My guyfriend wants a pic of me?

Question

My guy friend crossed the line last week. We been cool for years now. I dont look at him
romantically. The past couple of days he's been flirting with me. I laughed it off like yeah ok. Then he goes on and asks me for a pic. he's willing to pay for one. He asks me for a video cause he wants to use it to get off later. I decline of course.

The he asks me "What I want from him and claims Im shy"
I said It sounds like your looking for benefits
He said NO thats what you want. I can read you. You want someone to take care of you

I said ok and I haven't spoken to him since. Im shocked WTH

Answer 1

Anonymous

Look, it was wrong of him to ask you for the pictures, BUT I also think that you might share some of the blame in this too (NOTE: I am NOT victim shaming, nor am I in favor of it, but I think that some of the blame falls on you).

If you look back over your friendship with him, I'm guessing that there were a bunch of times when you might have said or done something that could have been mis-construed as flirting, when you didn't mean it as such. BUT if you have a guy who's obviously had a crush on you for a long time, those seemingly innocent actions or words could "clearly" be interpreted as you feeling the same way about him as he feels about you.

In general, when girls are with their friends, guys or girls, they tend to be more touchy feely than guys are with their friends.

In general, guys are terrible at reading body language and subtle signs. Usually, if you want to get a message across to a guy, you have to write it in big letters and hit him over the head with it.

BUT the one thing that us guys seem to have ingrained in our primitive brains, is that attention from females, especially if those females touch us (hug us, playfully hit us on the arm, walk really close to us, bump up against us while walking, etc.) and to a lesser degree, if that female talks to us about sexual things and/or share their deepest and darkest secrets with us, it means that they like us.

The problem is, is that guys tend to not understand the complexity of how a girl can like, or even love a guy as a friend and confidant, but not want to have sex with him. That still confuses us on an instinctual level. Some of us get it intellectually, but not instinctually.

So now we come back to your situation. My best guess would be that this guy had a crush on you from the start. That's probably why the two of you became friends (just out of curiosity, during your friendship, did he ever have or seek out a girlfriend?). His crush likely only grew stronger and stronger as time went on. There were probably many many times where he wanted to tell you how he felt, but just didn't have the courage.

So cut to last week. I don't know what finally made him do it (my guess would either be the assistance of some substances, such as "liquid courage" or the sexual frustration of quarantine finally got to him) and he said to himself "fuck it, what do I have to lose, I'm going to ask her. If it works out, great, if not, then, well let's just hope that it works out, bc otherwise I'll run our friendship" and he asked you.

Again, not defending him, what he did was wrong, but I can't imagine that it was easy for him to ask you, and was likely something that he agonized about for weeks or months before he asked you. Then when you said no, it crushed him, bc he realized the huge mistake he made, but also got very disappointed because he had been hoping for a positive outcome.

I'm just guessing at how he felt, because I've been there before a few times. I've had a crush on a few of my female friends, all of whom I've mis-read their signs. Luckily for me, each one of them had been through that before many times with other guys, bc they admit that they are just very touchy-feely and flirty by nature, and I've learned a lot from them. I've also been able to remain good friends with them after that too, which brings me to my next point.

It's still possible for you and him to remain friends. It won't be easy, but it's possible, and if you and him get through this, the two of you can have an even stronger friendship than you did before.

The unfair thing is that more of the burden will be on you to reach out to him. To tell him that you're sorry if you gave him the wrong impression (see I said that its unfair, lol) or lead him on in any way. You are going to need to hear him out, and let him explain himself, to be open and honest about how he felt, how long he felt that way. Explain to him that you don't feel that way, but that you like him as a good friend, and explain the difference.

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1 Person

Opinion Owner

+1 y
I ran out of room on the post.

The important thing, if you want to try to salvage the friendship, is to give the both of you time and space, but to also be there for each other.

The most important thing I can also say is that you are going to have to remind him, and be firm that you don't like him that way, you never did, and you never will. Its something that he is going to have to be reminded of periodically, but not in a patronizing way. You want to make sure that he knows you're just friends, and that's it.

I'm sorry if any of this came off as harsh. I was trying to give my opinion from both sides in the hopes that it would help you.

Good luck.
Asker

+1 y
Well written and I agree. This are awkward now. Were not really speaking. more so walking past each other.
Opinion Owner

+1 y
So you still see him now? What is the context that you see him in? Especially now during quarantine?
Show All Show Less
Asker

+1 y
We work together :0
Opinion Owner

+1 y
Oh ok. That makes things complicated. Since you do work together, then you may have to eventually talk it over with him and try to come to some sort of understanding so that things aren't as awkward as they can be. But yeah, that's not fun. Good luck.
Opinion Owner

+1 y
Is it possible that you can request a different shift, or different location, or at least a different part of the building from where he is? Just so that you don't have to see him everyday?

Oh, and please keep us posted about your situation.
Asker

+1 y
Im just going to talk to him and go from there. I wanna be upfront about it.
Opinion Owner

+1 y
Its probably the best thing to do. Not easy, but the best thing to do. Good luck.

