Help. How to deal with self-deprecating, self-defeating behaviour?

[Anonymous]

I'm feeling SOOOOOO fuckin irritated at myself for cutting myself off from everyone, staying in my room for 2 weeks straight. It's like I WANT to do things.. but there's this bubble that I can't pop. I'm trapped inside and my hands are tied. I also know that I've tied my own hands down. I'm upsetting everyone close to me. I don't want to do that and yet I'm doing it... Self-deprecation, self-defeating behaviour... how do I deal with that? How can I pop that bubble myself?

I'm caving my own energy in. :(

Updates

+1 y

How do I seduce positivity?

[Bones18]

You sound depressed the fact that you noticed your behavior is a good thing I would suggest that you try to find 3 good things about yourself every night and in the morning get up look in your mirror and say them tothe person you see in the mirror each day find 3 new positive things about yourself this will help you build your confidence you have to make a conscious effort to be around your friends and family try to explain to them how youy feel and what you are going through this will help by making them aware of your situation i hope they would be more understanding of your moodand try to cheer you up when you are having a bad day it is going to be hard at first but keep at it and you'll get out of that self destructive behavior trust me ik from personal experience

[Asker]

Yeah.. no kidding... It's hard to think 3 good things about myself at the moment.
O_O

LOL... wow.. this is a good challenge haha. 5 mins and I'm still blank. wow.

[Bones18]

Yh just keep at it and make note of the things that you do find

[Asker]

I found one!
I like helping people. That's why I'm on G@G I guess.

[Bones18]

That's good to hear keep at it if you want you inbox me when you find the other two

[allahu_snackbar]

I have always been of the opinion that you should ride shit like this out and not put pressure on yourself to to feel another way, when you're ready you'll snap out of it. Part of feeling miserable is the whole thing of thinking this is bad, I'm my own worst enemy, therefore I'm to blame and I feel worse. So if you want to wamp around the house- fuck it, that's up to you, I do it all the time! lmao. Life is full of ups and downs, neither ups nor downs last. So be cool.

[Asker]

But that's the problem. If I ride it out, it's like I'm in some psychotic freak-test of myself wondering when I'll crack from doin the same shit over and over. Like watching a series back-to-back or reading something till my mind can't take it. But the thing I'm reading or watching is also shit. -_-'
The problem is when you start feeling happy feeling miserable. That's not helpful now though, is it? :/

[allahu_snackbar]

I find new shit to do, there's always another book or another series or another interesting thing to explore and learn. I don't really care what other people think, if I'm miserable and they don't like it then it's their problem, nobody needs fair weather friends. I'm comfortable with being miserable because I know it doesn't last forever, it's just what works for me that's all.

[Asker]

Hmm.. I guess as long as you know it doesn't last forever and you'll come out of it...
I guess I'm at the point where I'm waiting to come out of it and it's like I'm caught mid-air teetering between the two magnetic poles.

[allahu_snackbar]

You know it's not going to last forever, at some point you'll be ready to start tackling shit again and the motivation snowballs when it happens. I think when you're in the self-defeating and self-deprecating mood it's how you feel in that moment and you can't change it, but somewhere within you; you know that stuff you tell yourself isn't true.. especially if you're comparing yourself to other people. The reason being that when you're in a better mood you can look at life and realize that there may be people more capable than you or better looking than you, but that's the same for them. Plus there are enough morons walking the face of the earth to make you realize that actually you're pretty damn decent and you really shouldn't feel bad at all because you've got an advantage over those ma'fuckas so life is pretty rosy!

[Asker]

;'))))))))))))))))))))))))

Yeah... it's the mood. I don't know actual bi-polar behaviour, but this feels like that.
You've gone down with gravitational force (whether slipped out or our of thrill) and you know the uphill climb is shitty but you also know that you'll eventually reach it... or at least HAVE to so that you can be functional again. Sometimes the plunge will make you roll up and you just have to run uphill with that force. But if you let yourself slip, you roll back down to the bottom of the valley. And just staring at the mountain won't do any help to make it smaller or easier. You know you've gotta get dirty at some point.

[allahu_snackbar]

Realizing it's just the mood you're currently in is half the battle won, after that you can just chill for a bit and get ready to make your assault on the slope- I think you get better results when you're feeling up for it anyway, small setbacks don't hurt as much as you just bat them aside and carry on.

[Asker]

hup hup!

[allahu_snackbar]

Exactly, head down and DRIVE!

[d3adn1nja]

You have 2 legs, use them. Stand up and walk. I have a pessimistic and defeatist attitude but I stand up and go.

Go for a walk, go and sit in a park or just go grab a coffee. And it gets better. It's pointless to obsess over it and let it ruin your life. So stand up and go.

[Asker]

It's kinda nice to repeat that.

[d3adn1nja]

lol. I live by that code. As long as I can walk I will standup and walk.

[Mesonfielde]

www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/.../infopax.cfm

You should read these

[Asker]

psshhh. why yoo no come earlier. phoo.
thanks. I only found shitty articles when I was hunting for deafeating self-defeating behaviour. Then I got sick of it and said meh.
But me will go through this. And hopefully, someone else with the same question will look at this now.

