Help? Why don't guys pursue me?

[abc3643]

You may be suffering from "Beautiful Girl Syndrome Type 2".
If you Google "Beautiful Girl Syndrome", that's basically saying that beautiful girls can be bitchier and high maintenance because guys are willing to put up with more because she is so beautiful. Guys won't put up with so much shit and work if the girl isn't so attractive.

"Beautiful Girl Syndrome Type 2" is a phrase I coined, but it's a real thing I discovered not quite 40 years ago. This will take some time to explain...

All guys need to feel that they can "win". They view things as something like a competition in which there is some goal that they want to achieve. If a guy wants something and he believes that there is SOME possibility that he may get it, he will get emotionally involved. If he begins to believe that he won't get that, then he begins to withdraw and get emotionally detached. However, sometimes a guy doesn't even think he has a chance, so he doesn't bother...

And this is where "Beautiful Girl Syndrome Type 2" comes in. If a girl is really beautiful, a regular guy thinks:
1. There are a zillion other guys who want her.
2. She almost certainly already has a boyfriend.
3. There is no way she'd be attracted to me; I am not anything special.
4. If she did date me, she'd dump me for some better-looking guy who will hit on her and there definitely will be such a guy.
5. She's going to be bitchy and high maintenance. (In other words, he's thinking she suffers from normal Beautiful Girl Syndrome.)

So, he basically thinks that
1) he doesn't have a chance to get her,
2) if he did, he'll lose her, and
3) she's going to be a lot of work.

Because oceans of guys think like this - the only exception being the hunky guys - the beautiful girl either can't find a guy or goes with dickhead hunky guys (who suffer from Beautiful Guy Syndrome). Of course, the regular guys see the beauties with the hunky guys and that just reinforces their belief that they don't have a chance...

Oh, and one more thing: Since the beautiful girls can get guys, they are getting laid... So, any new boyfriend has to "compete" against all of her past lovers and many guys don't think they are going to "measure up" (if you know what I mean) compared to those past hunky guys.

So, a beautiful girl needs to be proactive and hit on men instead of waiting for them to hit on her. A beautiful girl being proactive removes doubts males have regarding Beautiful Girl Syndrome Type 2.

[JustTheTrue]

You 18-24. If you were to live in TX. I would totally chase after you. Lol


Here is the thing.
Attractive girls intimidate guys and even if they are friendly we guys try to act cool by ignoring them. This is mostly done by shy and inexperienced guys and even if they experience they don’t want to fxck things up.


Trust me I had met a girls who looked like models. They didn’t got approached because guys got intimidated and were scare to talk to them. I had been there because an Australian girl made me stutter for the first time lmao.


Also, it isn’t even easy for attractive guys like myself. Girls don’t trust us easily and make us go through shxt in order for them to confirm our feelings for them.
Average guy and unattractive ones get shxt tested the less, and get obvious hints when girls don’t want anything to do with them. As for me I think I’m on a movie for the bunch of shxt girls had made me go through.
Beside attractive guys are targeted by extreme feminist. They hate attractive men, but at the same time they desire them.

[Xoxocutekitty]

This may be a weird question, but, are you non-white? I'm Asian and no one in my high school wanted to date me but once I got to college and onwards, "Asian persuasion" (their words, not mine), became a thing. I became a hot commodity and didn't do anything different, except be in a new dating pool, with more open-minded fish.

Maybe it's not a race thing, maybe it's a 'look' thing. Do you have a certain style that sets you apart? Do you have 'weird' hobbies that are less common? Do you have frenemies who might be secretly saying things that could hurt your dating prospects? Sadly, in small towns or school clubs its a thing.

[CubsterShura]

No offense when I ask you this, but how is your overall reputation among people? Trust me, no matter how good you look if you're reputed as a bitchy person or something else that's negative then you wouldn't get guys wanting to approach you even if may not accurately represent who you truly are. Your reputation matters a lot.

[ValleyofDrakes]

I'm sure a number of guys here would be willing to DM you for the sake of the pursuit of you, but you've labeled yourself private, so that won't be happening unless you take the initiative and message someone on your own, which brings me to my next point.

Listen, if it's always about someone going after you, it's not going to get what you want.

I'm a dude. I don't have the luxury of being wanted just by sitting there. Every girlfriend I've had, I put in the work and made them want me. I ain't got the looks, but I have other strengths women find very attractive, the problem is that it's all inside my brain rather than affecting my physical appearance. So it takes some time to show it off.

Sure being approached is nice, but if all you're doing is waiting, the reality is you gonna be sitting there for a long time not getting laid.

