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I don’t see what women would like about me
Give them a chance to prove you wrong.
They won’t every women is uncomfortable around me
If you believe they are they are. If you believe they’re not, they’re not. It starts with how you feel about yourself and why you believe you can do
Dude no joke at my university women didn’t want to sit by me in lectures
They verbally told you that?
The thing is I don’t see it improving
im not a therapist so take this with a grain of salt but try watching yt videos about it?
The thing is they feel I’m creepy and weird
Also I look strange
It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy if you’re not careful. Girls can use those words loosely too which I think can be cruel. I don’t know what the real situation is so can only offer pinches of salt. But you become whatever you think you are, so choose wisely and don’t let anyone steer you away from who you want to be. Show some conviction about who you are and take no BS (ie ignore it and show you’re not phased by it) and they’ll soon stop.
They already use them
Yeah so show them that their words are meaningless to you because that’s not who you are, and they’re trashy for saying them about you.
I remember living with students and my one housemates (guy) friends used to try to intimidate me and another girl. I basically walked around without saying anything but giving the hive that their tries at intimidation meant nothing to me - they soon gave up. My other girl housemate was bothered by it so the moron boys carried on.
If I showed you a picture you would say I look weird
I've had women think I'm creepy and weird, too and I'm relatively good looking. Not everyone is going to like you. Just accept that. The key is doing things where your focus is on something other than the girl you're with. That's why I suggest volunteer work or a class.Example:If you're picking up litter by a roadside with someone, you're focused on picking up litter, but you can also interact with your coworker.ORYour doing a pottery class. "Hey, how did you get your pot to be shaped like that?" OK, maybe those are lousy examples, but you have to get out there. There are millions of shy women looking for a boyfriend out there.
Dude so far they haven’t
Are you even trying to talk to girls I mean without being creepy or awkward
I haven’t attempted to talk to one in close to 4 years and the thing is dude I am awkward it’s not going away
Find the common interests in girls around you be more approachable don't assume every girl will like you or not like Give some time on it have confidence
They make me self conscious
I have started researching ways that can completely supress sexual desires
How is seeing a therapist gonna make me appeal better to women
How is getting professional help for your anxiety towards women gonna help you? Hmm, I really wonder how...
Here’s the thing man it’s deeply engrained
In other words - you need therapy even more than we thought? Okay, then go get it!
lmfaoo what happened to you that you picture women as some vile creatures
Here’s the thing they don’t like me they think I’m weird and creepy I’m not gonna magically wake up one day and be different
Nope, it's not gonna magically happen. You're 100% correct. You have to work at it
Well you can’t force women to like you impressions are everything and once they think you are weird and creepy then that’s it
You can't force anyone to do anything. You can only control yourself. Refer to my first response; this is why you need to practice and learn from your mistakes
I have learned about their psychology they think I’m creepy and weird
Change your behaviour then
Forget about this word. If you would want enough you can do everything
@nelly83He probably needs to go for younger women, right Nelly?
@I-am-a-nobody just because you want younger women, it doesn’t mean they want you. No old grandpas or old fat uncles or bald men please
@nelly83Thanks, that's just the kind of response I was looking for.I deserved that for poking at a hornet's nest.I needed to be reminded that I'm old (ha ha).by the way, I wish I was bald. With the COVID lockdown, my hair is getting longer than it was in the 70s, when we all wanted to look like Peter Frampton.www.discogs.com/.../401512
@I-am-a-nobody I don’t know. Would you be happy if your 18 yr old daughter was dating a 45 yr old man?
@I-am-a-nobody my father would beat the shit out of perverts like you
@nelly83No, I wouldn't let my theoretical 18 yo daughter date a 45 yo.And all kidding aside, I think y = 2(x - 7) is pretty good outer limit.(Where x is the woman's age and y is the man's age.)So by the formula, 34 would be your max and I'd be a 36 yo woman's max.The first time I dated my wife, she was 19 and I was 28.When my wife found out how old I was, she made a hasty retreat.(For the record, I don't think a 28 yo guy should date a 19 yo., but her parents were OK with it!)Two years later, we started dating seriously. We broke up for a while, but married at 34 and 25, which is very reasonable.
