Please help with this?

Xper 1

Husband and I got married in 2016. In 2017 found out we were pregnant, h wasn’t that happy as said we weren’t really ready. When I was 7 months pregnant I found texts in my h phone to another woman. Deep emotional texts using words he’s never used with me. I have no proof their affair was physical but the texts suggested it was. We had a huge fight and he ‘deleted’ her in front of me.
Our marriage hasn’t been great since and obviously there’s no trust.
When he was in the shower I looked through his contacts. Her number is still there under someonelses name but it’s on whatsapp so it’s her photo.
what I want to ask is this. If he was committed to our marriage, wouldn’t it of been deleted?
he wouldn’t just keep it there for no reason would he?
Please don’t comment with ‘leave him’ because it’s not that simple. If we didn’t have a child I probably would.

Updates:

1 y

Why aren’t people answering the actual question

1 y

Thanks for the answers so far. If he didn’t care about her would t it be an easy delete?

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SueShe | 674 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.
Master

1 y

That relation is toxic and you should seriously consider going together to therapy to attempt to fix what is fixable.

You state that you have no proof and until you have, you only have suspicions. Perhaps that he is emotionally unfaithful to you, which is just as bad as being physically cheating.

I can imagine that the fact that he will soon be father is something that took him a little by surprise and unprepared. I am not painting the devil on the wall but he could just be seeking for emotional support from this lady because he is insecure about the entire development.

It is really best to communicate on an honest basis but if it fails, you will have no other choice than to seek professional help to attempt to solve the problem. Good luck.

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- Pleasehelpme89
  
  1 y
  The child is now 2. I’m asking why he has kept her number if it’s over
- SueShe
  
  1 y
  It is only possible to speculate but I could perhaps imagine that she give him some kind of emotional support that he does not find elsewhere.
  
  It could be that she is like a confident that he can turn to when he has issues at home and that he believes he cannot talk with you.
  
  Having her picture on his cell phones does not automatically signify that he is also having an affair with her but she could be just something like a relief valve for domestic problems.
- Pleasehelpme89
  
  1 y
  Right. But if it was over with her would her number of been deleted
- Show All Show Less
- SueShe
  
  1 y
  One should think so unless he keeps it "just in case".
  
  He is really the only one to answer why he believes he needs to keep her number alive. One does not keep a number if one does not plan to use in in the (near) future.

Most Helpful Girl

thatchick1010
Xper 4

1 y

Yes, if it was over the number would have been deleted not disquised under another name.

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1 Person

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Is this still revelant?
- thatchick1010
  
  1 y
  Eww sorry for the typo! Disguised*
- Pleasehelpme89
  
  1 y
  Thank you, I agree and no worries about typo! Can I ask something else? There would be no reason to keep it if he had no interest in contacting her would there
- thatchick1010
  
  1 y
  Unfortunately you are right. If he really was done with her, he would not have kept her contact
- Show All Show Less
- thatchick1010
  
  1 y
  Would you be interested in a private chat?

Most Helpful Guys

OneManOnly01 | 90 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.
Xper 7

1 y

It’s tough being in your position but you need to be more assertive, but even then, you might fix him but there’s a chance that you might annoy him and he goes cold on you.

I understand it isn’t so simple leaving him now.

But you need to be more confident and assertive.

Try to pull him in sexually. Be a catwoman type of woman that he chases.

If you tell exactly what you’ve seen, then there might be a solution to this

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- Pleasehelpme89
  
  1 y
  For gods sake. Another answer that isn’t answering my actual question
- OneManOnly01
  
  1 y
  That’s the answer here. You need to be too damn attractive that he needs to chase you for your attention, that’s what’s gonna make him leave that other woman.
  
  And you didn’t even tell in the question what your husband said to that woman
Stoner710 | 728 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.
Guru

1 y

So talk to him in a calm voice ones yelling starts walk away and try again later, It’s hard to trust someone who cheats on you or even appears to cheat. If he needs more sex then give him more sex, but you and the baby come first

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- Pleasehelpme89
  
  1 y
  Not what I asked. I’m asking if it was over would the number he deleted
- Stoner710
  
  1 y
  Every likely I’m not sure if she was just a person he could vent to or a Business associate but if he wants to keep you around he would delete the number and never talk to her again and get somebody else on the project. Or go to a counselor. If it was over with you I doubt you would’ve deleted the number
- Pleasehelpme89
  
  1 y
  If it was over with me you’d doubt I’d delete the number? makes zero sense. No need to respond you don’t even answer the queston.
- Show All Show Less
- Stoner710
  
  1 y
  If it was over with you he wouldn’t have deleted the number (sorry on my phone small screen
- Pleasehelpme89
  
  1 y
  Don’t you mean if it was over with her he would have deleted the number. God are you even reading the question
- Stoner710
  
  1 y
  Yes I read the question I’m saying if it was over with you you would be gone if it was over with her her number would be gone. If he works with her as a business partner that is a completely different story the number would not be gone. I have no idea the circumstances in which he met this woman I am telling you what I know based on the information that is provided
- Pleasehelpme89
  