I see you say you've put in the work, but did you actually ask a guy out? Any dude would Love that.

To be honest it's good to see a woman struggle with this for a change. Women usually seem like these undisputed goddesses that everyone wants and the only way to get one is to be the best out of her available thousands of choices. It's like putting in a job application. You might be the most qualified, but doesn't mean you're going to get picked. Someone else who looks flashier on the outside is likely to get picked instead. Then there's you, struggling just like I do. Not so powerful now are ya, ladies? Muhuhuahahahahaha!! Lol jk

Jokes aside, your experience is not the same as others. So you gotta do what you gotta do to get what you deserve. You are the only one responsible for that. Not someone else.

Hope that helps. 😉

[hellionthesagereborn]

Are you shy? Their is a good probability that its unrelated to looks. If your shy your body language can be misconstrued as uninterested and since a guy has to risk rejection and all of the negative emotions and negative social situations that can bring, he is not going to go after a girl that doesn't already seem interested. So that could be a problem (but could very easily be fixed.

Second is what do you do? If your not in a social circle that has a lot of guys who are single its going to be harder. Basically you need to be around more single guys in order to get one to ask you out.

Third, are you going after shy guys? They are not particularly confident and as such will look and wait, probably for ever, for a confirmation that your interested and pretty much anything other then out right telling him you want to go out with him will not be a good enough confirmation for him and he will think your just being nice.

Are any of these something that could be the issue?

[MrOracle]

Based on your original post and your other replies here, my guess is that you put off a vibe of desperation and clinginess that is scaring guys away. Have you ever had a really desperate guy ask you out (or maybe one of your friends)? When a guy reeks of desperation, he's not attractive to anyone, even if he's good-looking or has other positive attributes, and that's true with women as well.

in my opinion, the best thing you can do is to keep doing what you are doing - showing a guy attention if you are interested in him, etc. - but otherwise, don't get too hung up on getting a guy. Instead, focus on HAVING FUN doing whatever it is you are doing. And this is especially important in mixed company. You want guys to SEE and HEAR you having fun - laughing and joking and bantering back and forth with guys and girls. Let people see that you can be laid back and fun to be around, that you aren't easily offended and have a sense of humor, and let 'em see you smile and laugh.

People WANT to be around other people who are fun and happy - they are drawn to those people like a magnet - and a lot of girls have a problem about being overly serious and over-sensitive/easily offended, and that's a turn-off. Let guys see that you aren't like that - you're FUN and happy and pleasant to be around - and I suspect you'll have very different luck with guys.

[anonChineseMale]

Hahaha, yeah I guess this does happen. Let's assume you are a perfect 10. As you stated people find you attractive. You are fire 🔥.

Now as a person. You. See a guy that is also a perfect Ten. Do you feel intimidated? Most people would especially if they found them extremely attractive 😉. It is because they feel that they would never be able to match the person next to them. I mean. Guys have self esteem problems too. So it's not your fault. You find someone that is confident in themselves and will be able to approach you and fall in love with. However the problem for the... Super attractive is that they might get used. They are seen as slutty. Or too good looking for me. Etc. You will face problems. From men and women. And you will have to be able to stand up for yourself. I used to bully people that were... Too pretty. And I realized that I was in the wrong and a petty person.

You are more than just some one that is attractive. Not a lot of people will be able to see that. And don't let all their hate get to you. And don't be blinded by false kindness. It's going to suck. However you will need to find people who are honest and has their best interest in you. One that allows you to be yourself without too much judgement. Don't fall for people that only think one way about the world. The world is so vast it is too easy to say like should only be one way. That you have to be what they imagine you to be.

Finding love is not easy. I for one say that it mostly starts as lust in the guise of love. And through time it may develope into love but who knows what the future holds. But keep holding on and you might be lucky enough to find out once you learn how to navigate this crazy and ugly yet beautiful world we have.

I hope this helps.

[JackSmy]

So what you did, isn't getting you the results you want. OK?
What is AMAZING, about you!! Let's say I meet you, online, and want to know about you, and I ask, "Tell me about YOU?"
WHAT DO YOU SAY? That simple response might make the difference!!
Are you confident, in YOU, and LOVING YOURSELF, and you can say, I like this, and I LOVE this, and this other thing too!!
Then the guy, or lady, depending, says, "WOW!! I LOVE THAT TOO!!"
Everyone is unique, and everyone has something that some other will LOVE to share with you! The hard part, is finding the one, that LOVE that special thing!!