@I-am-a-nobody I don’t think most 28 yr olds would be interested in dating a 19 yr old. Likely they wouldn’t have anything in common. Not to mention the huge differences in maturity. This is explains why most couples are no more than 10 years apart. Generally Age does matter when it comes to developing a connection and it matters especially as both parties age.
@I-am-a-nobody you have to understand that you are the exception , not the rule. There are outliers to every study
@nelly83As a 28 yo I wasn't very mature in a lot of ways. I still lived with my parents and had only recently graduated a 4 year college. She was very mature (responsible) in some ways, but still growing up in other ways.Our religious views were very similar and we had the same views on money and sex (no sex until married) and child rearing. Personally, I think agreement on those things matter more than age, but 28 and 19 is too big a gap. When it was 31 and 22, it was much better. And now she teases me about looking younger than she does.I can see where a big age difference could lead to a parent/child type relationship, which is definitely not good.
@I-am-a-nobody I don’t think it’s up to you to decide what is an overly large age gap. I think it’s based on a set of many facts. When you have absolutely nothing in common with each other , it’s very hard for a relationship to work out. When you’re with someone who really isn’t mature, it’s also not gonna work out. When you want to discuss topics that a little 19 yr old girl has absolutely no clue about since she lacks so much real world knowledge/ education. This could also be a problem When I was 20 , I casually dated a 30 yr old. We had nothing in common. Our relationship was all about was just me cracking immature jokes ( that I now no longer find amusing) And I couldn’t discuss things that he wanted to discuss because I basically knew nothing about the real world. Due to our lack of things in common , most of our relationship was only about making out and sex. Like most 20 yr olds , I wasn’t too much into a serious relationship at that time. I was just looking to have some fun. It wasn’t until I turned 22 that I realized I knew absolutely nothing at 20. It’s not about the rare exceptions or what you want to believe. Its about facts. I’m not in support of couples marrying too young either. Folks who marry too young tend To get divorced in their 30s. And again , it’s not about what you want to believe or you counting the rare exceptions. And if you’re just here to talk about yourself or avoiding facts , I won’t be having at further logical discussions with you. You can continue dreaming on your own posts
@nelly83As you mentioned, my wife and I are outliers and exceptions, but they do exist in the real world.Personally, I'm perplexed by your tone at the end of your message. I'm thinking we're just two adults having a non adversarial conversation and then you spring..."And if you’re just here to talk about yourself or avoiding facts" on me!If anything I was agreeing with you that massive age differences are, with limited exceptions, bad. I just used my own story to point out the fact that:1. Maturity differences matter more than age differences2 Age is just one factor (others being religion, view of money, and child rearing)If a thrifty strict Muslim who wants a stay at home wife marries a free spending agnostic career woman, they'll have problems even if they're born on the same day!In my own case, we were at about the same (just finished school, never lived on my own) place in life. As you accurately pointed out, you and the 30 yo guy were NOT in the same place.Again, I'm agreeing with you, you're right, my case is the exception to the rule.I'm sorry this conversation was so unpleasant for you.As I've said before, I really do wish you the best.
@I-am-a-nobody you have not paid any consideration to anything I’ve written. It’s as if you just everything you post on the internet as If you are writing in your own diary. You can choose believe that everyone should aim for ridiculously huge age differences or that the bigger the age difference , the more successful the relationship in your own diary but you don’t go spewing it around the internet and expect people to agree with you. And the way to show respect to others is to actually read what other people are writing , which you’ve never done so. So don’t come on here and complain that you aren’t liked
@nelly83"You can choose believe that everyone should aim for ridiculously huge age differences..."I'm NOT saying people should "shoot for" ridiculously huge age differences. I'm saying larger differences are an option, especially when the older person is less mature or even socially backward (which might apply to the original asker here). Seriously, can you see the asker with the average upper twenties woman? I can't. The average upper twenties woman would eat him alive.Another exception is when the older person is extremely high energy and needs a younger person to keep up with him. Like that 49 yo dude who exercises more than women 35 years old.I hope my kids don't wait until they're old just to marry a younger woman.
