Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Why do girls flirt even when they don't want sex?

I've known this girl for a couple weeks now. The very first day we chatted, she was flirting and that kind of stuff. She says she had sex only once in her life. She talks about sex and cuddling a lot, but she also mentioned a few times that guys don't realize that there needs to be more than just sex. At first I thought she was just trying to see if all I want is sex from her, but know I think she realized that I am not like that, but she still flirts a lot but she doesn't seem to want to have sex with me yet still. We only went 2 times in real life so far. Maybe that's why? She does enjoy kissing and cuddling. But whenever I start mentioning sex a little too much, she says once again something about that a relationships is not all about sex. And I realize that. But I don't realize what exactly she wants and why she seems to be so against having sex. I am afraid that if I mention something about sex a couple more times, she will just break up with me. But again she mentions it herself a lot.. Also she is 17. Maybe that's why she doesn't wanna do it? Seriously girls are so hard to understand.
Updates:
+1 y
I am 18, if that means anything
1 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • So I met this girl at my job and she is really pretty. I told her that and everything. The thing is that she talks constantly about sex to other guys and tells what type of thong she is wearing. She is very flirtatious. She said a few nasty things to me as well but it's like she rather talk to me about her life and other things; which I find to be very cool. I just don't get why she talks so much about sex. Oh and she has a boyfriend. I don't know if it is because she's not getting attention from him so she just resorts talking to all guys to make herself feel like she is wanted. I think she likes me from the way she acts towards but then again I have second thoughts. I don't want to really think of her as a hoe (sorry I really don't mean it as said). I just don't get her. I try to be sweet towards her and everything but it just doesn't seem to work. I just really want to figure her out but I don't want to put myself in a situation where I can't trust this girl. I also don't get if you have a boyfriend why do you want others guys attention?
    The Confused GuY?

  • Depending on how much you like this young woman, you may have to be more patient with her. She is spot-on when she says a relationship is not all about sex. Yet a healthy relationship will eventually lead in that direction.

    Look, you have only gone out with her twice!!! You cannot expect her to be intimate with someone she barely knows!

    Tell us how well do you know her? If you can't answer these questions then you need to KNOW YOUR GIRL!

    Favorite:
    Song,
    Movie,
    Clothes,
    Car,
    Musical artist,
    Color,
    TV show,
    Magazine,
    TV or Movie star,
    etc. etc. etc.

    AND
    Family! How much do you know? Any brothers, sisters, who is her mom and dad? Ask her these things. Tell her about your family. She wants to know you too.

    If you can't answer these questions then you both will have lots to talk about on your next (real) date. And while you are talking you will get to know if this girl is a keeper. Good Luck and be kind to your girl.

    Footnote: at 17 she is not legal in most states, so beware!

Most Helpful Girls

  • I don't view flirting as a direct line to sex. To me, flirting helps me narrow down what I'm looking for in a potential partner, keeps my conversational skills sharp with the opposite sex, helps me make new friends, and makes me feel better about myself. Guys and girls don't always agree on what drives flirting. Like this question for example.

    I've made the mistake of sleeping with people who didn't have any intention of being in a relationship with me... and I'll never do it again. I respect myself too much to be someone's short term play thing. Girls enjoy sex, but it seems to me that we enjoy physical closeness more. Drop talking about sex, and you'd be surprised how fast she may come around. In the meantime, cuddle, spoon, hold hands. Some girls need to take baby steps. If you rush it, you'll drive her away.

    • The flip-side is that this girl flirted with me and I liked her for 6 months during which I tried to spend as much time as I could being with her. But it turned out that she just wanted to be my friend rather than be in any relationship. So I wasted 6 months not going out with anyone and not having any sex. In the end it got me nothing. Some girls just want guys for emotional support or ego-boosing rather than sex. That's why we want sex so quickly....

    • @_Gerald_ it makes sense why you would be frustrated that a girl you like didn't like you back. However, if this girl did not know you liked her and she genuinely saw you as a friend and interpreted your actions as friendly then how could she have known you like her. If you want a girl, make a move, and if you're just trying to get to know her better then don't let that stop you from going after other girls. You should never waste 6 months of your dating energy pursuing someone who isn't as enthusiastic about you as you are about them. Make your move early, we don't want to lead you on but we can't tell you we don't want to date you until you physically ask to date us. Up until you asking us out we are assuming you just want to be friends, honestly. Also girls rarely change their mind all that much about liking people and if they are going to change their mind, going away and starting to pursue other women will do it. Girls get jealous too. If not, at least now you have someone else.