[ColoradoKid]

I have the same problem with women. Tbh I have given up to the most part. The ones I have been in a relationship with were not the best for me mentally. My late wife was the best one and she had cheated on me. If that tells you anything. I have been chatting with a lady 6 months before Covid. We live in the same small town and we have never met. Sometimes it is better to be lonely and sain than with someone and insane. That is what life has taught me. I do hope that you find someone that will treat you right and make you happy. I could be just a cynical middle aged man. I don't know. I do know for a fact... Those who want to be in your life will and you can't control who will be in your life. You can only accept them.

[JKingOff]

Hard to say without knowing what you look like. If you have a picture you could try sending it to me via private message. In general I would say that it's either due to poor personality, or it could simply just be that a lot of guys might find you intimidating because you're so beautiful. typically the way it works is physical attractiveness, AKA looks, get your food in the door. Personality is what keeps you from getting kicked out the door. Seeing as you're simply just having issues getting your foot in the door then I would probably say that it's an issue with looks. However since you obviously stated that many people seem to find you very attractive then I would take a guess and say that it's because they might be too intimidated to actually ask you out. The other alternative is personality, and the only way that would affect you getting your foot in the door is if you already have a bad reputation and a lot of people know about it.

[triff]

Not easy to say without a face pic What I would say perhaps your coming over as desperate which puts guys on the back burner At least your not meeting the players Have your friends given you any advice All I can say. Is it will happen your young and beautiful Stop worrying relax about it

[Bananaman177]

Stop expecting a guy to do all the work.

"I had to take the initiative, I had to put in all the effort, I had to do all the work!"

YEAH? AND? SO? WHAT?

What are you crying about, you big fucking baby? It's not enough to go out and GRAB the things you want and FIGHT to keep them, instead you want them gift-wrapped and served to you on a silver platter by the universe.

How can you possibly sit here and cry because you had to put in effort towards something? What a useless fucking baby you are. No wonder men don't feel like putting in any effort to woo you. I wouldn't bother with you either, you sound so pathetic.

"Oh my God, I had to actually put in effort, it was so terrible, how unfair!"

[RemoErdosain]

Careful about the approach you have to a relationship. Feeling lonely and jumping to a relationship because of it can be dangerous. All of those who told you you're very attractive aren't lying, so it's not the looks. You're very young; this doesn't say anything about you. Just continue being yourself, don't try to become something you're not just to "fit in": That's one of the worst mistakes you can make in your youth

[Mollynotgemma]

Perhaps without you realising it the way you act may come across as insincere and desperate and perhaps your not being yourself!
I hate to say this... but the right person will find you! Just stop believeing you’re the issue and then you’ll come across more naturally

[bklynbadboy1]

Well there could be a few reasons why maybe they're intimidated by or maybe you have like a mean personality. Or maybe it's because you're not approachable for instance right now your one anonymous if there was a young guy that wanted to talk to you he can't even reach you come off anonymous have a couple of conversations you never know you might meet someone

[Juxtapose]

"I tried initiating texting with guys I liked and they responded well and complimented me and we had good conversations but they didn't put in any effort or even try to initiate conversation with me. I was putting in all the effort, texting first and asking them out as they never mentioned it."

I have the same problem.

[RHK36]

Could be a wrong place wrong time. Don't get so discouraged about it, you're young af. Focus on being the best version of yourself. If you need to talk or vent feel free to message me.

[vizey]

Maybe because it's the guys you like and none of the guys like you? Try to find someone that likes you even if you don't like them at first but maybe you can build up that interest. Just make sure it's your preference before giving them your number or so and so

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

Its hard to say just with this information.
Could be that they actually like you and you don't see it. Or you are doing something that you don't realize that pushes them away.
Regardless, keep putting yourself out there. There is someone for everyone. You will find a good guy for you, you will see 😊

[OddBeMe]

Guys pursue confidence. It’s nothing really to do with looks, other than just being well kept. You may have some depression/anxiety that inhibits your confidence around guys. I know I felt better after getting on meds and therapy.

[Luna1998]

I never get approcah too, people said im cute and all yet no one ever approach me, i was seeing a amerucan guy once in high school but thats it, its been 6 years now. 😅 i guess you need to look in a different places, stay in the same place wouldn't do any good

[Unit1]

Dating ain't that easy ms. Some of us are doomed with an invisible aura of opposite-sex-repellent and it's almost like we can't do anything about it.

@Cynicaldreamer
I think I found your little sister here.

[Avicenna]

Well, I sympathize with your frustration but what you’re experiencing is also experienced by lots of guys. Be confident and friendly when approaching guys- confident and friendly gets guys’ interest.