the right way to approach women. He’s being cute and fun as a way of not being threatening.

      Just ask him to hang out. See what he says. Then you will get your answer

  • confidence

    fear, is based on the lack of confidence, so, you push him away because you're simply not confident enough

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What Girls Said 16

  • i feel this on a spiritual level. if you guys are hanging out and you like him. the best thing you can do for you, especially if you're already in the freakout zone, just hang out again and ask him what he's looking for/where you stand in the picture. be honest that you like him and want to get to know him more.

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    • Problem is that he's so contradictory. In the beginning I asked if he's dated other girls or had break ups/ rejection and he said "He's dated but No not rejected/dumped, but I'm scared for when it does happen". But I found out on my own that he had dated a girl who literally dumped him because there was too much going on in her life and she didn't want a relationship. Next, he said he wanted something serious with me. Somehow another girl who lived in his old city came into the picture but he didn't even know her and she didn't know him that well but she wants him, and he's too scared to hurt her and "reject her". He got bothered that I talked to that girl, and that I ruined a "Potential relationship for him if he were to move back" because he only likes specific girls. And then I cried until 4 in the morning but we made up 2 days later where he said he didn't mean what he said, and he wasn't thinking straight

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    • and be open to other people because this guy seems to be open to that too

    • Haha you saw the drawing I made him? :) But yeah I don't know I can't bare to distance myself from him and he seems to want to hangout with me and says we can hang out whenever I want. My friend actually doesn't have a good impression of him after telling her the things that happen even though he is really sweet, but she was with me the whole time I gave him that drawing. Previously I had told her that he probably won't react much to it. His best friend was also there. Literally all 3 of them started complimenting the drawing and comparing it to his eye, etc. And he was talking to my friend about how impressed he was with me and he sounded really excited. For the first time my friend actually said "You know what sherry, you made a good decision when you gave him your drawing. Now send me the picture I took of you two, cutest couple around!" lol obviously I'm not dating him atm. And later we texted and he told me how much he "Loves the picture of us" and sent heart emojis and called me honey lol

  • It sounds like he likes you a lot... a lot

    When you think about those kind of things, think on the bright side. What if he ISN'T talking to another female? What if he really DOES like you, and committed to you only? It's best to see what happens. You can't just feed yourself things like that. You're being insecure. Give it a shot ❤

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  • maybe he's just that kind of guy who likes to make a woman feel at ease and chill? just not a possessive guy. he doesn't want to show any strong feelings till he's sure you two are together and what you have is real? maybe he's feeling exactly the way you do about you... ummm, but you know you and him better than us so what does your gut feel really tell you? go with it.

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    • My gut feeling is telling me I;m being stupid and that it's obvious lol! Thanks :)

    • have you ever tried or "invited" him to kissing? you don't have to do that by words a guy would normally understand if a girl is being needy for that kind of attention. it would be in the air.. maybe do try that when you two are alone and see how he will react to that

    • Haha a month after I met him I talked about a scary movie I was too scared to see and he said we should go together. He cuddled me and played with my hair and held me and leaned his head on mine and we ended up kissing like 3 separate times 😂 I didn’t mention it because something happened after that and now we moved back a bit but he used to be more flirty where as now he’s more sweet and affectionate

  • Oh gosh how I can relate to you right now;) it’s that ambiguity on both parts. Yours and he actually has been very forthright.

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    • Really? So you're saying he's into me?

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    • Do give us updates ok

  • I do the same thing as soon as I find out a guy likes me I try to convince my slef he doesn't I don't know why I do that but I think is because usually I like them too and i think if they get to close i am just going to hurt them so i try to emotionally distantance my self

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  • It's possible negative past experiences are impacting your fears since you have not fully healed from them. I don't blame you for feeling that way.

    Also you've only known him for 2.5 months so that relationship is still new and may take time for you really build trust. If it's the type of relationship where you two are very open and honest with each other, then it would help to bring this up.

    I experience the same fears as you due to past experiences. I'm still healing so I only get close to people I know I can be open and honest with without them shaming me. If they are the type that can't or prefer not talk about feelings and can't keep it real with me, then they are not compatible with me.

    Also, focus on his actions more than words. Pay attention if is actions match what he says to you.

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  • It is because even tho you are young, deep down you know that no lady should only fall for this. It is amazing because, since you are asking yourself the right questions.

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  • Because I'm grumpy and tired, I'm going to give you a short answer. Because you're insecure. My last relationship fairly messed me up but once I moved past that, it did make me grow as a person.

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  • Babe your so young you need to chill and enjoy life why stress so hard about stuff at this age?

    Let’s be realistic for one second.

    Is he going to end up being your husband, or is he going to be a guy you like, have a crush on date and have a really great fun time with for however long it lasts?

    In life at your age you meet so many guys that you end up liking and have great connects with at all different times in your life, it’s what builds you and ends up letting you know who and what you want to end up with for the rest of your life aka the one your husband and f that ends up what you want in life

    So why stress so much about something that isn’t going to hurt you but instead enjoy it for what it is right now?

    Don’t waste life and let it pass you by like this overthinking things

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  • You might actually also fear that he really does like you back.

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  • Seems like you're insecure and you're letting your insecurities ruin a good thing. Relax. Be honest about how you feel and maybe he will be too.

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  • I don't understand why women do this to themselves. It's CRISTAL clear he likes you. It's so obvious that oblivious people could see it.

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    • I guess some people have self-esteem issues and they can't possibly fathom how somebody could actually be into them it's sad actually but hope everything works out for her

    • Yeah, I hope so too.

  • Dont think that
    And no your not stupid
    Talk to him about it

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  • It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

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  • I think he might be not really into you or your just his passing crush... but even I'm not sure...

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  • Because you are afraid for some reason

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    • yea, and I'm asking you why?

    • Only you know the answer. All those answers are within yourself.
      Meditate on this and you will find what u are looking for.

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