I talked to my guy friend about him being cold and distant but I still don’t know what the problem is?

So basically I’ve been friends with this guy for 9 months we’ve never met. We’d talk day and night about everything. We talked through SC a lot. Well things were going well until he basically told me that there was another in the picture that he was liking more than me. I was hurt by it but half the things he said didn’t really make sense given the situation but that’s not the point. This same girl is now his girlfriend or that’s what he refers to her as when talking to me. Fast forward maybe a few weeks ago, he posted as a Snap to all of his friends that he deals with depression and that’s mentally he’s messed up. Well with that being said, I hadn’t heard from him in almost two days, so I texted asking if he was ok and he said he didn’t want to talk about it. I wasn’t trying to force him to, I respect that. Well I wrote to him saying I care about him and how he’s doing and that I don’t want him to be in so much pain, what he wrote on his snap broke my heart because I had no idea. He wrote that he didn’t want to talk about it, he wasn’t in the mood and didn’t care. Fast forward to today, I asked him why he’s been icy towards me lately and even asked about that specific situation as well and he eventually said he stopped caring. Before that I had asked him could he imagine us not being friends, he said he could. I asked if could go back over and if he knew what he does now back then, and everything we’ve been through would he reply to me when I first wrote to him, I also said if the answer is no I don’t want to know, he said ok, so that means he would’ve said no had I not written that part. He’s being so cold and distant and he won’t talk, he did say he’s been dealing with some stuff and he has depression. He has always been non expressive when it comes to emotions but none of what he said helps me understand where the disconnect is. I just don’t know what’s going on, I want my friend back and how he was before because he wasn’t like this. What do you guys think?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Whats important right now is that you try to form an understanding in your mind that you may not be able to help him through what he is going through. We all rationalize our own ways of dealing with anger, pain, depression, and no one person is the same. A lot of people will become cold, this is because they are trying to avoid whatever is making them suffer so much. It is basically switching off your emotions and not facing them and this can drive a normal happy person into a state of complete disconnect. An when one does not know how to properly deal with their emotions this can and will lead to them cutting people out no matter who they are how close they may be. There is so much that I wish to put in this response because I have gone through this both as the friend and the one going through this.

    Respect his wishes and try not to put any unnecessary strain on him. Tell him you understand and you respect his wishes to not talk about it. Let him know you support him and are here if a time comes when he wishes to talk. All you can really do is be supportive.

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    • Thank you so much for you answer, it really help me to understand a lot better. I want to be there for him and I definitely don’t want to force him to talk when he doesn’t want to. I guess I thought it was something that I did, and thought he was mad at me but as someone who’s said in the past that he doesn’t understand his emotions what you’re saying makes total sense. That’s probably how he deals with stuff even if he doesn’t mean to be like that. When he said he stopped caring, I thought he meant about me but if that were the case he wouldn’t still be talking to me. You said there’s a lot more you wanted to say in your response, won’t you tell me more?

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    • Cool I totally will!

    • You have to follow me though for us to message because I have my messages set to private.

Most Helpful Girl

  • You need to back off him for a while he is going through stuff and doesn’t need to be thinking about this on top of what he’s already dealing with.

    This will be upsetting and stressing him out, all these questions, all about you, when he’s in this place he doesn’t care about anyone or anything because he feels like shit and just wants time alone and to get better.

    Give him a break what he’s dealing with is awful enough

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    • Maybe that’s why he said for me to stop asking questions, it’s just that this is someone who means more to me than anyone will ever know. I just don’t want our friendship to be damaged and for me to end up losing him. I’d be the most upset I’ve ever been in my life if that happened to me.

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    • 7d

      Glad it all worked out x

    • 7d

      Thanks so am I! 😁

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