Why can’t I stop thinking about this?

Anonymous
I met this guy at 17 on a dating app and he was my first boyfriend. We went to college shortly after our second date and he came to visit sometimes but the problem was the drive and that’s why we broke up or at least what he told me.

After we broke up I was heartbroken and would text him and he always texted back but wanted to be friends with benefits

This hurt me because I wanted more.

He was nice sometimes and we’d sometimes even talk like we never broke up

In December we were gonna hook up and got into a fight. we planned everything

and he left me on opened and I reminded him and he claimed he got caught up in some stuff. Looking back at that I feel sick because I felt like I was chasing him

The day we were supposed to meet up my dad said I couldn’t go out past 10. I texted him and told him he could come pick me up ( I also told him the time earlier ) and he waits an hour to answer and was like “you don’t text me all day don’t expect me to respond in 10 seconds” and by that time it’s like 11;30 and I told him i couldn’t go out

he catches an attitude ( he’s done that before ) and says he wasn’t in the mood to play games he started ranting and I was like “whatever you have to say just say it” . The day after that I posted I was having a surgery for my lymphoma and he views it and says nothing...

he’s left me on opened MULTIPLE times. I apologized before New Years and he was like “it’s cool” and I haven’t talked to him in 5 months.

Weeks ago he randomly viewed a text convo I posted.

He thinks he’s all that and the way he treated me was disgusting. how do I make peace with myself and this situation because I have so much anger

I just wish I got at least a sorry. Only an evil person would do that

one second I hate him and I can still see his snap score and everything and I know he has to be talking to other girls by now which hurts because why not me?

I keep thinking about him and wanting to have sex with him. How do I stop this feeling?
Why can’t I stop thinking about this?
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