How do I find out what love actually is?

These are the reasons why I feel like I don’t know what actual love is.
First. After accessing my life and going to therapy, my therapist said that I was the escape goat of the family. Which has been a hard pill to swallow because now I feel like I can’t trust them.
Second. I try to make my relationship with my siblings and mom better but they all say except my dad that I don’t care even though I have tried to show them that I care.
Third. My first love played with my feelings. I loved her so much, But all she wanted to do was hurt me. She told me lies and gave me false hopes of one day being together and now she laughs with her friends about how much I cared for her.
Fourth. All my friends feel like they are just there for the company or just for rides. I feel like I can’t actually talk to them about my problems and some of them bother me about getting played by my first love.
Fifth. My mother lashes out at me and tells me hurtful thing just to get a rise out of me. She has never been there for me when I needed her and she’s the reason why I fell in love with my first love, because my first love seemed to actually care and be there for me and she comforted me, but it was all a lie in the end.

So now I feel like I don’t actually know what love is, and I know nobody will love me for who I really am.

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  • Watch the movie love actually

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