  1 y
  What are you on about? They aren’t business partners
- Stoner710
  
  1 y
  You said you found her number “Her number is still there under someonelses name but it’s on whatsapp so it’s her photo.” Clearly he still has her number other than being business partners I don’t see why he would have her number so he clearly change the name so that he knows who it is but you don’t, which didn’t work obviously. Does it seem like he cares about your marriage does he seem like he cares about your child. You told us not to say break up with him that’s what we were saying the guy is clearly cheating and is trying to get away with it so we’re trying to come up with solutions that isn’t you breaking up with him. This site isn’t a marriage counselors website if you want a marriage counselor to hire one. Beyond that you have given us two options either work it out or break up most people would break up so we’re trying to give you solutions that doesn’t involve breaking up. This is very hard to do

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What Girls & Guys Said

07

Iron_Man | 10.7K opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.
Master

1 y

I’m sorry to hear about that where there’s smoke there’s fire, yes he should’ve deleted everything for sure. The best thing you could do is go to a marriage counselor and work it out if you can’t work it out on your own

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- Pleasehelpme89
  
  1 y
  Thank you. There’s no way he’d have it and not use it, he’d just delete if that was the case? Thanks for the help by the way
- Iron_Man
  
  1 y
  You’re very welcome I hope things get better for you
havingfun101 | 208 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.
Explorer

1 y

You see her as a threat; this isn't about him, but about you. If he wants to talk to someone who is a woman, is it really that wrong? Narcissistic supply is everything to some people.

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- Pleasehelpme89
  
  1 y
  You didn’t read the question
- havingfun101
  
  1 y
  I'm not a dumb girl; asking him to delete her number is unfair, selfish, insecure and an invasion of privacy serving only to erode your relationship. If you love someone let them go; if they love you, they'll return on their own.
- Pleasehelpme89
  
  1 y
  I’ve just seen some of your other comments. As well as being dumb, you’re also disgusting.
- Show All Show Less
- havingfun101
  
  1 y
  I'm a genius with good hygiene. I'm right or the original question wouldn't have existed. Go to him and tell him it's all good and see what happens in your marriage.
- Pleasehelpme89
  
  1 y
  You’re a psychopath. Fuck off.
- havingfun101
  
  1 y
  You are the one controlling your way out of an important relationship... sounds sociopathic to meeeeeee! 🤣
Dave31989
Yoda

1 y

this sounds like a poisonous relationship

GET OUT

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- Pleasehelpme89
  
  1 y
  Yep I know but right now I’m asking why he still has her number
- Dave31989
  
  1 y
  Why do you think?
- Pleasehelpme89
  
  1 y
  I’m asking people’s opinions on here and you aren’t saying
- Show All Show Less
- Dave31989
  
  1 y
  you know it. you just want me to say it. i shouldn't have to
- Pleasehelpme89
  
  1 y
  Yes I know that. But clearly my head is a mess and I can’t think straight for myself which is why I’m here.
Jmmmfi4 | 1K opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.
Guru

1 y

Obviously he kept it for a reason but I'm sure you already know that.

This won't end well.

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- Pleasehelpme89
  
  1 y
  Do men keep other women’s numbers? I know people keep numbers they never use but surely he would have got rid of a number of a person who posed a risk to our marriage?
Anonymous

1 y

get that girl married to someone else by making your best friend try to impress her and marry off.

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- Pleasehelpme89
  
  1 y
  What is the point in leaving comments like that when I’ve obviously come on here for advice
- Opinion Owner
  
  1 y
  you cannot change someone's mind can you?
- Opinion Owner
  
  1 y
  It is possible than someone can be dedicated to marriage still have a formal contact.
- Show All Show Less
- Pleasehelpme89
  
  1 y
  Still have formal contact with the person he cheated on his wife with? You’re an idiot
- Opinion Owner
  
  1 y
  once a cheater always a cheater
- Pleasehelpme89
  
  1 y
  Again not what I’m asking
- Opinion Owner
  
  1 y
  he will cheat whenever he will get a chance so what are you trying to tell , he clearly loves her more then if he cheats by sleeping with her
- Opinion Owner
  
  1 y
  because your question is not clear what do you want exactly
- Pleasehelpme89
  
  1 y
  I want to know that if it was over between them would the number be deleted
- Opinion Owner
  
  1 y
  not it is not compulsory that he will delete even if it is over , every person keeps a second option always ready.
Yellovv | 268 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.
Yoda

1 y

I think you made kids so early with him.

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- Pleasehelpme89
  
  1 y
  Not what I’m asking
Emanon_18
Xper 6

1 y

He’s totally wrong

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- Pleasehelpme89
  
  1 y
  Why does he have her number if he says it’s over
- Emanon_18
  
  1 y
  He’s a liar and loser
- Pleasehelpme89
  
  1 y
  Yes I’m aware of this but it’s not what I asked.

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