I've sort of gotten back into work mode now. Been going out for a week and attending events and doing stuff. I'm also reading a book called 'Em and the Big Hoom' which is about a son's take on his mother having a depressive breakdown. But yeah, the link you provided, this will help if I do go through another slump/self-doubt session. Sort of reminds me of Stephen R. Covey's '7 Habits of Highly Effective People'. Been ages since I read that one.

[Mesonfielde]

I only found this question now :P

I think reading these really helped me understand how I was putting myself down and how to stop having such an unfairly negative view about myself, it goes into detail about what is low self-esteem, what causes it, how it governs your behavior, and what you can do about it. So I find it to be quite helpful.

[Asker]

Goody goody. :]

[Tootallbill]

I usually counter this with constructive exhuastion. Tart working out, doing your taxes, teaching yourself the guitar anything that will improve yourself that you don't like doing, whatever you do don't watch tv, surf the web, or play video games for more than 30 minutes at a time. Screening i excess will only give you an excuse not to do what you know you need to. Pushups and body weight squats are my favorit for this.

[Asker]

*_*
I did 50 pull-ups right now.
Yeah. It's good energy outflow.
Hmm... but that was today... I should keep this up. That's where the booger comes. :/

Sometimes I think what if I exhausted myself playing the video game or surfing or reading manga or watching anime... maybe then I can move on from it. But yeah, doesn't help. Cos I'm sitting at the same spot and it's like I'm testing when I can go mad from doing the same shit over and over again. Da fuck is wrong with me.

[OpenWine]

www.worldwidespirits.de/.../1_33813_39086.jpg + go to a event.

[Asker]

hehe.. oddly I just adviced someone else to go for events on my own question. lol

[OpenWine]

After 1 shot I felt the urge to talk to people I don't know and this can be really amusing if you are known to social behaviour (I instantly took the right people to talk to and rekt the negative ones).

[Asker]

It's the first time I've heard of Jaegermeister. So I'm looking it up.
I'm not even sure if it's available around here. Looks interesting though. Haha.

[Asker]

It is EXPENSIVE!

[OpenWine]

1,60€ for the small one. I guess something between 7-14€ for the 1,5L or 1L one.
Maybe because export or cause you live somewhere it's restricted

[Asker]

uwaaa. it's cheap there!
Yeah. Import duty is a lot. It's one of the rarer imports I guess.

[OpenWine]

I didn't even find it in brazil so bless germany for being closer to russia. Cheap vodka and jager.
Jager tastes a little like medicine

[Asker]

Hehe.. lucky!
All I have are tea and coffee. Bunch of starbucks instants and herbal teas. The thing about tea is... it calms you down. -_- I need to energize.

[OpenWine]

are you from england? lol

[Asker]

lmao. no. :))
But I guess I understand where that comes from. haha.
The instants were a gift cos I'm a coffee fanatic. And the teas are well.. apart from two boxes, they're self-made.

[OpenWine]

I also love tea, more likely cause of the fact that I need camomile tea after I get drunk from alcohol the next day

[Asker]

I took a cup of chamomile once... at work. BAD decision lol! It made me SO CALM when I had so much to do! :')))) I think I dozed off a little in my seat that day.

[Aeliuz]

I don't know, i'm in a similiar position myself. I actually don't know if i'm a lone wolf, or just got used to being alone.

[Asker]

Is it solitude or loneliness?

[Aeliuz]

both

[Asker]

maybe join a walkathon or cycling event? or some open lecture/seminar. you get to be part of a crowd but not necessarily talk... or maybe you'll find someone to talk to?

But I guess the first step is the desire to get out.
What about pets? I can't have any.

[Aeliuz]

Wasn't I supposed to help you?

Could anxiety or stress be the reason why you shut yourself in your room?

[Asker]

yeah.. O_o funny I should be giving advice through my own question. heh..

[Asker]

Well.. depression has both stress and anxiety. I'm just unsure where it's stemming from.

[Aeliuz]

You could start exercising regularly, that is supposed to help with depression. The actual reason for being depressed could be hard to pinpoint, but if it's not anything that continues to fuel how you feel, it's probably better to find a remedy.

[Anonymous]

Stop... take a breath.
Ask yourself, what is making me do this. Then focus on improving in that area

[Asker]

:/

I don't know what's making me do this.
Is it cos I'm afraid of responsibilities? Afraid of happiness? Or happy playing a fake tragic victim of nothingness?
I don't know.. what are the other possibilities? :/

[Asker]

It doesn't make sense. O_o
I have work that has to be done. But I'm putting it off. What the hell.

[madhatters4]

sounds like you should talk to a therapist

[Asker]

Therapists are expensive. :/
That's why self-diagnosis and G@G... -_-'

[madhatters4]

you don't have health insurance

[Asker]

nope. people here usually don't. we pay.

[madhatters4]

what country are you from? if you don't mind me asking

[Asker]

myeh. anonymousness.
Asia.

[madhatters4]

you could read some self-help books, meditate. those are two suggestions

you can also just try to re-condition yourself. force yourself to do small thigns outside of your comfort zone and increase the frequency and scope of those things over time

[Asker]

The first step is always the hardest. That's where my question stems from... How do I pop my 'comfort' bubble? Force myself.. yes... hehe... but how?

Meditate.. yeah... that's one... a few healing tapes are there, and I have two good ones that I listen to sometimes.