@I-am-a-nobody I think that a decent man with a good head on his shoulders would care more about recognizing and developing a connection rather than only one thing on his mind: going for women as young as possible. The reason why older men go after younger women is because of their looks are better fit foe sexual pleasure, not the fact that older women cannot birth. Really. A mans priorities shows a lot about himself. Personally if a 35 yr old would be pursing me, I simply know that he’s just after me due to my looks. Because we honestly would have nothing in common, generally speaking. I have no reason to go for someone that old either. We are in completely different stages of life which may very well cause friction 5 years down the road when he turns 40
@I-am-a-nobody and quite honestly I have absolutely no desire to get married or settle down right now. 95 percent of girls around my age have absolutely no desire to get married. So if a 35 yr old would want me, we would have to date until he’s at least 44 to get married and have children. By His age , I don’t even think I’d be physically attracted to him anymore. I’m a young lady , I have options, no need to settle for an old man.
@I-am-a-nobody don’t get me wrong , I respect older men just like I would respect everyone else. But in my perspective , I want someone that I can be physically attracted to. Understand that when most guys hit 35, they’re typically growing white hairs , going bald, loose , bit sagging skin. I wouldn’t want to already have lost physical attraction to my partner while still so young. It’s gonna cause problems down the road. There are women out there who like old men in 40s, white hairs , balding , etc. but they’re few in number compared to the general population. And secondly, I worry about life stage compatibility. What if my much older husband cannot satisfy me in bed when I hit my 40s ( sexual prime ). What if my husband won’t have the ability to participate in certain activities with me 12 years into the marriage? Understand that as one partner starts aging rapidly , we start to start to stop doing things together. Our energy levels may be very different. Would my husband fail to open jars for me or lift boxes for me? Would I have to help him With physical labor? I think it’s hard to have a life companion when your partner is so different from you. Not to mention I grew up with older parents, older folks don’t tend to play as well with kids as younger parents. They don’t tend to have as much energy to keep up Either. Yes they can get the job done , but it just won’t be fun for the kids
@I-am-a-nobody of course I can date a 35 yr old now ( if he still looks young and handsome) with no problem right now but things wouldn’t necessarily be the same 10 or more years down the road. And I really don’t want to get divorced mid life. Marriage is a serious life decision that needs to be well planned and thought out. I don’t just go marry any guy who I have passionate feelings for , long term compatibility also needs to be considered. Certainly some women can handle the consequences of marrying a much older partner and some may also be physically attracted to men in their 40s but most young women certainly are not
@nelly83Well looking at all you've said, I'd agree that you should NOT go for an older guy.Just a couple things and again I'm looking through the lens of my limited experience and it may contrast with your own...As older parents, I believe we were more patient and tolerant with our children than younger parents might be. On the negative side, older parents typically do have less energy.And lastly, life doesn't always go according to plan.So, at times, as was the case with us, the husband may get cancer less than a year into the marriage and the wife may start to suffer from chronic neck and back pain and post-partum depression. These are trials, but you can survive them together.
@I-am-a-nobody I don’t think that relationships with 10 or more years age gap should be encouraged. I don’t think that most people in general would do well with a huge age gap. Not saying every single person but there are exceptions to everything. In fact my parents along with my Married aunts and uncles say that even a 5 yr age difference can already take effect on the relationship as couples age. But I think a 5 yr age gap is feasible, nothing too huge. But I do agree that age gaps would end up mattering more as the couple gets older. Definitely let the individual Determine if they can handle the potential consequences of marrying a much older spouse before they make the decision. It really depends on the unique individual and what they can handle. And I think many younger folks are Naive and clueless about the reality of a life long Marriage. Things are not always gonna go as smoothly as the dating days where both partners are young and can still keep up with each other. My parents were incompetent in so many ways. My father had a terrible temper up until his mid 50s. Older parents aren’t necessarily more patient, it ultimately depends on how the parent handles stress, and their unique individual temperament. Bad tempered folks with no understanding of children’s minds work aren’t good parents.
