I understand. It just makes it difficult for when I’m trying to make a connection. I feel like maybe it’s best not to share my own feelings sometimes if they’re not willing to talk about theirs.
Yeah I could see that. On the other hand, sharing yours does give them an opening to offer input, react to, etc. It brings up their inate problem solving tollbox, which offers insiggt into what makes them tick at least.
Thanks for the MHO.
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If this happened to you then I am sincerely sorry that you’ve dealt with this. I don’t see how anyone could listen to this story and not feel empathy, anger, outrage for that person. I’m the type of person who wishes she could take your pain and carry it on herself for those she loves. So I would imagine that it would make my bond closer to that person. It wouldn’t change the way I am attracted to him. It would only make me make adjustments to the way I approach him with sexual matters. I’d make sure he’s comfortable and feels safe. Put his needs before mine since that’s the type of person I typically am anyway.
There is the problem (and yes that is my true story except for telling a girl about it in the bedroom... lol) in that moment the person you love (as a man talking) would feel anger, outrage shame and sadness when thinking about what was done. I'm that moment as a woman you would have been burdened with my problems. While it may cause you to become closer, you would start asking questions like, did you get any STD's from this I need to worry about? You would wonder if it's okay to bring up certain subjects because it "might make him feel uncomfortable" a man ( at least this one) would never want a woman to hold her tongue because she's afraid it "might" bother me. Personally I'd prefer her speak openly about what she wants It may even be that if the anal thing was something she truly desire I'd end up worrying "if I don't, can't or won't give her what she wants (since she won't brink it up again knowing it might bother me) will she go find someone who will give her this instead?
I have more thoughts on this. Going to need to come back in a few.
“ In that moment as a woman you would have been burdened with my problems.”- Correct. But what if that person you love doesn’t mind. Now you can battle it together, like it’s supposed to be.“While it may cause you to become closer, you would start asking questions like, did you get any STD's from this I need to worry about?”- I personally didn’t even think about that. But I see your point. “You would wonder if it's okay to bring up certain subjects because it "might make him feel uncomfortable" a man ( at least this one) would never want a woman to hold her tongue because she's afraid it "might" bother me.”- I understand that too and would agree. But to me it sounds like any other reaction would be callous. To be honest we do this for lesser things but I think with proper and constant communication that’s something that would get resolved instantly. “Personally I'd prefer her speak openly about what she wants It may even be that if the anal thing was something she truly desire I'd end up worrying "if I don't, can't or won't give her what she wants (since she won't brink it up again knowing it might bother me) will she go find someone who will give her this instead?”- Luckily I don’t know one woman who is just dying to get sexed anally, or do the reverse. I’m sure they exist but to say someone would leave a loving and committed relationship for this is not realistic. Rest assured lol. So I wrote this question with simple conversations about feelings in mind. Such as (stressful day at work? please tell me about your shitty day, family member being an asshole? Come vent to me a little bit, still hurt about a loss of your parent? Have a shoulder to cry on.) What you’ve experienced is much much deeper and it is important to talk about. I just cannot imagine someone I know and love having gone through that and not confiding in me to help in some way. This life is fucked and one of the only safe coping mechanisms we have is leaning on each other.
Especially if your goal is to be together with someone for a long time. I believe in marriage, and I believe in becoming one. His baggage, his debt, his burdens, heck STD’s even, whatever, all mine. So might as well just fucking deal with it together.
Unfortunately for me the only girlfriend I've ever had dumped me soon after hearing about it, though I suspect it ! ight have been due to pressure from our parents (I was 10 she was almost 12 at the time) yes that's right I'm 40 and I've been alone for 30 years never met a single woman who was remotely interested in me as anything more then as a friend or brother. Sucks I never met anyone like you. But so goes life.
Well I’m sure you know that at 10 and 12 you’re still children so there was no emotional development there that could’ve helped process this information. I hope you were able to talk to a professional about this at some point in your life. Family or friends even.
The term soul mate exist for a reason and personally I believe age has no bearing when compared to a soul. That said I still feel the exact same about her now as I did back then. Even though I've seen her new pictures with her and her kids, I find myself still in love with her. So I'm going to say that I emotionally understood what I needed to know back then. Intelligence wise I've always scored high even as a kid.
I am pretty open about my feelings with people I care about. I don’t have a lot of people in my inner circle so when I share something it means a lot. I expect it’s the same for some. But maybe that means they don’t value me the same as I value them.