It happened again. This is the second time where A guy I liked ignored me because he was “going through something”. He really was too. He just recently lost his brother a few months ago. When he texted me I told him that if he didn’t want to talk I would rather he say so instead of ignoring me completely. It turned into a huge argument with him getting more angry every time I explained MY point of view. My simple request was for him to not ignore me next time he wanted some space. I made the mistake of referring to his lack of communication as an excuse and he misinterpreted me as saying that his mental health was an excuse. What I meant was that a simple “I need to be alone right now” would be better than nothing at all. Especially since I had previously ask him if he wanted to be alone and he said no but he ignored me anyway. Of course I am sympathetic about his personal issues but him calling me selfish was igniting an argument. I did apologize for the way he must have interpreted it but all I wanted was a heads up the next time he went ghost. Our friendship is over now. The first time I had ever experienced something like this was with my first love. That story is way more complicated because I could clearly see he was going through shit but we were also in a confusing situationship wherein he would secretly still entertain other women and ignore me at his convenience with no consequences. I honestly felt that his personal problems were more important than my feelings of uncertainty. I even thought he loved me until he completely ghosted out of my life for good. So that’s why now, I get so upset at guys excusing lack of communication for ANY reason. Especially when they won’t directly say they want to be left alone while simultaneously expecting that you be available for them whenever they get over those random, unannounced moments of solitude. I just need reassurance that I’m not playing the fool. Is that too much to ask?
I realize y’all going to say it’s my fault no matter what I do. Last time my ex ghosted me I asked for some insight and was advised on EVERY question related to that situation “you women allow yourself to be treated like options and that’s why you get treated as such.” Or “if you would stand up to the men who mistreat you you wouldn’t get mistreated”. Not to say the new guy mistreated me by ignoring me, but asking for him to give me a heads up next time he ignored me DID NOT warrant name calling
Literally being called selfish is the reason we aren’t friends. Not because it was so imperative that he talked to me but because his immediate reaction to MY feelings and needs was to call me selfish. That was literally the first and only time I had ever asked him to consider my feelings in the 3 months we had been talking. He had asked A FEW times for me to consider his and I did. I ONLY feel guilty that he misinterpreted my words but if he chose to argue rather than listen.