@I-am-a-nobody I don’t think that most folks stay in a dead marriage where they obviously have nothing in common anymore , can’t do the same things together anymore, sexual unfulfillment. People aren’t dead after they get married. Marriages still need to be enjoyable to a certain extent in order for them to want to stay married. When needs aren’t being fulfilled , trust me your spouse is gonna get it from someone else and the marriage will soon be over.
@I-am-a-nobody the way I see married couples with huge age gaps is the same as long distance relationships. Some people can go 10 years dating in a long distance online relationship. There are others who can’t even last a year. It’s something that only very unique individuals can handle. Same goes for dating someone 10 or more years older. For me, I wouldn’t look highly upon my daughter dating a guy that’s too old for her especially if she is under the age of 21, it would be a huge huge red flag. Couples have less in common as age difference increases , and the only reason why I can fairly assume is going after someone so young is sex. That’s definitely not the type of guy that I would find respectable.
@nelly83"... the only reason why I can fairly assume is going after someone so young is sex."I wasn't looking for sex, but rather someone with NO sexual experience.I also wanted to wait until marriage for sex, which is harder to find in older women.
@I-am-a-nobody I wasn’t saying you were looking for sex. But you have to realize that there are a lot of perverted men in their 30s who would very much wait til 17 yr old girls to hit their 18th birthdays to date them. And many of these young girls under 21 simply do not have the experience to read guys or how to find the respectable dudes. This is my top concern for my future daughter. I have met a lot of these dudes myself when I was younger. They tend to extremely experienced too. If I were to marry, I would want a man who has the right priorities. If you wouldn’t want to date a woman who selects her dates by ranking men according to the size of their wallets , neither would we be interested in someone like that either.
I’m not outside much
I think it’s likely I’ll keep avoiding them
I really won’t my own appearance is never gonna let me
I'm sure there are a lot of men who look worse than you that still pull in girls. Physical attraction isn't the only factor. Find something you are interested in and try meeting girls through there.
I can show you a picture I’m pretty hideous
Go for it
Pathetic attitude? Here’s the thing man I realize that women don’t want me but do you think that’s gonna make ore break me. I have experienced much success so far in life without women that’s not likely to change if I never get a girlfriend actually it might be more beneficial
Nothing is gonna change
It can do. I was a 35yr old vrigin i had given up years ago. I'm overweight, balding head, i earn a decent wage nothing amazing. I always told myself i wasn't good enough, no kne would want me. I had other issues, took me going to a shrink to start to change my mindset. I met someone 2 years ago. We have a son now. If i can get from i was and out of it anyone can. You just need to be serious and give it everything. Be prepared to be honest, open and put yourself out there to be vulnerable
Really? There's nothing wrong with quitting while you're behind. You just have to know when to call it a day, and the asker has realised that. Some people are meant for relationships, and others aren't.
@CaptainSmartass If that's your personal truth then it's true "for you".
So that will help
Therapy will probably help. It sounds like you have very intense insecurity issues and you may need professional help resolving them. Facing your insecurities and building your self esteem will probably improve your love life, and other aspects of your life as well.
So everytime I’m around women I feel like they hate me
So get the therapy.
How is that gonna change women’s view towards me
Because women probably don’t actually feel that way about you. You just assume that they do any you’re probably wrong. Therapy can help you change your way of thinking so you stop making those drastic and inaccurate assumptions.
Well I don’t have any female friends and I have never had a girlfriend so they must feel that way
JUST GET THE THERAPY!