Big ego but big heart?

jessicarose98
I’ve known this guy since we were in elementary school (11-12 years old) we used to be close for many years and then stopped recently we became close friends again (were 21 now) and things were going well it was like we’ve always been close friends never missing a day apart. he's a player I’ve seen him cry over other girls and hurt other girls over and over again and he’s seen me do the same to guys. Now that were older, I don’t know why but I looked at him one day and realized this whole time it’s been him. I’m in love with this guy. he's still exactly the same, the player guy, the star of the party, but someone with a good heart deep down. So I’m scared I’ve never told him my feelings and probably never will because our friendship is more important to me and I know if we did date he would hurt me. But recently we got into a fight. I apologized we made up and things were fine again for awhile. And now we got into another he was mean to me this time and out of line blocked me everywhere. But I’m really hurt. he's the type of guy whos stubborn and will not apologize even though he's wrong. Its strange we have been fighting we have never fought before in the past 10+ years. I don’t know if its because of my feelings or not but something is off. I just love him a lot and I know it’s reciprocated as a friend for sure but nothing more. But now I’m at a loss.. I feel like he will never contact me as he’s that stubborn. He has a very big ego he usually lets it down with me but this time he was acting very tough and different not how he usually does he’s usually a softie toward me. I want to continue being friends at least but I feel there is nothing I can do as he was the one in the wrong... what would you do?
Big ego but big heart?
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