My Life with Social Anxiety

[ragequeen]

What exactly is social anxiety? What does it mean? Who suffers from it?

Social anxiety is a very real problem that many people suffer from, and many feel like they are alone. Occasionally, it's not easy to know if you have it or not. I hope this MyTake will help you!

I thought I was different

For a long time when I started to develop social anxiety, I believed I was indifferent from everyone else. This, of course, made the situation worse. I looked at my friends: the awesome, outgoing people who didn't take shit from anyone and wasn't scared of being themselves. I was jealous and confused.

I've suffered from social anxiety probably ever since I started puberty. I developed cystic acne very early and I started to notice that appearance, body, and popularity played a big part in a teenager's life. It wasn't until I started Norwegian high school that I started to accept the way I was.

...how did I know that it was worse than I thought?

I had to tell myself to calm down a hundred times each day

It happened at school, at home, in public... you name it. I became worried that people would look at me and judge everything I did, even though I didn't really stand out or intend to do so. My heart was constantly beating, I started a habit of trembling for no legitimate reason and my communication skills weren't the greatest. I always thought I was doing something wrong, but my mind was always warning me to stay calm, and eventually, I managed to.

I couldn't function properly in public

Greeting bus drivers, meeting new people, having a presentation all seemed like potential threats to my small anxiety attacks. In other words, any form of interference with the public had a disturbing effect on me.

Most ideas and dreams I just keep to myself

Yep. I don't even tell my parents. I never told anyone that I wanted to be a public speaker. I never told anyone I wanted to make my own YouTube videos. I never told anyone that I wanted to start painting. Or practice mathematics. Or physics. Or play the piano and drums. Why wouldn't I tell anyone about these dreams I once had? They seem like cool things, right? That wasn't the point. I just knew that if I presented my world with these ideas, they wouldn't take me seriously. I couldn't even say hello to the bus driver. How can I be a public speaker?

Yes, I care what people think. No, I'm not weak

I've heard from several people, including my mom, that caring what people think about you constantly is being weak. I know they were trying to make me feel better and I honestly get where they are coming from. Strong, confident people don't care about the critique or judgment, apparently. I just think it's wrong to label someone as weak just because of that.

However, I can go against my own argument. I was easily manipulated because I would rather go with something than to end up in an awkward situation and be looked upon as strange. For example, I just allowed my ex to kiss me whenever and wherever he liked because I wanted to avoid an awkward situation if I said no. Luckily, this was a bad habit I lost.

I was intimidated by attractive guys

Perhaps you won't believe me, but I've never truly crushed on a guy. I had low self-esteem and fell for guys who told me I was pretty, and I liked them back, well, because they said that. It's definitely not something I'm proud of. I never had enough courage to look at a cute guy and think: "wow, they look so great. I wonder if I've got the potential." I always kept to myself pretty much. Not to mention that my parents won't and wouldn't allow me to date, so that was just a bonus excuse.

Small talk was exhausting

That's not only because of anxiety but a relatively big part of it. Small talk was just another opportunity to overthink every sentence I spoke and fill in the awkward spaces, which I was never really good at. It was hard enough to make eye contact with the one I was communicating with.

My current situation

Today, my struggle has improved immensely since it started happening. I used to be very ashamed of the way I was because people were continuously commenting on it. In time, I tried to accept and understand the way I was feeling. It took a lot of time, but eventually, my body thanked me for it. The more I accepted that I was just nervous to mess things up, the easier it was when it came to a point that I understood I couldn't possibly mess it up. Of course, I am still a nervous person who doesn't deal with awkward situations well. I have a habit of trembling when I get even more nervous, but it's easier to hide and control now. It's still a long way for me to go to become fully comfortable in my own skin.

Image sources:

https://www.everydayhealth.com/anxiety/anxiety-and-depression.aspx

https://www.gettyimages.no/photos/female-bus-driver?sort=mostpopular&mediatype=photography&phrase=female%20bus%20driver

https://www.johannatellsit.com/single-post/2017/05/18/Dream-Logic

https://understandingrelationships.com/why-chasing-women-guarantees-rejection/5557

http://www.urbo.com/article/habits-of-extremely-boring-people

[bubbles328]

I have social anxiety too and i was diagnosed when I was very young.

I hear everything you say it sucks. I will drive miles just to go to a shop so I don't bump into anyone I know. I always end up with the odd ball outsider guys because like you I am intimidated by the most popular or good looking guys. It affects everything and I know i am different I know everyone else thinks i'm different too.

I try and am slowly getting better with it but it's constant work when i'm out around people. Learning to be comfortable with myself alone has helped then it's putting that into a social context.

[NiceDave]

I had a bit of anxiety always, had maybe three anxiety attacks in public, always was shaking at school and was thinking what the girls near me were thinking about my hair hygiene smell and looks.
And now I feel more confident with everything especially women, became a social person, made many more friends and can talk to the opposite sex freely.
The ONLY thing that's different is the way I think of myself, of course it may be different for you but that was how I fixed it :)

[betaTester]

I can see you are doing a very good job fighting against your anxiety. Good for you!

Your struggle reminds me of a dear friend. I have a childhood friend who went through the same thing, panic attacks in social situations, avoid interacting with people, withdrawn into his own world, the only difference with your case is that he never came back to our world. He has always been called creepy/oddball by girls (including the shy unpopular ones) throughout his childhood and adulthood.

