Why do some people have a hard time believing someone when they say they're ugly?

Question

I've seen this a lot on this site, and other advice forums and on my blog as well. People come on asking for advice because they think they are ugly. Most peoples automatic response is that the person can't possibly be ugly and they just lack confidence. No one seems to believe a person when they tell their story about feeling ugly. Yet you see questions on here where people are trolling and they are making fun of ugly people.

There are people (including me) who aren't that good-looking, and there are people who are rude to them about it. I don't really ask questions on here about ugliness (my first one actually), but I do keep a blog. Most of the time I don't really post negative stuff on my blog but there are times when I want to vent. The one time I made a post about something that happened to me where these guys were harrassing me and calling me ugly, and they threw ice cream at me. I was upset, so I blogged about it because I didn't want to tell people who know me about it. I allow comments on my blog, and not one person believed me that people called me ugly. They all said the guys probably could see I lack confidence and it was my personality that made them make fun of me. These guys had never met me before, they didn't know me. This happened in my elevator in my building. How can they know what kind of personality I have or if I lack confidence?

Anyway, I see similar things on this website and advice forums as well. As soon as someone makes a comment about themselves being ugly, people automatically blame the person confidence level or personality for it. I just read a question earlier where people told the person that guys didn't want to date her being of her lack of confidence and not because of her weight. I feel like false advice is worse than the truth.

Answer 1

onyxchrimsonblood

Xper 4

usually like my sister she is really over weight but she thinks that her weight is thereason people won't date her and that its her physical features. I have alwaus told her that she isn't ugly that if someone really cares for her its what is on the inside that matters and tha yes she is over weight and yes she is not as hot as a lot of girls but neither am i. At my old school of 200 kids I was in a way the model and the hottest girl there. I had five guys who would litterally kill each other over me if I asked and I dated seven of thehottest guys there. I was considered royalty even with my techers and so were the guys I dated. I told her day after dy that I hated being praisd for my body and how hot I was that I wish I was liked for my attitube and how much I cared for people. that really she was muc hotter than I was but to this day she doesn't blieve me. even now that I am in one of the lowest position of the popularity prymid at my school of 200,000 kids. And I don't agree when people say its becuse of their lack of confidence even if tht is a part of it. what I would do is tell them to f*** off especially if the comment is towards my friends or family.

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Answer 2

Anonymous

Because most people who describe themselves as ugly are not actually ugly. Conversely, most people have some sort of self esteem issue that might make them think they are ugly. In addition, what one person thinks is ugly/unattractive, someone else undoubtedly finds very attractive so ugly can't be described in empirical terms when its such a subjective subject.

Also, as for your situation, it is very easy to tell if someone lacks confidence in their posture, clothing choices, etc. So it is quite possible to tell if someone lacks confidence without ever knowing them. Bullies (such as people who put down others and throw things at them) thrive off of belittling those who clearly already have low self-esteem so it isn't a huge leap to reach the notion that they did that to you because you have a noticeably low level of self-esteem.

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Rick56

+1 y
Most people who consider themselves ugly are looking through someone they want's eyes instead of their own.
Asker

+1 y
I was texting on my phone and smiling because of the text that I got. I was also wearing nice clothes that I had bought earlier that day, so I was feeling good about myself up until that moment. They came in the elevator after me. I cannot see how someone can look at me and think "Oh she lacks confidence, so I'm going to call her an ugly bitch." I can't tell if people lack confidence or not.

Answer 3

Rick56

Most people who consider themselves ugly are looking through someone they want's eyes instead of their own.

Answer 4

Asker

I was texting on my phone and smiling because of the text that I got. I was also wearing nice clothes that I had bought earlier that day, so I was feeling good about myself up until that moment. They came in the elevator after me. I cannot see how someone can look at me and think "Oh she lacks confidence, so I'm going to call her an ugly bitch." I can't tell if people lack confidence or not.

Answer 5

Anonymous

Because nearly everyone can fix themselves by working out, eating right, getting a haircut and using make up.

So yes, I think true ugliness is rare.

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1 Person

Answer 6

Rick56

Xper 5

Because Ugly is a personal preference and not everyone has the same preference. You show me the most beautiful person in the world(in your view) And I can show you 20 who thinks they are not all that. You show me someone who you think is ugly And I will show you 20 people who thinks they are gorgeous. So that would be why. not to mention most people who are far from ugly think they are ugly. I have yet to meet a person I actually thought were ugly that actually was. I have seen a few ugly people in my day. but they are always accompanied by someone who is smiling in their face. If a girl is lonely it tend to be self inflicted and not society rejecting them and their looks. Like I told someone else. Be your self. You might not get who you want. But you will get who you need. One day women will take this into account and stop trying to go for the guy they think has it all.

