I feel like the answer is the latter but I have no control over that, but maybe it's the former. At least I can control that.
I feel like I'm losing care about people, no-one in particular, but in general.. I think it's a function of people not caring enough about me, so why should I always care more about them than they care about me?
It's not fair to myself.
But I don't want to stop caring about women (with whom this effect is more prevalent), nor people in general, as that would make me less of a good personShould I care less?Don't get me wrong, it's not that women don't care about me at all, just not enough.. maybe I care too much about women (friends or otherwise).. maybe women in general are not as caring as I am, and it's not that they care less about me.
Girls, Do I care too much or do others care too little?
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AmandaYVR | 454 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.
Master
+1 y
This is a tough one. Not sure how I'm going to answer. Let me start typing.
I think you are reducing it down too much. You've made an overly simplistic formula but there's no need to do that. Why is this happening? Could be: * I have this theory/observation that one of the ways we humans are flawed is that we constantly look for improvements, change, and getting rid of problems and friction points, which results in us feeling unsatisfied with what we do have. Fix one problem, move on to the next. Attention spans are also lessening, we have *seemingly* infinite choice, in some contexts, or at least as compared to in the past. Many people stay at jobs for only two years and then move on for "better opportunities." We seem to be in a constant cycle of upgrade. Or the desire for it. Maybe this is playing a part in the women you have interacted with? Perhaps they are caught up in, 'what's next?' sort of thinking, which can be very self-defeating and detrimental. * You just have not met the right women. It takes some patience and presence of mind and good fortune to find people (even friends) who are a good match, and reciprocate. It's not a needle in a haystack, but it's certainly not easy. * You could be an extreme romantic, who falls just as much or more for the idea of a relationship, than the particular aspects of the woman. Being the former is an incredibly powerful driver and desire, stronger than even one's ability to overlook flaws in a person. While you get huge credit for acceptance, you also may not be being choosy enough. * You know, deep down, that the specific women aren't really right for you, and you see the differences, incompatibilities, and future problems staring you in the face, but your desire for a relationship, loneliness, sex, companionship, whatever, may get you to compromise more than you are comfortable, so that you do not feel alone. Those are just some random possibilities. I'll stop there, but you get the idea.
I think you need to reframe the situation in your head. Society is changing, culture is changing, people are changing, and although it is true that this is the most individualistic and independent and demanding (and narcissistic?) we have ever been, it does not necessarily follow that most people suck. Digital communication is so commonplace now, and it creates geographical and emotional space from people. But don't forget, it is also at times a bridge. I think you are talking about irl women, not just online, but I'm presuming you are also meeting them on dating apps (and friends, work associates, etc.)? I know you mentioned clubs. It's good that you are open to whatever may come. I don't know what your interactions are like with people irl but I've enjoyed you on gag. You can be playful, warm, prolific. I'm sure there are many sides of you to discover. Don't be disheartened. Everyone goes through this, feeling dejected and rejected sometimes. It's just part of the human experience. I've had so many relationships that ended, but then finally one didn't. That's just how it goes. You need to find value in those experiences as well.
Maybe not the single date, where you never see each other again, but anything that lasts weeks or months, you can draw something from. You learn about people, learn about yourself. Stand up for yourself, protect yourself, but not so much that you shut down the possibility of really being known. I absolutely love vulnerability, honesty, and those that share secret thoughts with me. I will never abuse that. It is an honour to be told such things.
So now here is my campaign, like the other ladies, to try and convince you to not turn away, and be hardened by your experiences. You need to continue to strive to be a good person, maybe even a better person than what you experience from others, because it won't always be that way. Some day, and you never know when that will be, you will find someone (or more than one) who will appreciate you and treat you with all the kindness and passion you deserve. And until that time happens, this is about you, more than them. Whether they say it or not, others recognize good character, courtesy, forthrightness, and likely even if they are treating you, or others, less than they should, they know what they're doing. You should only strive to be a good man, a good person, who is respected and can hold his head high, and can sleep well at night. Don't play games. Don't show your cards all at once. Be real, be open, but always remember relationships are a two-way street and both must compromise, and share and be kind and curious. And if they are not, well then it was not meant to be. You save your precious time and energy for those who are worth it.