He is 6 years older than me, he was the first person to teach me real mathematics, when I was a kid I used to look up to him so much, and I still do. That is why it hurts to see him slowly drifts away and there is nothing I could do. He is one of the most talented people I have ever met, and I never knew what he truly dreams of, whether he actually chose this path or it was chosen for him due to his condition. Imagine the 16 year old pale blonde kid respected by bearded mathematicians and looked down and hated by all girls at his school. We who know him personally call him the "Grand Magus", because the type of math that he does is both grand, and sometimes surprisingly simple, like magic tricks (like how come hundred of students before him didn't think of it), and also, because virgins past certain age are called wizards 😂... aaand now he is 28 and he has never touched a girl, currently living alone in an apartment at the suburb.

We rarely talk now, it's hard to meet him, once during a visit to his apartment I asked him, "man, how could you live like this?" and he replied "let's not forget about what is really important here, whether L_4(0,1) is isomorphic to L_6(0,1)" (this was regarding a home work problem I asked him)

So you see, the problems girls and boys face with this condition can be wildly different (tbh I can't even imagine what kind of experience he had, the kind if isolation he faced during high school), and it's always good when your voice can be heard and your hardship can be shared.

[ragequeen]

Thanks alot! Poor guy, hope everything works out for him some day...

[betaTester]

Funny thing is I'm not even sure he's unhappy. Maybe he used to be miserable in middle/ high school (I wish I could've been there to help him but I was too young), but now... he's producing some very consistent results in his work biannually. Every month we check his website for a status update and a confirmation that he's still alive :)

Maybe after going 28 years without female touch he sees the world differently from us. Boys with social anxiety... some of them shoot up school, some of them become Sages.

[Anonymous]

Just get over it. Realize and accept that nobody gives a fuck how you feel. And no, Im not trying to insult you, Im talking from experience. I had social anxiety my whole life, I just grew up when those terms werent cool and popular like they are nowadays on the internet, so I was unaware it was a thing. I fought it how I could, I even worked as a bartender (great job for breaking that, since you must learn to function with different people all the time). Part of it is gone, another part will probably forever stay. Then on top of that I got depression and PTSD. So I went to a therapist. didn't help. I ended up changing 3 therapists with no results. So I sank even further, because if even professionals can't help you, whats the solution? Self discipline is the key. I set goals and I learned to shut the fuck up and do whatever needs to be done. I started objectively fixing my life. And when your life gets better, it takes the edge off of your mental issues as well. Not completely, but hopefully I will get there one day. Either way, understand that the only way you can beat this is all alone. Nobody will help you. Nobody will support you. And it won't go away on its own. Just fight every day, no matter how you feel

[SirRexington]

I have mood and anxiety disorder. While im not the greatest at communicating, I love to. It's stress that causes me to panic, hyperventilate, causing a certain spike in adrenaline and vertigo. I become emotional and "overreact" to things. It's nearly impossible to work a regular job as I have sadly found out and I've been kicked out of several places for not being able to handle things. It affects me greatly in my day to day life, just today the local library I visit everyday called the cops on me after I started panicking.

It's not fun. I'm better than I was as a teen but my life is no easy boatride.

[Sara-91]

I was always the shy kid but since starting high school, i got social anxiety, started to get physical symptoms like tense muscles, weak legs, butterflies in stomach, hot flashes, shortness of breath. Now, I do think being socially anxious is a sign of weakness. and that thought pushes me to act normal, meaning if I was to give a presentation I'd do it even if I'm super anxious. I'm able to function at least.

There's one social aspect tho that has always bothered me the most, and that is the extreme anxiety and nervousness around attractive men. It's so bad that I tend to change my route when I see one, and if there's a cute guy attracted to me, trying to flirt, I'd freaking freeze.

All the guys I dated I met online for this reason. I'm dating one now (he's very handsome) . He said he wants me to call him I said later. I'm trembling from fear thinking about it.

[steveguitar]

I definitely had some social anxiety growing up, wasn't fun. never really knew how to socialize, still feel it now as I'm not a successful human being. I mean yeah I've completed school, but no career yet. seems like society keeps those down, which it always kept down.

ah whatever, I have made progress, but definitely still at the bottom of the social ladder.

[Goochbreaker]

I know what you mean... I don't wanna call these thins disorders though. Our anxieties are manifestations of something deeper. The more I act true to myself, the less anxiety I have. Most people that don't claim to be sufferers of social anxiety are in fact the greatest sufferers, for they have given in to their anxiety and molded themselves around it so they don't feel it anymore, they have literally allowed their anxiety to shape them.

[COCOCHANEL]

thank you for writing this.

i feel the same way. it really is hard when people keep focusing on something about you, especially if it is a core part of your identity and you don't try to stand out.

[NerdInDenial]

This is why being a leader is rare. To truly be independent, you must be able to withstand harsh criticism. Most people are afraid in social settings like giving a presentation or giving a speech.

[Want2Know2]

I continue to have this and although it's better, it still gets in the way periodically.

[holly6090]

Thank you for this! I have social anxiety and it affects me most days. It got better over the last few years but it is still in my life.

[HOAAH]

I battle with social anxiety disorder as well. I wish i didn't have it.

[opurba]

Learn to keep ur tears to urself. Interested people interested to publish u.

[Amazing285285]

I have social anxiety, and for that it blocks me from getting g a girl

[Natadecoco]

Lol im in that situation. 'High-5'

[Anonymous]

Interesting myTake thanks

[Anonymous]

I'm glad I don't have this problem.

[BOUNTYGUY9]

BEEN THERE AS WELL

[BOUNTYGUY9]

THANK YOU

[CT_CD]

Interesting myTake

[Lionelmesssi]

change your profile pic bro

[CT_CD]

@Lionelmesssi Why bro?

[Lionelmesssi]

cause your teeth in this pic are yellow 😃

[CT_CD]

@Lionelmesssi I don't brush my teeth

[Lionelmesssi]

alright dogey

[Tohhru]

it happens