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Answer 7

honeyltsme | 107 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.

Explorer

people tend to react badly to criticism of their appearance, especially aspects of it that are difficult or impossible to change

on the other hand it is true that balls-out confidence can make up for a lot

2 years ago I was passing this pub on the street and as I did, one of the girls standing outside quickly blurted to me "you're ugly!". 2 other girls who were with her giggled a bit

I stopped, turned to her and said "that's what my mother is telling me every day, but you should see her". all of them giggled and we spoke some more and I went with them into the pub for a drink.

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Answer 8

Dionysos | 282 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.

Guru

Ugly vs good looking is a spectrum. Most of us put ourselves farther on the ugly side than the average observer would. Insecure females are famous for it. Young insecure females, doubly so.

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Answer 9

PhilaPenn

Xper 6

I beleive people when they say that they are ugly, unless there is some real evidence that mentall illness is in play.

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Answer 10

xxDizzyxx

Xper 5

I think that a lot of guys are used to hearing girls say they are ugly when they are fishing for a compliment. That's why they turn around and say oh your not really that ugly are you. They assume your looking for an ego boost or something maybe...

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1 Person

Asker

+1 y
Hmm, yeah I can agree with that. I've seen other girls post pictures of themselves and asking if they're ugly and it ends up being a beautiful model.

But it's definitely not always the case. And it isn't always just girls. The one forum I go to a guy made a post about how women rejecting him because he was ugly. Not one woman believed him, they just told him to boost his confidence and he'd be fine.

Answer 11

Asker

Hmm, yeah I can agree with that. I've seen other girls post pictures of themselves and asking if they're ugly and it ends up being a beautiful model.

But it's definitely not always the case. And it isn't always just girls. The one forum I go to a guy made a post about how women rejecting him because he was ugly. Not one woman believed him, they just told him to boost his confidence and he'd be fine.

Answer 12

Anonymous

Yah, it's true, good observation.

It's the polite thing to say to tell people they are not "ugly".

I

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Answer 13

perkynipples

Xper 4

ugly people exist, its sad. beautiful people are the best!

people that say they're ugly or ask if they're ugly etc are typically just insecure people looking for attention. why the hell would you tell or ask people on the internet if your ugly?

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1 Person

Answer 14

Moloch | 392 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.

Guru

Someone made them feel that way in their past, and that thought stays embedded in the mind.

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Answer 15

Anonymous

They threw ice cream at you? So they were randomly making fun of your looks?

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Asker

+1 y
Yup. We were sharing the elevator and they were laughing at me for being ugly, and as they left the one threw his shake or whatever it was and called me an ugly bitch as he left. Then they both laughed. And these were male adults, I don;t think they could have been much younger than me. This is a college student building. I'm moving in a week, but I chose this because it was cheap when I first moved. Student buildings are always cheap.
Opinion Owner

+1 y
wow, that's terrible! They were probably freshmen and one of them probably dared the other to do it. Don't worry about it too much though, they won't make it too far doing things like that to people. Also just because one person doesn't like how you look, doesn't mean someone won't think you're completely gorgeous. Everyone was made to look different for a reason. That's because every person has their own taste when it comes to who they are attracted to. Anyways, you have a Merry Christmas!

Answer 16

Asker

Yup. We were sharing the elevator and they were laughing at me for being ugly, and as they left the one threw his shake or whatever it was and called me an ugly bitch as he left. Then they both laughed. And these were male adults, I don;t think they could have been much younger than me. This is a college student building. I'm moving in a week, but I chose this because it was cheap when I first moved. Student buildings are always cheap.

Answer 17

Opinion Owner

wow, that's terrible! They were probably freshmen and one of them probably dared the other to do it. Don't worry about it too much though, they won't make it too far doing things like that to people. Also just because one person doesn't like how you look, doesn't mean someone won't think you're completely gorgeous. Everyone was made to look different for a reason. That's because every person has their own taste when it comes to who they are attracted to. Anyways, you have a Merry Christmas!

Answer 18

rek101

Xper 4

If a kid says you're ugly...you're ugly.

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2 People

Answer 19

sisterray

Xper 5

White lies.

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Why do some people have a hard time believing someone when they say they're ugly?

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