Does anyone have any experience coping with a family member having cancer?

[beesod]

Does anyone with any history connected with Cancer have any tips or coping mechanisms when it comes to it?

I care for my Grandparents and my Grandfather has just been diagnosed with prostate cancer. he's 90 and has lived a good life, he will be the first to admit that. I knew that he wouldn't be around forever given his age and that there are many people who lose there lives a lot younger. But knowing he has Cancer has made the situation so much worse.

The doctors aren't clear with how long he has, being old he can't have any advance treatment and a lot depends on how he responds to his limited medication. However he has cancer in 3 different areas and has a weak heart from a heart condition. The most the doctors say is he will last up to 10 years, but more likely 1 or 2 but my mum thinks it will be far less and is seriously upset herself. He has dificulty breathing and just isn't himself anymore and its upsetting in itself spending time with him now compared to before.

I just wondered if anyone could share how they coped, if they have had Cancer in they're family.

[4465loveyou5577]

It's hard. I remember when my oldest sister had cancer she was deeply upset. I remember after her radiation "therapy" I cleaned and treated her radiation burns and when she went through chemo she curled up in the fetal position on my brother's lap and he wrapped his arms around her for the duration of the session. Unfortunately the chemo made her sick and she threw up on him a couple times but he soldiered on through it. But the first (and only) time my sister saw her radiation burns she ran out of the room crying and she was to scared to be with her during her treatment sessions. My oldest sister is now thankfully cancer free. When we were growing up, I was always closer to my brother and my older and oldest sisters were always closest to each other but ever since she had cancer their relationship has never been the same :(

[GirlsEatGirls]

My brother had cancer. I was very young then (around 10-12 yo).

I tried to ignore it and not talk about it. Thats how i coped it. To this day i still really dislike talking about it.

[beesod]

Sorry to hear about your brother. It's a real grey area and talking seems pointless given you can't change anything. I am usually very good at being open with how I feel but this has stumped me.

[GirlsEatGirls]

True, talking is kinda pointless.

Hope you find a way of dealing with it.

[Dandeus]

My mom's been cancer free for 10 years. The treatment stage is grueling. You have to be their source of positivity and calm, because they're scared and upset. Knowing that you bring them emotional relief helps a lot. Having them speak to survivors will help them a lot as well. Sounds like you're not from the states, so I don't know what resources you have where you live.

I'm dealing with my dad's heart failure currently, it's rough. I try to remind myself that if we were dealing with this 50 years ago, my dad would be dead because the technology keeping him alive didn't exist just a few decades ago. It gives you something to be thankful for.

[beesod]

Sorry to hear about your mum and dad. Thanks for your input! I'll try to keep more positive for his sake. He was already a grumpy old man before this happened so he's even worse now. He says he can't be helped and it's pointless. Part of the problem is his age. It seems as you get older the glass becomes more and more empty and his heart condition and age will prevent him from recovering at all. There's no hope for recovery here as he will die one way or another due to his age and other problems.. Yes he's old but knowing this kind of makes things worse. If he had the strength to recover it would help.

[Dandeus]

At 90 you should be facing the reality of death pretty frankly, which he seems to be doing. Even if he didn't have cancer or heart problems, he'd still probably have that 10 year life expectancy as living past 100 is incredibly rare (average male life expectancy is about 70, so he's doing quite well in that respect). There comes a point where you have to stop denying the inevitability of it.

[beesod]

Yes. It was always something I knew would happen.. But now seeing him in a bad way and understanding it's going to contribute, if not be the cause of his death is terrifying.

[Dandeus]

Yep. Knowing it doesn't prepare you for dealing with it unfortunately.

[earthmomma]

It's very difficult. My mom has cancer and there really isn't just one way to cope. Do what feels right to you, and spend as much time with him as possible. Make as many memories as you can. And don't lose hope. You need it to get through this. Best wishes.

[Anonymous]

Yes, my mother had/has. I didn't really cope.

[beesod]

They isn't anything you do any differently? Sorry to hear about your mum.

[Opinion Owner]

I worked out a TON that was the only thing that kept me going but, what exactly is there to do already?

[beesod]

I don't know. I'm struggling to view things the same way as before. It's always going to be in the back of my mind. Feels horrible to think about what must be going through his mind...

[Opinion Owner]

Yes that's the hardest thing. I didn't let myself think about it often. Didn't work at night but during the day I kept very busy so I didn't think about what she was going through. Try not to think about it, you'll drive yourself crazy if you do.

[beesod]

Thanks. I'm usually an over thinker so I'll try to take this approach.

[Opinion Owner]

Good :). Best of luck! Hope everything turns out alright.