How do you overcome insecurities?

I'm the type of person where I don't show that I'm insecure, from the outside I look like someone who's confident and knows what she's doing. But in the inside I'm crumbling. I'm suffering from minor depression. I get upset because of my family and insecurities. Sometimes I just feel like running away from all of that and starting afresh. Avoid all the toxic people. I think because of the unstable relationship I have with my family, it's affecting my relationship I have with my boyfriend. Like I said, from the outside I seem all lovey dovey but on the inside I always think I'm never good enough or I'm too ugly or I'm just a burden to him so I should just leave. I have so many negative thoughts running through my mind yet I plaster a smile and think everything is alright. My insecurities come from my mom, she makes me feel like I'm too fat or too ugly. She always comment on my dressing sense, compares me to others and make me feel like I'm not good enough. So everyday I lock myslef in my room, it makes me feel safe since no one's gonna judge me. But I feel like the more cooped up I am in my room the more negative I become. My mom also doenst really give me freedom and the only freedom I have is my phone. So how do I cope up with my life right now?

How do you overcome insecurities?
How do you overcome insecurities?

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Most Helpful Guys

  • A few thoughts and impressions.
    Has your mom always been like this, or recent since you got a boyfriend. My guess is she is either trying to control you by emotional abuse, or she does not like how you are presenting yourself and you are drawing people she doesnt' like, so it on you about changing. This does happen with young girls and parents... like some girls would wear almost nothing sometimes, or floosey stuff and not "get it". I can't tell if this is sinister (parent is ill) or a parent who is trying to do good but having difficulty what to do (lack of skills).

    Either way though, it is emotionally abusive and wrong, she is tearing up your self esteem, which is the wrong thing to do to a girl. Where is dad... my guess is he not the strong one. you are paying the price and asking how do you cope?

    First off, your reaction is normal human. Withdrawing socially... feels safe, but the withdraw is wrong direction... we are social creatures. so you feel shame instead of love and connection (oxytocin). Thus, it feels worse.

    My honest suggestion is time to go before parents and say, this is not working, time for us to go to counseling, I need a 3rd party on my side. school counselor is start if they won't fund it. A counselor could help assess if this is a protective parent for good reason or they are suffering from their own issues of letting you out of the nest and projecting their junk onto you and help them to better manage.

    It is not easy at this age for either side, and for this to be going on, something went awry before this in the marriage... again best guess from experience...

    So:
    Pray
    Meditate - to cut the stress
    Do have social outlets if you can get them, with girlfriends
    Exercise -
    boyfriend - don't know what to say about that... trouble given mom has torn you down... dumb move mom... now you are cannon fodder for most guys. So I'd keep him at bay.

    You'll make a fine psychologist once you get through all of this, sort it out and understand better what is going on.

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    • Well, my mom has been this way ever since I was in my early teens, my dad on the other hand isokay don't really care but sometimes when he's in a bad mood, his comments about me is way worse compared to my mom. So i tend to avoid my dad most of the time.
      And I actually have Asian parents here in Asia parents don't believe in counselling so my parents will never accept it.

    • I wonder if you could find one online. either way, what is happening is they are abusing you emotionally. I don't know why. no parent should ever devalue how their daughter or son looks. I can understand telling her to wear better clothes, but if they devalue how you look, that's another matter.

      you will have to do things to get to your own space, and to boost your self esteem. In effect, you have to believe something other than what you are hearing from them. I suspect they are doing that to control you, but don't know for sure. I have to assume you can't oppose your parents, so you likely have to leave. I took a lot of verbal abuse as well, it really messes up a person... because they are lies told by people we trust.

      www.jewelneverbroken.com has exercises that are useful.
      I believe in a higher power, God, that helped give me perspective on all of this. at some point you realize your parents are humans and flawed.

  • Become insecure about your insecurities. As math teaches us 2 negatives make a positive.
    In all seriousness, you need something to focus on. Can't stand your mother? Jog, run, gym whatever. Get a hobby that keeps your out of your house, volunteer for some shit, maybe an animal pound. Photography, it's easy, you have a great camera right there. Make your boyfriend take you to places so you can snap a pic, get a blog going, post pictures.

    You have so many thing that you can do, but all you focus on are on the words your mother said about having a few pounds too many, the world is bigger than the little box you have made yourself live in.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • With a lot of difficulty in my case, while I spent ages agonising over whether to confess my insecurity and risk embarrassing myself. In the end I took the plunge and spoke about it, and realise now just how unimportant my problem is. My only regret is not talking about it sooner.

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    • Talking about it to who?

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    • So u think I should open up to him? What if he thinks I'm overreacting about this situation? Lol sorry overthiking kills me

    • Definitely you should. I kept my own problem to myself for far too long, and I'm so pleased that I was able to tell him as it meant we could start a relationship. In your case if it's affecting your relationship then you do need to talk about it.

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What Girls & Guys Said

511
  • Maybe you have this https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inferiority_complex , so just consider resolving these issues with your self by going to the therapist and do whatever you can to get normal confidence, it is really important that you do this because it is affecting your life this inferiority complex

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  • I just break through it. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. You just gotta learn from failures and win the next battle. I don't have time to care what people think of me, the only person I'm worried about when it comes to how I am viewed, is me.

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  • What I do is look up all of the people who have wronged me and see how fat they got. HAAHAHAHA... it doesn't work becuase most are all happy living the family life and I'm a nobody, but meh.

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  • I overcame mine by realizing death was at the end of my road anyways. Why waste the time stressing out over bullshit when I'm gonna die one day anyways

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  • I just remember I'm awesome.

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  • Try to face your mom first before you can face the world.

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  • Just understand everybody no matter as in secure about something. Just deal with it and move on that's the best way

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  • I went through a similar situation a couple years ago.
    You need to take control of your own life and make healthier choices. It starts with your mindset. Start actually thinking positively, write down your positive traits and keep those in mind. If you have negative emotions let them out in good way, channel your negative emotions into something productive.
    If you are concerned about your weight then start eating nutritious and balanced foods.

    As for fashion and dressing, just wear what makes you feel good.
    I know its difficult, and you have to stop letting what people say impact you so much. Don't let what others say hurt you to the point where you lock yourself up, its really not worth it.
    Take part in some self care and prize your happiness.

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  • Realize that we all have them. And it doesn't make u a bad person.

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  • Don’t know, I’ve started exercising again and am feeling slightly more confident than before

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  • Open upto your boyfriend you shouldn't keep it from him

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  • its simple, i can't

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  • Only think about what you got going good for you

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  • how do we? We men up

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  • By accepting yourself

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  • The same way you expect guys to "man up".

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