I think what has happened is that you have created a safe space for these women so they feel comfortable asking and coming to you for help. They are so comfortable they may not even realize how dependent they have come and how little they give back. I had a friend and she had a big heart or so I thought. She had a massive issue and I was always helping her telling her you need to let him go, you have such a big heart blah blah blah the one time I needed her I dunno we got the time mixed up but I'm not far it was raining she knows where I work she could come to me or wait as I am not far. I really needed to ask her help on something and she ghosts me. That was it I cut her off. She sent me one or two messages to reconnect I ignored her request to meet for lunch as of course it waa all about her again and just told her to look after herself. I thought she had a big heart turns out she did just not for me. When you allow people to treat you a certain way your condoning it. Saying it's ok and it's not. Since then I only give people what they give me and my life has been better since. I don't feel like I am being taken for granted when I give back what they put in. The only people I am running to are those who are there for me.
mrfoox | 71 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.
Yoda
+1 y
It's hard to say for certain. I care too much and have almost accepted that it's just how it is. No relationship is 50%-50%, it shifts. But if your care is 90% and theirs 10% majority of the time then it's time to move on. An good thing to remember though is everyone have their own love language. If someone else have a very different one from you, it can be hard for you to feel their love. Some express their love by doing things for their loved ones. Others by gifts. The verbal and physical ones are the easiest to understand, but there are way many other ways people show their love. Anyway, feeling more than others can be a gift and a curse, but don't go and try to suppress your feelings. The world needs more caring people
We all have different definition of care and also shows it in different ways. The thought that you care too much and women don't reciprocate enough to your liking... is called expectations. And it seems you are attaching a lot of emotions to that expectation. Wouldn't a real caring person just care ( up to their limit) without expectations or resentment? I would suggest finding the right balance of "care" and to regulate your emotions in its regard. As to starting to treat people the way they treat you... it's NEVER the solution when it's a negative action or ( worst when it's our own perception that it's a negative action). Mirroring may make yourself feel better and may feel greatly satisfying in the short term but how does that actually help resolving the issue but make it worse? ( Any issue. Not just referring to this particular case)
What you're feeling is discouraged. I've felt/said the same. But at the end of the day, never let anyone change you from being who you are/how you care. It might not be your level of caring, but rather maybe caring for the wrong people. Don't stop caring bout all women, just the wrong ones. When you find the right woman who really loves you, she's going to care just as much if not more!
Yea... thanks :) I do feel discouraged. It's not just about love. I'm always the one holding friendships together, I'm the one more invested.. it's not that these friends don't like me, just that I'm the one that cares more.. it's such a pervasive pattern that it's not that I'm caring for the wrong people (otherwise there are almost no right people (a conclusion I do not accept)).
I'm starting to think I won't find a woman to fall in love with because I will be repelled by her lack of caring enough well before we might fall in love
I have been in relationships like you describe (she cares as much if not more).. and that's great, but I don't seem to be finding many caring women. (present company excepted <3 )
Aww thanks. And they are out there. Some people just have a more caring nature than others. I'm that way as well. Sometimes I think you find it when you're not looking for it. Just happens more natural that way
@Brainsbeforebeauty yea, I hope so.. I do have a more caring nature than most women it seems.. not all, of course.. yeah. you are caring like me, and you seem to care about me, so yeah! You're awesome!
I'm not sure about the whole finding it when you aren't looking thing.. I think that's how it is for women but not for men. We have to find you.. we're expected to be the ones to initiate, so from your perspective it "just happens" but I suspect that behind every "just happening" there's a guy putting in a lot of effort to make it happen while making it look like he's not putting in a lot of effort (because that would repel the woman).
(⸝⸝⸝ᵒ̴̶̷̥́ ⌑ ᵒ̴̶̷̣̥̀⸝⸝⸝) I understand how u feel... I care too much for every one and everything coz of that people have learned to rely on me... sadly no one ever does the same for me.. its draining... I'm breaking (⑉꒦ິ^꒦ິ⑉)
I feel that. People come to me whenever they have problems, but I went to my friend for help once and she literally told me “I don’t mean to sound rude but that’s your problem and you have to solve it yourself.” All I asked for was advice on what to say. While I literally script her entire life for her. But next time she asked for help, I went right on back to helping her, because I care and I don’t just shut people down and turn them away. It hurts to care, but someone’s gotta do it.
Yea, it does feel like I care more than others, and maybe the problem is that I care too much.
The solution is then that I should care less.
It sucks to be one of the ones that cares more. I always end up feeling hurt and unappreciated. Of course I can't say that or I'll come across as needy and then even less women will care.. so the only choice is to care less. and that's how the world beats it out of us, and perhaps a factor of why we have a world so devoid of caring people..
Ms_Facesitter | 77 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.
Xper 7
+1 y
When you are too nice, some people will take it for granted or even abuse it. Keep it at a balance and the love will return, build it up, not just all at once
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