Wow that is one of the worst I’ve heard. I am so sorry. That would be heartbreaking. I hope you’re doing ok and find love again.
You’re not a guy! When did you loose your nuts and became a chick?
I think you sound awesome. :)
@SashaAMB it would seem you are in a tiny minority.
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What if the relationship never started but it ended before it did
I don’t understand. Does that mean you went on a few dates?
We were dating for 3 months but it wasn’t a full relationship because of personal reasons. 2 months on, 1 month off, 1 month back before I had to end it. But we weren’t ever in a relationship. It was more like we spent a lot of time together and were intimate but it never developed to a serious relationship level because of his issues
Thank you for the context. Yes he might come back or try to, especially since you all were intimate. Good rule of thumb is to block all exes, helps to keep us moving forward. I’m not sure how often girls do this, but know for a fact guys will try to get sex from their exes.
Thank you for sharing
Your welcome, good luck I’m going through this same senario rn by the way so definitely know that u are not alone hun
Aw I’m sorry you’re going through it too. In my past guys have always come back but each scenario is different and it really sucks not knowing if I mean anything to him even. But thank you, and good luck to you too
Your welcome and thanks 😊
I didn’t fill in any info?
I don't see it.
Sorry I meant I didn’t fill in any information. But I guess I ended it with a guy before it started because I didn’t feel like we were in the same places in life and I needed more commitment and stability and something real. He wanted to just “keep it casual and see where it goes” until he figured out his career move within the next few months. but I told him he has to figure that out alone and then we can talk but until then I can’t be kept in limbo.
OP, he's gone. He was looking for a warm hole for the next couple of months, but he knows he's leaving. If he comes back, it's only because his first choice to move fast away didn't work out, so might as well hit up OP.
Saying all I am is a warm hole to him is disrespectful
Yes. Yes, it is, but that's what casual relationships are. You use each other's bodies and separate your feelings, connections, and relationship goals from it. You may be friends, but even that is optional. It's a terrible idea and no one should do it, but that's what happens when you do.
GnatSocks... Your right.
But we’ve spent hours outside of just sex too
Does it feel like it matters OP?
Maybe I am a little harsh, but this is why I'm so against casual sex and casual relationships. You treat them like they're real when they aren't. They aren't supposed to be. That's what it means. Shit, relationships mean something. Sex means something. And it destroys people to ignore that. Metaphysical, evolutionary, psychologically? I don't know, but it's wrong, and you are just at fault as he is.
I couldn’t agree more. Interactions with others is always meaningful to me and I figured maybe I was just a sensitive person but I’ll never just dip in and out without care with others. I guess could get if it was a couple awkward dates or a quick hookup. .. but we spent genuine time together and had a great time. There was chemistry and we laughed a lot and I could tell there was something there. We shared ourselves. And not just a couple hours but I mean quite several hours before even being intimate. I don’t get how people can just have that and they just dip without it meaning anything.
That’s the part that hurts I guess. Like I was out in the deep with my feelings and thinking it was special and not realizing I was standing there alone. I guess I didn’t think people just thought whatever about these things. Especially when I have had guys message me only, like only online, and have said we have something meaningful all the while I spend all this time with a guy and it’s supposed to mean nothing. Doesn’t make sense to me
I've done things like had a set time limit for a relationship if one of us is moving off. The time goes up and I'll end it. It sucks, but I still end it because there's something else that needs to happen. Guys have been able to do that. Girls maybe sometimes, but guys are trained to shove their emotions aside and do what they need to do. And okay, you probably weren't just a warm hole to him. He probably enjoyed spending time with you, but these agreements like friends with benefits, temporary relationships, casual sex, or even hook ups really are not good for people (I say that and have a Hinge date Thursday even though I'm leaving in a couple months. The problem runs deeper than I'd like to admit).
Wait so then why are you going on the date if you’re leaving? This is exactly the guy I was just seeing, what he did to me 😔
Please explain your thoughts this could help me figure things out on my end lol. I mean, are you dating for seriousness or just a hookup? What if you guys hit it off, and then you have to move?
It's halfway because I haven't seen anyone in like a year and a half, all my friends graduated and moved away, and I'm actually kind of lonely. The other half is because I need to get back to flirting well for my move where I can actually commit to someone. Dates from dating apps rarely go anywhere, especially since I don't rush into sex, but I'm also rusty, so I doubt it would get to that point anyway.
So you’re just going on the date to go on the date because why not? What if it did lead somewhere, would you not allow it to and tell her you’re moving?
