I’m falling back into depression and I don’t know how to stop it. How can I feel better?

Anonymous
Throughout my life, I’ve struggled immensely with diagnosed anxiety and depression. In the past year, my anxiety has gotten a lot better. It no longer completely takes over my life and I’ve started to be able to doing normal things like going out in public without it preventing me from doing so. I thought I even got a bit better with my depression because for a small time, I actually felt really happy. But recently I’ve been feeling so dead, I don’t feel like doing anything and it takes an immense amount of effort to even get out of the bed in the morning. I’m so drained I have to heavily force myself to do things like shower, brush my teeth and wash my face, change my clothes, etc.

It’s affecting my life at school and my grades, and my entire life in general. I feel so empty inside and I’ve also always had a habit of binge eating when i feel like this, so all I’ve been doing is eating so much to the point where I feel physically and MENTALLY sick with myself. I’m disgusted with myself. I look in the mirror and I see someone disgusting. I feel so bad for everyone around me when I’m walking past people or passing my peers because they even have to be in proximity of me.

I don’t have any friends since moving and the one person I had I’ve even started cancelling plans with them and making up excuses like I’m sick when really I just can’t get enough mental energy to bring myself out of bed. I don’t know how to stop it, I hate feeling this way. I WANT to enjoy life and be happy. How can I stop myself from falling back into depression? I can’t even go outside to take a walk if I wanted to. I’m not aloud to do anything as my mom controls my life and prevents me from doing anything. I can’t go outside for a walk even though I love outside and it usually helps me feel better. I want to be able to go out with friends or just leave the house because I feel like Id feel so much better if I could, but I can’t. How can I feel better?
Updates:
4 mo
Thank you to the people who have been kind and mindful in this situation. It seems to me that the females are a lot more caring and realize that I am just trying to get some help, because I don’t really have anyone in my life to turn to. To those who suggested that I get on medication, I believe that would help me some more, but my mom is strongly against and prevents me from taking any. I’ve also tried to reason with her with letting me out more often, but she is set on her mind to not do so.
I’m falling back into depression and I don’t know how to stop it. How can I feel better?
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