Answer 2

Opinion Owner

I ran out of room on the post.

The important thing, if you want to try to salvage the friendship, is to give the both of you time and space, but to also be there for each other.

The most important thing I can also say is that you are going to have to remind him, and be firm that you don't like him that way, you never did, and you never will. Its something that he is going to have to be reminded of periodically, but not in a patronizing way. You want to make sure that he knows you're just friends, and that's it.

I'm sorry if any of this came off as harsh. I was trying to give my opinion from both sides in the hopes that it would help you.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Asker

Well written and I agree. This are awkward now. Were not really speaking. more so walking past each other.

Answer 4

Opinion Owner

So you still see him now? What is the context that you see him in? Especially now during quarantine?

Answer 5

Asker

We work together :0

Answer 6

Opinion Owner

Oh ok. That makes things complicated. Since you do work together, then you may have to eventually talk it over with him and try to come to some sort of understanding so that things aren't as awkward as they can be. But yeah, that's not fun. Good luck.

Answer 7

Opinion Owner

Is it possible that you can request a different shift, or different location, or at least a different part of the building from where he is? Just so that you don't have to see him everyday?

Oh, and please keep us posted about your situation.

Answer 8

Asker

Im just going to talk to him and go from there. I wanna be upfront about it.

Answer 9

Opinion Owner

Its probably the best thing to do. Not easy, but the best thing to do. Good luck.

Answer 10

Shamalien | 908 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.

Guru

I don't know how anyone could be surprised at this. It's called a dude wanting naked pics of a girl. Welcome to planet earth. Ladies, if a guy is friends with you, he probably has romantic interest in you, that's the truth of the world, and everyone loves to deny it, but that denial is just gunna hurt you. True male and female just friends are really rare and are the exception, not the rule.

Back in the day men hung out with men and women with women, we should go back to this in my opinion, and let the rare ones be friends but for the most part avoid that shit. For a man and women to be just friends they have to connect really strongly on an intellectual level and not at all on a romantic level. Two extremes

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2 People

Answer 11

Tamera952 | 370 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.

Yoda

What a weird exchange !! Sounds bizarre... like a failed attempt at manipulation.
I’d tell him simply, “No” & “please drop it”.

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1 Person

Answer 12

neurolove | 233 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.

Explorer

He must of had a crush and now the pandemic is forcing him to act on it. It's a strange phenomenon happening a lot lately.

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2 People

Asker

+1 y
It has

Answer 13

Asker

It has

Answer 14

ChronicThinker

Influencer

Oof.

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2 People

Answer 15

Whorantined

Xper 1

He's almost definitely had a crush for a long time so this will probably get more annoying for you. In his mind it's the way it's supposed to be and anything else is unfair - mostly due to that time mixed with his lack of emotional security and self esteem. His angry projections and accusations when told no are a major red flag though, so def avoid compromising situations and consider creating hard distance for awhile, or potentially permanently.

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Answer 16

John_Doesnt | 3.9K opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.

Master

Your guy friend wants a pic of you in the same sense that all men want to be slathered in oatmeal and pushed down a flight of Flubber stairs.

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Answer 17

mattmanyah2 | 113 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.

Xper 6

I don't think platonic friendship exist someone always has emotions for the other.

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3 People

Answer 18

Anonymous

i think its common for guys to want a picture , is girls i know that i'd want a picture of , if i could find one or they'd give me one

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Answer 19

alligatorblues

Xper 2

He's inept with females. Guy's ask for pics to gain leverage. If he asks for sex, and he has pics, if you refuse, he can threaten to post them online.

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1 Person

Answer 20

Numbnuts89

Xper 7

I guarantee you there's no such thing as "just friends" between the opposite sexes

unless they're gay

I GUARAN FUCKING TEE IT

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3 People

Shamalien

+1 y
how dare you! XD shattering fantasies everywhere, keep it up

Answer 21

Shamalien

how dare you! XD shattering fantasies everywhere, keep it up

Answer 22

Browneye57 | 3.8K opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.

Master

You're shocked. Got it. Dear lord.

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Answer 23

spartan55 | 22K opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.

Master

I don't why you are shocked.

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1 Person

Asker

+1 y
I guess to me i feel like it came out of nowhere
spartan55

+1 y
That's what you signed up for
Asker

+1 y
Yea yea. he's been very awkward towards me lately. he's in his feelings. I don't know what to say to him

Answer 24

Asker

I guess to me i feel like it came out of nowhere

Answer 25

spartan55

That's what you signed up for

Answer 26

Asker

Yea yea. he's been very awkward towards me lately. he's in his feelings. I don't know what to say to him

Answer 27

Anonymous

probably he is beginning to have feelings for you.

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Answer 28

SuccessfulHornDog | 2.9K opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.

Master

Why are you shocked?

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1 Person

My guyfriend wants a pic of me?

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