I'll mention it on the date. She's also a grad student and knows I'm close to the end of my track here from my age. She may not have connected it yet or she might hope I'll stay, but no grad student stays, especially here. It's just the way of things, but yes, it's a simple getting coffee thing. If it somehow does go somewhere, it's a summer fling. I'm pretty active and I tend to have good actual dates, so she'll enjoy it. But I'd be more shocked this would be the date that actually worked. She's not in any actual danger of being crushed, OP.
If it does turn to a summer fling would you still actively date or go on dates with other women if the opportunity arose?
No, I wouldn't. I don't think like that. I can't even talk to more than one person at a time for even setting up first dates. I've tried. (Sometimes swiping leads to weird bunches in matches). I immediately lose interest in all of them but one.
You’re golden. So even if you knew it would be a fling and not go further you’d only see one?
Even then. It seems weird to you, OP. Were you cheated on or did you cheat in the past or something?
The guy I’m seeing is moving away at the end of the summer and he specifically does not want to be sexually exclusive with me because he thinks that would make it too serious and he doesn’t want to be tied down here and involve emotions so he only is wanting to see me while also having casual sex with random girls too. Not as often as me but still. And I said I wouldn’t do it because I thought of guys like you who would be down for sexual exclusivity.
Poly guys are everywhere, though, especially cities. Get you a half-crazed redneck or nice Christian boy. (Not even joking, hanging out with half-crazed rednecks is some of the most fun you'll ever have, and I think they are all straight monogamous). Homeschooled Christian boys are often completely insane, but they're too funny to dislike.
But why though? Why wouldn’t he try to take her back? Is it because he’s scared or insecure, or scared of rejection if he did try to go back?
@Theresachemin yeah I want to know too
@Theresachemin Why would he? The guy doesn't respect her enough to value her the first time, why would he bother showing her respect if she was willing to come back to him in spite of the way he treated her?
But is it always a lack of respect?
Maybe he’s not ready to be in anything committed, some men are scared of commitment. I’ve had my admit to me before whenever we went through a period of no communication that, he couldn’t get me off of his mind and that he thought I was too good to be true. A lot of men think lowly of themselves and feel like they aren’t worthy of something or someone so good. And for the most part depending on how they are as a person, they are usually correct in thinking that because guess what, negative thinking produces negative outcomes. Sometimes they aren’t always bad but feel like they just aren’t good enough and can’t amount up to how good u are. Like they don’t deserve u. And some of they are afraid of being vulnerable and also facing rejection.
@Theresachemin If a guy takes a woman for granted, truly takes her granted, it is never anything but a lack of respect. If the guy isn't ready to commit, that's different from taking her for granted. A guy who isn't ready to commit isn't telling women that he wants to go steady with them.
I understand that is a difference I’m just giving her different suggestions as far as to what it could be but I def do agree with u @FilmGuy93
I only liked this because there definitely is a truth to that and it’s certainly realistic and it’s brutal for sure but yeh that is quite unfortunate if that really is the case
@Theresachemin my sister had a friend whose boyfriend did this 3 times to her
Or it’s more or less in the sense that he would just settle probably because that’s what’s available and nothing else is?
It’s a shame they are so blind that they can’t always see right away that there is nothing better for them than what they already have, it’s like they don’t recognize that immediately it’s like guys move a lot slower than women when it comes to that, maybe they are just uncertain of what it is they truly want and want to make sure there is something else they could be possibly potentially missing out on? Because I can tell u one thing I know what the fuck I want lol and if don’t want then I don’t want u. Point blank period
@Theresachemin probably there is something better. It doesn't mean that they're all that good though. There might be someone better, but it doesn't mean you are better than what they have, or good enough for what they want. It's a two way street and in some cases its better to have someone than no one.
I get what ur saying but just settling to me doesn’t seem like the best way but then again it does the only difference is when u settle for less than what ur worthy of. That’s when it’s a problem. Shit needs to be reciprocated
how would you know if he's coming back because he can't get anyone else?
@ijr123 because he let to get someone else
I’m sorry:/ it’s a sucky feeling
So far I actually have a 100% rate except the latest guy but it only ended a few days ago
Good for you. I have a feeling that is the way you are spinning it though.
You are one of those who never does anything wrong in relationships. And never apologizes when she does.
No I fully take responsibility. And I’ve apologized plenty.
Then why are so many "messing up and coming back"?
Oh sorry forgot how I worded my question. I wouldn’t say they all messed up. I’ve had both where it was them, me, or not a mess up but wrong timing and so far they’ve come back.
You must be a hurricane in bed.
@spartan55 you said the same about me, not all of us are mean lol
@ijr123I certainly don't think most are.