  • Okay first...she might just talk about it because she maybe thinks that guys like talking about sex and she probably likes you a lot not to move fast and just have sex with you then it's over (not saying you'd do that) but girls are different (obviously) and if they like someone a lot they don't want to rush into things like sex or maybe her first time was really bad and she wants her next one to be really good and not a screw up.

  • relationships AREN'T all about sex, she's right. quit waiting for her to want to have sex with her and get to know the person. you've only known her for a coupld of weeks. flirting doesn't mean sex, flirting means flirting. don't read into it like that, just enjoy what you've got and focus on being closer friends.

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What Girls & Guys Said

9 4

  • They're messing with you.

    Girls will deny it, they'll explain it away and make excuses. But the truth is that girls who are extremely flirtateous when they have no intention of dating you are messing with you. Many women like to control men with their sexuality, like to snap their fingers and watch us jump.

    Don't feed their fragile egos.

    Don't play their sick headgames.

    If she flirts, ask her out. If she says no, she's dead to you.

  • A girl would like to have sex with a guy who makes her feel special and with whom she makes an emotional connection first. Since you are inexperienced, just follow her lead.

  • yeah, some girls have low self esteem OR they just like the attention. I don't flirt unless I liked the guy. But just flirting with someone doesn't mean sex. or do you mean teasing?

  • She might be curious about sex and that is why she talks about it a lot. You have only known her for a couple weeks though. Maybe that isn't enough time for her to open up to you and have sex you know? She probably isn't ready and doesn't want to be forced or feel pressured. It is also possible that she wants to wait until she knows you aren't just in it for the sex, since again it has only been a couple weeks.

  • Maybe she only likes you as a cuddle buddy

    Work out more

  • It's fun.

  • Because those type of girl are attention whores, like leading on people, and are sometimes naturally flirtacious whether they like to admit it or not.

  • flirting is fun, but it doesn't mean we are horny. lol its just flirting and if your good at flirting, guys will flirt back and ask you out! DUH lol

    • Pretty much lol that's exactly right!

  • ok I don't know her or anything, but have you ever thought that maybe she lied and she has never had sex before? or maybe her last realationship ended and she feels like that was the reason why. you guys have only seen each other twice and most girls won't do it that fast. just give it time :]

  • Relationships aren't all about sex. & most down to earth girls would get that. Seriously some guys can be so stupid nowadays! Not refferring to you or anything. Just some guys in general. They think you need sex for a relationship to work. It's stupid. Take it nicee and sloooooowly.And you'll never fully understand girls, just as we will never fully understand guys.

    x

    • Guys DO need sex for a relationship to work

  • she probably wants to have sex with you but she wants for you to love her. And she is afraid that if she gives it up too soon to you that you won't want to be with her. If you truly care about her then you will wait until she is ready and not pressure her.

  • Okay. Guys need to get it through their thick skulls that GIRLS ARE NOT SEX OBJECTS!Just give it time. You guys should still be virgins!

    • If isn't about sex, explain it better, please.

    • @jacquesvol girls flirt for a number of reasons which is pretty similar to men. They flirt to have fun, feel desired, because they're bored, because someone is flirting with them and it would be weirder not to flirt back, they flirt if they think someone is attractive even if they might not want to physically have sex (they don't like casual sex, they're a virgin, they're in a monogamous relationship) I would say maybe 10% of the time a woman is flirting its because they want sex and usually that kind of flirting would be directly sexual. If she's not making innuendos and saying semi explicit things the flirting probably isn't intended to get you to sleep with her.

    • @jgold indeed , I met many flirty women who weren't ready to do the twinbacked animal exercise. :)

  • ...why does she have to want to have sex with you cause she flirts with you? she probably just likes you, that doesn't mean she wants to be on ur dick.

    • Why would you like someone but not want to have sex with them? For guys, flirting is like the signal to have sex. So it's not something you should do to just please yourself.

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