How can I become more confident in my relationship and myself despite HUGE changes?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now, we are best friends and in love. He asked me to transfer with him to another college (which is a better move personally for me as well as for us) but I am finding that I can't help but feel like I am putting him under a microscope lately because I want to make the right decision----I've all of a sudden began to question how he looks at other women, how he talks about them, if he'll find someone better than me, I watch his actions towards everyone and even lost sleep over the what-if's.And for what?! All I've done is put a wall up between me and him the last few weeks.

This move is HUGE for me, I feel like its more than just transferring colleges and continuing on like we did before-- its saying yes to a possibility of an actual future together (which he strongly hints from time to time). I want to go into this with confidence, not complete mistrust and fear of other women and his faithfullness to me when he has been nothing but an honest person. What do I do so that I can become more confident in the relationship and myself? Any Advice?


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  • This could be the way you cope with change. By finding reasons not to.

    Think about it, you're moving and making a huge commitment. How much more scarier can it get? Your insecurity about this decision might just be manifesting in paranoia. It's not like you can come right out and say, "This is scary, I'm not 100% sure this is the right thing to do. I don't know what's going to happen if I make this commitment, so I'm scared." Instead you're finding reasons not to go - by thinking he might be cheating.

    What you need to do is think about what you're really afraid of, try to get to the bottom of your anxiety about him. It could be you aren't really ready to take such a huge step after only dating a year. Who knows? But if you have irrational responses to rational behavior, it's usually because you're not dealing with the correct problem. I don't think you have a problem with infidelity, you have a problem making such a life changing decision.

    Think about what's the real motivation behind your fear - write it out, talk to a friend, whatever it takes for you to be totally honest about this. If you can be honest about your feelings, you can be more confident about your relationship and the decisions you make pertaining to it.

    Good luck.

    • Thanks for the advice, your absoloutly right. I have boiled what I'm really afraid of down to the fact that I will be the first person in my family (extended too) to really leave away from home like this. I will be sad that I won't be able to see everyone like I normally do. But I'm pretty sure that this shouldn't hold me back from growing like I know I would if I left. So thanks for the help in figuring this one out!!

    • No problem. I'm glad that you were able to figure it out. Good luck!